Sacrifice

Err, sorry this chapter took so long. I was swamped between finals, work, and an extreme obsession with Final Fantasy (both playing the games and writing fanfiction!), and I was having a lot of trouble deciding how I wanted to start this chapter.

I finally have some idea of how this story will play out, thanks to a little bit of outlining, but it's still a bit sketchy. There will be at least three chapters after this one – possibly four slightly shorter ones depending on how flow works. This particular chapter progresses things for quite a bit for several characters, and hopefully has many things actually happen.

I also dutifully note that the official way of spelling Fai's name is 'Fay', and promptly proceed it ignore it for the rest of this story (and possibly for the rest of my life, depending on my mood). I apologize for that if you're a purist, but to be honest I just don't like the look of it. I'll try to start using it in future stories, but not this one. Especially since I keep mentally trying to rhyme it with 'way', which is incredibly annoying.

Anyhow, many thanks to Cairnsy-san, who not only gives me the confidence and inspiration to keep on writing but manages to twist my very innocent statements into sexual innuendoes. XD What would I do without her to keep me sane?

Enjoy!


"Syaoran-kun…."

He turned to look at her, surprised by her abrupt shift in mood. It seemed like only seconds ago that she had pulled him into this shop to admire the silk flowers, but now she simply looked… tense. As if what she wanted to say was something she was not sure he would want to hear.

In an attempt to reassure her, he smiled, "Yes, hime?"

"I… you…" she looked absolutely flustered, as if unsure of how to continue, but determination forced her to press on nevertheless, "you… you don't have to do this for me."

He must have let something show on his face because she immediately blushed and held up her hands, shaking her head vigorously, "No! No, I didn't mean it like that! I mean… I really appreciate… I mean… I'm… I'm really glad that Syaoran-kun would do this for me. Because it is my memories, and I should be the one doing it. But you… you don't care. You and Fai-san and Kurogane-san and Mokona-chan… all of you still do it anyway. And I… I wanted to let you know how much it meant to me."

"Hime…" he started, but she suddenly leaned close to him. In fact, she brought her face mere millimeters from his face, and for a moment he remembered this. He remembered the way she had hugged him, the way she had huffed at him, the way she had told him to call her 'Sakura' instead of princess. It seemed so long ago, those simple days when she had promised.

That thing… that thing I wanted to tell you. I'll tell you next time we meet, okay? I'll definitely say it. So just wait for me, okay?

When she had woken up, a part of him had hoped that… perhaps it would be the time. But he had sold their relationship to the Time Witch in order to save the person he loved, and she would never tell him what she had planned on saying. It pained him to remember that, and although he would give it up all over again if her life demanded it, it would never stop the ache he felt when he looked at her and remembered the way she had looked at him and asked.

… who are you?

Green eyes peered into his, "I know… I know I don't remember very much. I know that I don't remember you from before we started looking for my memories. But Syaoran-kun…."

For a moment she looked like she was going to run away, as if the words that she needed to say were just so much that she could not bear to. But suddenly they spilled out in a desperate rush, as she practically cried out, "I know that if you cared enough about me to do this for me, you wouldn't have had to be so polite. You wouldn't have called me 'hime'. You… you would have… you would have called me by my name. And just my name." (1)

Before he could even think to protest, she abruptly turned away from him but not before he could see the flaming red that had enveloped her cheeks. And he could only stare at her, one hand slowly moving over to rest on her shoulder in a comforting gesture almost on its own volition.

But he did not have time to do so, or to say what he felt needed to be said when Mokona chose that moment to suddenly jump into his arms, eyes open in victory of the find.

"The feather! Sakura's feather is close by!"


Sakura was not going to be very pleased when she found out that she had fallen asleep again, Syaoran reflected grimly as the princess suddenly fell back into Fai's awaiting arms. It was all terribly convenient, to be truthful, but he chose to say nothing as he watched the mage smile fondly down at the girl. He also chose not to say anything about that strange smile, which did not seem to be as sincere as it had been at breakfast. In fact, even then it had not seemed nearly as real since their stay at the hotel in the previous world, almost as if the blond was now being haunted by something that made smiling impossible. He would have asked about it if he didn't think that the blond would just evade it, and although Syaoran was more patient than most people, he just couldn't stomach the casual ignorance Fai seemed to display when people tried to concern themselves with his affairs. Sometimes he thought it would be easier to just not bother, but at the same time he could not help but think about it.

