Sacrifice

And to think I used to be able to get chapters out on a weekly basis. Now it's declined to monthly. Or bi-monthly. As if I thought I couldn't get any worse. X.x

Originally, as I said in the last chapter, I was planning on writing the first scene in Fai-POV, but then it turned into Kuro-tan wannabe POV, which isn't nearly as great as it sounds. So since the writing wasn't working out too well, I revamped and just continued with what I have now. It'll probably stay this way for the rest of the fic.

I have no idea how long this story is going to be (maybe I should outline…), although I'm theorizing maybe three more chapters after this one. I'm also debating whether or not Tomoyo will make not-so-subtle comments on Kurogane's love life, but that's a completely different story. xp

Anywho, sorry about the delay, and thanks everyone for being patient! And of course, many thanks to Cairnsy-san, who makes all of this pretty, oh so pretty. :D Seriously though, everyone send her some gifts or something… without her, this story would be nowhere near as good as it is now. It probably wouldn't be up either, now that I think of it….

And because Cairnsy-san and I have such dirty minds, I've decided to leave out my other note and let you guys figure the rest out on your own. :grin:


"Why the hell am I so stiff?"

The question was met mostly by blank stares as Kurogane entered the dining hall. In fact, the only person who wasn't giving him a strange look was the only person who could answer question, and that only person was too engrossed in stabbing his breakfast with his chopsticks that the inquiry went unnoticed. This, unfortunately, made his dramatic entrance rather less… dramatic, especially since Fai continued to conspicuously ignore him even as he stomped over to the mage. He wasn't sure if Fai was doing this on purpose or not – on one hand, Fai's continuous inability to use chopsticks certainly meant that he had to focus a great deal of concentration on trying to pick up his food, but on the other hand, it would be just like the mage to ignore Kurogane if it meant getting a rise out of him. The ninja, being a cynical and pessimistic sort of fellow, immediately decided that it was the second reason.

So it went without saying that he was annoyed, and rightfully so. Not only had he woken up feeling like he had lost feeling in all parts of his body, but he had woken up alone, and for some reason that was what riled him more than anything else. He shouldn't have felt strange waking up by himself – he had spent too much of his life doing that for it to be anything more than commonplace.

But then again, it had been a while since those days. Even before the kiss, he had become used to the group's presence, and not only Fai. How many nights had he spent with the others, whether that was on the floor, in a camp, or god knows where? He had tried his best to keep them from getting close, but he had obviously not succeeded. This knowledge disturbed more than annoyed him, as it showed he was not quite as impenetrable as he had hoped.

Perhaps it was a combination of this fact and the circumstances to which he had woken up to, or maybe there was something else that was driving him. Whatever it was, he found himself stalking over to the blond and glaring. Glares were difficult to ignore, and it helped that his were of a special variety that nobody could ignore.

Except, apparently, Fai. Because Fai just seemed to enjoy being the exception to everything, which was a strange enough trait considering how he spent so much time smiling in order to be ignored. That 'ignore me, I'm a fool!' 1 worked despite Kurogane's best efforts, and sometimes he would find himself ignoring the blond in exasperation before something would suddenly come back. And by the time he really found himself wondering about that smile that didn't quite reach as far as it could have, Fai would already be gone and it would be too late to bring up a dead topic.

"Oy," he growled, waiting.

And finally, finally, Fai decided to look up at him with a slightly annoyed expression. But the disgruntlement caused by a losing battle against a pair of wooden sticks quickly melted into a smile – a genuine smile, if he was to judge, and Kurogane felt slightly less irritated despite himself.

"Nyaan?"

He resisted the urge to slap his forehead in disgust, but soon he found himself occupied with other things when Mokona finally pulled himself out of the teapot he had gotten stuck in. Kurogane had no idea how any of that had worked in the first place, considering how the white manju bun wasn't exactly the skinniest sort of creature, but he quickly wished that Mokona had conveniently drowned when the magical creature chirped, "Kurogane asked why he was so stiff. I'm not sure why he thinks we would be able to answer that question since we were all here before he came so maybe he injured himself but I guess that means it could be something that Yuuko-san calls a rhetorical question although it seems awfully weird to be a rhetorical question but then again Kurogane is a pretty weird person with the way he's always glaring and threatening Mokona like he thinks that Mokona is the cause of all his problems which Mokona obviously isn't because Mokona is Mokona and Mokona doesn't cause problems at all!"

