an: hi guys, it's been a while that i've updated this story because i actually stopped liking it for some time but after rereading it, i fell back in love omg- like it's actually so good. and then my ideas just started sprouting and, well, this chapter is a monster. as always i appreciate reviews and tips so so much, my kofi link is in my author bio! thank you so much and i'm glad to be back with another chapter, i've missed Less Awake.

"Elena,"

Damon mumbled like his mind had also fallen upon that time in the kitchen where he relinquished the cure hesitantly from Bonnie. That night, that moment, was dramatic enough that even if he needed to breathe, he probably would've held his breath.

He was finally given options on the table that would prove to any doubtful onlooker Damon Salvatore was ready for a love with Elena- there was a glaringly obvious correct decision to make, yet without any repercussions, the ball was in his court. He could eenie, meenie minie, mo between the blue pill or the red pill; his happily ever after or Elena's? Naturally, this was the one moment he couldn't count on Bonnie to be her normal Judgey self, she withheld her opinion or any form of advice, disclaiming that the choice was his alone to make.

Boy, oh boy, was he at war with himself but eventually Damon decided to do the noble thing. The Stefan thing.

It was important for him to confirm to himself and everyone else that he'd do anything to make his one true love happy even if that meant jeopardizing his own hopes and dreams. He would have to say adios to his playboy reputation, and devil-may-care good looks, adjust to a compulsion-less world while watching his youth and beauty remove itself from him like a dehydrated grape. It was a fair trade, one that would help him transition from I to we. We took the cure, we started a family, we lived happily ever after. He'd give it all up for her because Damon only recognized love when it left him completely empty.

Reflecting on it, he wish he'd never made the decision to give the cure to Elena since in the end, it only placed them in a deeper shitshow thanks to a certain sociopath.

The whole ordeal made it more appealing to Damon to keep autonomy out of Elena's hands because he knew what was best for her even when she couldn't see it. But it was too late now, the damage was woefully done.

And with all the revelations Bonnie insisted on dropping on his head, he was contemplating why Elena hadn't risen from her untimely coma.

Surely it was maybe two days since he last tortured himself with visiting her, talking to her unconscious form as if she would roll out of her sleep, wipe her eyes and offer him advice on how to be a better person. The most and least she did was maintain a steady breath. However, Bonnie had died, transformed into a succubus and that alone was supposed to break Kai's spell... right?

"Yeah," Bonnie said, looking at Damon curiously. "Where is Elena?"

She was still pretty and at rest, a silent, immovable doll with her brown hair neatly pressed behind her head, her matching brown eyes closed with lashes fanned out. There was a little smile on her lips, it was damning to him how alive she looked like she had just kicked her shoes off from an exhausting hyperactive day, (probably one filled with being chased by villains,) and fell into an extended nap. A nap that awaited her, was eager to become her, was hellbent on swallowing her for a lifeline.

"I don't understand why she isn't awake,"

"Is it so hard to imagine that Kai could've lied?"

Bonnie brushed a stray lash from her cheek, looking down at her friend who was so very far away. A part of her resented Elena for everything she had become because of her insistence on loving and even worse, protecting, two very dangerous men. A piece of her hated being caught up in such a tangled web, one where she was called on for help but had no one to help her. One that traumatically affected her mental health from constantly looking over her shoulder so she didn't fall into death; but yes, it was also important for Bonnie to take some sort of responsibility- there would be nothing to take advantage of if she hadn't constantly offered her ass on the line.

Luckily for her, she had buried her hero complex next to her old white bones, the only thing that was left of old Bonnie, and as she looked at one-half of her friend group, she felt the urge to thank Elena for every decision that led them to this. If it wasn't for all Bonnie experienced, she would never know the depths of her strength. It used to surprise her before she allowed herself to just accept it. She came from a lineage of badasses, it was no wonder she turned out to be one.

She held her friend's hand and gazed at her hopefully, wishing the day that they met again didn't mean her demise. Bonnie hadn't discovered a particular way to kill a succubus but she knew when she was hungry, it felt alarmingly close to starvation- however, she never felt compelled to press that issue any further even if it meant putting her life before someone else's.