A part of him wondered how badly the mage must have been hurt in order to make him this way. He supposed he might have ended up the same under different circumstances; for example, if he had never met his adoptive father, or his majesty and the high priest, or most certainly….

"Poor Sakura-chan," Fai murmured as he braced himself slightly to support her weight. "It's been so long since she fell asleep like this, but it seems like she may have over-exerted herself today."

"We should take her back," Kurogane grunted from behind, striding towards them with a neutral expression on his face. Of course, neutral for Kurogane was grumpy for anyone else, but there was no need to comment on that. Even if the swordsman was getting better when it came to controlling his temper, his patience still did not extend too far when it came to personal insults. Unless they came from Fai. Because Fai could get away with almost anything these days, except for those few that that really mattered.

Fai looked over at Kurogane with a slightly surprised look, "But we're so close to finding the feather. It might be better if just one of us takes her back while the other two take Mokona and keep looking."

Kurogane said nothing in response to that although his eyes narrowed slightly, but that seemed to quickly fade as a questioning look was thrown at Syaoran. Whether or not that really was his intentions, the mage immediately shook his head – much to Kurogane's frustration, which he expressed by a rolling of the eyes and a soft, impatient grunt.

"No, no, Kuro-pi. Syaoran-kun needs to go with Mokona to find the feather; after all, this is most important to him, isn't it? I'll take Sakura-chan back to the palace, and you can go with Syaoran-kun."

Before Kurogane could argue or Syaoran could even think about hesitantly asking exactly what was going on – because something was obviously going on between the two if Kurogane wanted to keep them together and Fai did not – the mage had turned to Mokona, admonishing him teasingly, "You take good care of them, you hear? The two doggies need somebody to make sure that they don't end up chasing their tails the entire time!"

"Will you stop it with the dog analogies!" Kurogane barked angrily. Fai just turned to grin dopily at him, but the smile didn't seem to reach as far as it could. And while Syaoran knew he could only know about Fai what the mage was willing to tell, he had eyes and he could tell that something was bothering him. The same could be applied to Kurogane – the warrior seemed more short-tempered than he usually was, and while it didn't seem to make much of a difference to most people, it was still blaringly obvious.

A part of him wanted to speak up, to ask his two older friends if something was the matter. But the rest of him seemed to realize that whatever was going on between the two of them was really their own business, and if he was wise – or just interested in his own survival enough to want to keep his mind intact – he would stay out of their way. It didn't make him feel much better though, even if it was the logical course to take. Both Fai and Kurogane always tried to help him out in their odd ways, but now when it was his turn, he couldn't get the words out of his mouth.

"You're acting like a big doggy right now, Kuro-ku."

"Stop calling me by those stupid nicknames! Doesn't this ever get old with you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Fai looked like he might have liked to glomp Kurogane right then and there in the busy street, but luckily Sakura was occupying the mage's arms so no innocent bystanders would be suddenly traumatized. Kurogane just gave another annoyed grunt and looked away, and Syaoran watched as the goofy smile immediately slid off Fai's face.

It only did so for a split-second, and then Fai was turning to Syaoran with a strained smile, "Well, you two should hurry and find Sakura's feather while Mokona can still sense it. Hopefully Sakura-chan will be awake by the time we get back to the palace and then she can wait your triumphant return!"

"… yes," he replied slowly as he looked from one man to the other. Fai was beaming down at him while Kurogane was glaring daggers at the back of the blond's head. It was then that Syaoran decided that really, he could not just leave this alone anymore, and he blurted out, "Is there something I can do for you two?"

Fai didn't even blink, "Now why would you ask that, Syaoran-kun?"

Kurogane said nothing either although he continued to watch the scene unfold. Syaoran could not help but feel the beginnings of a flush crawl up on his cheeks, and the feeling that the two were deliberately trying to patronize him in order to deter him from asking any more questions. But he couldn't let this pass; it would not be fair to him or to his two friends, and he didn't want them to be… like this if he could do anything about it.

"Because you two are acting oddly. I don't know what is going on, but after all the times you've helped me, don't you think I should be allowed to help you too?" He spoke quickly and he seemed to turn a bit red at the thought of speaking to them so openly, but it was something that needed to be done.

Both continued to stare at him as if he had suddenly sprouted another head. When Fai finally opened his mouth to speak, Kurogane interrupted gruffly.

