A/N: Looooonnnggg…for this story, anyways…

Chapter Five: There's No Such Thing As Fate

After the next few days proved unhelpful for any more leads on the Dementor attacks, Hestia announced we were leaving.

And what if I want to stay? I thought irritably, ignoring her rambling as usual.

"…McGonagall said it would be a good idea if we left anyways. She said if we haven't got anything yet, we never will," said Hestia proudly, as if we were incapable of having this knowledge.

And McGonagall is always right.

"All right," agreed Lupin. "And Minerva's right, I don't think we'll find anything now."

Lupin's face fell slightly, and I knew he felt bad for leaving without a definite answer.

Nodding, Hestia hastily began to pack away her belongings. "We'll leave first thing tomorrow morning."

I scowled and sat back on the bed, wondering in disdain if I was invisible. Lupin reluctantly drew his eyes towards me, and noticed my obvious scorn.

"Er – is that OK with you…?" Remus held his mouth open for a second and I knew he was wondering what to address me as. In the end, he just left the question at that.

Unsure what to say, I looked blazingly over at him, my stare hard. He stared right back at me, though not out of spite, or wondering, but out of fear. He couldn't look away. My stomach twisted itself into tight knots and I grimaced, looking away with shining eyes. I shrugged nonchalantly after a moment, answering the question.

Lupin looked down at his shoes and sighed. Then, reluctantly it seemed, began to pack away his few belongings.

----

"Get up!" said a determined voice, followed by a pair of hands violently shaking my shoulder.

Opening my eyes wearily, I saw an annoyed Hestia standing over me, her hands on her hips. "It's time to go," she said.

I blinked, and sat up slowly, ignoring my aching head and my tired body.

Across the room, Lupin was hurriedly throwing on a jacket, his longish tawny hair falling in front of his eyes.

I sighed and threw of my blankets, quickly making a getaway for the bathroom. I didn't fancy anyone, least of all Lupin, seeing me in my pajamas.

All in an hour, I managed to have a shower, brush my teeth, and throw on a pair of jeans and an overlarge black sweatshirt.

"I've checked us out," said Lupin slowly, staring me blankly in the eye. Suddenly feeling transparent and uncomfortable, I hastily looked away. Why did he always do that to me?

I took a deep breath and sighed. "Let's just go," I said flatly.

"Right," prompted Hestia, grabbing her luggage. "On three. One, two -"

Sighing, I Disapparated, not waiting until I heard three.

Looking up, I quietly observed the huge run-down manor in front of me. That is, for a few seconds. Before I knew it, Lupin and Hestia had appeared beside me.

Lupin swayed slightly, nearly falling into me. I tried to restrain myself from asking if he was all right. He looked strangely tired, and fragile. There were bags under his deep eyes, and his premature lines were darker and more prominent then ever.

Suddenly realizing I was ogling at him, I turned quickly and began to walk towards the front door of Grimmauld Place. For some reason, my ears didn't seem to be working properly this morning, and I could barely make out Hestia's 'why did you Apparate before I got to three' cries from behind me.

I turned the brass door handle, and was surprised to see it wasn't unlocked. I stared at it, wondering what had caused Molly or Minerva to lock it. Surely something hadn't happened…

"You have to knock," came Lupin's hoarse voice from behind me.

I jumped, and felt my face coloring. He was directly behind me, and I realized I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I sighed, and closed my eyes in angst. His breath felt so good, it so warm…

Opening my eyes abruptly, I loudly knocked on the door. Merlin, I can't do that! I can't think like that! I can never, ever get that close to Lupin again. I can't be hurt like that again. I can't have another inerasable mark on me.

The door suddenly flung open from in front of me, and with a sigh I fell back into reality. Literally.

"Ouch," I said, peeling myself of the floor.

"Oh, Merlin!" came Molly Weasley's apologetic voice from over me.

But it wasn't her arms I felt helping me to my feet. They were strong, slender, yet masculine arms that I felt slide themselves around me. Lupin's arms. My breath caught at his touch, and I could feel him shiver.

As he steadied me I tried very hard not to smile. Why should I be smiling? I just fell flat on my face in front of Molly Weasley and Lupin. I should be scowling like mad and grumbling at the world.

