Sacrifice

In this chapter, I do two things. One is that I introduce the twit who currently has the feather. If you recognize him, kudos to you. If not, I guarantee that he is not an OC – he is a character from a different CLAMP series who I happen to like very much, even if I wish that he would just expire quickly. That's not the sort of attitude you want to have towards your favorite character, but he doesn't really inspire warm and fuzzy feelings either….

The second thing is that I make gratuitous use of chibi Kurogane's parentals. I'm not detailing his past because CLAMP is finally getting to that on their own, but I will make a few assumptions on his parents. It's funny, but before chapter 92, I never really thought about him as having parents. Strange, ne?

Speaking of chapters, I've been following the manga and as of chapter 96, it seems reasonably consistent. In that, this does mean spoilers. This entire fanfic has been rather spoiler-filled since the beginning, but I thought I should make a double warning of it this time around. :)

And beyond all that, a not-so-obligatory thanks to Cairnsy-san, who always manages to send me into little squeaks of happiness with her helpful comments. Sankyuu!


He did not know how long he had stood there before he felt another person's presence coming towards him. It might have been longer than he thought, for he had found himself standing here almost by accident. Before, Kurogane had always avoided this building simply because of the memories it gave him, and they were not ones that he was particularly fond of. But it was a quiet place to think, and right now he needed to do that more than anything.

Arms crossed, eyes forward, he did not bother to turn around as he heard soft footsteps approaching, instead saying simply, "I promised to protect them. But I never did."

"You were young." He could almost feel Tomoyo's gentle smile, a concept that really did not make much sense, but he had never bothered to question it.

In response, he simply snorted, keeping his vision trained on the bell that took up the bulk of the small shrine. He did not even bother to think about her words because they had immediately been dismissed as pointless comfort – youth was never an excuse, and it never should be. If he had figured that out sooner, he might have been able to do something. But now that he knew this, it was too late and the only thing he could do was stand here, thinking of how miserably he had failed when it came to protecting his parents, and wondering if he was allowing it to happen all over again.

And as the princess stepped next to him, she laid a hand on his arm and repeated quietly, "You were young."

"It is not an excuse."

"It should never be, but what matters is that-"

His grunt of disgust did not even allow her to finish what she was to say, and her hand dropped. She clasped them together in a gentle prayer instead, but the slight stiffness in her movements was the only sign of discomfort that she gave off. He might have regretted it, but at the moment he regretted very little. Between Fai and… well, there was nothing else. It all went back to the mage because the blond was the reason why he was in this situation. It might have been easier to just stay here if it wasn't for the fact that he was leaving something behind, but a part of him wondered if that was not just an excuse so he could blame someone else. Didn't Souma accuse him of forcing Fai to make his decision? And now, wasn't he just passing on the blame to the mage, the fact that he was abandoning something ion the middle?

He had never stopped in the middle of anything. If there was one thing he was always determined to do, it was see things through to the conclusion.

Unwilling to go on that train of thought, he turned sharply to look at Tomoyo. She was still murmuring a silent prayer, and he almost flinched at the fact that he had not been able to do that himself. A part of him had always balked at the idea of giving into the reality that they were both gone, along with his childhood. It had never bothered him much until this journey, where people who didn't seem capable of taking life seriously suddenly surrounded him on all sides. Or perhaps he was simply generalizing to Fai's attitude. Casual disrespect for something you only had one of had always irritated him, especially since Fai was worth so much more than that.

They stood in silence as he waited for her to finish, and in that time he continued to look her over carefully. Tomoyo looked composed, as she always did, and her placid expression revealed nothing of what he was searching for – if he even knew what that was. After the princess had walked away with Fai, Souma had taken Sakura with barely a backward glance, pausing only to tell him that he needed to figure things out before it was too late.

By that point, he could only stand there, trying to collect his thoughts and figure out what was going on. Was Souma right? It was not often that he doubted himself – doubt usually got you killed, which was why it was best avoided. But if he stopped to think about it calmly, her words had made a disturbing amount of sense, and then he would remember that look on Fai's face. That face of utter defeat, telling him what he had wanted to know and knowing exactly how he would react….

