He is looking for me

although I do not doubt Qui G'on, I cannot help but be skeptical at the same time. The last time Luke and I spoke was terrible, and he left full of anger and bitterness. Were I in his place, I'm not sure I could ever forgive my part in Padmé's death; and I'm not certain he will either. As for Leia, she knows nothing of that nightmare yet. No doubt such knowledge will only strengthen her convictions that I am nothing but a monster. Perhaps she's right...

I leave Coruscant, not knowing where to go. If Luke is looking for me, then that means he has left the medical frigate as well as the rebel fleet. Where would he go to look for me? I concentrate; feel the power of the Force fill me as I search for my son in the vastness of the galaxy. The connection between us is a powerful one, one that even light years cannot weaken.

In my mind's eye I see my son. He is anxious to find me, determined to do so. I sense his anguish even from this distance, and it grieves me to know that I am responsible for this. Is what Qui'Gon said possible? Is there truly a way that I can undo the hurt I have caused my children? To rebuild all that I have spent a lifetime destroying? If there is, then I shall devote the rest of my life to finding it, for only then will I truly know redemption.

"Shuttle Axion, do you read? Father, are you there?"

I am startled out of my reverie by the communications panel. Relief fills me at the sound of my son's voice.

"Yes, I'm here," I reply.

"Where are you? Why did you leave without a word to anyone?" he asks, the reproach in his voice overshadowed only by the hurt.

"I'm just leaving Coruscant," I tell him, ignoring the second part of his question for now. "You're on your way to Naboo, aren't you?"

Luke is silent for a moment, surprised perhaps that I am able to read his thoughts from so far away. "Yes," he replies at last. "I didn't know where else to go…I was…I was worried about you, Father."

I smile. "No need," I reply. "But thank you."

"Will you meet me there?" he asks. "There's so much I need to ask, so many questions I have. I don't like the way things were left the last time we spoke, and I want to talk to you, I need to talk to you, Father. Will you come to Naboo?"

I frown, the thought of returning to that planet is a painful one; yet I cannot refuse my son this request. He is reaching out to me, and I am lucky that I am being given a second chance, seemingly. "Of course," I reply. "I'll meet you in the main square in Theed. I should be there…" I check my navicomputer, "in 20 hours or so."

"I'll be there sooner," replies Luke. "I'll be waiting for you."

"Very well," I reply. "I'll see you then."

The hum of the hyperdrive engine is soothing, reminding me of happier times in my life. I have always felt at home in deep space.

The ship is in control for now, so I close my eyes and allow myself to drift off into sleep.

I am back on the Death Star in the detention block. The sound of my boots resonates loudly in the narrow corridor, the droid behind me hovering and humming like a giant malevolent insect. I reach my destination, cell 2487. The door slides open and the prisoner within looks up.

She is tiny, clad all in white, not much more than a girl, really; and yet she gives me a look of utter defiance that belies the fear I see in her mind. I speak to her.

"And now, your Highness, we shall discuss the location of your hidden rebel base," I tell her. She is about to offer a curt reply, but at this moment the interrogation droid enters the room, its 15cm long syringe sparkling menacingly in the glare of the overhead lights. The girl cannot hide her terror, her mask of defiance falls as she realizes what is about to happen. I approach her to make sure she doesn't move…

I wake up with a start, the screams of my daughter still echoing in my brain. My hands tremble, the memory of that monstrous episode having left me shaken and ashamed. Is it any wonder she hates me? How could she not? I recall all too vividly holding her captive, physically restraining her so that she was forced to watch the annihilation of her home world of Alderaan. What monstrosity, what utter malevolence… her entire world obliterated just to prove a point. I knew Bail Organa- he was a good man, and the only father she'd ever had. I suppose if I'd had to choose a man to raise my daughter it might have been him; I wonder if I'd have done nearly as good a job had I the chance…

The sound of the warning signal coming from the navi-computer shakes me from my somber reflections. I cut in the sub light engines, as Naboo approaches quickly.

Memories bombard me as I make my landing. Naboo…the most beautiful planet in the galaxy, the planet where I knew pure, utter happiness. I cannot help but wonder if the Jedi Council, in their infinite wisdom, knew how dangerous it was to send Padmé and I off alone. Were they really so short sighted not to realize that we would be drawn to one another? Were they so blind that they did not see the attraction that already existed between us? Obi-Wan knew- how could he not? He knew me better than anyone, he knew how just being around her made my heart race…and yet we were sent here, for weeks, alone in the idyllic isolation of her family's lake home.

I can see her now, standing beside me as she gazes out at the lake…I can smell the sweet scent of her, feel the silkiness of her skin as I trace my finger along her bare back, half expecting her to protest, hoping with all my heart that she would respond to my touch. And she did; we shared our first kiss right there under the bright Naboo sun.

"You are clear to land."

My thoughts are interrupted by the comm.

"Proceed to platform 421."

"Copy that," I respond and make my way to the designated heading.

Theed is crowded as always, the main square congested with beings from all corners of the galaxy. I look up at the palace, remembering the grand celebration that took place here after the Trade Federation had been defeated by the combined forces of the Naboo and the Gungans.

I was a mere boy of 9 at the time, thrown headlong into a major conflict that I really had no understanding of. And yet, somehow I managed to pay a significant role in the outcome, justifying Qui Gon's faith in me. If only his encounter with the mysterious Sith Lord Darth Maul had ended differently...

"Father? Is that really you?"

I am shaken from my reflections by the sound of my son's voice. I turn around to see him standing there. It is good to see him, and I smile.

"Yes Luke, it's me," I tell him. "Don't you recognize me?"

Luke looks at me shaking his head. "You look...so different. Every bit a Jedi."

I look down at myself, remembering suddenly that my son has never seen me this way. "I was fortunate to find these at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant," I explain. "I was also able to construct this," I add, showing him my new lightsaber.

Luke takes if from me and examines it admiringly. He looks up at me. "It's marvelous," he says.

I can see the pride and admiration in his eyes, and it touches my heart. "It's good to see you, son," I tell him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I…I was afraid I never see you again after our last conversation."

My son looks away, uncomfortable at the memory of the last time we spoke.

"It was a lot to process," he says at last. "It was not easy to hear. I just needed some time to sort it all out."

I nod my understanding. "And now that you have?" I ask him. "Where do we go from here?"

"I'd like to visit her grave," replies Luke, looking up at me. "I will never be able to meet her, it's the least I can do."

"Of course," I reply. "I can take you there as soon as you're ready."

Luke seems surprised. "You've been there, then?" he asks. "When?"

"It was a few years after her death," I remember. "It was very difficult…to finally say goodbye to her. I had always harbored a secret hope that Palpatine was wrong about her death; but he wasn't."

Luke nods. "Will you take me to her, Father?"

"Yes Luke," I reply. "Let's go now."