New Bonnie didn't deal with that kind of remorse.

Elena's limp grasp in her hand was surreal and even after all the years, she looked like one of those dolls that when stood upright, the eyes would open.

Bonnie could remember the desire to be Elena Gilbert. She'd imagine climbing into her skin at night, waking up with her hair and eyes, so someone would fight for her forever.

People only seemed to care about Bonnie in her dreams, for in reality, the discussion of her wellbeing was never too long. There were bigger problems at hand. And despite her friendship growing closer with Caroline, she never felt comfortable enough to tell her the woes and wiles of her heart, her whims; she'd only shared that with her mind so it could run free, never hit anything solid or be observed from someone else that wasn't her.

That wasn't necessarily true though, Damon maybe freed a thing or two from deep inside of her but only because she never created her loneliness, it was sent to her by someone else and having Damon by her side again and again made her realize that Bonnie was never lonely by choice but by circumstance. And then she liked having him there to listen. Out of all people, Damon freaking Salvatore.

It was odd, and it made her wonder if Caroline never felt threatened by Elena and everything that she was, would Bonnie even be her best friend?

Lost in her thoughts, she almost didn't notice a phantom whispering occurring in her right ear, one that reminded her of erasing pencil markers and brushing it off of college-ruled paper and just like that, the environment began to whisk away.

"Bonnie?"

She knew that voice, but hearing it again made her realize how much she had forgotten about someone who held an axis in her life for such a long time. Too many parties plus too much Nola moonshine had a way of making even the biggest things seem so small.

Elena was in the middle of a green forest, on a white bed and its cloud-like duvet. She was a distance away but her clothes, like the duvet were wedding dress white, and the only other color surrounding her was the spare green leaves that had shed themselves from the surrounding trees.

Dawn was falling on them, dark and deep blue while the humidity of morning dew weighed the air down like a conscious. Her friend's cotton tee sank against her skin, her white cotton shorts held close to her frame.

"Bonnie, is that you?"

She was shell-shocked that she had slipped into Elena's mind so subconsciously, but she was a succubus after all and dreams were her specialty. Everyday she learned something new.

There her friend was, alive, acknowledging her with joy on her face and she could feel her own genuinely mirror that expression. Years of friendship could never just vanish and as much as Bonnie liked to believe her former self was dead and gone, she could feel the tug of something in her heart.

It had been so long since she'd heard her voice, she realized how much of her friend had eroded in her memory like a piece of rock in the ocean. Bonnie only had fragments of Elena left in her mind, memories that couldn't compare to her now, in technicolor, the closest thing to solid flesh and bone.

"Elena,"

She had practically ran off the bed to Bonnie, barefoot and giggling like a silly little girl, arms wide, welcoming, enveloping, squeezing what little life she did have out of her as if Elena herself was the god at the pearly gates of Bonnie's heaven. And just when she was about to hitch a ride back to the real world, Elena remembered that if she could see Bonnie, it meant Bonnie had died.

"What are you- wait are you...?" Elena's words faltered, lip trembled as she shook her head from side to side frantically.

"You can't be...how? You look, you look absolutely amazing, Bon. I don't understand,"

While she went through her spectrum of emotions, Bonnie felt a pull to shut down any hope Elena could have of returning back home and seeing her fairytale ending at her own demise. She wasn't sure exactly how she could access Elena like this but if it meant Bonnie being the bridge between two connecting worlds (again,) she was better off not telling anyone about this little accident.

"I have no idea, Lena," she lied. "one minute I was looking at you resting and the next, I'm here,"

"Wow, Bon, this is actually amazing!" her eyes crinkled at the sides from smiling so wide before she asked, "So you're certain you're okay?"

It was typical to worry, Mystic Falls did that to anyone who stepped foot in it for a few hours. Imagine what it did to someone after a few years.

For the most part, Bonnie was okay. More than okay.

"I pinky promise," their pinkies interlocked before Elena wrapped her arms around her best friend only to hold on to herself.

Bonnie was gone and Elena was alone again.

...

