A/N:
i'd just like to address, before anything, that i know this fic is angsty, and it will continue to be
i mean, with the name 'angstea,' i feel like that should be expected tbh
but yeah, if you don't like angst, this fic is NOT FOR YOU!
it'll have fluff, obviously, and Rei won't forever be a mopey, emo nerd, but the angst will never fully disappear
if that's fine, then swag, continue reading
if you don't like it, that's fine too - thanks for reading what you have
anyway
on with the chapter
(which i almost forgot to post, yikes)
woo
"I don't think I can do this," Rei said, voice cracking. A breeze brushed by, carrying the sounds of prayers and loving words, and he swallowed. His spit still tasted like puke. "It's… it's too much. They…" He took a shuddering breath. "They want me to kill people ," he whispered, words lost to the wind. "I can't… I just…"
He fell silent, unable to express his feelings through words.
(Yet another failing of his that he wouldn't have had.)
Minutes, or perhaps hours, passed before Rei finally shifted, bark scratching at his skin. "...They hate me more than you," he murmured. "It's because they think I killed you. Which…" He pressed his lips together, glancing away. "I don't know what to do," he admitted after a while. "I just… You wouldn't have had this much trouble with all this, you know? You would've grown up, not knowing any better… And you would've done better…"
Rei closed his eyes, forcing out a breath. "Why was it me?" he asked. "Why not… anyone else. Why not… why not you ?"
He spat out the word, venom intermingling with salt and bile, before he slumped over, suddenly exhausted.
"This…," he let out after a while, "This was stupid. This is stupid. You can't even hear me…"
His stomach churned, and he abruptly pushed himself upwards, shoulder lifting itself from the tree. He forced himself to slip downwards, feet carrying him to his apartment whilst ignoring the red-hot rage spreading through his chest, into his veins, and seeping through his bones.
He ignored the glares, and whispers, and avoidance as he trudged through the streets. They only dropped off when he finally made it inside, and his shoulders loosened.
Slowly, Rei walked towards his room, only for his hand to pause right above the doorknob. He swallowed, dropping his hand before spinning around and marching into the bathroom.
He forced himself to peer into the mirror, for once ignoring the churning in his gut that screamed at him to stop because you won't like what you see .
All at once, his breath left his lungs, and ice filled his veins.
His eyes were brown, Before. Dark, like his father's. Something he'd grown to like over the years, once he'd gotten over the idea that they were boring.
But now, they were terribly, impossibly blue.
They roved over his form, lingering upon his scarlet hair, the inky markings that swept over and under his eyes, the too-soft skin that was stretched over too-short limbs, a body that was wrong wrong wrong—
His nose caught upon the phantom scent of iron, and water filled his lungs.
His hands shook as he flung the door open to his bedroom, pulling a sweater over his head to obscure his form, and hanging a mask around his ears to cover his face ( to block out the smell of— )
Wrong , a voice whispered, cutting through the static in his mind.
Rei fell onto his bed, pulled his knees to his chest, and trembled.
He stared out at the lake, lips pulling into a frown. "I can't believe I let myself get talked into this." He took a breath, and his face instinctively scrunched up. "It smells like dead fish."
"Can't be as bad as you," his brother replied from beside him, holding his nose and exaggeratedly waving his hand. "Or as ugly as you, either."
His expression fell flat. "I'll punch you," he threatened. "Right in the face."
His brother dropped his hand, looking amused. "Can you even reach that high? Maybe you should go for the shins instead?"
He resisted the urge to dropkick him, turning towards the water and grimacing once again. "This is gonna suck."
"Yeah," his brother said with a sigh. Then, after a few moments of silence, "I miss you."
He blinked, turning towards his brother. The latter stared out into the distance, an odd look in his eye. "What?"
"You know," he said, waving his hand absently. "'Cause you're dead."
He opened and closed his mouth several times. "What are you on?" he asked, joke falling flat.
His brother's brows furrowed, and his lips pressed together. He looked... sad. Wistful, maybe. "You drowned." His brother turned towards him, the lake reflected in his eyes, and he felt the breath leave his lungs. "Don't you remember?"
He stepped backwards, wary, only to take in a sharp breath when he felt himself falling. The sand was swept away from him, swallowed by the lake, and his body plunged into the water.
"What—" he started, only to choke when water filled his mouth. His brother simply stared with glassy eyes, and his heart sank. He tried to call out for help, but no words came out.
Something wrapped around his ankle, dragging her downwards. He desperately jerked away, raising his head towards the sky, but the sun was nowhere to be found.
The world crackedaround him, falling away to reveal sections of a dark void. His mouth began to open on its own, and his lungs constricted. He cried, and thrashed, and screamed, bubbles erupting from his lips as he was dragged down, down, down—
—before the screams gave way to the sound of an alarm, and Rei jerked awake, air filling his lungs.