Fai… Fai was not stupid. The mage was careless, yes, but certainly not stupid. Perhaps it was he who was in the dark, so busy trying to figure out what he wanted that he could no longer recognize when he got it.

She lifted his eyes, and he found those words tumbling from his mouth. Those desperate, pitiful words that he still tried to disguise as being calm and demanding. "What did you tell him?"

It didn't fool her. Nothing seemed to fool her, and she let him know that with a serene smile that he would have tried wiping off using physical force if he had not known better. After all, the last time he had tried that, he'd found himself dangling upside down from one of the roof beams.

"Nothing," she replied simply as she looked at him, her dark blue eyes unreadable. "Have you come to make an offering to the dead?"

"You're changing the subject." He hated it when people tried that. The fact that they thought he was stupid enough to be fooled irritated him, and it was a problem he had sworn to break Fai of. Of course, he had not anticipated breaking the mage before they could even get started on the bad habits, and he cursed himself mentally at the reminder of something else he had to fix. Something else he had to fix if Fai would let him… trust him enough to allow him to get close enough to help… and would it surprise him if Fai would not? Just look at how much had the blond gone through before confessing that….

His stomach made a sickly flip before he could finish that thought. Ashura. It all went back to Ashura, whether he liked it or not. And he did not, partly because he hated what Fai was like and partly because he was a selfish bastard who didn't want to know these things, yet had to because his mind could never rest until he knew all the dirty secrets. The fact that he could not deal with those secrets was a sign that perhaps he had not grown up enough, despite everything he had been through and everything that he had done to distance himself from that innocent child who didn't know one end of a sword from another and that naïve teenager who couldn't protect the two people cared for most.

The lesson he had learned from losing his parents was that it was stupid to tie your emotions to people. After all, humans were naturally fragile, and yet… weren't people the only thing worth tying your emotions and loyalties to?

Tomoyo was staring at him, her eyes gentle and yet so penetrating. He wondered how long it had taken her to master that expression, but decided that it was probably some god-given talent. His mother had the same look whenever she had wanted him to tell the truth behind his newest collection of scrapes, and he found that he could not be resentful when it was so obvious that she cared.

And oddly enough, it did not help that Tomoyo was no longer smiling. He had always thought that a serious expression was better for serious situations, and that silly smile always made him feel like he was being mocked. But now that it was gone, he felt strange and guilty.

"I told him nothing. He told me a few things. Why?"

If it wasn't for the fact that it was Tomoyo – and no one could say no to the princess – he would have been irritated that Fai could tell someone else what could not be told to him. Because as much as Fai had managed to confess to him, he knew that there was still more. The entire idea of him being in love with Ashura was mind-boggling, but there had to be something else. And he might never know what that was, something that would haunt him to his dying day if he allowed it to lay like that.

His voice was low as he asked, "What did he say?"

"Would you want me telling him your secrets?"

That shut him up, and he crossed his arms and made a small sound that might have been a humph. Tomoyo obviously thought so because she giggled girlishly, and asked, "Why do you care so much, Kurogane?"

He gave her a look. Wasn't it obvious? Did he really have to spell it out, or was it because she wanted him to admit it out loud that she asked?

"Why shouldn't I?" he finally said, almost reluctantly. It was the closest he would get to saying it, and both of them knew it. He had changed – he accepted that – but there were some things that he couldn't say just yet.

Because admitting that Fai… that Fai was someone to him… and not only Fai. But Sakura and the brat and everyone… it would have been so much easier, if he had not had to think about them as well. If it had been the beginning, it would not have mattered. They barely knew each other, and he owed no loyalties. He had a home, he knew where he belonged, and if that was what he wanted then he would work towards that goal… right? Except things had changed as the journey's length had increased, allowing him to see things that he had never witnessed before. The way Sakura struggled to figure out who she was and where she belonged, Syaoran fighting to save something even knowing that it would never be the same, and Fai… it sometimes seemed like Fai wanted to change, but could not. And hated himself for that because Fai knew that he needed to change, that he could not be that way forever… and yet he could not.