"No. You already have enough to worry about. There's no need for you to worry about our problems too, especially if there's nothing you can do about them. You should just concentrate on finding Sakura's memories."

Syaoran suddenly wondered would Kurogane would say if he had told the warrior that, but managed to bite his tongue when Fai looked over at his lover.

"Besides, it is not as if Kuro-tan is going to be…" Fai's voice trialed off upon a glare from Kurogane, which he returned with a tight smile. "Well, it's true."

"Do you have to tell the entire world?"

"Don't you think he has a right to know?"

Fai was obviously baiting him, but Kurogane didn't know how to let it go. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

"You didn't have any problem with that a few minutes ago."

"Ano…." Syaoran tried to interject, but the two ignored him.

Kurogane was starting to look quite ready to kill, "That was different and you know it."

The mage did not look at all disturbed by this fact, "And how is that, Kuro-mun? Because you say so?"

"If you were going to say that Kurogane-san is staying here, I already know."

Silence.

He let out a soft sigh of relief at having averted a full-blown argument from interrupting. The two never seemed to argue, not about anything important – or at least Fai never seemed capable of losing his temper long enough to let one happen – but that didn't mean it would not happen. In fact, judging by the spectacle he had just witnessed, he had become very close to seeing one blow up right in their face.

All things considered, he knew that he never wanted to see that again.

Syaoran couldn't be sure what was happening, but perhaps he was not supposed to. Different worlds aside, his two companions were very unique people as well. Both had experienced things that he would never come close to, and as a result become more closeted. Fai hid it beneath the smiles and jokes while Kurogane just never opened up, but despite the barriers they placed around themselves he always saw them as something more. And he had watched them become something even more to each other in the process, although neither seemed to acknowledge it until just recently. Which perhaps was why he found their current behaviors more disturbing than everything else combined.

But now that he had their attention, his brow furrowed slightly as he looked over his two companions, trying to figure out the right words to say. "It's just that… Kurogane-san always said he was doing this to get back to his home. I know how important a home is because no matter where you go, the people aren't going to be the same. They're not going to be the people you know. It's like all those different worlds we've been to… we've met people we knew in our worlds, but they were different. And this is Kurogane-san's world. I can't ask him to give it up and continue on with us after he's already accomplished what he has set out to do."

Kurogane said nothing, and neither did Fai, but Syaoran felt almost obligated to continue on regardless. And for a moment, he could hear Sakura again, smiling at him shyly as she told him.

I… I really appreciate… I mean… I'm… I'm really glad that Syaoran-kun would do this for me. Because it is my memories, and I should be the one doing it. But you… you don't care. You and Fai-san and Kurogane-san and Mokona-chan… all of you still do it anyway. And I… I wanted to let you know how much it meant to me. (2)

"I… I need to thank you, Kurogane-san."

Kurogane raised an eyebrow and Fai smiled indulgently, but Syaoran ignored both their reactions as he went on, "You've been teaching me how to fight and to… to be a better person. You didn't have to do that; you weren't obligated to help us at all. But you did, and I must thank you for that since we won't have much time left together."

"You shouldn't thank me for something you would have done on your own," Kurogane replied harshly, but despite the callous tone, Syaoran smiled slightly as he recognized the warrior's unconventional way of accepting the thanks. After a moment, Kurogane muttered, "Besides, it's not like I had anything better to do."

Fai grinned and smacked Kurogane on the back, "Aww! Kuro-pipi is so modest!"

This quickly brought the ninja back to reality, "Shut up, you psycho mage!"

"Now that really isn't very nice. But we all know that you're just a big softie deep inside, right?" The statement was emphasized by a casual poke to the stomach. "Right here, underneath all this fat."

"Fat!"

"There's no need to be embarrassed of it."

"Of fat?"

"That wasn't what I was talking about."

Kurogane looked like he didn't quite get it, and Fai looked like he wasn't quite ready to explain it. Or perhaps, he just didn't want to.

"Kurogane-san… Fai-san…" Syaoran's soft voice quickly brought them both back to reality. "I would appreciate it if you both took Sakura back to the palace. I will go on with Mokona alone."

They both looked rather taken aback by the request, and suddenly Fai broke out into an embarrassed smile, "Neh, Syaoran-kun. Really, it'll be no bother if Kuro-pupu comes with you… I mean, this is going to be the last time you two will be able to do this and…" He gave the ninja a sickly grin, waiting for him to continue.