Fai blinked, looked up at Kurogane, and suddenly his face broke out into a ridiculous grin, "I don't think that topic should be discussed in public, Kuro-pun."

As Sakura and Syaoran both turned delightful shades of pink and Mokona squealed ecstatically – before promptly falling back into the teapot – Kurogane roared, "Why… why… you!"

He couldn't get any farther because next thing he knew, Fai had grabbed him by the fabric of his cape and yanked him down, explaining in a lowered voice, "I know you wanted to be on top, Kuro-mun, but it's not exactly fair you realize. For one thing, you're much heavier than I am, and I am as delicate as a flower! I can't have that much weight on me. Although don't worry… I know it's muscle, not fat." This was accompanied by an exaggerated wink, one that made him twitch.

He sputtered and tried to come up with a witty comeback. All he came up with was, "You!"

"You really should think of other's feelings, you know. I mean, honestly. Do you want this all to be the subject of palace gossip? If I remember correctly, the palace grapevine gets news spread very quickly… even an army couldn't get word of an enemy approaching as fast as gossip gets around the place. And yet you want everyone to know about our private affairs!" Barely pausing to let go of his lover in order to throw himself onto Kurogane, he continued brightly and at an exaggerated volume, "But on the other hand, I guess this means that you love me enough to make this public! Kuro-pipi, I'm so proud of you! I thought we would be stuck hiding in closets forever!"

And again, any witty comments promptly fell over dead as his brain conveniently decided to explode, "You!"

"Kurogane's in denial! Kurogane's in denial!" Mokona supplemented his words with a little dance – how he had managed to get out of the teapot so quickly was beyond Kurogane's current range of thought. Kurogane just cursed and turned around – despite Fai clinging to him – to flick the white manju bun out of the window, through which the fluffy creature went sailing through with a gleeful squeal.

Fai released him in order to watch Mokona's journey through space with lidded amusement before he turned back to Kurogane and asked, "Are you?"

It took him a while to calm down enough to ask, "Am I what?"

"In denial."

"No," he replied through gritted teeth, annoyed that Fai had to ask him that at all. Even if it was joking, which Kurogane wasn't quite sure it was, he didn't want to answer that kind of question. Everything Kurogane did was brutally honest – it was another one of those things that had come to him after living so long in Tomoyo's court. He had seen the nobles play their daily political games, and it had made him all the more determined never to do that sort of thing. It was one of the reasons why he had been so irritated with Fai when they had first met – to him, the blond was just playing another stupid game like the courtiers had all participated in so that they could rise to the position of head lapdog. He had come to accept that Fai wasn't quite doing it on purpose – perhaps it was nothing more than conditioning from living in that sort of life. Maybe there wasn't really any escape from it, if one was deep enough in it. Kurogane himself might have fallen victim to these same games if it wasn't for the fact that they all thought of him as nothing more than a meathead soldier who didn't know the difference between a cutting knife and a sword.

Which, in a way, he could admit to. He knew there was a difference, but they placed too much emphasis on the supposed task of the object. After all, if one was caught in a tight situation with only the butcher's knife, would they really quibble over what the thing was really for? Those nobles would, much to his annoyance. They would demand a sword even if there was none available, and they would rather die then fight with anything less. It was ridiculous, to say the least, and so he was never very concerned with what they wanted to believe in.

Perhaps that was why he was so irritated that Fai had asked him that. Shouldn't the mage know that he wouldn't do something unless he meant it, and if he meant it then he didn't care who knew? Maybe it was just because there was some type of presence about him that seemed to deny romantic notions, but he was human too and he could have his moments. They were – thankfully – short and long in-between, but he did have them.

Despite what everyone wanted to think.

Fai blinked slowly, and he got the impression that Fai had noticed his anger, despite how irrational it was. The blond smiled slowly and said, "That's good."