It had transformed him, to watch people grow up around him. To remind him that no matter how mature you became, there was always room for change, and sometimes it was for the better. Even if it was something like admitting that he could have weaknesses, that he could allow himself to care for others and to… he did not depend on them, but should anything happen to them….

He could not allow that to happen. He could not allow that to happen not for their sakes, but for his own.

Because if anything did happen, it would be on him. And even if he did not know what happened to them after they left, he would always wonder. He would spend the rest of his life wondering if they would be okay, if the brat had found all of Sakura's feathers, if Sakura would remember the person who gave up so much for her, if the stupid bunny would ever speak sense, if Fai could ever learn to smile without that wariness behind his eyes, as if he was afraid that the situation would crumble right before him….

In a way, he wanted to laugh. For so long, he had been angry at Fai, angry at what the blond had become because of someone else. Fai should not have to run, nor should he have to hide who he was. Kurogane did not know what Ashura had done – although he now knew what the king had meant, as much as he wished otherwise – but he had always felt that it was ridiculous to change so damn much because of a single person. It was not right to have to change yourself because of someone else.

In his defense, it hadn't just been one person. But perhaps he understood Fai a little better because of it.

Tomoyo had said nothing up to this point, knowing that she did not need to. He raised an eyebrow as he looked her over, and finally said, "You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?"

"I didn't know this precisely was going to happen, no," she replied. "But I hoped…."

"You ruined my life, you know," he interrupted scathingly.

The princess laughed, "It's so much better now though, isn't it?"

And he found that quite honestly, he could not disagree.


Syaoran hissed in pain as something grazed his cheek, deep enough so that he could smell and feel the blood as it dripped down his face. He did not have long to think on it as a brief flash of light caught his eye, causing him to immediately throw himself to the side as the sound of another object trying to run him through echoed through the darkness.

It was amazing that he had avoided them – whatever they were – for as long as he had. He could not see anything, and judging by the fact that Mokona had yet to say anything, the white manju bun had probably avoided his fate with that uncanny luck that only Mokona and Sakura seemed to possess. There was not much to remember about how he had gotten here; one moment Mokona had been pointing out a door, the next he had his hand on the entryway and everything had gone black.

He was not sure how long he had endured the emptiness, trying to see when there was nothing to see. Walking forward had not helped – there was nothing to walk towards, and there was nothing in the area to stop him. And as if that was not enough already, this had started. It was only through quick action that he was able to avoid impaling himself on whatever was trying to kill him, and he quietly thanked Kurogane for his training every time he escaped an unhappy fate.

But as he dodged death, he could not help but wonder what was going on. He did not really think that he had done anything as of late to deserve such an untimely demise, and even if he had there was really no way he was going to allow it to happen. Sakura needed him, and in return he depended on her in a way that he could not quite describe.

He did not have long to dwell on that thought. A quick jump to the side kept him from getting impaled, and he cursed softly as he made an awkward landing. That alone should have been able to doom him, and although he scrabbled to his feet as quickly as possible, he prepared himself for that inevitable flash of light and pain.

What he got instead was just the light, although to say 'just' was an understatement because there was quite a bit more of it this time. It illuminated the crystals that donned the room, strangely shaped things that towered over him and gave off his reflection, although he could not see it in the sudden blinding light. It took him a moment to get his vision back, but once he did he took a quick look around. It didn't take much thought to realize that wherever he was, it not where he really was. The area was too large to be the inside of a building, and simply too surreal to even be a part of this world.

Although this would have been worrisome to most people, most people had not gone through the same things that he had. Syaoran instead felt oddly apathetic, if slightly worn from his previous exertions that had gone into preserving his life. But after everything he had gone through… well, between the ghosts, demons, virtual reality worlds, and mind-boggling time travel, this was really just a part of the strange fare they got during the hunt for Sakura's feathers. It was odd, yes, but no odder than anything else they had experienced….

Something had to be wrong when one could get so used to such things. But it was never anything he really thought about because there were more important matters.