"Bonnie?" Damon was looking down at her with worry lacing his brows together. "What happened?" He was holding her up, as it seemed her aforementioned trip to Elena took a toll on her.

"I'm not sure, I just blacked out." She dabbed at the perspiration on her forehead then held on to Damon for leverage. "I think it's because I'm so hungry."

It wasn't a lie, her visit to Elena had over-exerted her power immensely. That part she would keep to herself. Bonnie didn't want anyone to know that she could access Elena, she no longer needed her life to be tied to someone or something else to feel important and if no one else got the gist, she'd make sure they wouldn't have to. Bonnie was bigger than a pawn so she wouldn't allow herself to be played like one.

"You're hungry again?"

Their eyes locked and if it meant a replay of the night before, he would be deeply pained. Because he'd never ever be able to do that again, not because he didn't want to but because he knew he shouldn't. Playing tight rope on a line that was a few strands from snapping was just too risky, even for him.

However Bon was looking at him expectantly like he would deliver whatever it was she wanted without question.

"Pancakes?"

"As promising as that sounds, I'm not that kind of hungry." She deadpanned. Bonnie released her hold on Damon and separated, allowing space to third-wheel. "I take it you don't want a part two of last night. That's understandable. Elena." She gestured towards Sleeping Beauty.

Damon nodded, before tilting his eyes to the toes of his boots.

"It's okay, I can find someone else if it was too much for you. That's a better idea, anyway. Less messy." She gave a half smile.

He picked his chin back up, plastered a smirk on his face for good measure. "I'm sure an Average Joe would die seeing you tonight."

She gave him a tight smile with those eyes that he realized reminded him of a panther. Or a snake.

"Hmm, wouldn't he?" Bonnie hummed lightly before walking ahead of Damon to go back to the car.

She was giving eyes to Stefan, those cat-like, serpent green eyes right to his brother in front of his face, discreetly but unquestionably and he knew Stefan enough to comprehend his brother's "confusion" for flattery.

The flushed face plus the barks of laughter ruined his cover.

But Damon, Damon was seething.

They returned back to the boardinghouse to find Stefan fixing homemade ricotta with toasted ciabatta bread, a recipe he'd been anticipating recreating. Since his own tastebuds no longer favored human food, Bonnie would be his sous-chef.

Her tone had changed to cute and light and airy as she fawned over Stefan's cooking skills which had the house smelling too homey for Damon's taste. In between their enthralling conversation full of profundity and sagacity, he fought off eye rolls.

"It's been a while since I've cooked for someone. Practically everyone is vampires so I'm realizing now how much I missed it."

"And I'm just glad to be here reaping the benefits," Bonnie smiled fondly, her eyes wide and curious. She dipped a piece of toast in the ricotta and groaned. "Oh my god, Stefan, that is so good."

Damon's drink was bottom up as he downed the bourbon in his glass. His brother was as dense as ever, chatting away with Bon about flavors and scents and a whole bunch of shit she could care less about. Her mind was elsewhere. Obviously.

"You went back with Caroline last night. How is she, by the way?" Damon threw that in to disrupt Bonnie's flirting because it was no secret that Stefan and Caroline had something brewing between them.

"She's good. We're all just happy to have Bonnie here." He replied curtly, Stefan didn't even bother to face Damon, just continued tweaking the recipe with a dab of this, a pinch of that.

Clearly there was trouble in paradise from his tone; how pertinent? Bonnie's smile grew wider. "And I'm just happy to be back."

Damon took note that this Bonnie was clearly not afraid to step on toes. He expected her to show a bit of remorse at the mention of her friend, but she only watched Stefan in a calculated manner with an unveiled interest lingering in her eyes.

Sizing up her prey.

"But enough of me, how are you guys? What'd you do last night?" Stefan asked pointedly.

From Damon's perspective, out of the few redeeming and many terrible aspects of Caroline, the worse ones were rubbing off on him. He rolled his eyes yet again.

"Oh, you know," her eyes directed to Damon, starting with his inseam then trailing up, "our usual fun. We watched The Bodyguard. Ate popcorn. Fell asleep. Of course, he couldn't stop talking about how much he missed me..."