His gaze remained trained on the pale ceiling until his vision began to blur. Seconds, minutes, hours passed before he forced out a breath and rolled over to turn the clock - a dinky little thing that had been there when he'd arrived - off.
Eight-oh-two, it read. Rei wondered, for a moment, if he should even bother showing up to the Academy at all.
Barely a moment later, a sharp clink sounded outside.
He closed his eyes for a long, painful second and forced himself to his feet.
"You're late," Iruka said, trying to look disappointed. It seemed like he'd rather not be speaking to Rei at all.
("You're such a goodie-two-shoes," his dad teased, looking exasperated, but amused. "You know, any other could would be jumping at the chance to get a day off of school."
He rolled his eyes, hoisting his backpack over his shoulder. "Yeah, well, I'd rather not fail, thankyouverymuch.")
Rei offered a shrug, forgoing a verbal reply.
Iruka seemed unsure of how to respond. "...Make sure it doesn't happen again," he eventually said.
Rei glanced away, not bothering to add anything else to the conversation, and headed to his seat. His classmates' gazes followed him the whole way there, burning holes into his skin.
The class passed by in a blur. Every now and then, Iruka would glance his way and an odd look in his eye, and Kiba nudged him more than once, but neither spoke up until the class was temporarily dismissed for lunch.
"Hey man," Kiba said, leaning towards him. "Are you alright?"
Rei hunched over his desk, shoulders tensing.
"I just… You didn't look so good after…" He trailed off, grimacing. "You're wearing a mask," he blurted out after a while. "How come?"
Rei pressed his lips together, absently touching the cloth that hooked around his ears.
Kiba opened his mouth to speak up once again, but was cut off by a boy who shouted up at him from the bottom of the classroom. "Kiba! Are you coming or not?"
Kiba hesitated, then forced out a breath. "Nah, not today! Maybe tomorrow, yeah?"
The other boy glanced at Rei, briefly, before shrugging and running out the door. The ticking of the clock had never sounded so loud.
"You can go," Rei said after several painful moments of silence, tongue feeling thick in his mouth.
Kiba bit his lip, glancing at the still-open door, before his expression suddenly steeled. "No," he decided, parking himself firmly into the seat next to Rei. "If you're not going, I'm not going either."
("Sorry," he muttered, breath hitching. "You can go if you want. I'll be fine.
His brother pursed his lips, glancing at his phone before letting out a sigh. A few seconds later, the couch sank down with added weight.
"What are you in the mood for?" his brother asked, shooting him a quick glance before refocusing on the TV.
"...What?" he asked, wincing when his voice cracked.
His brother looked at him as if he was stupid. Somehow, it was comforting. "A movie. Or a show, I guess," he said, gesturing towards the screen.
He silently watched a clip of Naruto - the last thing his brother had watched - play for several moments before letting out a snort, which turned into laughter.
"Hey," his brother said, putting on an overexaggerated, distraught expression. "I'm trying to be nice to you for once, and you're laughing at me?!"
He only laughed harder in response.)
Rei abruptly forced himself to his feet, startling Kiba, and unlatched the window with a flick of his finger.
"Hey, what—" Kiba started, only to shoot out of his seat when Rei began climbing out of the classroom. "Dude?!"
Rei ignored the boy, slipping both boys over the windowsill and glancing around before dropping to the dirt in a crouch.
Kiba let out a strangled noise before shoving his head out the window, giving Rei a bewildered look as the latter dusted himself off. "You can't just leave man!"
Rei continued walking, and from behind him, Kiba exhaled.
"Oh jeez," he muttered. "Alright, then…"
Before Rei could register what was happening, Kiba leapt out the window with reckless abandon, yelping when he hit the ground.
What the actual hell.
"Hey, wait up!" he called out, stumbling after Rei. "Where are we even going?!"
Since when is this a 'we' thing?
"Well, I'm guessin' you don't wanna go play ninja or anything… so… I'll take you to my house and you can meet Akamaru!" he announced cheerfully.
Rei promptly sped up, hoping Kiba would get the hint that he wanted nothing to do with him , but alas, the Inuzuka was incredibly dense and only quickened his pace to catch up with him.
"Let's go!" he said with a fanged grin, grabbing onto his arm. Rei attempted to erk away, but the action was entirely unsuccessful, and only caused Kiba to pick up the pace. "It's this way!" he said, not even bothering to look at Rei as he dragged him along.
So much for being able to smell emotions, Rei thought with annoyance, trying to disregard the uncomfortable prickling of his skin.
It felt like he was dragged around the entirety of the village before they finally stopped in front of the Inuzuka compound.