"It's too dangerous," Kurogane finally – and reluctantly – grunted. "This isn't like the other worlds. In the palace it might be safe, but the town is prone to demon attacks and we have enough wannabe assassins to make this search the last thing you will ever do."

"I… I know that. Otherwise, I don't think you would ever have gotten to be so strong." Syaoran smiled almost sheepishly as he continued, "But I think this time, I need to do this on my own. Because you're not going to be here for me anymore, and I'll have to do it on my own anyway. And if I can't do it now, I won't be able to do it later either. I won't be able to help Sakura the way she needs me to help her. I need to prove that I can take care of her my own."

"You don't need to prove anything to anyone, Syaoran-kun."

He shook his head in a polite rebuttal of that statement, "No. I need to prove it to myself. Sakura is the most important person to me. And although I can never be her most important person now, I will still protect her to the best of my abilities. But right now, I need to know that the best of my abilities is enough; otherwise, this might all end up in failure."

There was a moment of silence, and then the blond suddenly placed a hand on his shoulder. Not on his head, but on his shoulder, and the gentle expression graced Fai's face made him look much younger than he seemed when weighted with the burden of whatever it was that he was running away from.

"With a heart as strong as yours, you're not going to fail."

"That's what Mokona thinks too!" the white manjuu bun suddenly piped up – or screamed was more like it – causing Syaoran to smile as he petted Mokona on the head. The magical creature crooned and nuzzled his cheek, which was certainly a strange display for the rest of the town to witness.

"Arigatou, Mokona. Arigatou, Fai-san." He smiled slightly before turning to the final member of their party, the one who was the harshest on each and every one of them. "Do you think you will be fine with it too?"

Kurogane caught his eyes, red meeting brown. Finally, the ninja turned away with a dark huff, muttering gruffly, "I don't think I have much of a choice." Quickly he proceed to busy himself by picking Sakura up, and without turning around to look back, he snapped, "Just make sure you don't get yourself killed, you hear? I'd never hear the end of it from Tomoyo and Souma for leaving you alone, and I have enough problems without having those two harpies screeching into my ears."

Syaoran could not help but grin as Fai waved and followed after Kurogane, leaving him and Mokona to their own devices.

"I won't."

I have too much to live for.


They walked in relative quiet back to the palace, if you could count the inane song Fai was singing as 'quiet'. Granted, he wasn't singing very loudly, but it was distracting because it was Fai. Which was a completely immature way of looking at it, but Kurogane had long ago given up on trying to be mature when it came to the mage. Maturity was just something that wouldn't work, so there wasn't any point in that.

However, despite how annoying it was starting to become, Kurogane did not want to bring their prior discussion up because he knew they would inevitably end up making a scene – as they had nearly done just a few moments ago – and the mage seemed content to leave it at that too. And although he really should have just asked, a part of him did not want to face whatever decision Fai had made. If the man had even made a decision yet, which knowing Fai was… well, it was really quite impossible to tell.

This too, annoyed him. But everything annoyed him at the moment, not the least the stupid song that was quickly getting itself stuck in his head.

If it was anybody else, he could have ignored it. If it was anybody else….

Stupid Fai singing a stupid song with his stupid nice voice.

Finally, he could just not contain himself anymore as he turned to the blond, "Exactly what are you singing?"

Fai immediately stopped and blinked at him, "Hmm?"

He would have smacked his head in frustration if he wasn't carrying Sakura. It had occurred to him before that the mage could be fairly absent-minded, but like any sane person he had assumed that Fai knew what he was doing. He couldn't be too sure about that anymore.

"That song. The one you were singing… what the hell is it?"

"That?" For a moment Fai looked terribly confused, and then it must have dawned on him as he smiled distantly, "Oh…."

Kurogane raised an eyebrow as he prodded, "Oh, what?"

Fai shrugged, "It's just a song that he used to sing to help me fall asleep. I was very prone to nightmares when I was a child, you know."

You still are, he thought silently but did not voice it. Instead, he continued to dig deeper, "Who? Your father?"

"No," was the quick response, one that was much too quick. "Not my father."

"Who then?"

He was starting to become frustrated by the run around that Fai was playing with him. It should have been expected, and although he had already accepted it, that didn't change the way he felt about it. He wanted it to be to the point because for him, he knew that would be the point where Fai trusted him enough. The fact that they had yet to get there made him wonder exactly how far along their relationship they were, even though they hadn't been together for very long. But they had known each other and been through so much together that he thought they would be able to avoid that barrier, but it seemed that the blond simply had too many demons for it to be that simple.

