Note: I think I'm overthinking the end. I have part of Chapter 40 done and it looks like 41 might be the final. It's been a longer ride than I expected and thanks for sticking around lol
Chapter Thirty-Eight
The Prince Sees the Danger Attracted to the Light
"I also sent one to Hay-Lin, thanking her for her marvelous choice of wines for our outing, and another to Taranee, for her help with finding the lost tomb," Prince Phobos informed Wilhelmina as they sat in the castle's art galleria. The red-head had expressed a disinterest in attending that day's dinner. While they were already dressed and walking towards the hall, Phobos informed his guards to tell the others they would miss that meal and sent them away. As he was with Wilhelmina, there was no grounds for them to object, so they bowed and went to pass the message along.
Phobos, far more versed with the castle's layout, led her to a large wing she voiced to have not been before.
"It is the royal art wing," Phobos said. "Filled with paintings and sculptures commissioned by all previous queens and gifted by other lands. Both on Metamoor and beyond."
Wilhelmina looked around the spacious room, filled tastefully with one of a kind works of art from all across the realms.
"And this wasn't the first room you burnt down when you ruled?" she inquired with skepticism, disbelief thick in her dry tone.
He chuckled. "My rule may have been rocky. Yet, I appreciate the history here. Even if Weira is a part of that."
Wilhelmina nodded, eyes glancing to the floor. "Yeah, Weira."
Phobos found her tone shift odd, as she had not spoken to him about her overall feeling regarding the former queen. He knew just she spoke with Elyon at length. So what troubled her was not very evident at the moment.
Guiding her to sit on a velvet covered bench deeper in the gallery, in a section dedicated to murals of the foremost known planets, Phobos asked, "Does something trouble you? What is on your mind?"
Wilhelmina looked over the paintings, stopping at one dedicate to Earth and its technological boom.
It was the only planet on track for deep space travel. While that would not connect them to other realms, it was a unique feat to gain with no magic. The Earth realm was heavily favored by Elba and had given them multiple inhabitable planets to live on. It was only a matter of time before they found them and expanded larger than any other realm could. Yet, without a strong magical heart, they didn't know their good fortune, or that their fate was among the stars. A pity, really, as they wasted time fighting themselves.
Like Metamoor.
It was a vicious cycle. Planets tearing themselves apart, even when they had so many chances to better themselves. To grow and change.
Phobos refused to keep living in that stagnation anymore.
Brown eyes turned to him and his lover worried the tender pink flesh of her lips before finally revealing, "Death had a message for Elyon and you."
The prince was quick to understand, as he knew his parent's fate now, and held up his hand to stop her from revealing anymore. "I understand. Please do not take this harshly; I would prefer not to hear their 'message'."
She looked sadden, deep eyes full of worry. "Are you sure? I mean Elyon-"
He cut her off, trying to stay calm but make his choice clear. "Is desperate for every scrap of knowledge about the ones who sired her. I know where I am from. Now I just know why they came to such an abrupt end." He frowned, unable to hold in the anger that always lurked within. "For years, Meridian blamed me for their deaths. It is bothersome to know that I did, in fact, have a role to play in it."
"Elyon said she's going to make a formal statement about how you didn't, ah, kill them. I guess that's been a sore spot with people."
"No," he drawled with sarcasm dripping from his voice. "I had not noticed."
She watched him, eyes seeing more than he would like, more than he would show any other soul, and she nodded. "Okay. I'm here to talk about it, though, when you're ready."
Phobos was relieved at her acceptance. He was curious by nature and he was sure, one day, far in the future, a small part of him would want to know what pitiful last plea the late queen and king had uttered. But it wasn't now.
They sat in a thick quiet before his curiosity about something else won as he stated, "I have one question for you."
Wilhelmina nodded, expression open, and waited.
"Do you sympathize with Weira?" he bluntly asked, trying to keep hostility from his question. It was just a question and her answer would change nothing between them. Yet, it was something he needed to know.
Her shoulder sagged, and he knew her answer before she said it.
"I do."
Phobos slowly turned away to stare at the image of Earth, surrounded by stars and spaceships. A planet known for a future it was far from completing.
"Are you… upset?" she asked, some nervousness in her as she shifted on the bench, one knee bouncing.
Phobos leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and realized he couldn't stay as silent on the topic of Weira and Zayden as he had hoped when he left that lost tomb.