"Yeah, yeah." He gave her a look to stop right there since she seemed to want to continue on.

"We all did miss you a lot. But Damon was inconsolable when you left."

"I'm right here, by the way. In case you didn't happen to see the sexiest man in the room." Damon's thumbs pointed to his chest, he grinned.

Neither Bonnie nor Stefan budged as they continued their conversation about him, without him. "I bet he was. I could tell he had so much bottled up in him. Almost like he was waiting to explode, he just couldn't stop. Talking, that is."

Stefan halted , looked at Damon with a raised brow, as if he just discovered he was there. "Huh." It was an expression to the self and not a question.

After a beat, he resumed placing Bonnie's food on fine China, presenting it aesthetically and delicately while Damon mulled over Bonnie's choice of words, not grasping why she would get Stefan started on jumping to conclusions about what exactly happened while it was only the two of them in a house full of space.

"Thank you so much," With her fingertips brushing his knuckles ever so slightly, Stefan hissed then jerked his hand back as if he had been burned.

"Are you okay?"

His heart sank to his loins suddenly and undeniably with her touch. "Yeah, I'm just gonna head out for a bit. Get some fresh air. Enjoy the ricotta," he sent a pat to his own chest before making a hasty exit.

"When I said Average Joe, I certainly didn't mean my brother." Damon advanced on her to narrow his eyes while she sat quite undisturbed at the counter chewing away at her stupid snack.

"What did you mean then, Damon?"

"I meant someone with a heart that beats, someone actually average. I know Stefan has common features but seriously? And what about Caroline?"

"What about Caroline?"

"You know they have something going."

"Something… but what? And anyway I can be Caroline if I need to." Damon kissed his teeth. "It'll only be a dream for him, Damon. When did you become so uptight? I thought you were the fun one."

"I am the fun one."

Bonnie yawned. "Well, act like it."

Truly, she had no intention of using her powers on Stefan in the slightest; her sights never left Damon, she just knew how to get what she wanted out of him. Unfortunately for Damon, he was someone who lived and loved loudly but the problem with wearing his emotions on his sleeve was that he was easier to read, thus easier to control. And Bonnie was playing him like a fiddle.

"Listen, come to my dreams tonight… but you've got to take it easy."

He was doing this because he was helping a friend who was hungry. He knew what that felt like and god forbid if Bonnie would've offered up a vein all the times he wanted to bite her in the prison world, well, he'd probably still be drunk off of her.

Either that or it was ugly old jealousy rearing its head to say Bonnie should never look in Stefan's direction for fear that she too would see something in his little brother that intrigued her more. Possibly the fact that Stefan didn't heavily rely on his looks and charm to attract the opposite sex but his reserved nature, piercing intellect and proximity to his emotions. Stefan was easy to marry and love forever but Damon was too much of a wreck after a century's worth of intended personal development. Stefan was a good guy; Damon was not, so why would Bonnie like him anyway?

The more he considered it, Bonnie and Stefan were probably more compatible. They were willing to sacrifice everything for everyone they loved. Caroline wasn't like that. Elena wasn't like that, Damon wasn't like that.

Stefan and Bonnie laughing over Italian recipes, sharing the one spaghetti noodle to kiss at the midpoint. She'd forget all about him, their history, and the prison world memories would reduce to a recollection of him leaving her in solitude, failing her again. Stefan would ask if she remembered Damon and the two of them would laugh at his incompetence, but he'd be in that same room, watching them talk about him as if he didn't exist, just like they did earlier. Earlier was only practice.

With an Average Joe, Damon was the number one contender, but against his brother, he had no certainty that Bonnie would come back to him, remaining his best friend without finding all the ways he paled in comparison to his thoughtful and almost perfectly normal baby brother. Stefan was so uncomplicated. Hell, if Elena hadn't sire-bonded with him, the stronghold his brother had on her would still be in tact and Damon was damn near running out of tricks to keep her entertained.

No matter, he wouldn't let Bonnie have a reason to go to Stefan.

She was the only thing left that was his.

.

Elena never had green eyes.

