It has been almost twenty years since I came to this place, and yet the sight of it has been burned forever in my memory ever since. I had to create some false reason for going to Naboo, for I knew that my master would never have allowed me to come otherwise. He considered my grief over Padmé's death to be a sign of weakness, and I never spoke of her in his presence after that terrible day…it seems in your anger, you killed her… Self indulgence was how he would describe it – I suppose never having loved anyone, nor even having the ability to do so, would have precluded him from understanding what utter devastation I felt at the loss of my beloved wife.
I can feel my son's anxiety level rising along with my own as we approach the mausoleum where Padmé was laid to rest all those years ago. My throat constricts as I catch sight of the building, and stop at the foot of the steps that lead up to it. Luke stops too, looking above us.
"Is she…is that where she is?" he asks softly.
I nod, not taking my eyes off of the stone and glass edifice. I fight to control my grief, but it is not to be. The tears come, and roll down my face as I relive the horrible moment when I learned of her death. I wonder if the day will ever come when I am able to master the grief, and remember Padmé without also feeling the agony of feeling her loss.
"Come," I tell Luke. We walk up the stairs in silence, with only the sounds of the birds in nearby trees accompanying the sound of our boots on the ancient stone. We reach the wrought iron gate that serves as the entrance to the mausoleum. I stop, summoning my strength. Luke waits at my side, knowing how difficult this is for me, struggling with his own emotions. I push open the gate, and we enter the small enclosure.
It is six sided, with large windows of blue glass on each side. It is so beautiful, so fitting for the one who lies here in eternal rest. In the center of the room is a raised platform, with the coffin atop it. A holographic image of Padmé hovers above the casket, and the sight of it makes us both stop in our tracks.
"She was so beautiful," Luke says softly. I turn to him, remembering that this is the first time he has laid eyes upon his mother's face. The thought of it constricts my throat more, and I can only nod in response. Luke's eyes fill with tears as well as he draws closer to the casket, his eyes not leaving the sight of his mother's image.
"She was…so many things, Luke," I tell him, words escaping me. "Your mother was a remarkable woman in every respect; I've known none others who could compare to her."
Luke merely nods, mesmerized by Padmé's image. "I wish I'd had the chance to meet her," he says quietly as he brushes the tears from his cheek.
I close my eyes as the grief and remorse fill me. "I know," I respond softly. "She'd have been so very proud of you, Luke, and of your sister as well. I…I don't think I will ever stop missing her. You'd think after all these years the pain of her loss would lessen, but it hasn't." I can speak no further, the emotions are too strong, and they silence me, reducing me to utter desolation. I put my hands in my face, trying to master my grief, but it is no use. The pain is just as deep today as it was 22 years ago…and no doubt shall be for the rest of my life. I sit down on one of the marble benches inside the mausoleum, giving in to the sorrow. I don't like my son to see me this way, but I cannot help it; the sight of her face coupled with the knowledge that she is gone forever are too much for me, even now, and I weep bitterly.
Luke sits down beside me. He says nothing, put merely his presence is a comfort to me. For so many years I felt so alone, so empty after her death; but now I have him, and through him, she lives on.
I sense that my son is uneasy, perhaps surprised by my open demonstration of grief. I have to remind myself that until recently Luke has only known me as Darth Vader, a heartless cyborg who showed no emotion but anger to anyone. No doubt he is having difficulty knowing how to relate to the new person that I have become.
"Did my mother have any family?" asks Luke at last.
I look at him and nod. "Yes, besides her parents she had a sister, Sola, and two young nieces."
"Do they live here on Naboo?" he asks.
I stand up. "They did," I reply, my eyes riveted on the holographic image. "I…I don't know if they live here still, or even if they're still alive."
Luke stands up beside me, silent for a moment. I feel his hand upon my shoulder as he silently conveys his support. I look down at him, grateful for his presence. "Come along then," I say at last. "Let's go."
We leave the mausoleum, the sky starting to grow dark as the sun starts its descent. I am chilled by the evening air and pull my cloak around me tighter. My son and I walk along in silence as we exit the cemetery.
"How is your sister?" I ask Luke.
He looks up at me, and I can sense that this is as sensitive topic for him.
"She's fine," he replies. "Busy of course, there's a lot to be done now."
I nod. "Did she…have you spoken to her about our conversation?"
Luke shakes his head. "No," he replies softly. "I haven't. I'm not sure how to tell her…how she'll react."
"I don't think her opinion of me could sink any lower," I comment. "I don't hold much hope that she'll ever accept me, Luke."
"She may come around, Father," he replies, but he doesn't sound too convinced.
I smile at him. "You're an optimist, son," I tell him. "I can't see it happening. There is too much history between us."
"Don't give up hope," says Luke earnestly. "You never know…"
He stops as a group of Naboo security guards approaches us. I frown, sensing the hostility that they feel towards me.
"Anakin Skywalker?" asks one of the officers.
I nod. "Yes, I'm Anakin Skywalker," I tell them. Alarms go off in my mind…how did they know?
"I am placing you under arrest for war crimes."