"We're here!" Kiba exclaimed, breaths only marginally quicker. Rei, meanwhile, was fighting for his life. "Come on," Kiba said needlessly, pushing open the gates and pulling Rei along. Dozens of pairs of eyes fell upon them, lingering longer on Rei, and he jerked his gaze away, trying not to pay attention.
Unsurprisingly, it didn't work.
"We gotta sneak you in," Kiba said, lowering his voice as they came closer to the main house which, Rei couldn't help but notice, wasn't very different from the rest of the ones that were scattered about. "If Mom or Hana finds out about this, they'll kill me."
"Find out about what?"
Kiba froze in place, and Rei was forced to catch himself with a stumble. They both raised their heads, gazes falling upon an unimpressed-looking Tsume, who had one eyebrow raised.
"Um," Kiba let out intelligently, glancing between her and Rei. "...Nothing."
Tsume raised her other brow, then snorted when Kiba began to sweat. "What are you two brats doin' out of school, huh? I'm pretty sure the Academy's got another few hours left."
Kiba shifted nervously, but after a glance towards Rei, he straightened himself. "He wasn't feelin' well so I told him I'd let him meet Akamaru," he said stubbornly, raising his chin.
Tsume eyed him for a moment before huffing out a laugh. "Whatever," she said, waving her hand and stepping aside. "But you better not make this a regular thing."
Kiba blinked, then brightened. "We won't!" he promised cheerfully, then grabbed Rei once again, pulling him along.
From behind him, Tsume muttered under her breath. " If those old coots try to say anything about this… "
"What in the world," a dry voice began, "Are you doing here?"
Rei looked up to see Hana, who looked like she was carrying something to her room.
"O-oh, hey, Hana-nee," Kiba greeted with a sheepish smile. "Um… We're just gonna go see Akamaru."
"Uh-huh ," Hana let out. "And mom knows you're here?"
"Of course!" Kiba replied instantly, like he hadn't been planning to smuggle Rei into their house. "I'm not stupid!"
Hana gave him a skeptical look that had him bristling, before she rolled her eyes and continued on her way. "Whatever. Have fun."
Kiba watched her leave with an annoyed look on his face before shaking his head. "Come on," he said, gesturing for Rei to follow instead of just dragging him along, for once.
Reluctantly, Rei walked behind him, and watched as Kiba gained a goofy grin.
"Hey, Akamaru!" he greeted, "Guess who's home early!" From the side, he saw Akamaru stand up before rushing towards him, landing in his arms with a cheerful bark. Interestingly enough, his sound was incredibly similar to Kiba's.
Akamaru sniffed, only for his face to scrunch up. Slowly, he turned towards Rei, eyes narrowing and a low growl erupting from his throat.
"Woah, woah, hey!" Kiba said when Akamaru barked, looking at Rei with wide eyes. "Calm down, Akamaru! Rei's fine, he's fine! I know he smells real weird, but he's not gonna do anything, okay?"
Rei backed up warily, but after a moment, Akamaru acquiesced with a huff and Kiba slumped in relief.
"Jeez," he muttered, then straightened up once again. "Here," he said, shoving Akamaru towards Rei, like it hadn't just wanted to maul him to death just moments prior. "Let 'im sniff you."
Rei glanced at Akamaru, then at Kiba, then back again. He'd always liked dogs, even had some Before, but most animals seemed to have something against him now.
Still, he slowly reached out his hand, presenting it for Akamaru. He eyed him, briefly, before lowering his head to sniff his hand. He paused, then sniffed again before licking his palm and letting out a happy yip.
"See!" Kiba said with a grin, "He likes you!"
Rei stared at Akamaru, and his heart melted.
(And despite everything, if only for a moment, he felt as if everything might be okay.)
A/N:
i'm of the firm belief that petting dogs can solve most problems
CH6:
Rei speaks to Naruto at the Kyuubi Memorial because I love character-parallels, and it makes for a good angst scene. He falls asleep and has a nightmare about his death, where he drowned in the lake on a trip with his family. I know it's cringe as heck, please spare me. Rei sees everything in a dimmer, more depressing light (and here's where he falls into 'unreliable narrator' territory, because his depression is kicking in and he sees the bad in everything [for example, the line about Iruka]), but Kiba wants to cheer him up, so takes him to see Akamaru. Akamaru doesn't like him at first - primarily because of the Kyuubi, since I assume that's why animals dislike Naruto in canon - but he trusts Kiba so he accepts him nonetheless. Rei isn't 'fixed' or anything, but he feels a lot better, because cute animals can make problems feel far away.
ayo so
i was always planning on a trip to the Inuzuka Compound, though not like this
kinda glad this is how it ended, though
apologies about the horribly awkward background scenes, though - i just figured them slowly fading away would signify that he's 'getting over' his past life, in a way
also he had a brother who was less than a year younger than him, because why not?
anyways,
thanks for reading!
