Chapter 3

"Alright, so what's the plan now?" Harry asked, after everyone had been permanently restored to consciousness.

"Eat breakfast," Ron said, his stomach growling loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"Then figure out a response to Skeeter's photograph," Hermione finished.

A badly shaken Mrs. Weasley cooked a large breakfast for them, and they ate quickly, anxious to get down to business.

The fireplace suddenly burst into a green flame and Dumbledore fell through, tumbling over his head in an unintentional somersault to end up unceremoniously spread-eagled on his back. Everyone turned to the source of the sound as Dumbledore slowly pulled himself to his feet and brushed himself off. In his hand was a copy of the knockout Daily Prophet.

"I trust you have already seen today's newspaper?" Dumbledore asked, a slight twinkle somehow still in his eyes despite the morning's events.

Everyone else nodded grimly.

"Well, I have been calling members of the Order. It would seem that you are not the only ones to have been knocked unconscious by the paper."

"What happened?" Harry asked, horrified.

"I have received reports that Kingsley, Fred, George, Percy, and Minerva all fainted from disbelief when they first saw the pictures. Fortunately, kind passersby and colleagues revived them."

"How was that picture made?" Ginny asked, still in shock.

"Assuming that the two of you never did what the picture shows you doing," Dumbledore said, "it may be that some of Scrimgeour's people are disguising themselves as you in order to ruin your reputations—and by association, Harry's. What we require is a way to publicize this fact. It is clear that Skeeter cannot be trusted in this regard."

"We could use my father's printing press," Luna suggested. "Print out a lot of flyers, or maybe put it into the next Quibbler. It'll be out in three days."

Meanwhile…

"The picture was very effective," Scrimgeour said, "A few more of those and my victory is assured."

"What's our next step, then? I imagined, perhaps, an actual picture of Potter committing a crime, or doing something otherwise embarrassing," Lucius said.

"That will work fine," Scrimgeour said. "Perhaps…Bellatrix and Rodolphus might be willing to lend their talent as lovers for a second picture. Perhaps a picture of Potter snogging Dumbledore, would provide irrefutable proof of his homosexuality."

"I doubt that can do much more damage," Rodolphus said, "after all, there is little homophobia in wizarding Britain. I believe, though, that as you are a vampire, you will have a distinct appeal to non-human voters. Our strategy should focus on maximizing the turnout of non-human beings, while suppressing the votes of Potter's supporters."

"That is a good strategy," Scrimgeour agreed. "Most of the vampires have already pledged us their support, as have the werewolves. The Goblins, unfortunately, have been requesting monetary compensation for their votes."

"I can arrange the compensation," Lucius said.

"There is one other suggestion I would make," Bellatrix said, "Britain currently has a large excess population of Dementors. Despite their appearance, they are in fact intelligent. The Dark Lord was able to bargain and negotiate with them in a civil manner, and they responded well to rational persuasion. I believe we have a good legal case to classify Dementors as beings, eligible for citizenship. Their presence at ballots would be a great deterrent to human voters, most of which lean towards Potter."

"Yes, we might also see if it is possible to do the same with spirits," Lucius continued, "seeing as most spirits are merely dead humans."

"Unfortunately, many of those spirits were created by the Dark Lord in the two wars," Scrimgeour said. "I believe spirits would be more likely to sympathize with Potter if granted the vote. It would not be wise to do that. However, the Dementor suggestion is excellent. I will contact my legal staff and explore the possibilities of enfranchising Dementors. Lucius, you may contact the Goblins."

Scrimgeour returned by floo to his office. Walking along a long hallway in the Ministry, he stopped at a large room that was divided into several cubicles and entered.

A young man with large, gold-rimmed glasses and yellow hair looked up from his desk.

"Sir?"

"Jack, I have a legal question for you. Does a Dementor qualify as a being?"

"I-I don't know, Minister. We don't really know how smart a Dementor is. It would have to be clever enough to understand the laws of human society. They may be rational creatures, but what we need is a measure of intelligence. If we could communicate with them, perhaps…"

"What about ghosts and spirits?"

"They're just as human as we are, Minister. The difference is that they're dead."

"That's fine. Prepare a legal case opposing the granting of citizenship to spirits. I think we may soon need to argue it."

Meanwhile…

"If Scrimgeour's going to use fabricated photographs of us, we could do the same to him," Hermione said. "I think a picture of Scrimgeour and Fudge snogging would work very well."

"Or Scrimgeour snogging a pig," Ron suggested.

"Ask yourselves this," Dumbledore interrupted, wheezing at the top of his voice, "do you want to sink to Scrimgeour's level? Are you truly willing to use his dishonorable tactics?"

"How else would we win?" Harry responded.

"Defend yourself," Dumbledore said. "Tell everyone that Scrimgeour's people are disguising themselves as you. Should they release any more photographs, people will know not to take them at face value."

"Alright. What else?"

"We might make some advertisements of our own," Ginny said. "Look at this!" She held up the copy of the Daily Prophet, opened to the second page. The entire second and third pages were taken up by one of Scrimgeour's massive advertisements. On the second page, there was a massive mug shot of Scrimgeour, with words at the bottom: SCRIMGEOUR FOR MINISTER OF MAGIC. On the facing page, the advertisement read:

"Rufus Scrimgeour is an excellent Minister of Magic who deserves another term. Scrimgeour has wide experience as an Auror, an administrator (former head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement), and of course as the Minister position. Scrimgeour's accomplishments as Minister make him the clear choice.

Under Scrimgeour's rule:

--Unemployment rates have decreased from 3 percent to virtually nil.

--The greatest Dark Lord in history is now history himself.

--More than 50 Death Eaters have been arrested and convicted.

--The Ministry of Magic runs a balanced budget.

--Hundreds of Aurors have been trained, so Britain is in a strong position against other states.

--Racial discrimination against non-purebloods has been eliminated; half-bloods now hold many important positions in the Ministry.

--No official has dared to accept a bribe during Scrimgeour's tenure.

In addition, Scrimgeour should be re-elected because of the lack of worthy opponents. Scrimgeour's only challenger this year is only 18 years old and has no experience in governing or even a formal occupation. Perhaps someday Harry Potter will be better qualified for the Minister of Magic office. However, Potter's life lies ahead of him. He will have his chance in the future, but this year,

Vote Rufus Scrimgeour for Minister of Magic!

Then, in very fine print at the bottom was another line of text:

(Paid for by Lucius Malfoy)


Review please! Any feedback? (We don't really know how politics works in the Harry Potter universe. I kind of based the stuff on what you'd see in a Muggle political campaign, but changed to reflect the lack of technology.)