"Somebody I cared for very much."

It didn't take a genius to figure out exactly who Fai was talking about, and he gave the mage an icy look even though he felt anything but cool towards that revelation, "You mean Ashura."

Fai just smiled. "That would be telling."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"That means it was something in the past, and I would prefer it if it stays there," was the amicable reply, but the smile that accompanied it was more strained. Obviously, whatever it was demanded not to be spoken of, but considering how Fai was pretty much the one who had brought it to his attention in the first place, Kurogane didn't think it was quite fair to let it drop.

"If you want it to stay in the past, why do you still sing that song?" he asked lowly. A part of him wanted to just scream it, but enough of him respected Fai to keep it between them even if he thought it was not best to just stay there. He wasn't the only person who depended on the mage after all, even if Fai preferred to ignore that fact. "Why do you keep dropping these subtle hints on your past if you don't want anyone to know about it?"

Was it just his way of seeking out attention? Was it his way of calling out for help? Kurogane wanted to ask all of these things, but barely managed to bite his tongue because he wasn't quite sure if the questions even needed to be asked. Besides, the last thing he wanted to do was scare Fai and end up with no answers at all, although considering how few answers he was getting now, it might not have made much of a difference.

The blond shook his head, "It's not as easy as that." Blue eyes lifted finally to catch his. "I don't… I don't know if things will stay the same."

He raised an eyebrow, unsure of the implications of what Fai was trying to say. But despite that, he needed to know. Not for the sake of simply knowing, but for the sake of belief.

Belief that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't quite as immune to those romantic ideals as he had hoped for.

"I want you to trust me."

Fai's light blue eyes widened, and for a wild moment, he wished he could just grab those words and cram them back into his mouth. Which was completely uncharacteristic because usually he was the type of person who would say what was on his mind and to hell with it, but something about the mage made him hesitate at crucial moments. It made him want something like trust, which was something he had never truly experienced before this journey.

Nobody had ever trusted him before. Nobody had ever needed to. He was – still was, if he was truthful with himself – a killer, and the most trust people could usually get from him was the promise that he would not kill them in their sleep, if only because he didn't think it was honorable to cause bloodshed when nobody could fight back. But the brat and the princess trusted so easily, without any demands for favors returned. They'd had no reason to trust him, especially a person who had killed as many as him, but they did. Regardless.

He couldn't… he could not expect that from Fai. He could not reasonably expect that from anyone. The fact that he did, in a way, scared him because it seemed to be asking for too much. He knew that he could not trust Fai until he understood what was happening, and he had no right to want something that he could not give himself. But that didn't change that more than anything, he wanted Fai to be able to say what was on his mind rather than to hide behind all these games. The subtle hints, the chilling smile, the flinch of a person who could no longer distinguish between the touch of an enemy and a lover. Maybe Kurogane didn't know about love or romance or even trust, but he knew that it shouldn't be like this. Not… really.

And as for Fai, he couldn't really tell what the mage was thinking. He didn't look… he didn't look all too pleased by the revelation. Perhaps scared, more than anything.

Kurogane could only wonder why.

"Why have you been trying to avoid me?"

It was something he had just noticed. Because now, free of the annoyance he often felt, he could actually stop to think about why Fai acted the way he did. Or rather, he could notice the way Fai acted and try to contemplate it, but mostly he just came up with a big blank. Fai was Fai, mysterious and incomprehensible, and Kurogane had come to realize that if he wanted to figure anything out then he wouldn't be able to do it on his own.

That certainly wasn't something he would want to admit out loud anytime soon. He had long ago decided that the only person he could depend on was himself, and while he was fairly certain that he would never put his life in Fai's watch, he was apparently fine with putting his emotional sanity in the hands of a man who seemed only days away from having the mental breakdown of the century.

And speaking of mental breakdowns, said person was currently giving him an odd look, "Now why would you think something like that?"

He had thought it was fairly obvious but… "Because you keep trying to get away from me. Because you looked unhappy when the brat asked to go alone. Because right now you're acting as if you don't want to talk to me." He took in a deep breath before continuing, his words becoming more fast and angry as he went on. "What the hell is up with you? Is this about what I asked you? Do you need more time to make your decision? Is that what this is all about?"

"No, I do not need more time."

The easy rebuttal made him pause as he looked over the mage suspiciously, "Then why are you avoiding the subject?"

