AUTHORS NOTE:

Hey, look! It's another lot of randomness from me! BTW, if you can think of anything good I can put Artemis Fowl into – TELL ME! NOW! OR I WILL GET YOU! (evil laugh) AND STOP THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS ABOUT ME! (Oh dear, I think I'm turning into Opal Koboi.)

The Sketch Show

Number 2: Shut the door!

Commander Root's office, Police Plaza

Commander Root leaned back in his desk chair, placing his feet on his desk. He immediately fell backwards.

"AAAAAAH! D'ARVIT!" He yelled. He yelled this quite loudly and it attracted lots of attention.

"Commander!" Holly said. "What? Are you okay? I was on my way to the canteen when I heard you scream and…."

"Yes, Short. I am okay. No thanks to you."

"Huh? Are you sure you're okay? I mean, I couldn't have prevented this from happening."

"Suuuuure. Anyway, I-" Root noticed the door. It distressed his already distressed brain. "Short. The door. It's open."

"Yes commander."

"Short. SHUT THE DOOR!"

That was when Trouble Kelp rushed in through the door.

"Commander? Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, Harold. I'm fine. Short, please shut the door."

Holly and Trouble exchanged glances. Harold? The fall must have knocked Root's brain quite a bit. "Commander. With all respect, are you sure you're okay? I can heal-"

"Yes, Short. I'm okay. SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR!"

"But commander. Trouble was the last one in here. Common etiquette dictates that he should shut the door."

"But I am COMMANDER of this place and I want you to shut the door."

"Isn't that sexist?" Holly protested.

At that moment Foaly galloped in.

"Commander. Are you okay?" He asked, sounding concerned. Then he noticed Holly and Trouble.

"You sound like you care." Snickered Trouble.

"I was just worried…..After all, if commander here gets it I don't get a paycheck. And, if you don't mind me saying, he screams like a girl."

"Excuse me," Holly said, "Are you saying that girls scream a certain way versus boys? That is sexist and unfair to the girls of the world."

"BENJAMIN! I AM OKAY! GET THAT INTO YOUR PIXIE BRAIN! SHORT! SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!"

"Excuse me, Julius. My brain is not a PIXIE brain. It is much smarter than a pixie's brain – I am smarter than Opal Koboi."

"Yeah. And, commander, I still believe that Foaly should shut the door. He was the last one in here."

"Oh, for heavens sakes. I'LL shut the stupid door!" Trouble got up and shut it. "Now, commander. Short is right. We should get you medical attention soon."

"I am FINE, Harold. Just a bit knocked about from the fall." Root attempted to get up. Just then a knock sounded at the door.

"Fair lady, the one who screamed. It is me, Chix Verbil, your knight in shining armour!"

This sounded weird to Root. "WHAT THE D'ARVITING HELL?"

Foaly snickered. "Chix is right, commander. You do scream like a girl."

"I said before, that's sexist!"

Trouble was annoyed. "Whatever. Let's just get the commander down to the medi-warlocks fast."

So they heaved the commander down the hallway. He got very distressed at that point.

"DID ANYONE OF YOU IDIOTS SHUT THE DOOR?"

AUTHORS NOTE:

Ookay. That was even stranger than last chapter. Oh well. Please review!