But I couldn't stop watching Lupin. He concern seemed so genuine, and it was so obviously plastered on his worn face. His limp hair messily fell onto his face, and, in this light it looked like it had barely any grey at all. His long hands were shaking slightly, and I realized hauntingly he was still holding me, though I had found my balance long ago.

Blankly, I stepped backwards, tearing his hands off me. His face reddened and he looked curiously at the ceiling.

"Are you all right?" said Molly nervously, as though not any time had passed. Then again, maybe it hadn't.

Blinking daftly, I glanced over at Molly. "I'm great," I said quietly, and began to walk slowly to my surrogate room, my ears buzzing and my brain not able to process any sane thoughts.

----

I lay on my bed at Grimmauld Place, silently trying to contemplate my life. What was my purpose, anyways? I was a low-level Auror, with next-to-no qualifications and no sense of priority. I wasn't much help in the Order, either, really. Sure, I had some far-fetched and imaginative ideas that sometimes helped, but I hardly considered myself a powerful witch. Almost every battle I'd taken part in I'd lost. That's probably why McGonagall put me on that mission, with an overexcited, naïve witch and an aging werewolf. I fit perfectly there, along the misfits.

I sighed, and switched onto my knees, ignoring the coldness that had swept over me at the mere mention of Lupin. Damn him. The mission had made everything between us, if possible, worse. He had tried to talk to me. Talking leads to friendship, and, in our case, friendship leads to romance. I can't have that. Not again.

----

"First order of business," said McGonagall, rubbing her worn eyes. She turned to Remus and Hestia, who conveniently happened to be sitting together. I had managed to stay as far away as possible, right on the other side of the table, and wasn't really shocked when McGonagall overlooked me. It's not like I was really an asset, anyways. "How was the mission?"

Lupin and Hestia carefully exchanged glances, unsure how to put it. Hestia opened her mouth, but I luckily beat her to it, stopping her from giving some long, boring speech.

"Inconclusive," I said simply, soundlessly watching everyone crane their necks to look in my direction.

"Nothing?" prompted Charlie, as he thought I was just saying that for the hell of it.

"It was inconclusive," agreed Hestia, nodding her head. "We found…nothing, and there were no other attacks. We have to just accept it was a coincidence."

Lupin shifted uncomfortably, and looked my way for a fraction of a second. I continued to stare at Hestia (who was, unfortunately, giving a speech) and tried as hard as I could to look interested.

McGonagall's droning voice ended Hestia's speech. "That's unfortunate. I – well, you tried your best, I suppose," McGonagall's voice had a slightly accusing edge to it, and she cast a glance at Lupin, who merely blinked at her. Sighing silently, and straightening up her glasses tiredly, she set her gaze back onto the rest of us. "Does anyone one else have anything to add?"

Everyone gave a chorus of 'no' and I sighed. As we got up to leave, I heard a timid voice call me from behind.

"Er – Tonks?" I turned, and saw Arthur gesturing towards me. We somehow managed to get out of the crowd and into the nearby hallway.

I looked up at him expectedly, and he smiled nervously. "Ah…could I ask you a huge favour?" he asked.

I shrugged. I would do almost anything for the Weasley's. I owed them so much.

"C-could you do my shift tonight? It's the eleven-thirty one. I-I just really need to spend so time with the kids, and Molly…work's been so hectic…I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate…" He cut off, and looked at me hopefully.

"OK," I said nonchalantly.

Arthur smiled, and patted me on the shoulder. "Thanks," he said. "And don't worry."

He walked away quickly, and I was left trying to ponder his statement. Don't worry?

----

Soaking wet and ready to fall asleep on the spot, I stumbled towards my apartment door. As I hastily shook the raindrops off my jacket, I irreverently wished that I had never taken night shift from Arthur Weasley. Three hours outside in pitch dark and pouring rain was not my idea of a good time.

I fished around in my pocket for my keys, and to my dismay, found a hole. Everything had fallen out. My money (fifteen galleons!), my lucky thimble (don't ask) and my keys to my apartment.

With a sigh, I took out my wand and looked up at my door. But as soon as I saw the small piece of paper attached to it, I gasped, and felt my body go even number then it was. I was being evicted! I tore off the small sign, and read the whole thing. It told me I had 'till six o'clock to get out. I groaned and shook my head. It had been seven hours since six o'clock. This wasn't my apartment anymore.