"Because I know you won't like the answer."

And for the first time in his life, Kurogane really felt fear. Strange that it took something like this to make him scared, but he had never allowed himself to feel such a thing when it came to facing down the world.

"You've already decided not to stay, haven't you?"

Fai immediately turned away to look at the palace gates looming closer with every step as he said quietly, "Somebody needs to make sure that Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan will be okay."

Kurogane had heard a lot of excuses but this was one definitely one of the worst, and he couldn't decide if he felt anger, frustration, or horror as he practically rasped, "That's bullshit. You're still just running away from your problems."

The fact that Fai said nothing to contradict his accusation made him feel decidedly ill, but not as much as it made his anger leap. He'd never had a very good temper, and the way Fai so casually accepted these weaknesses – no, they could not even be labeled weaknesses, as they seemed to be on a level completely separate from something as simple as a weakness – was something he could never accept.

"How the hell could you just accept that?" he roared. It was amazing that Sakura didn't wake up from the ruckus, and it was equally amazing that he didn't just accidentally drop the poor girl as he resisted the urge to grab Fai by the shoulders and attempt to shake some sense into him. Although considering how damnedly indifferent the mage was, it probably wouldn't manage to do any good no matter how he tried. He'd probably just stand there and take it, for kami's sake, and the frustration multiplied by twofold. Again. "How the hell could you just… you think running away from this Ashura character is going to help you at all? Do you really think that you can keep doing that? Are you just going to spend the rest of your life going from world to world just because you can't face a single man? He's a man, not a damned god!"

"Kuro-tan…" Fai half-whispered, but he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear that stupid nickname that Fai had given him just to distract him from the real thing.

"Stop calling me that! Stop trying to pretend that nothing is wrong when everything about you is just a lie. Is this how you've always been or is this something you do just to piss me off? I don't understand you, Fai. I can't. I can't understand how anybody could give up their life just because of one person. I can't understand how you could give up everything you had because you're afraid of this Ashura character! And you just keep doing it over and over again, even though you've finally found something that you could have come to trust again. But because of him, you're ready to give all of it up. Because of him, you're even willing to put the two kids in danger! Did you stop to think of them? Maybe they'll be safer if they go on their own rather than having you with them, which puts them in danger of this nutcase that you're apparently so scared of! And what can you do for them anyway? You won't use your magic, and if you can't worry about your own life how can you protect them either? How can you-"

"I loved him."

He could only stare at Fai for a moment in shock. He had, of course, always known that Ashura had been important to Fai, but he had never been sure in exactly what way. King and mage, ruler and subject… perhaps he had never wanted to believe that they could be anything more than close friends. Perhaps he had never wanted to believe that Fai could love someone who had caused him so much pain, that any person could be stupid enough to allow such a thing to happen.

"What…?" For a moment he could only stare, but the answering silence finally made him explode. "How the… how the hell could you love somebody like that? After everything he did to you! Look at you! You can't do anything on your own! You don't care about your own life! How is it that you could say something like that after what he's done? Why!"

"Stop it, Kurogane."

Kurogane flinched slightly at the voice, but he didn't turn around as he growled, "What do you want, Tomoyo?"

He could practically feel sparks flying from his princess's bodyguard, "You will treat the princess with proper respect, Kurogane!"

"Oh shut up, Souma," he ground out through gritted teeth, although that didn't last long when his fellow ninja suddenly grabbed him by the ear and pulled him back viciously. Souma could be quite violent when she wanted to, and even in the presence of Tomoyo she never hesitated to use her strength when it came to reprimanding him. It was a source of constant annoyance for him, but he was under the impression that she knew that all too well and it was why she continued to do it over and over again.

None of that, however, annoyed him nearly as much as the way Fai immediately moved away from him, as if he couldn't get far away enough in time. He might have commented on it if the others had not been around, which in a way said more about him than it did about anything else.

Of course, he might have said something about it if Souma hadn't interrupted, as Souma was a particularly vile woman who was always trying to get in his way. But then again, it might have just been denial, which was certainly something he was not used to.

"You wish to say that again?" she threatened as she tugged on his ear. He glared daggers at her, just knowing that if Sakura hadn't been occupying his arms at the moment, he would have either pulled his sword on her or tried for a more direct method. Like strangling her. If wouldn't be that difficult, really.