He growled and didn't say anything as he sat down next to the mage. Fai had already returned his attentions back to his meal, and they ate in several moments of uncomfortable silence. Both Syaoran and Sakura kept looking at them worriedly, and Kurogane couldn't help but notice how similar they acted, as if they were of the same mind despite how she could not remember him.

But the silence couldn't last too much longer, as it wasn't exactly the best situation ever. They were too used to conversation, to the personalities of each other, to be able to relax at such a time. If it had been anyone else, Kurogane would have no problem with just finishing and leaving. He certainly wouldn't think of speaking first, but he could privately wonder when on earth somebody was going to start talking.

"Before you came, Kurogane-san, we were telling Fai-san about how we tried to search for Sakura-hime's feather in the palace," Syaoran suddenly spoke, bringing them back to a decidedly comfortable topic.

"And I'm guessing you weren't lucky enough to have it be here."

The brunet blinked and he stuttered, "Ah… hai."

"That would have been too easy, wouldn't it?" Fai asked brightly as he looked up. Immediately the food that had been so precariously balanced on top of his chopsticks – the mage really had no idea how to use the damned things – slipped off, and the mage pouted. It was an incredibly cute pout, if Kurogane had anything to say about it, but he didn't really. For a few seconds he tried to stab at the rice uselessly before giving up and returning his attention back to the others, shrugging slightly, "Anyhow, we were thinking about going to town to see if Mokona could sense the feather. Well, if Mokona hasn't gone ker-splat, anyway. That really was mean of you, Kuro-rin."

"He deserved it," he replied shortly as he resisted the urge to grab Fai's hands and 'help' him with those chopsticks (1).

"But if Mokona goes ker-splat, then we won't be able to go anywhere anymore."

His mouth automatically opened to say that he wouldn't be going anywhere anyway. But then the words wouldn't come out, leaving him looking like a gaping fish. Fai looked amused by the expression, but not that amused, as if he knew what Kurogane had wanted to say.

He suddenly felt the inexplicable urge to curse, but he was cut off when Syaoran continued.

"So… um… we were wondering if you would be willing to show us around the town, Kurogane-san? I mean, if it is okay with you?"

"Tomoyo-chan said that she could have Souma-san come with us if you were too busy," Sakura supplemented, a worried expression on her face. "I mean, it has been such a long time since you were home, Kurogane-san. If you wanted to have some time to yourself it's fine, really…." Her voice trailed off slightly as she and Syaoran exchanged worried glances. Kurogane took that moment to look at Fai, except it looked like the blond had decided to redirect his attentions back to the use of chopsticks.

He really needed to talk to the mage, especially if this was to continue any further.

"Kurogane-san?"

He blinked and turned to look back at them sharply. "Yes, it's fine. There isn't anyone I need to speak to anyway." Except Tomoyo. And that was less a need to speak to her, rather than a need to wring her neck. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that she'd planned this entire journey she had sent him on for the express purpose of making him more miserable than he already was. Although truth be told, he was under the impression that he should be feeling more… urgently about speaking to her. And yet that desire seemed to have faded slightly over the past several months. It was almost like, he had already waited so long that he could wait a little longer, especially since he needed to calm down a bit more so that he didn't get executed for attempted assassination.

Syaoran smiled, an occurrence that seemed even rarer than when Kurogane decided to feel romantic. Not to be cynical or anything, but the gaki (2) was much too serious. The circumstances warranted it, of course, but sometimes it seemed that Syaoran had stretched his emotions so tight that he was in danger of snapping and having a complete breakdown. One couldn't tell that from the way the teenager carried himself, but there was only so much of this someone could take before they collapsed. It wasn't the same as hiding emotions or anything like that – Kurogane would know that, seeing that the warrior saw it done on the battlefield all the time – but rather trying not have any. That was clearly impossible, and it would hurt him more than anything else in the long run.

"Thank you." The words were spoken so quietly, as if he didn't want Sakura to hear them either. "Although… if the feather isn't in the town, I'm not sure what to do after that. Daidouji-hime was telling us about how the town and palace are the most stable parts of the country, and that there are a lot of areas of potential fighting around. I'd rather avoid that, although we might not have a choice…."