"I understand why you would feel for her plight, her fate, given the pressure you are under from your own kingdom," he answered, reminding himself her feeling sorry for Weira did not mean she condoned it. "I had remarked before how interesting it was how… skillfully you are bound to your kingdom as a servant. To the council and the Oracle. Now… do see how easily their favor is lost?" Phobos knew Wilhelmina was expendable. Her life was brief, as a common human. With limited knowledge of the magical arts, given her lack of magic tutelage, she would pass on and return to Infinity, just as Kandrakar planned. "So I say this from both experience and concern; do not trust any other Light, even Elyon."
Wilhelmina drew her brow together, ready to protest, but he pushed on before she could speak.
"You are a Light without a true kingdom. The council and the Oracle rules your land. Forced to share your powers with four others. Sent across the realms to put that power in service of other Lights." He looked her over.
"You have thrown your life aside to further your service, over and over. Yet, no true Light does that, my love. Weira could not face loss and let her grief overwhelm her. Even Elyon could not strike me down, leaving me to exist in a limbo of her making, where she refused to face her own choices and the actions of her people. Kadma was so easily enthralled by Nerissa for her pride and did not know how to admit humility. Then there was I, too blinded by my own desires to see how I tore apart even the things I valued." He reached out and fixed a lock of her hair. It was never truly messy. He just always yearned to touch it. Touch her. "And here you are, with a goodness born from endless servitude, more fit to rule than so many other, though that shall never come to pass."
"I don't," she protested, but stopped, letting him go on.
"I know you only wish to help, to protect," he said, hand tracing her jaw to cradle her cheek. "That only means you need someone to protect you. To be selfish for you. And that shall be me, love. You can decide to trust my sister, Kadma, and any other selfish Light, but I know they will never put you above their own wants. Know Weira's choice was pitiful, but it shall never be you, because it simply can't." He leaned in and kissed her, mouth lingering as he basked in her sweetness. "You aren't her. Aren't any of them. You are one that both a goddess and death converse with. You are the one I love and have shown me what a life worth living looks like."
Giving her some space, he moved back to see she looked pensive, eyes not meeting his.
"You kinda sound like Cornelia," she mumbled. "You guys are more alike than either of you like to admit," she weakly joked. "I know she's right. You're right. And… Matt was right. I've been almost conditioned to just give up my personal life, to put my duties first. That was why I was so confused when everyone was pushing for me to give up the Heart. That suddenly my personal life was supposed to be so important when it had always come a distance second. And Matt, when he wasn't a part of my guardian life, he felt that distance." She looked at Phobos, eyes rimmed with tears. "Thank you for never making me feel like a needed to choose. Even when we didn't understand what we meant to each other."
Gently, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her crown. She just gave a few sharp sniffles before she settled down into his hold.
"I wish you could come with me," Wilhelmina's muffled voice vibrated against his tunic. "I really don't want to live in the same building as Luba."
Phobos chuckled, rubbing her back, making the pink fabric bunch under his powerful strokes. "I enjoy hearing your encounters with her. It's rare you let your beautiful temper out with no remorse."
"Well, you're gonna hear a lot of bitching, buddy," she groaned out. "I'm gonna hate this so much."
He pulled her closer, breathing in her scent, feeling her short hair against his jaw. "Know I am available to make the council of Kandrakar uncomfortable at a moment's notice," he offered, and was rewarded with a happy giggle that made his heart skip and warmth spread in his chest.
"They would die; you invited to the temple. But you are dating the Light of Kandrakar and blessed by a nymph," she mused, pulling back to look at him with a mischievous shine in her eyes. "And Elyon is more comfortable with you leaving the castle. I'm sure off-world trips to Kandrakar would be fine." Then, more seriously, "But maybe you can come to Earth with me in a few months when things are more… settled? I'm not sure how my family is going to handle me suddenly moving away. I want to… try to be more involved with them. And while I can't tell them about magic, they can meet you," she ended with some awkwardness.
"As long as we travel together, it doesn't matter which realm we venture to," he assured.
Wilhelmina smiled, laying her head on his shoulder. "I love you, Phobos."
He answered the same, kissing her and holding her close.
Wilhelmina's mood was higher leaving the gallery, as she announced it had inspired her and given her an idea for her magic demonstration. Not privy to the source of her idea, and she was set on making it a surprise, Phobos didn't complain, much, when she left to prepare. It was three days away, so she needed time to get ready, as she was late starting compared to the other four.