This can't be happening, I thought with a shiver.

Groaning, I closed my eyes and concentrated on number twelve Grimmauld Place.

A few seconds later, I appeared literally right outside the door. Really, I fell flat against it as soon as I landed. And, just my luck, it wasn't locked. So – I fell flat on my face in the entrance hall of Grimmauld place, yet again.

"Ow," I muttered as I struggled to my feet. Rubbing my elbows, which I had used to break my fall, I glanced around the deserted hallway. Hopefully no one was here.

I yawned, and started towards the kitchen, feeling strangely famished.

As I passed through the hallway, I sworn I could have seen a figure lying, motionless, on the couch in the sitting room. I took a deep breath and walked a few feet backwards, glancing into the room.

There, sleeping soundly on the sofa was Lupin, a book lying forgotten on his lap. I sharply gasped and my hand tightened impulsively on the doorframe.

Why, out of everyone in the Order, did he have to be here? Why does this keep on happening? Am I being punished for something? Lupin stirred slightly, and I started, my pulse quickening.

Or maybe its just fate, I wondered, however faintly.

As an exhilarating jet of emotions – mainly annoyance and anger – ran through my system, I stormed off towards the kitchen, though absently making sure I wasn't being loud enough to wake Lupin.

I grabbed a surprisingly gigantic mug and magicked it to fill with hot, steaming coffee. Drinking it slowly, I concluded that my powers always worked better when I was upset.

Looking around the room for somewhere to sit, I sadly remembered Molly had taken away the chairs, saying she was going to 'fix them up'.

I sighed heavily, and trudged towards the sitting room. I peered in, and looked tersely at the still sleeping man a few feet away from me. I closed my eyes for a moment, before gently striding in and taking a seat as far away from him as possible.

I curled quickly into a ball, my coffee nestled on my stomach and my right arm wrapped around my legs.

As hard as I tried to look away from him, my eyes kept finding there way back to his peacefully resting body. Blinking harshly, I watched as he soundlessly moved his hand around his torso, revealing a large, newly induced scar. My mouth suddenly grew dry, and – as he winced sleepily in pain from this movement – I found I wanted nothing more than to go over and gently try to heal him. Both his physical, and emotional pain.

But he doesn't want you anymore, I reminded myself thickly, tracing the edge of my mug with my finger. And even if he did…you can't go down that road again.

A moan suddenly escaped Lupin's lips, and I sharpened my watch on him. As he quickly turned over on the couch, I realized he was waking up. I went stone cold, but I knew it was too late.

Remus hastily opened one eye, and saw me, emitting a low gasp of shock. He straightened up, his face deadly pale. "Nymphadora," he murmured, his lips barely moving.

I had twitched compulsively when he had first stirred, spilling my drink, but now I sat perfectly still. I was barely even breathing.

I blinked at him, hoping with all my heart that he could not read my thoughts or emotions.

He swallowed – loudly – and looked down, closing his eyes for a moment. "I didn't know you were going to be here tonight," he said quietly, and ever so gently, as if he said it with any more emotion I would just break down into tears right then and there.

I sighed, and looked carefully up at him. "I was evicted," I said simply, fighting off the urge to ask what he was doing here.

Lupin shifted, picking up the book on his lap and placing it on the table beside him.

"How can they do that?" he asked, his eyes truly sympathetic.

My heart rate practically went haywire, and I hastily put my empty coffee cup on the floor, and forgetting about the fact that my robes and jeans were now soaking wet and stained brown.

"I had five hours to get out. I didn't know. I haven't been home for a while."

"But what about your possessions?" His voice was not loud, nor strong, but it had a slightly determined tone to it. I closed my eyes for a moment and just let the sound ring in my ears for a few moments. I loved that voice.

"I don't have anything valuable. Even so, I have…" I suddenly trailed off, as I realized I had Jonathan's name on the tip of my tongue. I sighed, and shook my head. What was I doing? Having a conversation with Lupin was not a good idea.

I looked blankly over at a wall, and tried to ignore Lupin's inquisitive gaze. "OK," he said simply, standing up and letting his long, shabby robes fall to his feet.

Brushing himself off, he headed towards the door. Slowly, as he neared the door, he stopped, and turned. He looked at me calmly, though his eyes did seem slightly confused, as if he was waiting for me to say something.

