I'm sorry for the long delay- the day job got in the way, plus a long weekend in Miami…but here it the first of what I managed to scribble down on the plane ride south. Thanks for all those devoted readers who have emailed me to make sure I'm still alive and writing! Enjoy and thanks for hanging in there!
The planet where Padmé has lived in hiding for the past two decades is in the Outer Rim; a small, insignificant world with precious little to attract the attention of the Empire. I am grateful to those who aided her in her escape and subsequent disappearance, for although the pain and loneliness of all those years without her was tremendous, the knowledge that it meant her and our children were safe from Sidious made it worthwhile. And now we will all be together, the family that Padmé and I had always dreamed of. I smile when I imagine the reunion of my children with their mother, whose touch they have not known since they were minutes old. Will she be as happy to see me? I cannot help but wonder if my betrayal of her irrevocably destroyed her love for me. I took everything from her, everything…all for what? Hindsight truly is 20/20, for looking back now the decisions I made, decisions that were agonizingly complex at the time, seem so simple all of a sudden. With age comes wisdom, I know this now; for what I suffered over as a 22 year old seems so obvious now that I am twice that. But none of that matter now, the past is done, and nothing I do will ever change it. What matters now is today and the future, a future I plan to devote to my family, and the healing of the galaxy.
"Not sleeping either I see," says Han as he enters the hold.
"No," I reply. "Too much going on in my head right now for that."
"Yeah, I'm sure," Han returns. He proceeds to the service bay and commences removing a panel from the bulkhead.
"Something amiss?" I ask, walking over to watch him.
He looks over his shoulder at me briefly before returning to his task.
"Uh, no, not really," he replies. "Just trying to improve the efficiency of the transfer circuits. I'm always replacing the damn things."
I nod, considering the problem, happy to have something to occupy my mind for a little while.
"Shorting out?" I ask.
"Yeah," replies Han. "Pain in the butt too, 'cause it ends up screwing up the hyperdrive."
"Of course," I concur. "The motivator is fed by those circuits. Maybe there's too much power running through them, causing them to overload. Let me have a look," I offer.
Han steps back and looks at me. "You sound like you know your stuff, Anakin," he says with a grin.
I shrug as I examine the circuit panel. "I've always had a knack for fixing things," I tell him. "Even as a boy I enjoyed tinkering with mechanical gadgets. Built a podracer when I was 8."
"No kidding," replies Han. "I saw a pod race once. Fastest thing I've ever seen."
I nod. "Yes, very fast, very dangerous. My poor mother hated it when I raced."
"Yeah I bet," he says.
"Hand me that spanner there, will you?" I ask him. He gives it to me and watches me as I proceed to open the casings on the circuits.
"You must have been one hell of a pilot to be able to compete in a race like that. I've never heard of a human pod racing, let alone a kid," he observes.
"Well, I wasn't exactly a typical child," I remind him, handing him the casings one by one.
"No, I guess not," he replies. "Nothing typical about you from what I can tell, Anakin," he adds.
I smile. "I don't know about that," I tell him. "I'm subject to the same fears, the same emotions as everyone else."
Han looks at me for a moment. "You're nervous about seeing your wife again, aren't you?" he observes.
I am startled by his comment, and stop what I'm doing to look at him. "Is it that obvious?"
Han laughs. "Yeah, I'm afraid so."
"I haven't seen her in more than twenty years, Han," I tell him, returning to the task at hand. "I don't know how happy she'll be to see me after all this time."
"Well, it won't be long before you'll know," he points out.
I nod, feeling my stomach tighten another notch. "Yes, very true. It looks to me like these circuits have been fried, Han. Too much power. You need to adjust the power flux. I'm sure if you do that you'll find the circuits will function more efficiently."
Han nods thoughtfully, examining the circuits for himself. "Makes sense," he concurs. "I'll get Chewie to get on that right away. He'll be ticked off that he didn't think of it himself."
I laugh.
"Thanks for the tip," he adds.
"No problem," I reply. "I enjoy getting my hands dirty," I add, replacing the casings.
"Guess you didn't have much chance to do that when you were Vader," he says.
I give him a quick glance over my shoulder. "You'd be surprised," I tell him.
"Really?" he responds in surprise.
"Is that so surprising?"
Han shrugs. "Guess it's kind of hard to picture the Dark Lord of the Sith getting friendly with a hydro spanner."
I laugh. "Well, I did so whenever I had the chance. You'd be surprised how sloppy the Imperial mechanics can be."
"What's wrong now?"
Han and I turn to see Luke standing before us, a steaming mug in each hand.