In his room, it wasn't unexpected for Achilles to visit. After they found him sneaking around the castle with Xin Jing, Elyon had monitored the frog's movements closer. Yet the queen was unaware of all of his blooming powers and did not know Achilles' newest one.
A flash of yellow light filled the room as Achilles teleported into the dimly lit bedchamber. Phobos was reading one of the books Wilhelmina had thrown aside in frustration, claiming it was too painfully boring to go on. He had to agree it was a dry read. To the point even his eyes glazed over more often than not. Still, he pushed on to at least make it halfway before calling the book useless to Taranee's research.
"Master!" Achilles called, happily jumping up on the bed, wearing Earth themed sleepwear Hay-Lin had gifted him. It was one thin, light blue garment that had a zipper that reached from neck to stomach, with a hood that had drooping rabbit ears.
"Volume, Achilles," Phobos reminded him, glancing up from the old book.
"Sorry," he sheepishly apologized, his fake rabbit ears somehow accurately conveying his mood.
"What do you need that you could not ask over the connection?" Phobos asked, placing the book down to look at his familiar.
It was bizarre. He would end up with not only one as innocent as Achilles, but that he would be… okay with it.
The frog always tried his hardest to do his best and carry out Phobos' will. Achilles' urge to protect was far greater than his want to fight, and that was an interesting thing to see grow from the start. He never really understood how that want developed in those with the power to fight and rule. Even Wilhelmina was ready to fight given the chance, and he had grown to see her as the best version of a Light possible. So seeing Achilles, who had access to the same powers as a natural Light, turn to protection after what he experienced made Phobos realize it wasn't the path of the weak he once thought.
It was… different. Yes. And hard for Phobos to understand and agree with, but it was viable. Respectable.
"You asked me to keep an on eye on granny," Achilles stated and Phobos raised a brow.
"Granny?" Phobos questioned, not knowing who he was referring to.
"Cecilia's granny, um, Duchess Moondall," he said, hopping up and down on the bed.
"And you're reporting in now?" Phobos called, surprised. "I thought you found nothing when you did not update me."
"I didn't," Achilles answered, jumping over Phobos only to jump over again and then back. "But her daughter was missing from dinner tonight. And she never misses dinner. Her mom enjoys talking to people about her a lot."
While the prince knew it wasn't 'talking' that she took pleasure in, it was gloating about her finely bred noble daughter, Phobos just nodded for him to go on.
"So I snuck out, and I found her coming back from somewhere in the castle." He stopped jumping and looked guilty. "I know it's bad to steal, but she stole first." He pulled the zipper down at his chest and pulled out a very familiar, thin book. "I think she was in Lady Wilhelmina's room. She had this hidden in her dress."
"Her diary? Why would she have an interest in this? They would gain nothing from taking it over just reading it," Phobos pondered out loud as he took the book. "And there isn't anything there that would titillate the Meridian court. They have no care for her scheduling swim sessions or play dates with her younger brother."
"Liam," Achilles said the name, knowing Phobos probably didn't recall it.
Annoyingly, the frog was correct and Phobos tried to commit the name to memory, as Wilhelmina was now set on him meeting her family and he was sure she had named them all at some point. Just that he originally didn't care enough to listen.
"Have you noticed anything else? About 'granny'?" Phobos asked, placing the book down on top of the one he was just reading.
"Not really. She's just really mean to people. And her daughter is quiet. Not Lady Miranda," he corrected and Phobos snorted so hard his throat burned.
"Trust me, Achilles, I know you do not refer to Miranda when you say that."
"Lady Marina is weird. I've only heard her talk to Lady Wilhelmina and granny. No one else. Not even Queen Elyon or her sister. She just bows and nods."
Phobos had noticed the woman's quiet nature, but he had assumed that was from years of being beaten down by her mother's much larger personality.
"Where is Wilhelmina?" Phobos asked, concern now itching in the back of his mind.
"Maybe her room?" the frog answered, able to sense Phobos' concern and now looked worried as well. "I didn't tell anybody about Marina since following the Moondalls was an order from you. And Queen Elyon told me not to… listen to you."
"You have done nothing wrong, Achilles," Phobos assured. "Hold yourself together and go check on Wilhelmina. Tell her to come see me at once."
Achilles croaked, chest puffing out, as he nodded and teleported away.
A long minute was eventually met with unpleasant news.