They were always a rich brown; big, wide, they reminded him of the poor deer Stefan would gnaw on for lunch.

He lost his breath when Elena came into his room but instead of her eyes, he saw Bonnie's.

"I wanted to make it easier for you."

Bonnie walking on Elena's legs and using Elena's voice box like it was her own- he didn't know if he should've felt lucky or scared or uncomfortable, he only knew that he didn't want this.

"I'm not even asleep," he mumbled, muted disbelief finally settling in.

"I know, I want you to be awake." Her lithe figure walking toward him, olive skin, straight brown hair. He probably should've thanked her but all he could think about was how badly he didn't want this.

She kissed him, soft and light, hands wrapping around his neck and if his eyes weren't open he would've thought it was her. Blindfolded, if anyone asked him if that was the real Elena that he just kissed, he would've said yes, no hesitation.

"What's wrong?" Bonnie's eyes looking at him on Elena's face. She barely waited for an answer before she splayed her fingertips over his chest and kissed him again, tugging his shirt up and over his head, throwing it to the floor. Then she reached to unzip his pants before he held her wrists.

"I don't want this. I don't want Elena- like this."

"Then who? I can shape shift into anyone."

"I want Bonnie Bennett. I'm helping my best friend, so I want her in her own skin."

When he blinked, she was Bonnie again, brown and green like the earth, the blue tint of moonlight casting a shadow on half of her face.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

He nodded, "of course."

Bonnie, considerably shorter than him claimed his mouth so forcefully he had to sit down at the foot of the bed. He could hear the front door open then close downstairs.

"We have to be quiet, I think Stefan's back." Bonnie said, at a volume that was anything but.

She straddled him before taking his mouth again languidly and sensually, her hand a light grasp at his throat, her tongue drawing circles in his mouth. The blood in Damon's body was rushing so far south that his grip on Bonnie's hips became a little too tight for comfort. She didn't complain though, just bit his lower lip hard enough that blood pricked.

"Mmm," she pulled away to breathe, tilting her head back to savor the taste, "yes."

Damon's lids were low and veiny as he marveled at Bonnie on top of him like this after all these years. His best friend winding her hips into his painful erection. Licking the seal of his bruised lip until it closed right back up. Sometimes he wondered how she would be as a vampire, but this was better.

"I'm so hungry, Damon," she whispered, "your taste-" she smacked her lips together to chase the woody, spicy, sweet flavor of bourbon, and deep brown desire, his father's Amontillado, guilt, fear, pitch black lust, in the midst of it all was a modicum of innocence like a pink and red valentine card with chicken scratch of Do you like Me? Yes or No written on the inside, strawberry lollipop taped to the back weighing it down.

He fisted his hand through her hair with her neck exposed, letting the lullaby of her blood put him in a trance. Eye to eye with his favorite vein, he peppered it in kisses then licked up her neck slowly. Bonnie's breath hitched in her throat, right where his tongue was.

"Please, please." She rushed out.

Damon's canines extended. Bonnie pleading? He could die right now.

They needed to slow down because he was close to losing his fucking mind and he didn't want to hurt her. He felt his gums throbbing almost as much as his dick, almost as much as his head. He didn't understand how he could want her this bad.

Deep breath.

He wrapped his arms around her waist in a hug, to press his ear against her warm chest where her heart beat, the sacred ba-dum, ba-dummed a lot quicker than normal.

Damon wanted her to remember this night. If she ever attempted to get someone else to sate her hunger, she would stop and think twice. Whenever she returned back to New Orleans, he would be near so she'd never ever have to call on anyone else there. He hadn't realized his grip on her shirt had caused her tank top to split down the middle. She shed her pants and the scraps of her top like old skin, then sat back on his lap.

Bonnie in lingerie. His jeans were too tight.

"Why do you look at me like that?" She asked lowly.

Red panties, red bra, all lace, brown nipples pebbling the thin fabric. The seat of her panties darker than the lace at her hip. He brought his eyes back up.

"Like what?"

"Like a puppy dog. You give all the other girls a wicked little smolder and you save the puppy dog eyes for me."