"The feather should be close, Syaoran-kun," Fai smiled reassuringly. "If it wasn't in this vicinity, Mokona would have dropped us somewhere else closer to it. If it isn't in the town, it should be close enough not to cause too much of a trouble." Then he paused and grinned largely. "Besides! I'm sure that with Kuro-wanko here, there shouldn't be any problem whatsoever!"

"Quit it with those stupid nicknames!"

"And when Kuro-pon returns triumphant with the feather, everyone will stand on the streets cheering, "Kuro-pipi! Kuro-tan! Kuro-wan! Kuro-" Fai was practically sparkling with the mental image, causing Kurogane to sweatdrop.

"I said quit it!"

"But Kuro-kuku, it's my sign of my love and adoration. Don't you like my love and adoration? There's no need to be embarrassed of it, honestly… I'll love you no matter what!"

He shook his head, rolling his eyes, "And that's what worries me so much…."

"You don't mean that," Fai pouted.

"You want to bet?"

"How much? Or should I just let you be on top this time?" Fai grinned as Kurogane turned bright red, and the blond reached over to give him a reassuring pet. "I'm only kidding, Kuro-po. But I told you, didn't I?"

He frowned, "Told me what?"

"That I can't sleep on the floor. That's why I slept on top of you – you're much more comfortable than the ground, especially without armor."

Kurogane grunted, turning away from Fai to return to his breakfast. But out of the corner of his eye, he watched their other two companions carefully. Mokona had returned, much to Sakura's delight, and the princess was now playing with the fat bunny. And as for Syaoran… the teen didn't really do anything. He just watched them all, a look of helpless regret and slight anger… anger at himself most likely, if Kurogane was one to judge.

Syaoran didn't… he was not sorry that he had given up his relationship with Sakura if it would save her. But despite that, he could not help but regret that he had to give up something that was so important to him. Sakura, despite the gaps, could continue to live her life in peace without ever knowing what she had lost. He, on the other hand, would carry that burden for the rest of his life, and he had been sharply reminded of that burden through watching the antics of Kurogane and Fai. Because no matter how much they yelled or teased each other, there was an underlying sense of affection – very, very gruff affection, Kurogane knew – that could not be ignored.

It was difficult, wasn't it. To watch something you wanted so much, something you were so close to actually having, and then to lose it forever.

Kurogane was beginning to wonder if he was any different.

He was still wondering about it when Sakura and Syaoran decided that they had finished eating, excusing themselves after arranging to meet the others at the palace gates in order to clean up before their excursion. They took Mokona – who was now soggy from the number of times he had fallen into the teapot – with them, leaving their two older companions to settle into a more than awkward silence. An awkward silence brought on by the fact that without them, Kurogane and Fai couldn't keep hiding behind a smokescreen. Sooner or later they would have to be honest with each other, and he wasn't sure where that would lead them.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

For a few minutes, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of chopsticks tapping against the ceramic bowls. He found himself watching Fai in a not-so-subtle way, but either the mage didn't notice or refused to do so. It turned out that Fai wasn't very good at being subtle either, or maybe he just wasn't anymore. The blond had been walking on eggshells ever since they had gotten to this place, but Kurogane just couldn't bring himself to mention it, especially since it all came back to him. Maybe he was being hypocritical, forcing and expecting everyone to be honest with him when he was having trouble being honest with himself.

He was jerked out of his thoughts when Fai suddenly dropped the chopsticks with a half-feigned pout on his face, "Ah, I give up on these things. How do people manage to use them at all?"

"Same as the way people get used to sleeping on the floor."

"Why would they want to start doing those types of things in the first place though?" Fai sounded truly confused by it, as if disturbed that anyone in their right minds would voluntarily decide to start eating with two sticks.

He shrugged, annoyed that they were being brought into the same round-about conversation that they had gotten entangled in the previous night before drifting to sleep, "Maybe they didn't have a choice. Maybe they just didn't know better."

"Maybe," Fai looked slightly wary of that entire concept before he stood up, a smile decorating his face. "Well, I think I'm going to get ready. I believe I've dropped half my breakfast on these pretty clothes that Daidouji-hime lent us, and I better go change."

It didn't take a genius to see that the outfit was conspicuously free of any stains, but Kurogane recognized an excuse when he heard one. So he said nothing when the mage left, leaving him alone to his breakfast and thoughts.