"She's not in her room," Achilles said through their connection.
Phobos frowned. Wilhelmina was known for taking off on her own a great deal that summer, so it wouldn't be odd for her to do so given her excited mood earlier. Yet, she often disappeared to spend time with him, so it was hard to tell if this was worrisome news or not.
"Return to me, Achilles," Phobos ordered while he thought.
The frog came back, large eyes following him as he grabbed a robe and tied the sash.
"Tell me, is Elyon asleep?" Phobos asked, as he actually considered going to her. While it could be nothing, and Wilhelmina could be out wandering the halls or grabbing a midnight snack. The slim chance it was something, and he wasted even a second not going to her aid, made his skin crawl more than the thought of turning to his sister for help.
"Yes, she is," he confirmed, pulling at his rabbit ears. "Should I wake her?"
Phobos crossed his arms, jaw clenching. "Maybe. Let us not overreact. Check the places she has visited without being seen; the other guardian's rooms, library, my office and Elyon's, the gardens, and even the Earth regent's room." While he trusted her, he knew they were working on maintaining a respectable companionship, so there was a slight chance they had lost track of time conversing. "Stay hidden," he stressed again and Achilles, adept with sneaking around the castle and aided with vast magical skills, nodded and left on his task.
Every place he went and informed Phobos of finding everything and everyone but his red-head made his heart drop in a way he never felt before. Dread was building to a terrible, aching pitch that was making blood rush to his head and ears ring.
What was this?
This terrible gnawing at his chest? Turning in his gut? Heaviness of his limbs? Uncertainty of even his next words? Actions?
Achilles returned and waited for his next task, quietly watching as Phobos paced.
He looked at the book Achilles had saved from Marina's sticky fingers and rushed over, picking it up and flipping to a recent entry.
'Gotta think of something! Blow him away!' with an uneven heart drawn around a 'P'.
"Are you able to hold back my bonds like before?" Phobos asked his familiar.
A strange look overtook him before the frog looked down. "I… I can remove them," he shamefully admitted, pulling hard on the rabbit ears, the fabric near ripping. "Xin Jing taught me how." He was shaking now. "Everyone says I am not supposed to, so I didn't tell you." Phobos realized Achilles was fighting back tears as the frog sniffled a few loud times. "I am sorry, Master. You've seemed happy… so I thought… I thought it was okay."
"Achilles, I need you to listen to my question," he stated bluntly. "I did not ask you to remove anything, only hold them at bay. Now answer."
Achilles looked up, tears rimming his eyes and falling down his flushed cheeks. "Yes," he croaked, one rabbit ear tearing off from the hood of his garment.
"Do it. I only need a few minutes. You are to make sure Elyon does not wake. Keep her magically sedated with your toxins, if you must. I shall call you when I am done."
Achilles glowed, yellow magic pulling the prince's bonds away, letting his repressed magic seep to the surface. Achilles left and Phobos took Wilhelmina's book and touched the last entry, letting his own deep connection to his lover help guide his scrying.
The prince of Meridian felt a weight in him lift as they appeared in the moonlit field, near the woman they were seeking moments ago. With Phobos' bonds intact, Elyon still sleeping, and Wilhelmina now found, Achilles dropped in the grass, tears of relief falling as his world stayed together for a little while longer.
Above them Wilhelmina was flying, wings stretched and glowing in the pale moonlight. Short hair messy from the warm summer night's wind. Xin Jing was formed, floating before her, legs crossed, arms folded, and facing away with a pout as Wilhelmina waved a finger at the tiny goddess.
"Stay invisible if you want to help," Wilhelmina's voice was firm but sounded strained, like she grew tired of repeating herself with the stubborn deity. Yet, whatever else she was going to add was lost as Achilles' sobs were audible in the night's quiet.
It was hard to make out her face, with the moonlight at her back, filtering through the thin membranes of her delicate wings, but he saw her shoulders stiffen as she spotted them. Quickly, she few to them, now close enough he could see her face. Her jaw was tight as she quickly asked, "Phobos? Achilles? How- why are you guys here? Is everything okay?"
Before he could answer, Achilles jumped up, latching on to her as he sobbed. "You were missing and master was so worried and I had to keep Elyon asleep and I feel so bad I broke my promise I am so sorry!" he said in one long breath, crying and distraught.