Because he met his match with Bonnie, other girls couldn't keep up with his banter or his wit or his sarcasm or his anger but Bon Bon always kept up, played along, put him in his place. Miss Rebuttal.

There was no one else with her face running around. She was a one of one, carried a strong lineage that she represented well. He'd seen her grow so much, for the better, and he wanted to help her for once since this is something he could do adeptly. He was very sorry for being a dick over the years and he wanted to make it up to her. Be there for her.

Without question, Damon could fuck her into the mattress for however long she thought she could hold up.

And it was all because he was a good friend like that, eager to help.

"It's impossible for me to possess puppy dog eyes." His voice had gone hoarse with restraint. He'd be good for Bonnie. He'd be perfect for Bonnie. Whatever she needed from him, he would deliver. Damon dipped three fingers in her as if he were searching for a reason why she would think otherwise, watching as her brows laced together. Her lips parted in an O.

Bonnie squirmed and moaned too loud out of shock, he sat her down beside him and put his hand over her mouth. Bliss was in his eyes when she rode his fingers, knees to the ceiling, frantically trying to find a release. He removed one, and then another to watch only his middle finger disappear inside of her.

"Damon," she had moved his hand from her mouth, sprawled out before him with her back arching off the bed now, her legs at an obtuse angle as she watched him watch her.

"Shh, Bon Bon." He mumbled, giving her another finger and pressing her clit with his thumb. "Gotta be quiet." His fingertips were wrinkled from her wetness.

Moans were slipping out of her but he was the conductor, his baton yielding directions inside of her.

"Fuck, I can't take it anymore!" She cried out voice octaves higher than he'd ever heard before.

"Yes you can," his thumb rubbing until she convulsed. He put his face between her legs and licked until she went wild, his nose practically inside of her. He had already wrung three orgasms out of her and clearly she wasn't about to stop.

Damon's vision was clouded with dark spots, that's how bad he needed to be inside her, he pulled back and wiped his face, struggling to pull down his jeans with his dick at attention so violently.

"Wait," Bonnie's eyes were globes of light as she admired such a prominent phallus, red and pink like a Valentine's Day card, weighed down like the lollipop on the back. She made a commendable effort to swallow him whole, the delight on Damon's face a painting in her mind as he used his hand to usher her down, down, down the length of his shaft until her cheek touched the v-cut of his hip. Tears pricked her eyes from the pressure and her own arousal while he just watched her with low lids on blue eyed orbs that seemed to float. She couldn't breathe.

Her throat compressed twice before he pulled her head back for air, strings of precum chasing her mouth, a spare tear slipping out of her left eye, her face flushed, her chest heaving.

When his dick bobbed he knew that he had to shut his eyes to regain what little control he had left. "Fuck." He bit out.

She trailed her head back down after taking a deep breath, determined to take all of him in her mouth without any help, using the back of her hands on his thigh to press him closer to her. Bonnie had started to massage his scrotum until he pulled her away from him by her hair, and used every force in his body not to spill a load without even entering her. His knee shuddered with will.

Bonnie smiled.

She sat back, spread her legs and Damon had to move her hand from sliding him inside of her too quickly; he couldn't do quick right now, he had to ease every inch in slowly and strategically or else the party would be over. She groaned when their hips touched, reached over to cup his face, latch eyes with him.

"How does it feel?"

Damon strangled out a moan. It felt snug and wet and dangerous like a snake's throat. He moved inside of her carefully, in and out, never leaving her warmth for too long. He filled her up to the hilt before he picked up speed, eyes on Bonnie's the whole time as she encouraged him to fuck her faster, harder.

"Whatever you want," breezed passed his lips, "oh god, Bonnie, I swear it's whatever you want."

She just kept on releasing orgasm after orgasm, folded up like a pretzel with her legs on his shoulder, but he knew when her thighs quaked she was reaching her last peak.

"Damon, I can't-" she whined for the second time, eyes slick with desire.

"You can and you will." He grunted.

Damon's voice was shaky like the premise of friendship he built with her. The premise that was waiting for him to have her legs up in the air. Desire as white and painful as frostbite.

Bonnie rained down on him, and then he joined her.