Like that morning when he had woken up alone, the sudden isolation from the others was a strange feeling. And the thoughts he was beginning to have were equally strange, mainly because they had been there for so long and he had yet to really entertain them. But considering how Fai was beginning to seem very uncomfortable just by being in the same room as him, he realized that they really couldn't keep playing this game.

Because… it wasn't really fair to Fai to keep avoiding the topic of what was going to happen after they found Sakura's feather. They all deserved to know, but Fai needed to know the most. Kurogane couldn't keep pretending that everything was going to be fine, which he hadn't really been doing exactly. But by not approaching the situation honestly, he supposed he was sending a strange kind of mixed message to the blond that couldn't be good for anyone's mental health.

But the knowledge that he was going to be staying behind – that he had to stay behind because this was where he belonged – combined with the realization of how much he was giving up by doing so, was making him hesitate. He couldn't really do that anymore, and he really should have brought it up earlier rather than allowing his own emotions get in the way first.

Still….

He was going to have to talk to Fai. Tell him the truth, and they would see where it went from there. He wasn't sure how Fai would take it, but he wasn't sure how he would take it either if the roles were reversed. All he really knew was that this time, he would not allow the mage to change the topic, just because it was something that neither of them wanted to talk about.

Just because he was going to have to give something up in order to keep his life and everything he knew didn't mean he could keep avoiding the subject.

And that made him wonder. Could he, in any sense of the word, give up that thing he had never thought he would want, and still manage to live with himself?

Was he any different from Syaoran?


Perhaps he wasn't.

Kurogane had… he had never been very good at letting go of things. It was one of the things that had come from trying not to care – it inevitably made him closer to the few things that he chose to worry about. Fai, the two kids, and even Mokona had come to deserve that concern, and that was what made it so much more difficult to get the words out of his mouth after he had stopped Fai.

It was a public street, but with everyone's attention on Sakura – who, missing memories or not, knew how to light up an entire town and catch everyone's smile – it wasn't too difficult to blend in. Or maybe he just ignored all of it because Kurogane was just not the type of person who could blend in with his towering height and angry eyes. Fai's lazy smile made everyone look right through him, but Kurogane was too blatant, too open to be avoided. It wasn't a naïve honesty like Sakura had, but rather an angry, unavoidable truth that nobody really liked to see.

"Was there something you wanted to talk about, Kuro-mun?"

There were many things he wanted – no, needed to talk about, but he wasn't sure where to start.

Fai seemed to notice that he was struggling with the words, and the blond turned his head slightly to look at the others. Despite the mission they were on, Sakura had pulled Syaoran and Mokona into one of the stores to look at the tiny pet dragons they sold, and as they disappeared from view Kurogane realized that if they were to get anywhere, he would have to speak quickly and carefully. But while talking fast was easy for Kurogane, being careful wasn't, and this didn't seem to be the time to act blunt. It might cut through the smokescreens more quickly, but as strained as things were right now, he was certain it wasn't the best approach.

"Yeah."

"Oh?" Fai looked almost amused by how uncomfortable the warrior was becoming. "Is this about this morning?"

"No." The word felt so dry in his mouth, and although he knew that he desperately needed to say more, it wouldn't come out. He couldn't tell if this sudden tongue-tied feeling was because of any vague romantic feelings he might have, or if he was simply unwilling to admit that he was going to betray them so easily.

Because, in the end, that was what he was doing. Even if he had never promised to see this journey through, even though he had flat-out said that his only concern was to get back to his Japan, he still felt like he was abandoning them. And that was something Kurogane had never done in his life to anyone because the only people who got his loyalty were the ones who deserved it, and perhaps they were also the ones who just needed it most.

Like… Fai. That empty smile. How many times had he promised to himself that he was going to do something about that nonsensical grin that meant absolutely nothing? Kurogane had always believed that Fai would eventually snap if the blond was allowed to act the way he did, actively trying to feel something that he didn't. It was different from trying not to feel something – in a way, it seemed more painful to witness because not only was something being hidden, but emotions were being so mercilessly impersonated. Nobody could smile like that while holding everything in and not eventually break down in the process. Before he had come to… love Fai (he still had trouble admitting it, especially to himself), he had always expected some sort of perverse satisfaction from that inevitability, an almost 'I told you so' reaction that would allow him to pull the wizard apart and put him back together… properly, finally. Not with all those gaping holes that seemed so transparent that after a while, Fai didn't really seem like a person of his own anymore.