"What?" Wilhelmina adjusted and hugged the frog to her, eyes lingering on the torn rabbit ear, before looking at Phobos for a coherent answer. "Phobos?" she pressed.
Ah, Phobos suddenly wondered, maybe he overreacted? If only a little?
A need to save face overcame him and he bluntly answered, "Marina stole your diary and Achilles retrieved it. You were missing from the castle and I scryed your location."
Something hot flashed across her face and she looked from Achilles, sobbing in her arms, to him.
"And… you had Achilles remove your bonds because you couldn't find me for… how long? A few minutes?" she said slowly, trying not to jump to conclusions, but her mind already piecing things together.
Phobos knew his actions were risky. Given everything that had happened over the past few weeks. Still, he wasn't unjustified when worried about her safety.
There was no reason to trust that she would be safe, even with all her powers, given what happened to Achilles, given what always came to pass with him. That distrust, that endless doubt, would never change in him. Metamoor was a disease to him, one that would always fester, always end what peace he had in his life.
"They are still intact," he assured. "None are the wiser."
She frowned, lines on her face hidden in the night's darkness, and said simply, "I see." Then she looked up at Xin Jing, who was hovering nearby, looking at Achilles with concern and helplessness. "Hey, can you take Achilles with you to my room? And pop over to my apartment and get my tablet, Sasha. Tell her to play Liam's favorite movie. I think you guys will like it."
Xin Jing nodded, drifting closer and touching the frog's shoulder, teleporting away, leaving just the Keeper and the prince.
They stared at each other, and it was her deep, disappointed sigh that broke the silence.
"I'm trying to be… understanding, with things like this, Phobos. I know you get worried easily. And I'm not saying you don't have reason too, but this isn't okay," she said, landing to stand before him.
Not appreciating her manner of speaking, Phobos felt a flare of anger shoot through him. "What a pitying tone you have for me," he scoffed, arms crossed, eyes holding hers. "You hear Moondall is planning something and you think I just panicked?"
"Where did you say she was planning something?" she countered. "Her daughter stole my planner. Do you know how often all the guardians' things are stolen by Meridian fanboys? Even back with the rebels, it's like wanting a piece of a pop star. Not cool, but pretty normal. Irma just scrys for what's swiped and we go get it," she explained, irritation growing in her voice. "And I wasn't missing. It was late, and I told the girls I was heading out. Why not wake one of them before making Achilles…" she trailed off, anger apparent.
"You could have informed me as well," he countered back. "Of you leaving the castle so late, alone, with the only people aware in bed, not monitoring the duration of your absence?"
Her eyes widen. "Whoa, I don't need a babysitter."
"Don't be obtuse. You know what I mean. It is dangerous to travel alone."
"I can handle myself," she said, clearly trying and failing to hold in her anger. "But can you handle that?"
Confused, Phobos demanded, "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean," she said, firmly. "Can you handle me? Handle my life? I'm always going to travel, sometimes alone, to other planets. And sometimes I go off the grid for days, weeks, even when veils are erected to contain threats." She looked away. "It was too much for Matt. And I won't blame you if it's too much for you, too."
"Too much? I love you and-"
She cut him off and he realized their relationship had started at a painful time for her as she never got to mourn her previous one properly. "And he didn't? Love wasn't enough before. Why would it be enough now?" she said bitterly, a tone she rarely used, as she tried to stay positive in front of him. In front of everyone. "I'm ready to fight for us, Phobos. I really am. But I'm not about to have this same fight in my life again. I need someone who doesn't freak out when I'm gone. Because I'm going to be gone a lot," she ended sadly, teeth biting her lower lip.
Phobos, given what he had decided to do once she left, knew he was being a hypocrite, acting like she needed to tell him of her every movement.
"You are not invincible," he said, frustrated he was unable to explain what he was feeling. He knew she was right… yet so was he, because something always happened.
Something would always happen.
As long as they were on Metamoor.
As long as his powers were bound.
As long as he didn't have control over his own future.
"And you are being targeted by that blasted cult-"
She cut him off, voice raised, "You know it's not about them, Phobos! It's about you! I'm here for you, but you have to… let something go. The distrust, the paranoia, the hate! Anything! Before you do something that's going to get us all fucked."