Such as the fact that there was someone there, someone so white and pale that he almost missed him. The figure sat awkwardly on one of the crystals, his trailing white robes seeming to blend into the ground. Even the blond hair that was so bright with Fai was strangely dulled by this person, and the only apparent color seemed to be the large, despondent eyes of deep gold.

"Who are you?"

The stranger's voice was quiet and the words were spoken slowly and carefully. It was the mark of someone who did not speak much at all, and judging from the man's appearance, it did not seem unlikely that whoever this was had very little human interaction at all.

Still, a question had been asked, and Syaoran had been raised to be polite. It took him a moment to find his voice though, and when he finally found it, his words came out louder than he had expected. Probably a symptom of his nervousness, or perhaps it was because of the way his voice echoed even though there were no walls to echo off of.

"Syaoran. I'm Syaoran." He risked a step forward, but the distance between them did not seem to lessen, and he found himself swamped with questions but unsure of where to start. He finally blurted, "What is this place?"

"A dream," the blond replied simply. His tone seemed tired, and he looked rather sleepy even as he ran a thin hand down the length of one of the crystals.

That explained out of world experience, but it wasn't exactly realistic and it certainly didn't give him any clues to how he had ended up here. But Syaoran was the intelligent sort, and considering how there was only one other person there, he came to a certain conclusion. "Is this your dream?"

The man nodded, and if he looked carefully, he could see that those gold eyes were slitted, like a cat's. And then he remembered a story that Fujitaka had told him about people who could see the future in their dreams, although the more powerful ones could do so much more. His adopted father could not tell him much more than that – not much more was known, after all – but he was suddenly left with no doubt that this person was one of those fabled dreamseers that were thought to have died out long ago, if they had ever existed.

Which, as the person before him demonstrated, they obviously had.

Knowing that though, he was not sure of what to do with the information. It helped to explain – to a certain extent – what was going on, but he didn't even know what to do now. He decided that perhaps the best solution was to establish some form of communication with the pale blond who was watching him calmly, as if waiting for him to do something when he didn't really have anything to do.

"What is your name?" he finally asked politely, and those gold eyes closed slowly, as if in contemplation of a difficult question. It took a while for there to be an answer, but eventually it came.

"Kuzuki Kakyou." (1)

He tested the name out slowly, addressing the dreamseer, "Kuzuki-san…"

Gold eyes opened quickly, betraying a mild surprise at being addressed in such a formal matter, but he plowed on nevertheless, "Why are you doing this?"

After all, despite the current civilized dialogue they were engaged in, there had been that little matter of the murderous greeting he had been dodging just moments ago. There had to be a reason for that because the blond didn't really look like the violent sort, and he seemed all in all to be a perfectly nice person, if a bit odd and distant.

Kakyou seemed to hesitate, giving him a humanness that he had before seemed completely devoid of. It was like watching a corpse breathe, a disconcerting sight indeed, and cat eyes faded slowly into a normal human's as the dreamseer looked him over, cocking his head slightly in question. As if waiting, perhaps, to see if Syaoran was joking.

But Syaoran was not joking, and the awkward silence was finally broken when the blond said slowly, and with a tone of something similar to regret, "I have something you want."

He did not even need to guess what that was. There was only one thing that he wanted, one thing that he desperately needed in order to bring the person he cared about back even if she would never remember him again.

"Please," he said, knowing it would not work but trying nevertheless because one never knew what the consequences would be. "Please, can I have Sakura's feather back?"

What would she say, knowing he was so informal when she was not around. That he could be informal, despite his over exaggerated politeness? Being so proper kept him from lapsing, from forgetting that she wasn't really the same person. But would she be pleased? Angry? The old Sakura used to pout and scowl when he called her princess, and although there really was no new Sakura either, it was not the same. Despite what she said to him before, despite everything he did, despite how much he cared for her… she did not remember him. It was because he cared that she would not remember, and if she tried – and she had – those few wisps of memory would be immediately forgotten.

But he could not help but wonder. What would she say, if she could hear him calling her as he used to?

"No." As expected as it was, his heart still sank, and those strangely colored eyes closed again. "Please leave now."

