Superficial
By Ero Kyuubi no Kitsune
There she was, direct and to the point, as always. Nothing has changed in that department since the time we first saw each other. That time, she straight away pointed out the bratty nature of me and that she only needed one finger to beat me.
And she was right.
At that moment I thought that she was just another arrogant person who was just too proud of her 'sennin' position. Now, after so many years, I look back and see the truth. She was neither arrogant nor overestimating her abilities; she was just really good at estimating her opponent's strength. That opened my eyes. I wonder now, if she did not bet her necklace, would I have tried that hard to learn the Rasengan? Did she know that she would loose?
I can still remember her screams when I faced off Kabuto.
'Stop it Naruto! Don't try to save me! Run and save yourself!'
So desperate and scared cries. Later, I questioned myself about my actions. Was it just for that necklace and her acknowledgement? Would I have been indifferent if she died after acknowledging me? Now, sitting before her, looking at her, I want to scream my answer: NO.
Now, I am supposed to listen to the mission description that she is giving to us; Sakura seems to be listening really carefully. But I just can't help but to look at Tsunade-baa-chan. That night, Shizune-nee-chan told me about her past, her fights and her losses. Yet, she is so strong.
I never had any family. But when the old man Hokage died, I felt a terrible pain that I can not describe. I can only imagine how intense the pain would have been for her when she lost her brother and lover. Yet, she holds herself up like nothing happened. Would I be able to do that? Would I be able to be that strong?
I see her looking at me occasionally; I see her face stoic; I see her honey brown eyes full of seriousness. She holds the responsibility of the whole village upon her shoulders. But I can not stop myself from noting how beautiful she looks like this. I don't know when I started to feel this way. I don't know when I started to yearn for another kiss on my forehead. I don't know when I started to long for another touch.
But I know for sure that no matter how desperate I am, I can never get what I want.
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely don't care that she is a lot older than me. I call her 'baa-chan' just to infuriate her and to make her hit me. That is one way to delude myself to think that we are close and we are more than just a Hokage and her shinobi. It's just that, I can never be enough for her.
She is the Hokage and I am a mere chuunin. She is the legend and I am just a 'human sacrifice': an embodiment of a demon. She is so mature and refined, and I don't even know how to behave before other people. And above all, I am no Dan, the person she loved. And I know that I can never be like him, for I am Uzumaki Naruto: damned since birth.
Now, I made her angry. See? She is yelling at me right now for not paying attention. I make a comment about 'baa-chan' and she is hitting me now. But I don't care. Because this is the only way I can think of, to get closer to her.
So, no matter how badly I want to scream my feeling to her, I can not do that. She would surely get real upset and stop talking to me; probably even stop seeing me outside missions. I would not be able to stand that.
So, I will take what I am getting right now; as I did all my life. I will just smile and call her 'baa-chan' and make her hit me. I will just bug her until she is furious. I will just run ahead of her while she tries to catch me for some beating. That's what I will do, because that's what I can get at most.
I love you Tsunade.
I wish I could say that to you.
A/N: Naruto's point of view. I wonder if anybody likes it or not (Translation: review!).