Of course Kurogane worried about the kid and the princess too, but not as much as he worried about Fai. It was almost like… although they were younger and more in need of protection, they didn't have those missing pieces. Certainly, Sakura was missing her memories, but they were still people in their own right – just with memory gaps. Fai, Kurogane was certain, still had all his memories, but it was almost like he had so many of them that they were just breaking him down into nothing.

He would have liked to say that he was noticing a marked improvement in Fai ever since their relationship started, but that would be a lie. Under different circumstances, that might have come true, but then they had returned here. And while Kurogane had nothing against returning to his home, the resulting change he had seen in the blond was something he didn't know how to handle. It was as if Fai knew what he was thinking, and had taken steps to protect himself from the inevitable betrayal.

"I wonder if Mokona will find the feather quickly," Fai suddenly interrupted, blue eyes looking slightly distant as the mage watched their younger companions emerge from the shop. "Although, I guess that wouldn't be a very good thing."

Kurogane nearly jumped out of his skin, but he settled instead for growling, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Fai looked at him, an empty smile on his face, "Well, when he finds the feather, that means we'll have to leave, doesn't it?"

There. There it was. If he had any doubts that Fai knew what he was thinking, this had certainly dispelled those delusions. The mage was forcing him to confront the topic; in fact, he not only had to confront it but do it with the blond as his witness, and there was no clever way for him to escape. No un-clever way to escape either, if he thought of it. He was trapped, and like any prisoner with an expert interrogator, he talked.

"I'm staying."

The mage's expression never changed, and he was careful not to let his either. But when Fai said nothing, he felt that was an invitation – no, a demand – to continue, "I've paid the Dimension Witch's price, and she's paid her share. My entire goal in this endeavor was to return here, and now that it's fulfilled, I will stay."

A part of him wanted Fai to reject that explanation. Another part of him wanted the blond to try and get more information. All of him wanted some sign that Fai cared, none of him wanted what he got.

"Oh."

He nearly hit his forehead in disgust at that response. "Oh? I'm trying to tell you something important!"

"Oh. Let me try again then." A pause, a smile, and an attempt at a teasing tone. Both failed horribly. "Thank you for telling me?"

For a wild moment, Kurogane wondered if this was a dream. This had to be a dream – no sane person would act like this. Except Fai wasn't exactly a sane person, a fact he had yelled over and over again, and this couldn't be a dream. He felt much too angry for this to be a figment of his imagination.

"Oh? Thank you? Is that all you can say!"

Fai frowned slightly, as if under the impression that Kurogane was acting silly, "Is that all I can say, Kurogane? What else do you want me to say?"

"Well, you can ask why, for one thing!" He didn't know why he was freaking out so much about this, except perhaps because he was feeling guilty about ripping out another piece of the mage and leaving another gaping hole. And the fact that Fai was just taking it, as if there was nothing that could be done about the situation.

But there was nothing that could be done, was there? He had already decided, hadn't he? And nothing Fai could say or do would change that, if he believed his own convictions.

"You already said why. This was what you wanted, right? From the very beginning."

Fai knew. Fai had always known. And he had just been lying to himself to think that the mage was acting funny because of… something else. He had hoped, sort of, that it wasn't him. Hoped because he didn't want to know that he had hurt Fai again after all the effort they both had taken into healing him, and didn't hope because this was a sign that Fai cared deeply for him too. The two conflicting emotions were definitely making him uncomfortable, but it didn't stop the anger.

"So is that it? Just… just knowing that means you're going to walk away from what we have?"

"That's what you're doing, isn't it?"

Damn. He had opened himself to that one – he knew he had opened himself to that one. And worst off, Fai was right. In a way.