He shook his head, "I can't. I need the feather back."

He needed to have her smile again, to not worry about missing memories and trying to figure out who she was all over again. But would it be enough, getting the feathers back for her? He had always wondered what it was like for her to experience her old memories again, as if for the first time. Was there a Syaoran-shaped hole in them where he had once been, or were those memories simply gone forever?

And could she ever be the same person if that was how it was?

Syaoran did not, however, have long to dwell on that. Before he could blink, Kakyou silently pointed at the ground. He gave him a look of surprise before following where the finger indicated, and did not even have a chance to protest as the ground suddenly turned to water.

He most certainly did not have time move away before he found himself sinking into the abyss, and then there was nothing.


After Tomoyo had left the shrine, he had not wasted any time in leaving himself. Perhaps he should have done something more to show his respect for his parents, but he'd always operated under the assumption that the dead could wait. The living, more often than not, could not. It had something to do with the entire breathing aspect, he supposed sardonically. Breathing increased decomposition, and the art of dying usually propelled one to do some changing.

The princess had left him with a subtle hint on where Fai was to be found, but he was not surprised when he reached his room to find that the mage was nowhere to be seen. After all, Fai was good at running away, if the purpose of this journey was to be of any indication.

Knowing that wasn't enough to keep at bay the flash of annoyance that he felt, although he was wise enough not to let it slow him down. Fai was Fai, and as ridiculous and incomprehendable the blond was, it didn't change how he felt. Otherwise, he never would have gotten to this point and his life would have been so much easier, but then, unlike the other, he did not always take the easy way out.

The hallways around the guest rooms were empty as well, cleared of people as the entire palace made their way to the courtyard in preparation for the festival. Kurogane had actually forgotten about that thing, although it was to be expected. He had never participated in the celebrations, instead locking himself in his room to avoid all the people. It wasn't until Tomoyo or Souma came along that he would be forced to come watch the fireworks. It didn't matter how much he complained or threatened – they'd keep on pulling – or in Souma's case, dragging – until he found himself outside, staring as colors lit the sky in a dazzling display of waste.

Because that was what it was – waste. Strange that everyone could be so impressed with something they would later use to blow up demons and enemies, but then maybe it was just because they had been able to set aside their warmaking for a little bit to enjoy the beauty that should have come from such weapons. That's what Souma used to tell him, at least, but he had never believed it. He still didn't quite believe it, having seen enough death and killing (and participated in a fair amount of it himself, although that was a different story) in this life and next. Even on the journey he had not been immune; being a member of Yasha's army while under Tomoyo's spell had spared him of the killing, but nobody seemed to ever notice how every killing blow was dealt by one of Fai's trusty arrows. They saw an enemy fall, not quite dead but seeming to be, and after they turned away an arrow would be nestled deep in the now-corpse's throat.

Fai had wasted a lot of arrows that way. Kurogane had been spared of losing all his strength. (2)

Despite the lack of communication, they had worked it out in some way. At first Kurogane had hoped that Fai would pick up the language, as the mage seemed to be quick to use his mind. But either Fai just did not get it or did not bother to try because two months in and the man still could not distinguish between 'hello' and 'good-bye'. They had been forced to figure out a different way to cooperate instead, and that had brought them closer together than anything else could have done. Even if he had started to get irritated at the strange noises coming out of the blond's mouth.

Although they had begun to understand each other a little better, reading body language and subtle signals, Fai had often been alone during that long half-year in the palace on the moon (3). He had often wondered what the blond was thinking about or even doing, and while he'd been content to let Fai be on his own, he'd felt slightly guilty for doing nothing to ease the isolation. It was something he had regretted later, and perhaps part of the reason why he was reluctant to allow it to happen again.

Maybe that was why it did not matter how overly extravagant the fireworks were this year. All he knew was that somewhere in this steadily darkening palace – the servants did not even bother to light the lanterns, assuming everyone would be going outside to watch – was some half-baked wizard who was by himself. Kurogane could not really allow for that, especially since he had so much to make up for. Or rather, not to make up for, but to come to a mutual understanding. Or at least a misunderstanding since he did not understand Fai, and highly doubted that Fai understood himself either. Kurogane was not too pleased with that concept, but he supposed that he shouldn't hold it against the mage too much.