Unfortunately, Sakura was in his arms and no matter how easygoing Tomoyo was, he somehow doubted she would let him get away with murder. Besides, all of this was just a distraction from the real problem. He would know that all too well if he could calm himself down to think it all through.

But for Kurogane, temper had always taken precedence over common sense, and it wasn't until the raven-haired princess laid a gentle hand on his arm that he could enough of the anger slip away to quell his sudden hatred for his friend.

"That's enough."

She didn't say anything else. She didn't need to say anything else, and all of them knew that. There was something about Tomoyo, the way she let everyone know what she was thinking without really having to say it. It might have been the royalty or it might have been the quiet disappointment that would follow if someone didn't listen to her. He couldn't really tell, but it wasn't exactly something he had tried to analyze.

He had spent enough time trying to analyze Fai, and considering where it had gotten him, maybe it was best if he stopped while he was still alive.

"I think we'll be fine from here, Fai-san." The sudden statement drew three looks of dazed surprise, and Tomoyo beamed at them all. "Kurogane, you know where Sakura-chan's room is. I think it would be best if you and Souma took her there."

The warrior immediately turned his glance to Fai, who looked as confused as the rest of them. However, Tomoyo noticed the glance and let out a soft chuckle that sounded more evil than anything else.

"Oh no, Fai-san and I have something to discuss." Before anyone could protest – if anyone was brave enough to do so – she had taken Fai by the hands. "I have this outfit that I think would look absolutely brilliant on you if I can get it fitted right! You'll help me, right? Kurogane is so mean… he won't let me put him in anything, even though I could make him look so much better."

It was amazing how Tomoyo could always pose questions in ways that made people know there was only one answer. And as Fai nodded weakly, the manipulative freak let go of his hands in order to clap enthusiastically. "Well! Since that's settled, let's be off!"

With that, she immediately turned to walk through the elaborate palace gates, Fai quick on her heels. Kurogane watched them go, and felt the slightest pang of disappointment when the mage didn't turn to say good-bye. It was something he should have expected, but it was also something he would continue to hope for no matter the circumstances.

"You're lucky hime-sama and I were here when we were," Souma's sharp voice suddenly interrupted his reverie, and he turned back to scowl at her. She easily matched his scowl and continued, "If you had gone any further, you could have said good-bye to any relationship between the two of you."

"I didn't ask you for your opinion," he snapped as he shifted Sakura's sleeping form slightly before stepping past her. He hoped she would get the message but she followed him.

"I didn't wait for you to ask, did I? Why did you have to say those things to him? Don't you know how much it hurts to be accused like that, especially after he told you what you've been wanting to hear?"

He almost stopped at her words, and it was only now that the anger had finally started to calm down to leave him with the guilt of reflection that he realized how disturbingly right he was. Considering his reaction, it was no wonder why Fai had refused to tell him these things before. Hell, with the blond being so damned perceptive, he had probably expected this type of reaction, and Kurogane had certainly not failed to match up to those expectations.

"I just don't understand him."

It sounded almost pitiful, but it was the most truth he could deal with at the moment. He kept walking, confident that Souma would follow him because right now she was the only person who could help him put everything into perspective.

"What do you mean by that?"

He shrugged, trying to ignore the defeat that danced in his words. "He won't stay."

A silence followed this proclamation, and he stopped to turn and look at Souma who had stopped dead in her tracks. The expression on her face seemed to be a mix of surprise and annoyance, and he glared at her, "Well? Spit it out already."

She let out a soft breath, shaking her head as she gave him a look that might have been pity if anybody could have felt pity for someone like him, "You shouldn't have asked him to stay here with you. That wasn't fair."

"What's not fair?" he snapped. "Are you trying to tell me that it wasn't fair of me to force him to make up his god damned mind for once in his life?"

"No," she replied sharply, and now he could tell that it was pity. "What I'm trying to tell you is that it wasn't fair of you to force him to make the decision of keeping this relationship together. You're the one who wants to stay in this world – you never gave him that choice. And now you're trying to make him decide for you.

"You're forcing him to make your decision, and that just isn't fair."


Commentary:

(1) I don't know if this is pushing the loss of their relationship a bit too far, and if Sakura should have forgotten all of this the instant she told him that. But I guess I feel a little sorry for them since I've been neglecting the pair so much in this fanfic, and I thought they deserved a little fluff. :)

(2) Yeah, because I'm sure you've already forgotten this passage even though it's only been one page….

