Padmé and I have swum out to the island she used to frequent as a child. Side by side we lie on the warm sand, our hands joined as we let the sun dry our skin. We have been married for two days, and are still heady with the euphoria of our new intimacy. Though both tentative at first, due to our innocence and inexperience, the past two days we have been inseparable, both night and day, spending endless hours exploring one another's bodies, discovering how best to pleasure one another. Neither of us wants to think about the next morning when the reality of the Clone War will drag me away from her. No, tomorrow is light years away, as we bask in the warmth of the sun and our love.
I turn over onto my side and look at my beautiful new bride, my eyes following the soft, sensual curves of her body, the water drops on her skin twinkling in the sunlight. I bring my finger to her shoulder and slowly trace a path downward, feeling grains of sand collect under it. She turns and looks at me, a smile on her face. I reach her hand and pick it up, bringing it to my mouth, my eyes now looking into hers. I take each finger and plant a slow kiss on the tip of each one, watching her reaction. Her eyes narrow seductively as she watches me. I smile at her, as my lips travel to her wrist, and then up the underside of her arm.
"Ani, if you continue that, we may end up getting sun burnt in the most embarrassing places," she says with a smile.
I laugh. "Is that a promise?" I ask with a rakish grin.
She nods. "I'd have to say yes."
"Well in that case, maybe I should stop," I tease her, moving away from her.
"Oh no you don't!" she replies, moving over to me. She pushes me down so that I'm lying on my back once again and sits on my abdomen. Pinning my arms above my head, she looks down at me, a triumphant smile on her face.
"I give up," I tell her. "You win; I'm helpless to resist your charms, Milady."
She laughs. "Now that's more like it," she says, and lowers herself to me, our mouths meeting in a passionate kiss.
I awaken, the memories of the beautiful dream still resonating in my mind. Normally such a dream would cause me nothing but heartache, reminders of the loss of my beloved crashing down around me once again. But she is not dead, a fact that I can still scarcely believe. She is alive, but whether she and I will ever recapture the magic of the love we shared so many years ago is questionable. I don't blame her for being angry; she has every reason to be. But under the anger and the hurt, is there still some part of her that still loves me?
I sit up in the bed, having enjoyed a decent sleep for the first time in a long time. I look over to where my son is sleeping to see an empty bed. I stand up and stretch, hearing the shower running in the 'fresher. Realizing that Luke is in there, I slip my boots on and decide to get some fresh air.
There is a balcony extending at the far end of the corridor on the second floor, I noticed it last night. I head there, hoping that the door is unlocked. Luckily it is, and I open it and step outside into the bright morning sunshine.
The air is still, heavy with the scent of flowers and foliage. I realize that the balcony wraps around the back of the house, and walk around to have a look at the small lake that I spotted the previous day. It is a beautiful sight, one that I can appreciate so much more now having spent the past months in a dark, depressing cage.
I walk over to the stone wall that encircles the balcony and lean my forearms upon it, gazing out at the water birds that hover around the lake's grassy edges. I take a deep breath, savoring the fresh clean air, not even minding the chill in the air against the bare skin of my arms and torso. It is peaceful here, so peaceful…I am happy that Padmé was able to find refuge here. It seems to me that this place is much like how I always remembered her to be; peaceful, calm, and beautiful.
She is here…I realize as I feel her presence suddenly. It is soothing, as it always has been, and I close my eyes and bask in it for the moment. I do not turn around, wondering what she will do when she sees me here.
"Your hair is so long."
I turn to look at her. She is behind me, her hair loose around her shoulders, the way I always preferred it, still in her dressing gown, her feet bare.
"Yeah, I know," I say, running a hand through its unruly curls. "I hadn't planned on it getting so long; I guess I haven't had much of a chance to get it cut."
"Don't cut it," she says, walking over to stand beside me. "It suits you." She looks out at the lake, leaning her arms on the railing in the same manner I had done.
"You think so?" I ask.
She nods. "I always have."
I look at her, in agony over the proximity. I am reminded of an evening many years earlier, when, in my youthful angst I declared my love for her.
From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm close to you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you... I can't breathe! I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me…
I feel like that tormented 19 year old boy again, standing so close to her, yet knowing that I am not permitted to show her how I feel. If I could…
"Did you sleep well?" she asks, not taking her eyes off of the lake.
