48 hours has passed, and my son has not returned, nor do I expect he will now that he knows just what a monster his father truly is.
I wait for the medical droid to leave me and then struggle to get out of the bed I have been confined to for what seems like weeks. If feels strange to stand in bare feet…I can't remember the last time I did. I walk over to the window; amazed by the medical technology that has allowed me to be fully human again. I look out at the stars, at the rebel fleet gathered around the Endor moon, and wonder what is left of the Imperial Fleet. I was the commander of that fleet- what is happening now that Darth Vader is gone, not to mention the emperor? No doubt there is chaos and anarchy among the ranks, no one intelligent or strong enough to assume a role of leadership. I cannot help but wonder what my place is now, in this new galaxy. It is clear that my children want no part of me; it isn't as though I can offer my expertise to their cause. Sidious' dream is all but dead now, with just the vestiges of a once mighty empire crumbling in the wake of the victory of the Alliance. Even was the Empire intact, I would not serve in it. I am Anakin Skywalker now, once again, no longer Darth Vader. Yet, what place does Anakin Skywalker hold now? Once a heroic Jedi, a warrior that could turn the tide of a battle single handedly; but that hero turned into the enemy, betrayed all that he had sworn to protect, all that he loved…I frown, the guilt and remorse choking me.
"It's good to see you again, old friend."
I turn around, startled by the sound of a voice I had never thought I'd hear again. Kenobi stands there, or the image of him, shimmering with the Force.
"Old friend?" I echo, not able to keep the bitterness from my voice. "Is that what I am to you?"
Kenobi nods, his eyes watching me closely. "Surely you can remember a time when we were the best of friends, Anakin; almost brothers."
"I remember," I reply, walking over to him. "But I also remember Mustafar."
Kenobi frowns, perturbed perhaps by the guilt he must feel at his cowardice.
"Mustafar was a long time ago," he comments.
I narrow my eyes. "Yes, a long time to be living as half a person," I retort. "Which is what you left of me. Did you enjoy watching me suffer? Did the sight of my body, or what you left of it, engulfed in flames even the score somehow?"
Kenobi shakes his head. "It was very painful to see you destroyed that way," he says solemnly. "You were like my brother, Anakin; it broke my heart to see you turn to the Dark Side. But I had to do my best to destroy what you had become, just as you were trying to destroy me."
"So what stopped you from finishing me off then?" I demand. "If you truly did love me as you claimed to, why was it so easy for you to walk away from me the way you did? I was in agony; you cannot even imagine the pain I endured because of what you did to me, Kenobi. Yet you walked away, rather than release me from that hellish torment. Why was that, brother?"
Kenobi looks uncomfortable, and for a moment I wonder if he will just disappear rather than answer my questions. But he does not, which I am glad for, since I have many others to ask.
"I suppose I was too weak to do it," he admits, his eyes downcast. "I didn't have the heart to finish you off, Anakin. I have no other explanation. I have felt remorse for that day for the rest of my life."
I nod, watching him squirm, not believing him. "And yet not so remorseful that you weren't above using my own son to try to destroy me," I retort.
"I know the lies you have told Luke, how you did your best to turn him against me. Were you hoping he'd finish the job that you didn't have the guts to finish? Is that why you poisoned his mind against me?"
"Now wait just a minute," protests Kenobi at this point. "Your son deserved to know what had become of his father," he retorts. "The truth, as I saw it, was that the good man I once called brother was destroyed by the evil incarnation known as Darth Vader."
"You told him that Vader murdered his father!" I snap back. "That's not exactly the same thing now, is it? You also had some things to tell him about Padmé too, didn't you? Quite the expert on Skywalker family history, aren't you Obi-Wan? But of course it's your version of that history, not the real version; just sensational and horrifying enough to make my son hate me and do his best to kill me. Well you almost succeeded; I congratulate you on your brilliant plan."
Kenobi is silent for a moment under my onslaught. I wonder what he will say to defend his actions; no doubt he will try.
"If you remember Mustafar as you claim to," he begins his tone icy. "Then you must also remember what you did to your wife. If I hadn't been there, you would have killed her. She died as a result of what you did there, of a broken heart because of the atrocities you committed, because of the way you turned on her. If that doesn't make you guilty of her death, then I'm not sure what would."
"Shut your mouth!" I shout at him.
But Kenobi is relentless. "I was there at her side when she gave birth to your children," he continues, no doubt enjoying my pain. "I held her hand as the life drained from her. Her last words were about you, despite everything you did to her, despite your betrayal of her, she still loved you and believed there was good in you."
His words sting me, like salt on my festering wounds.
"Get out of here, Kenobi," I snap back, anger filling me. "You never understood me, never tried to! You have no idea what she meant to me, and now that I know all the truth, I have no doubt that you used her to get to me. She had no idea you were on that ship, I know that now. You snuck aboard like the cowardly bastard you are, but not before you filled her head with half truths about me as well."
"Listen to yourself, Anakin!" he admonishes, in that tone I grew to hate. "You sound like Vader! The hatred is surging through you right now; I can feel it from here!"
I frown, hating him, but knowing that what he is saying is true; I am letting the darkness back in, and I must not allow that to happen. I turn away from him. "Leave me alone," I tell him, my voice calmer. "You have no idea what I am going through right now. I don't need you here making things worse. Go."
I hear him sigh, and then there is silence. He is gone. I close my eyes, my misery overwhelming. Where do I go now? What do I do? There is no one in the galaxy that has anything but hatred for me now. I need to be alone, need to either find my way or end it all…knowing my destiny is out there, amid the stars, as indeed it always has been.