And in the next chapter, we meet the current owner of the feather, Fai attempts to escape from Tomoyo's strange fashion sense, and Kurogane discovers how hard acceptance really is.

I apologize profusely for how long this chapter took. Really, it shouldn't have taken me this long to write it, and I feel bad for making everyone wait this long. I'm hoping the next chapter will not take as long but I'm not holding my breath – I'm out of commission for two weeks because I'm going on a trip to Taiwan, and shortly after that I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled which is bound to make my coherence drop to the negatives. So I'm hoping I can get the next chapter out within two months, but I'm not making any guarantees.

In other news, I've decided to write the prequel and sequel to this story. I know it's a bit early to be thinking about these things, but actually both stories are something that have been bothering me for quite some time – one of them, in fact, was started before this story. The prequel will detail Fai's life in Celes, and the sequel will contain the ever infamous Ashura x Fai x Kurogane triangle that is bound to make my head hurt even more (and everyone else's too…).

Until next time (which hopefully will not be four months later…)!

PM

Thank you's again! XD I apologize if I miss anyone, and I had to cut down these notes because they were just getting so long….

deathzero5 – Although now that I think of it, this might be octopus abuse. I mean, the poor octopus. It just wants to live too… wants to live to see the next day… and all that… yes. Yeah. Ignore me, my brain's just nonfunctioning.

Feirdra – I think we love him because he is a messed up character, but maybe that's just me. XD I'm a sucker for angsty characters that I can torment mercilessly, and Fai just about takes the case for being angsty yet… cute, cuddly, and all-around adorable.

eFooeFoo – wow. That's a crapload of questions. I'll answer them, but it's going to be messy… Here is your Syaoran x Sakura. I don't know Kuro-pu's last name, but I don't think it'll show up. Kurogane's on top because Fai's more flexible (I made that up). Kuro-Kuro does not look like a lego man in his armor. I say this because I don't want to be stabbed by said lego man. My favorite foods are our home-made lasagna, fried noodles, and popcorn. Mokona scares me at times, but he's a scream. Love him. Actually, I've had longer reviews, sadly. I prefer Cookies and Cream ice cream – it's my favorite. And I guess you're right that there aren't too many Kuro x Fai fics, but there are really good ones. I think if you two worked together, we'll need to hire a cleaning crew to wash off the blood from the ground. What site is this? Yes, I love Fai's hair. I think you did mention that you love this story. I have yet to witness lunch food mutating to that extreme, but the food at the cafetaria is getting pretty close. Yes, I am in college – I'm a sophomore at Berkeley. Kurogane will meet Ashura, but not in this story. Unless you mean the manga. For the manga, I'm caught up with the most recent chapters. For the anime, hate it. I don't love food to death – my roomie thinks I'm anorexic. I'm really not. I do love Kuro-chan, but not to death. That I save for Vincent from FFVII because that man practically is dead. No Fai-why POV in this story. I try to imagine the characters doing those actions. If I can't see it, I don't write it. I refer a lot to the manga to keep people straight. As for music, I listen to a lot of Japanese pop-soft rock-anime, but as of late I'm stuck on the Final Fantasy soundtracks. Whoo, that was long! I hope I didn't miss anything! And thanks for explaining your name! XD

Shinoko Minako – Wow. You really made me blush. :) Thank you for your review… it's always really nice when someone reviews like that because it's really inspiring. All reviews are nice, of course, but that was one was the kind that really makes you want to keep writing. It make sme want to apologize profusely for slacking or writing different things :laugh:. But seriously, thanks. XP Although I'm not quite sure how I'm intriguing… besides the fact that I'm slightly psychotic. Not sure how to publish this either… XD I somehow don't think CLAMP would be willing to lend me their characters to make any money off of them.

Mizu – I can kinda use chopsticks, just not properly. Drives my mom nutters.

Sahara Storm – A part of me is really happy that you reviewed so much later than I posted because I feel less guilt about taking so long to update after you took the time to write such a nice review. Thank you!

And thank you's to the other readers and reviewers too: The Wonderful Baka Neko, Taigaa-Gina, Hakudoshi-chan, Sei Kou Ki, bobbyneko, skwid, Sakura-chan, Ranma Higurashi, Wallpaper, Psycho X, MonkeyGurL, La Varla-chan, Iridescent Twilight, Naoko Tasaki, Jill Rocca, rebellion2fate, Shaniane, Rathrahk: Rahkshi of Yaoi, Lilymon, and Fay. :)