"If you want me to go, I will. If…I was – I…" Lupin cut himself off, a slightly glazed and stony expression settling on his face.

"You were here first," I said flatly, and tightly hugged my knees, trying as hard as I could to concentrate on the fireplace.

"OK," he replied, and walked out of the room.

----

I tossed onto my side one more time, before I decided I wasn't going to get any sleep, and it pointless to try. I rolled tiredly off my bed and onto the ground and stretched my arms.

Hastily, I stood up, and started downstairs. I was hungry. And, conveniently, it was midnight.

I made it downstairs in two minutes flat, luckily managing to not trip over anything. Grimmauld Place usually held way to many obstacles for me.

I peered into the kitchen and was strangely not surprised to see Lupin. He was leaning sleepily on a counter, a small mug of something steamy in his hand.

Taking a deep breath, I trudged forward, ignoring the sudden coldness that had sprung up when I saw him, and my brain's desperate attempts to stop me.

Upon seeing my arrival, Lupin started, nearly spilling his drink.

I stiffened, but began to search the cupboards for a mug. "I couldn't sleep," I murmured, almost to reassure myself.

"Neither could I," he said, and quietly handed an empty mug over to me. "Here."

I blinked at it for a moment, before shakily taking it. My fingers tingled as I touched its cold surface, and I bit my lip. Slightly, I gave a nod, and stared now at the counter, trying to remember what I was about to do.

"I made hot chocolate," he whispered, after a moment's silence.

He nodded slowly towards the small pot behind him, and I switched my gaze over to the bubbling concoction.

"I used real chocolate," Lupin said quickly, almost nervously. I looked up at him, and from the look that fell across his face; I knew I must look pretty depressed.

I opened my mouth for a moment, before promptly shutting it. I couldn't believe I was about to ask this. Sighing, I tried again. "Could you just be my friend…for one night?"

Lupin looking down at me, his eyes shockingly understanding. "Of course," he murmured.

I closed my eyes for a second, and I nodded. I let my body fall forward onto Lupin, softly pulling him into an embrace.

He inhaled suddenly, his breath fluttery and unsure. My actions were obviously unexpected. In fact, I hadn't even realized I was about to do that until it was too late. I squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to free my mind of all thoughts. After a moment, I pulled away, looking firmly down at my shoes.

I could feel his eyes on me, and I was dangerously close to glancing up and saying something. Instead, I turned, and tried to exit the kitchen, an awful feeling suddenly settling in my stomach.

"Is that it?" asked Lupin from behind, but his voice was soft, not accusing.

I stopped immediately, letting his words sink in. "I can't do this, Lupin," I said, my tone cold.

Lupin paused for a moment, slowly contemplating the situation. For about a fraction of a second, I wanted to smile. I had loved when he did that. It was so Remus. "I never said that – I never said anything. But you said you needed a friend, for a night. That was barely anything. I'm not tired, and obviously neither are you, if you came down here in the middle of the night. We could…talk."

I slowly willed my body to turn and face him. We stared at each other, lost in our own thoughts, for over a minute. Soundlessly, I made my way over to him, and sat down on the cold linoleum floor.

As a ghost of a smile flickered across his face, he settled in and sat down next to me.

----

"Tonks! Wake up! Now!"

I gasped, and snapped my eyes open. Molly stood in front of me; her hands on my shoulders, and her face a ghastly white.

I blinked a few times, and rubbed my eyes hurriedly, trying to fully awaken myself. As my eyes started to focus normally, I looked around and found that I was on the floor of the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, my back against the counter and my shoulder leaning against Lupin, who was fast asleep beside me.

I let out a tiny squeak, only audible to me, and quickly recoiled from Lupin. I glanced nervously over at Molly, who didn't seem bothered by this at all. She was now desperately trying to wake Lupin.

"Wake up! Remus!" Molly sighed and began shaking him, but – as we all knew – Lupin was an extraordinarily deep sleeper.

Shaking slightly, I bit my tongue and carefully jabbed him in the side with my finger. Immediately he jolted awake and looked wildly around. Molly glanced at me curiously out of the corner of her eyes, and I looked determinedly at the ground.

"Molly? What is it?" Lupin asked carefully, as we tried expertly to avoid eye contact with each other.

