Summary: Neji used to hate her, but now he can't stop thinking about her. Is the gap between main house and branch house too large to ever be bridged? (Mild Hyuugacest)
Genre: Romance/Angst
AN: The first three of these stories are quite similar… just exploring a single character's thoughts and feelings about things. While I enjoy writing this type of story, I'll try and bring in some more action in the fourth one… But 4 is coming quite slowly, so it may be a while… the only thing I've decided about it so far is that it will feature our beloved main character, Naruto… with some friends.
Anyway… on with the story! R&R please! Remember: for every time you read and don't review, a puppy gets sick. Think of the puppies! I'd really like some feedback on these ideas.
You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
It was funny the things he remembered about a fight that happened long ago. At the time, the thoughts had barely touched on his conscious mind… he had been watching for her next attack, rather than paying attention to the tiny details. Yet, when he looked back, they stood out so clearly it was really a wonder he had missed them.
Her skin, so soft that it felt as though his hand would slip away when he touched her. Hair, the colour of a midnight sky, or a dark lake highlighted by the tender rays of the moon. Her scent, so delicate, a faint hint of vanilla over the earthy smell imposed upon her by the forest. Her large round eyes looking at him; blank white irises still managing to express clearly her every emotion.
Neji remembered every feature of her startled face as she looked at him in pain, desolation, confusion. She just wanted to change herself! How he had hated her then. How he had wanted to kill her. And he would have, were it not for the Jounin that stepped in. He remembered the fingers on his forehead, the hands on his arm, around his neck, as he looked at her, hatred seething from within. He just wanted to wipe away her false show of strength.
And then there was that strange look on her face as she looked at him, saying that he was the one that was suffering. The anger that had surged through him then… because he had known even then that it was true. Looking back it seemed so bizarre, but then a lot had changed since then. Now he knew it was possible to change. He had seen it with his own eyes, and it had given him hope: something the previous 13 years of his life had been lacking.
Yet he still remembered her haggard breathing as she coughed, standing unevenly on legs that wouldn't quite hold her upright. Her stumbling steps as she moved towards him. The memory made him want to reach out, to catch her, support her. He couldn't believe that he had caused so beautiful and delicate a creature such pain. She had coughed up blood from injuries he had inflicted. He had looked into those soulful silver eyes and seen the suffering that he had caused and a part of him had relished in it.
The person he had become was disgusted with the person he had been. But then his feelings towards her had changed somewhat. Now, when he looked at her, he didn't see the main house brat; he saw her loneliness, her aspirations and the kindness that was her weakness as a ninja but her strength as a human being.
Now, when he looked at her, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and say that he was sorry. But they had never mentioned it since, and he wouldn't be the one to bring it up.
"Neji." Neji turned and saw his uncle standing in the doorway.
"Hiashi-sama," he replied, bowing his head slightly.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes."
Neji followed his uncle to the training area in the middle of the house. He sat down on the step at the edge of the small arena, picking up his sandals from their place on the floor. Suddenly he noticed that they were not alone. Standing, watching him, in the middle of the training ground was Hinata. She was wearing her training clothes, and as he looked at her he couldn't help but think that without her coat she looked taller, less shy, more mature. She stood tall now, her hands by her side, hardly any of her former shyness showing through. It was hard to imagine how much she had changed in the past year.
"Today you will train with Hinata," Hiashi said to Neji, stepping down into the training ground and moving towards his eldest daughter.
"Yes sir," he said quietly, hiding the emotions that hardened in the pit of his stomach. He had been avoiding Hinata for days now… but he had been thinking about her almost constantly. Seeing her standing there, waiting for him to fight her, it brought unwelcome feelings to the forefront of his consciousness. The most he was willing to admit, even to himself, was that he didn't want to fight her.
Once his sandals were on, he stepped into the centre of the training ground and stood facing her. She smiled at him, and it was not the shy smile she had previously occasionally graced him with; the nervous smile that said that she felt uncomfortable around him and didn't really want to be there. She was excited to be training with him.
"Good morning, Neji nii-san," she said, the bright smile still on her face. Neji couldn't help but smile back.
"Good morning, Hinata-sama," he replied.
They paused there for a moment, facing each other. Neji hadn't spoken to her much recently, and he hadn't realised how much she had changed. The way she looked now… he could hardly recognise her. Except that he did recognise her; in his memory of a fiercely determined look on her face as she stood, blood dripping from the corners of her mouth, rising from a blow to tell him that she did not go back on her word. That Hinata was this Hinata, only now it was who she was as opposed to who she was trying to be.
"Begin," Hiashi said. With a nod to his uncle, Neji dropped into the Hyuuga fighting stance. Hinata did the same. Again, he noticed the subtle differences in her from when he had last fought her. Her stance was more sure, her footing secure. She knew exactly what she would be doing with her next movement.