"Why does everybody assume that something is wrong?" asks Han in exasperation.
"Past experience," replies Luke with a wink in my direction.
I smile, remembering many occasions when the Millennium Falcon had limped its way out of the Imperial grasp.
"Yeah, yeah," mutters Han as he replaces the panel. "Laugh if you want, but this baby has saved your hide more than once, kid."
"Yeah, I know," Luke admits. "Fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy, right?"
"Damn right," replies Han. "Don't you forget it, either." He examines the power output readings, a puzzled look on his face. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish he had 3PO with us. He'd be able to tell me what the hell the Falcon is trying to say."
"3PO?" I repeat. "You don't mean C3PO, do you? Protocol 'droid?"
"Yeah, that's right," replies Han.
"You…know 3PO, Father?" asks Luke.
"I built 3PO, Luke," I tell my son.
"You built him?" Luke responds in astonishment.
"Why?" asks Han.
Luke and I laugh at his exasperated tone.
"I built him to help my mother," I tell them. "Though he wasn't quite finished when I left Tatooine."
"Didn't you leave Tatooine when you were nine years old?" asks Luke.
I nod.
"You built Goldenrod when you were a kid?" asks Han in amazement.
I nod again; amused by the moniker he has given my quirky childhood friend.
"Anakin, you never cease to amaze me," Han says.
Luke smiles at me, and I can see the pride in his eyes. Such a change from the way he looked at me upon our first meeting. Bespin seems like a lifetime ago now, for indeed it was; a different life, a different man. It was there that Anakin Skywalker began his rebirth. The first time I looked into my son's eyes, so very much like my own, was truly the undoing of Darth Vader. It was his love that destroyed him completely.
"I made some caff if you'd like some," offers Luke.
"Thanks kid," replies Han, taking a cup. "I could use some. I'm gonna go wake up Chewie." He wanders off at this point, leaving Luke and I alone.
I sit down at the round metal table, rubbing my eyes as the fatigue of more than one sleepless night hits me.
"You alright?" Luke asks, sitting down with me.
"Just tired," I tell my son.
He nods, watching me closely. "What else?" he asks, setting the second cup before me.
I raise my eyebrows at his question.
"You can't hide anything from me, Father," he says with a smile. "Not anymore."
I smile. "Perhaps not," I reply. I look down at the cup in my hands, at the thin wisp of steam rising slowly from the hot, dark liquid within. "I've just been thinking about your mother, Luke," I tell him. "And wondering how she will react when she sees me again after all this time."
Luke is silent as he considers this.
"I imagine it will be a shock for her," he says at last. "Do you think she knows what happened? How Palpatine is dead? How you've been redeemed from the Dark Side?"
"I doubt it," I reply. "From what I understand, she's lived in isolation all this time."
Luke nods. "Father, why do you suppose she didn't keep Leia and I with her?"
I can feel Luke's pain as he asks me this, and it fills me with fresh guilt.
"I can't answer that, Luke," I tell him. "Though I'm certain it was because of me. Perhaps she felt staying together was too great of a risk, and that it was the only way to ensure yours and Leia's safety."
"I suppose so," Luke replies.
"Believe me, Luke; your mother loved you fiercely. She would have never given you up unless she had no alternative."
"I know," he says quietly. "I guess I just feel such a sense of loss for all the years we were apart, all four of us. It was just so tragic, what happened; so senseless."
I sigh. "It was," I agree. "But I'm determined not to dwell on the past. I vowed that I would devote myself to building a future with my family. I only hope that your mother will accept me."
"From what you've told me about her, Mother loves you a great deal," observes Luke. "That will help her over the shock and the pain of the past. It's what has helped me."
I smile at my son, proud of the mature, wise young man he has become. "I can't wait for her to meet you," I tell him. "Both of you. She will be so proud of you, as I am."
The warning sound of the approaching reversion is heard.
"Looks like we've arrived," Luke observes.
I nod, feeling my anxiety level rise. "Yes, so we have."
Han and Chewbacca appear, followed by Leia.
"You ready for this?" Hans asks me with a grin as he passes on his way to the cockpit.
I nod, a nervous smile pasted on my face. "Ready as I'll ever be."
Han laughs and slaps me on the back. "Relax! Everything's gonna be fine. Trust me."
"Are you worried, Father?" asks Leia.
I nod. "A little."
She smiles and reaches up to put her hands on my shoulders. "We'll be with you all the way," she assures me.
"That's right," chimes in Luke. "You're not alone in this Father."
I smile at my children, loving them both enormously. "I know, and I appreciate it." I take a deep breath. "Well, here we go."