Molly was almost hyperventilating now, and Lupin carefully laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There's – there's been a casualty," she stuttered finally, and for the first time I noticed that her cheeks were stained with tears.

I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes for a moment. Please, no one be dead, please, no one be dead…

"Yes?" Lupin prompted, seemingly as calm as ever.

"They've found Bill," she said quietly, her voice low.

My breath caught and my body slumped back against Lupin's. They've found Bill. Was he dead? Alive? Had he been injured? Was his life hanging on the line? A million questions suddenly rushed through my head.

I felt Lupin shift suddenly from beside me and I realized he was trying to get up. I blinked and slowly moved aside, noticing that Molly was no longer here. My eyes as wide as saucers, and my brain rapidly losing all train of thought, I turned to him.

"Where are we going?" I whispered.

He was now on his feet, and was brushing himself on hurriedly. He turned slowly to me, his face solemn. "St. Mungo's," he said nonchalantly, accepting the fact that I had blanked out without another thought.

We rapidly began to walk down the empty halls, an eerie silence undertaking us. As we stumbled into the outside daylight, I soundlessly turned to him. "Is he dead?" I asked lowly.

Lupin tensed and slowly shook his head. "But…he's not doing well."

I nodded quickly and bit my lip hard to prevent it from shaking. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't.

Holding our breath simultaneously, we quickly Apparated to St. Mungo's.

----

We – meaning me, Mad-eye, Hestia and Lupin had been sitting in the waiting room for nearly three hours now. So far, only family had been allowed to see him, and that was big enough as it was.

The Healers said that the chances of him surviving were very slim – he had apparently taken a quite beating. We still didn't know what had happened to him. Molly had said that Charlie had banged open the door to the Burrow at around two o'clock in the morning, carrying an unconscious Bill on his back. He still wouldn't say what had happened exactly. He was completely traumatized by the whole thing.

"Coffee?"

I looked up. Lupin was standing over me, steaming hot cup in hand. I stared at it for a moment, before gingerly taking it from him with a quick nod.

To my shock, he carefully sat down next to me, looking paler then ever.

"He's not going to make it," I said quietly, taking a shaky sip.

Lupin turned to me, looking quite surprised and cross at the same time. "Why ever do you think that? Nymphadora, you –"

"Don't call me that," I said irritably, before I could stop myself. Lupin seemed quite taken aback. He blinked, twice, and settled back down in his chair, a quite unsettling look on his face.

"Bill will make it," he said calmly, after a moment. "He's strong, he's young…"

"He's not that strong," I said sharply, surprising myself by the sudden emotion of my words. "He's been gone for a year! Anything could have happened!"

My breath caught, and I hastily felt my eyes filling with tears. I blinked them harshly away, and looked up at the ceiling, biting my lip to contain it from shaking.

"Nympha – Tonks," said Lupin, his voice firm. Slightly surprised, I turned to him. His soft, brown – and currently determined eyes met mine, and I bit my lip even harder. "You have to hope. Try and think of the positives."

I scowled. "Oh, Merlin, Lupin, stop sounding like a bloody shrink! There are no positives! And isn't it better if we just face the truth?"

Lupin's eyes softened, and I felt bad, if only for a split second. "There is no truth," he said, quietly.

My voice died in my throat and my breath caught. I slumped back against him, and he carefully embraced me. I didn't cry but I tightly hugged him back, so hard I was afraid I was going to suffocate him.

Little did I know, however, three seats away from me, Moody and Hestia were watching our situation carefully, a different expression on each of their faces.

"It's happening all over again," growled Moody, but his voice and face didn't seem quite so gruff this time.

"They're such idiots!" huffed Hestia, her face set in a defined frown. "It just going to end badly again. And I don't see how Tonks will be able handle it, this time."

Moody scowled. "Tonks a strong lass," he said defensively. "She may not be all happy-go-lucky now, but she's still there underneath. She just doesn't want to get hurt again."

Moody cut off, and gave Hestia a sharp look. "That doesn't mean she's weak."

Hestia reddened, but did not back down. "Still – this is not going to end well."

Moody tightened his jaw, and leant back in his chair. "When does anything, anymore?"

----

A/N: Thanks to all the readers and reviewers…hope you're enjoyed it so far without getting -to- depressed. Next chapter might take a little longer to post, as it's proving extremely difficult to write…

Comments? Concerns? Criticism? Review! bd