Eventually he found Fai leaning on one of the balconies out of pure luck. The blond hair was easy to spot, and better yet was that the mage was alone, although who else he could have been with was a question unasked. He did not bother to hide his footsteps as he approached the man, and Fai in turn did not bother to do much but turn and look at him. An awkward smile fell across the pale face when he stopped about an arm's length away in order to take in the view.

"Do you like it?" the mage asked after a short silence, one gloved hand indicating the rest of the outfit. He nodded, shortly. It was certainly better than Tomoyo's other designs, which tended to be on the side of the grandiose. Tomoyo had wisely cut down on the frills this time and opted for simplicity so as not to overwhelm Fai's slim figure. The black garment was simple with orange trim, and a dragon twisted its way to the knees (4). For a moment he found himself unable to speak as he stared at the dragon, which not only was the same shade as Fai's sky blue eyes but had also once decorated his father's muscular arm.

"Daidouji-hime said you might."

He was not sure how to respond to that. Although he might have sorted out his thoughts just moments ago, the current situation was still awkward and he was not sure how to approach it. Normally he would not pause to think before running into things headfirst, but considering how things had turned out the last time he'd tried that, he thought it best to take things a little more slowly.

Fai's expression was not really helping either. The smile had dropped and the mage actually looked disturbed, a change from the unperturbed expression that usually decorated his face. Like the way Tomoyo's serious face had unnerved him, this display of emotion was starting to bother him. It seemed that he was never very good at accepting the things he wished for, and for a moment he wanted to laugh at the sheer idiocy of such a thought. After all, he had always wanted to see the real Fai, and now that the mage was dropping all his defenses, he could only stare in wonder. This sudden openness was not even as sudden as he made it out to be in his head. If he had bothered to notice, he would have figured out that it was only an extension of what had been happening all this time. Those small flinches and ducking away should not have been written away as typical insane behavior, as they were now clearly anything but.

It was too late to be regretting his blindness now though, and if there was one thing Kurogane tried to do, it was to not dwell on the past too much. Or rather, he tried not to let it hold him down, using it instead as incentive to improve, to become better than anyone else so that what happened before would never happen again.

Slowly, more out of care than hesitance, he reached over to take Fai by the hand. The mage looked surprised as he started to draw him away from the balcony, blow slightly furrowed as he contemplated the warrior.

"I wasn't going to jump, Kurogane."

He immediately opened his mouth to respond, but found that he did not know how. Instead his jaw closed as he gave Fai an odd look, complete with a raised eyebrow. He wasn't sure what disturbed him more – the sudden formality or the morbid conversation starter. Again, strange that Fai finally using his actual name was on equal standing as a suicidal thought, especially one that was announced before anything had really been said. But Fai was not what one could call normal, and it troubled him to hear the mage talk of a serious matter so easily, especially in conjunction with the dropping of all silly nicknames.

His silence gave Fai time to continue in a voice of such forced cheer that it made what was being said seem even more dark.

"Anyhow, if I was going to jump, I would have done it a long time ago."

He finally snapped, "I didn't think you would be dumb enough to do anything like that." Or brave enough. Because really, Fai had had ample opportunity to kill himself already, the ultimate way of running away that required so much courage, weakness, and utter stupidity combined in one that Kurogane could never figure out how anyone could decide on doing such a thing. But seeing that Fai had not committed suicide, there was no reason to think it would be happening anytime in the near future.

Fai shrugged slightly and stared at him straight in the eye, "Ashura used to worry about that."

That stung, for some reason.

"I'm not Ashura."

It stung, perhaps, because he thought Fai should have known better by now.

And before Fai could say anything else, Kurogane leaned down to kiss him.