"I can't ask you to give up your place because of me," the blond continued slowly. Meticulously. "I can't ask you to change your mind."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because in a relationship, there has to be sacrifices for the greater good," Fai replied monotonously, sounding very much like he was reciting something out of a book, or a well-known proverb, although it sure wasn't anything Kurogane had ever heard of. "If you're happier being here, I shouldn't take that away from you."

By this point, he could only gape, in complete disbelief of what was being said. Suddenly, he felt very much like yelling and shaking Fai, demanding to know exactly what Ashura had done to him to screw him up so badly.

He managed not to do that, if only because he didn't think Fai would appreciate his secrets being spewed out in public just because he was halfway to having a temper tantrum. But he did take the mage by the shoulders, ignoring the slight flinch as – in an unexpected and certainly unusual display of public affection – he suddenly pulled the blond close.

"I don't want to give you up," he growled lowly, almost offended that his lover would think such a thing, or have come to accept it at all. "I don't want to have to sacrifice you."

Fai said nothing, although he could have sworn that the mage seemed to lean more deeply into his semi-embrace. As if he was desperate to believe those words, and did so despite himself.

Perhaps it was that gentle leaning in, that rash love, that caused him to say those next words. The words he had contemplated before, although he had never been sure how serious he was.

"I want you to stay here with me."

A slight shudder as Fai looked up at him, a sad smile on his face. "I hoped you wouldn't ask me that."

He didn't have time to respond to that when Syaoran suddenly interrupted them, causing them to jump apart. The brat himself was nowhere in sight, but his voice carried over all too well from beyond the street corner. "Kurogane-san! Fai-san! Mokona said that he sensed something but it's fading fast… we have to hurry!"

"We'll be right there, Syaoran-kun!" It was hard to notice the slightly higher pitch and near crack in the voice, but Fai was good at what he did and Kurogane didn't have time to catch his hand before the blond had sprinted away, as if trying to escape the ghost of what he had left behind all over again.


Commentary:

(1) Not that it would have worked anyway. I speak from experience – despite the fact that yes, I am Chinese, I am embarrassingly useless when it comes to chopsticks. My dear, sweet roomie (no sarcasm, of course!) tried to teach me the last time we had Japanese, even grabbing my hand and trying to curve the fingers correctly. Needless to say, we'll be at it again the next time we go out to eat. :pitiful sigh:

(2) Gaki – kid, brat. And I happen to think it's absolutely brilliant that both Touya and Kurogane call Syaoran that… XD I don't know why it amuses me so much, but it does. Bwa!

And in the next chapter, Kuro-tan and Fai have an argument – ah, I mean, 'discussion', Syaoran comes one step closer to finding Sakura's feather (I hope), and Mokona attempts to eat the palace out of house and home.

There were about sixteen original versions before I ended up writing it this way. Originally none of the conversation in the second half of the chapter was supposed to take place until the next chapter, but I was having problems and this is what came out. Cairnsy-san helped me iron things out for the transition, as the rather abrupt change of plans kinda messed up the flow, so maybe that's why it took a lot longer than the last time to write. :sheepish grin: An excuse, I know. But I apologize ahead of time for how long the next chapter will take… going home and playing on my PS2, that I am.

Anyhow, since this one took so long to be posted, I think I'm going to discuss my updating a bit. I tend to write in bursts, such as no writing for about a week before suddenly spitting out a chapter in one night. In this case, I wrote the first half one night and the second half in one night too… those two nights just happened to be very long in-between. So I can't guarantee when chapters will be up anymore. But if it's of any help, I whine quite pitifully about my progress (or lack thereof) in my livejournal, so if you want to know how a chapter is coming along, feel free to check it out… although you'll have to wade through rantings on college and whatnot. Also, lately I've been jumping between this category and Final Fantasy VII, something I don't usually do because it slows me down, but I love both categories so I apologize for that delay. :P

XD And how has everyone been enjoying the Tsubasa anime? I'm not quite happy with it yet. I feel the characters are much flatter than their manga counterparts and the animation annoys me. I love the opening and closing songs though – so prettyful. :grin:

Again, the long thank you section. I would just go back to a big paragraph or answer only some except I'd feel bad. But we move on! (trills badly) I move on…

Etrangere – Well, unfortunately I have no idea how to get RG Veda… X.x;; Also, it might be hard to believe, but I'm extremely squeamish around violence, so I wasn't sure if I could handle the violence. I think that next time I go to the Japanese bookstore, I might ask my friend to help me out in looking for it, but I first want to find translations for it. I don't suppose you know of any place for that…? (imploring eyes)

Christina – Thank you! Fai's a bit of an oddball… I can't tell if he's hard or easy to write. I guess I'm writing him from Kuro-tan's POV so it's not as big a deal right now, but we'll see!