The byakugan activated in two pairs of silver eyes, watching each other. With those eyes, Neji could see the extra layer of confidence within his cousin. Her eyes were focused on him, single-minded, her concentration total. He saw the chakra swirling inside her; stronger than it had been the last time he had faced her like this.
He waited for her to move first, and when she did, he was amazed by the deftness of her leap. Landing beside him on one foot, her other foot span around, aiming a kick at his midsection. As he dodged, jumping aside, she had already twisted around again, her hands pushing towards him, palms open, chakra sizzling around them.
Neji batted one hand away and blocked the other with his forearm, aiming his own attack at her. She blocked in return, pushing his arm away and using his momentum to slip inside his guard. He blanched as her right hand connected with his chest.
For a long moment they stood there. Neji stared at the floor behind her, astonished, remembering a similar instance, with the roles reversed, from their previous fight. The blow had not done him any damage; this was only a training match after all, and they didn't want to injure each other. Yet the fact that she had been able to hit him at all amazed him.
She moved her hand away, standing back. She was frowning.
"Neji nii-san," she said, admonishment in her tone. "Do not go easy on me." He straightened staring at her with a newfound admiration, and he nodded, dropping once more into their fighting stance. How much has she changed? He thought, pushing his weight forward onto his front foot and preparing to strike.
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Why couldn't he get her out of his head? Every time he closed his eyes, she was imprinted on the inside of his eyelids. He could see her standing in front of him, smiling. In some ways he looked exactly the same as she had the first time he had fought her. In others, she looked completely different.
Her newfound self-confidence shone through in the way she held herself, shoulders back, chin up… nothing at all like she used to be, a shy child hiding behind hands and hair. She had been beautiful before, if you looked beyond the shyness. Now she was stunning.
"So," Hiashi said, entering the room where Neji was sitting, drinking the tea that Hinata had made for him after their training match. "Do you think she is ready?" Neji looked up, a frown creasing his brow as he looked at his uncle.
"Ready for what?" he asked. A small smile turned up the corners of his mouth.
"Kurenai wishes to enter her team in the next Chuunin exam." Neji nodded slowly, thinking. He took another sip of his tea as he thought, and his eyes dropped to stare at the table in front of him.
She had changed herself, that was for sure… she was a different person than the one that had entered the exam as a rookie. But was she ready to take it again? Would she pass it this time, with her comrades, or would she fail and lose confidence again? Just the thought of that happening made him terribly sad.
Neji had looked at her in the fight today and seen a whole new side to his cousin, and perhaps this was a side that could look at failures and grow stronger from them.
His mind wandered, and he found himself thinking about the battle in more detail. Why was he still focusing on the tiny details? Her delicious scent brushing close to him, the softness of her hands as they skimmed past his. Trained muscles moving with precision to block, parry, dodge, attack. The way her eyelids snapped open to reveal her strangely expressive silver eyes. Even the vein-like protrusions caused by activating the byakugan seemed beautiful on her. She had a passion, and though she still kept it quietly inside, it was there, and he had seen it. Perhaps he was the only one that had. The thought made him feel special, as if he had shared something with her that no one else could.
Stop it, Neji, you're being stupid, he told himself. He was still staring at the table, barely aware of his uncle, who was still waiting for his answer.
Was she ready? Probably. Did he want her to do it? No. The realisation of it struck him full-force like a blow to the guts. Every time he heard about her going on a mission his heart leapt to his throat, wondering if she would be all right… would she need someone to help her, to protect her? And he would gladly do it: not just out of a sense of duty, because he was branch house and she was main house… he would do it because he wanted her to always be safe. He didn't want those wonderful eyes to ever see pain again.
But he was being selfish. She was main house, and she was out of his reach, forever placed upon a pedestal, behind a barrier he could not surmount. And yet he found himself thinking of her differently… rather than as the main house brat that had caused his caging, he thought of her as a beautiful porcelain statuette that must never be broken.
Perhaps their match today had shattered that image, because it was clear to him now that she could take care of herself. She wouldn't need him to protect her. The porcelain had been glazed in battle-toughened iron. So why did he still want to? He sighed. He knew the answer, though he would never admit it to himself. Because admitting that he loved her would bring nothing except pain.
"Neji?" his uncle said. Neji looked back up at him. His uncle was waiting for an answer. Neji closed his eyes.
He had a sudden image of her, dirty, panting, bleeding… in a fight she couldn't win. He couldn't bear that. But much as he loved her, he had to let her go. She was main house, he was branch house… they were cousins! They were both too close and too far away for anything between them to ever happen. He had to hide his love for her… because even if she might feel the same way, nothing would ever be able to come of it. It was impossible. He had to let her go, and this was the first step.
"I believe that she is ready," he said, with a nod of conviction. Hiashi smiled.
"So do I. She has changed a lot, has she not?" Hiashi didn't notice the far-off look in Neji's eyes, or if he did he did not see what it meant.
"Yes. Yes she has…" he said quietly.