Commentary:

(1) Kuzuki Kakyou, resident dreamseer and depressive nut at your service (let me know if you figured out who he was before I got his name in! I want to see how many people recognize him:D). He is a character from X, and has the power to see into the future. After being shot, he's been in a coma for an obscene amount of time (seven years, I think?), and he agrees to join the Dragons of Earth in order to get his wish, which is essentially to die (since he apparently can't manage that on his own). He's rather pessimistic and very fond of water, feathers, and depressing flashbacks, but I do like him despite the fact that he constantly annoys him (it's the prettiness. I can't help myself!). I've seen his last name spelled two different ways, but I usually use this one. Most of the time he's addressed by his first name though, something I find terribly amusing since he seems like the kind of person who would be a stickler for tradition and respect. (laugh)

(2) For those of you who don't know this arc yet, read the next notes. For those who have, I added this portion because I thought it was very interesting how Kurogane and Fai were considered the strongest fighters in Yasha's army, despite the fact that Kurogane cannot kill. For six months, he was at war, but could not kill. I thought this was really something. This is my slight theory on how they were able to maintain such a reputation without forcing Kuro-pipi to kill, and while it's really thrown in and not detailed, it's just a quick possibility.

(3) This stuff, for the people who read the translated manga, refers to a future arc in… volumes nine through eleven, I think, which I call the Yasha-Ashura arc. I won't get into it too much, but during that arc (and this is a spoiler), Kurogane and Fai end up going to the world six months before Sakura, Syaoran, and Mokona. Luckily, it turns out Kurogane can sort of understand the language, so they end up joining Yasha's army. I've always wondered how Fai fared during this arc, especially since he cannot speak to anyone, and nobody could understand him if he tried. I suppose it would be like living in a foreign country with absolutely no translating devices, and nobody to understand you. He's unsurprisingly clingy afterwards, in my opinion.

(4) In case, this is Fai's outfit from what I usually refer to as the dragon picture – it's a drawing of the four, all wearing outfits with a dragon design. Sakura's is a white dress with black edging, while the three boyz have their own outfits in respective colors – Fai's is blue, Syaoran's is green (makes sense since his eyes were green in Cardcaptor Sakura), and Kurogane's is red. I've uploaded a picture on my writing journal. You can find the link on my profile. (I would provide the link but I haven't actually uploaded it yet… eheheh.)

This chapter took me a long time to write, and I apologize for that. It wasn't a very easy chapter for me to do this time – usually it's just a matter of sitting down and really writing, but it didn't really work for this chapter. I had a lot of false starts, including a month and a half wasted on a scene that I completely cut out. Originally I had worked in some Tomoyo and Fai interaction, but Tomoyo-POV ended up being redundant so shortly after Syaoran-POV, and when I attempted to write in Fai-POV, it was completely off. There were several reasons for this, one being that I didn't like the way I portrayed the Ashura-Fai relationship, and the second being that it was not fair to Kurogane to let the readers know what was going on in Fai's mind. This is, after all, Kurogane's story more than anyone else's, and so I felt that we need to be on the same page as him, not knowing more.

Knowing that, I added a new scene of Kurogane-Tomoyo interaction because first of all, it felt odd to have an entire scene of just Kurogane introspection, and second of all, I knew it was rather wrong of me if I did not have anymore conversation between the two, especially when considering the relationship they have in the series. Interaction or introspection would have been equally difficult though because in a way, this is retarded development of character. I needed to figure out a way to go backwards realistically – from an angry, somewhat hurt and definitely surprised Kurogane to someone who was able to listen to Fai again, even understand him. And some extreme development for Fai, to stay with a person instead of just running away. It was difficult explaining away enough of the tension in order to get them somewhat level again, especially after everything that had happened.

So with that, hopefully the next chapter won't be so problematic. It's already a bit icky in terms of flow, but flow between scenes is something I can handle better than problems within the scenes, so maybe it won't take quite as long:3 I can only hope!

And thank you to the readers! Apparently we're not supposed to answer reviewers in our chapters anymore (and that's a shame), if you want to establish some form of communication than leave your e-mail with your review, and if you have any questions or something you want me to address, I'll e-mail you. You can also contact me through livejournal.

Thanks!

PM