"Let go?" he questioned, voice barely above a whisper. "Of what, exactly?" Why must he be forced to talk about these pitiful things? He didn't want his life dictated by them. Shaped by them. "How I was forced to sit and watch as Achilles was near slaughtered as he cried in terror? Were Weira forced a child into a rotting corpse as if that was merciful and not cruelty at its peak? How Zaydan only agreed when he learned his daughter's life hanged in the balance?" He felt his fingers dig painfully into his arms as he forced out what he couldn't ignore any longer. "Or how you are clearly still in love with the tengu? Even after you claim to love me?"
Stepping back, she looked like he had struck her with the hurt that formed quickly on her face.
"You can't understand," she said, voice wobbly. "I'm the first person you let in after decades of crap being thrown at you. So you can't understand that what you're saying is fucked up. Because I've had to argue and fight with everyone to be with you, Phobos. Do you think this has been easy for me? I'm lucky the girls, Elyon, and even goddamn Matt, understand. Because no one else does. Not Metamoor, the fucking cult, Kandrakar, or anyone. And with Xin Jing liking you, the council is panicking to get me under their thumb after years of, as they like to put it, letting me run wild." She took a deep breath. "I'm not saying to forget," she said weakly, pain bubbling up in her. "I'm asking to realize when you are about to do something that can hurt me, hurt Achilles, because of something you're feeling that neither of us caused."
She stepped closer, placing a hand on his arm. "You could have thrown everything away tonight when all you had to do was go to Taranee and have her link with me. You know she would have understood. Would have not even told me you were looking if you asked her not to, so you could have had your peace of mind. But look at what you did. You terrified Achilles. Made him into a pawn again when he just wants to be… a person. A kid."
"You speak like you understand my familiar better than I." He pulled away. "I created the pact with my blood. And it's my connection to my stolen right to Metamoor's Heart that gives him the powers to protect himself when even you have failed. I have failed. Like everyone always fails. The fact his child-like appearance has you so charmed shows you don't truly understand the dangers that lurk off a battlefield. You are a danger to yourself. Thinking because you have gotten away with leaving the safety of your companions, of I, for so long that danger cannot befall you." He gritted his teeth.
"You say I could have woken the fire guardian, yet you could have just told me. Communicated you were leaving given you have a cult after you. No matter how little of a threat you find a group that tormented me for years, as clearly that is not enough to make them notable, you must at least see the recklessness of leaving Elyon unattended?"
"I," she started, shocked at his statement. "You think I don't care? That- that I'm not mad? That-" she stopped herself, wings flexing open and closed in her distress. "Do you want me mad, Phobos? Stomping around the castle, ripping doors off their hinges? Yelling at Elyon for not protecting you for goddamn years? Angry at the girls for hounding me for months to give the Heart up? Mad at the Oracle for approving the council's demand that I live on Kandrakar from now on? Leaving my family. Unable to tell them I know how awful it looks like I've been to them, but I'm not abandoning them?"
Her wings wrapped around her, shielding her. "What do you want, Phobos? Tell me now, so I can tell you if I can give you that. Because I'm angry for you, for your life, but that anger will not control me like it does you. If you need someone like that… then this won't work."
There was a pain in him that her words, but his mouth was moving before he could process everything.
"Why do you keep doing this? You said as much before, in the medical ward. Did this with the tengu as well. You panic and push others away better than I ever could. Making it seem like we are forcing your hand, when you are the one making these choices. Choosing to bend to Kandrakar, instead of making them bend to you. You have the power, have a literal goddess backing you, but here you are, allowing others to toss away your life," he scoffed out.
"I am angry. I have never hidden that. And there shall always be new, disastrous reasons for me to feel as such. Metamoor is my grave, one that I'm forced to exist in, and that bitterness shall never leave me. If you cannot handle that, I will not blame you, but stop trying to push me away as if I am the sole cause." This time, Phobos glanced away. "I understand we are opposite in a lot of ways. That we handle these problems differently. Hold on to… pain differently. I try to understand how more than just my outlook is viable. With you and your companions." He ended, not sure what else to say.
He stumbled back as she crashed into him, arms reflexively wrapping around her. She returned to her human form and buried her face into his chest, hot tears on his skin, hands balled into fist.
"I don't know what to do," she admitted, broken. "I thought I knew. Always knew." He wrapped an arm across her back and the other rubbed her hair. "But it's just easier leaving them behind than having to choose. And falling for you means I'll always have to fight… and what if I don't win? What if us loving each other just doesn't matter?"