"Yes, thank you," I reply. Silence. "It's very beautiful here."
"Yes, it is."
More silence.
"You aren't at all what I expected," she says tentatively.
I turn to her. "What do you mean?"
"Well, after what happened on Mustafar…"
"You know about that?"
"Yes, I know. Obi-Wan told me, and we do get holo-news out here …whenever I would see you in that terrible mask…"
"It was horrible," I tell her, at a loss for words. "Living in that suit for so long was...beyond description."
"I'm sure."
Silence.
"I just didn't expect that you would look so …so good. I mean..." she stops, obviously with something to say and yet not yet comfortable enough with me yet to say it.
"I had massive reconstructive surgery," I explain. "New limbs, new lungs…medical technology is amazing. Even the arm I lost on Geonosis has been replaced with a flesh and blood arm," I tell her. "Look," I say, holding it out to her as proof.
She looks down at my bare arm, and tentatively puts her hand out to touch it. I watch the expression on her face as she struggles to decide whether she ought to her not. She wouldn't be struggling if she didn't truly feel something still…finally I feel her finger tips upon my skin. She looks up at me in amazement, and, for a moment, it's as though the past is forgotten. "Ani, that is amazing!" she exclaims, grasping my forearm in her small hand. "It's miraculous," she says softly, looking down at it. "It even has hair on it!"
I smile. "Of course," I tell her. "It's not a prosthetic, Padmé; it was regenerated from my existing cells. Luke told me it was similar to the technology that is used to make clones."
"Luke?" she says, looking up at me.
I nod. "Luke is responsible for all that; I had no idea that such technology existed."
"Luke helped you?" she asks, surprised.
I nod. "Yes, it was after I had killed Palpatine.."
"You killed him?" she says. "How? Why?"
"I killed him in order to save the life of our son," I tell her calmly. "He would have killed Luke with Sith lightning if I hadn't. As it turned out, I was the one who nearly died."
The look in Padmé's eyes reaches inside me, grabbing my heart. Have I made some progress? Should I go on?
"You see, Palpatine wanted to take Luke as his new apprentice, but when Luke refused to kill me to take my place, Palpatine decided to destroy him."
"And you stopped him?" she asks.
I nod. "Of course. Luke is my son, I love him."
Padmé frowns, her confusion at this disclosure obvious. "I didn't think Darth Vader loved anyone," she admits quietly, looking away from me.
"You're right," I tell her. "He didn't. The only emotions Vader was capable of feeling were dark emotions: anger, fear, hatred. Love is not the way of Darkness, not a part of being a Sith."
Padmé's breathing is quickening, and I can see that she is getting upset. Idiot…I reproach myself… you've gone too far, it's too soon, she's not ready for this...
"I'm sorry," I say gently. "I didn't mean to dump all this on you, not now. It's just that…there is so much I want to say to you, so much I need to tell you…I hardly know where to begin. I only hope that you'll give me the chance to do so."
She looks at me, and for an endless moment, we simply look at one another. I have to fight the urge to touch her, to pull her into my arms and show her the depth of the passion I still feel whenever I am near her; but I know that would be a mistake.
"Good morning!"
We turn to see Luke approaching us, a smile on his face.
"Good morning, son," I tell him.
"Did you sleep well?" Padmé asks him.
"Like a baby," he tells her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "You?"
"Very well, thanks," she replies. "I should get dressed," she says, glancing back at me briefly. "I'll meet you downstairs for breakfast shortly."
Luke nods, the smile not leaving his face. He and I watch her retreat into her own chamber, and close the balcony door behind her. Luke turns to me.
"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," he says.
I smile. "No, not really," I tell him.
"She seemed a little more …warm towards you, Father," he notes.
I nod. "Yes, I think so too. I still have a long road ahead of me, though. Regaining her trust and her love will not be easy. I just hope there's a chance it can happen."
"It will," replies Luke confidently. "I have foreseen it."
"You have?" I ask him in amazement.
Luke looks sheepish. "Uh, no, not really," he replies. "I've just always wanted to say that."
I laugh at my son, and tousle his hair affectionately. "Let's hope you're right, Luke. Where's your sister?"
"She walked down to see Han and Chewie off," he replies as we walk back indoors. "I told her we'd meet her for breakfast in a little while."
"Good," I reply. "That will give me time to have a shower."