StormySkys – It has to be addicting. I'm buttering you all up so that when I write a novel, I can have people who will be willing to buy it. XP Just kidding! Anyhow, I also hope I do (or rather did) the next chapter in Fai's POV. He's feeling very neglected.

Sailor Comet – It's Li. XP And I like Syaoran and Sakura! They're too cute together… and incidentally enough, don't try to read up on Souma. I've butchered her horribly because I know nothing about her, and I still feel vaguely guilty about it. XP

Ranma Higurashi – Wah! I'll do my best!

Ali-san-san – Vhat is this The Sphere? Is it a movie? That involves evil tentacles? God, the dirty things I can think of when that phrase came up, but I managed to restrain myself (although Cairnsy-san didn't restrain herself with the sword comments… xX).

Varkias – I think Syaoran might have had one line… (goes back to check) yep! One line! But you're right in that I tend to neglect the characters who aren't the main characters. Souma and Tomoyo are lucky, but Syaoran and Sakura will probably remain neglected throughout the story. I think I'll just tie them together and see if they can find love that way. XP

Youkoforever – Thank you!

nightxXxshade – Ooh, volume 5's a cutie… well, the cover is anyway. XP It's Fai! He's so cute… I really want to draw the cover of volume 5, but if I do I'd probably try to draw all of it (background included), and that would lead to… seething frothing moments of doom. XP So I'm going to avoid it for a while. But volume 5's a good volume… I really enjoyed that one, and it was the last ones I got because they were sold out of it when I went to buy it.

Arteme – if you are attempting to make my head explode from praise, I must say you're doing an excellent job. But mind you, if it explodes too well, it'll be difficult collecting all the different pieces to eat. XP Just kidding! Anyhow, thanks! This coupling seriously is THE crack. I haven't been able to write much of anything else ever since I got… drawn into the madness. Both the characters are so amazing and there's so much depth you can get from them, and it's disturbingly fun trying to extract every amount of emotion and thought process you can from them. Ah yes, now we all know I have no life. But still! It is so amazingly fun, and hey, I enjoy your drabbles! I never review them :grimace: which I sincerely apologize for, but they manage to get a lot into a few lines, and that is very impressive.

alyssa – I shall I shall I shall do my best. :)

Wallpaper – Thanks! Yeah, I'm really worried that it'll get extremely dark… which normally I wouldn't mind, but this story just started off much too brightly for something like that to happen. Maybe in a different story, but not this one. :)

Invader Nicole – Yeah, I'm a bit slow with chapters. Used to be a lot better, as anyone in the YGO fandom can tell you, but as of late I'm just so out of it that it's harder to write. On the up side, I think I'm improving. :)

skwid – yeah, it's a small section… but there's a lot of good stuff here. :) Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. XD

Hakudoshi-chan – no, not the last chapter. I'm just really slow… x.x

The Wonderful Baka Neko – Thank you! Character interaction is something I've been trying to work on… sometimes I focus too much on a couple characters and completely neglect the rest, but I guess this means I'm getting a tad better… :)

ebooeboo – That is a very odd name. Where did you get it:curious:

sami – Yeah, I know it's not done. I've just been busy, unfortunately….

Leu-chan – Wah, thank you! Considering how there are so many Kurogane x Fai fics, that's quite a compliment:blush:

bobbyneko – Well, this is an exceptionally cute couple… I can just squish them. :pinches Kurogane's cheek and nearly gets her hand ripped off: Ahh!

deathzero5 – :accidentally drops an octopus on you. Just because. XP:

stressbeertje – hands you a tissue Don't weep! The fun's just getting started:D (is chased away by Kuro-kan waving his sword… and again, no not that one!)

Until next time!

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