He gently shushed her, kissing her forehead, skin on fire against his lips. "Given who we are and your role in the universe… we both know it would be a lie to say everything shall work itself out. All I can say is I love you, only you, and I will always fight to be at your side. To make a life with you. To grow old with you. How that shall come to pass is still unknown. So we must take it a day at a time."
She didn't answer, just buried herself as far as she could into him, holding in her sobs, body quietly shaking.
He was still upset at her words and reckless actions, but the pain of seeing her cry in his arms was worse than anything else he felt that night. So he did his best to comfort her, as he was always drawn to her vulnerability. It pained him, but it was an unfamiliar pain than before in his life. One that made him feel stronger, knowing she turned to him like this. Confessed things he knew not even her companions knew.
"I am sorry for my rash actions," he said, not fully believing he was in the wrong, but understanding why it was wrong in her view. "Stay with me tonight," he then asked, not wanting her to leave.
"Phobos," she said, voice small. "I'm not really in the mood for that."
Unexpectedly, he laughed. "Oh, that is a first. Yet that is not what I meant. I simply want you in my arms tonight. And for the rest of your stay on Metamoor."
Wilhelmina pulled away, cheeks red, eyes watery. "You won't get any sleep," she argued, dark eyes deep.
"Do you think I shall get any with you away, after all this?" he countered. Then asked, "Do you want to stay with me?"
She nodded, face reddening even more.
"Then stay," he offered. "You do not need to be strong. I know you are," he clarified. "Yet, it is okay to want to rest easy, knowing not all the weight of the universe is on you alone. I am here to stay."
"Thanks," she mumbled. "Promise to tell me, though, if you need me to leave? I… I want to stay with you at night… and… cuddle," she said that word in an embarrassed whisper, like her need for physical contact was something shameful.
Phobos cradled her warm cheek. "I truly appreciate your concern and patience with this matter. A few nights of light sleep will not make me descend into sleep deprived madness. And I would like some practice, as I want to share a bed with you, permanently."
It was interesting, as this topic seemed to bring her shyer side to the surface. She was so bold and self assured with the sexual part of their relationship, so it was odd seeing her nervous at the less charged parts.
Like she knew his question, she said, "I know this takes a lot for you to trust like this. Ah, sex," she mumbled, her awkwardness palpable. "Was, weirdly, the straightforward part. It's like a way bigger step, you saying you want to sleep with me and actually mean sleep."
Phobos, seeing they were leaving their heated topic behind for the moment, sarcastically pointed out, "We have shared a bed before. You act like this is a first."
"I mean, this time feels different," she said with a weak shrug.
"I suppose it is," he agreed, softer.
She tucked her face into his chest, feet planted between his, hands balled against his chest.
He recalled when he first had her, being amazed at how one of the most formidable warriors in the universe crumbled against his touch. Now, with her tucked tight against him, desperately trying to find comfort in his hold, he was amazed again. Only this time with how desperately he wanted to give her that solace.
To protect the one who protected the universe.
Back in his room, she left to tend to Achilles, sending him to bed, as she felt he could use some space from Phobos, and letting Xin Jing go with him to keep him company. Now in her sleep wear, she returned to his room, glancing at her almost stolen book on the side table as Phobos snuffed out the candles. In bed, he held the covers up for her, and she slipped under, quick to nuzzle against him tightly now that she had his permission to 'cuddle'. He held in a chuckle at her excitement at such a simple act, but it showed she saw how far they came for this to even be possible.
She kissed him, mouth not urgent, just seeking comfort. He settled back, her weight against his chest, one of her legs thrown over his. Breaking the kiss, she mouthed along his jaw to his neck, pressing open mouth to the tattoos at his neck.
"If you keep this up, I fear 'cuddling' will have to wait, love," he said, feeling a twist in his lower gut.
"Sorry," she mumbled, hand rubbing his bare chest, laying her head on his shoulder. "Habit."
He didn't answer, just focused on calming himself, as she was now heavy against him. Even puffs of air against his skin.
Once she was in a deep sleep, he let his mind wander, feeling like he needed to tell her of his plans, of the only solution to his unending problem. But that could wait a few more days, right? Wait until she was settled on Kandrakar and they had a stronger bond that could handle… that.
So he let her scent dig into him, her heat fill him, her dreamy sighs float over them.
He didn't sleep deeply, but waking to find her still clinging to him in her sleep was enough to let his body rest in a different way. Let his mind for once not dwell on the doubt of her safety or his.
