AUTHORS NOTE:

Woah, a strike of inspiration! Sadly, this is based on a real event involving a magpie, my friend (who is afraid of birds) and another friend (who seemed a bit blind on this particular day). What is it? Crazy… you'll have to read to find out!

The Sketch Show

Number 3: Where?

It was the time of the year when the LEP needed to check on Artemis Fowl and make sure he was showing no signs of regaining the memories they had so kindly wiped him of the year before. An experienced team of fairies had been put together to spy on the teenager and they were currently in a shielded fairy shuttle. Captain Holly Short, Captain Trouble Kelp, Corporal Chix Verbil, Commander Julius Root and Foaly, the LEP computer technition were that experienced team. Holly had her doubts about the merit's of picking Chix – she suspected the Council had wanted him to stop attempting to pick up various members of the female fairy population. But she was stuck with him.

"Are you cold, Cap?" He had asked her. She had shaken her head. He continued: "Cos if you are I could just extend my arm around your shoulders and-"

He had been abruptly cut off at this point when her fist connected with his shoulder and Trouble Kelp had been forced to separate them.

At this present moment, he and Trouble were looking out a window, spying on Fowl Manor, Commander Root was lighting up another pungent cigar and Foaly was doing something on the computer (Holly suspected he was surfing the Mud Man internet while the connection was strong). There was nothing for her to do. Strictly speaking, she was only there because she was the expert on the Fowl case. But they could at least include something for her to DO!

Trouble nudged Chix. "Look at that bird!"

Chix squinted up at the dark night's sky. "Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Is it that?"

Trouble sighed. "No, Chix, that's a tree branch."

Commander Root cleared his throat. "What exactly are you doing?"

Foaly leant on the desk. "They are attempting to bird watch, Julius."

Root turned on Foaly. "COMMANDER ROOT, FOALY! HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR THIS LITTLE BIT OF INFORMATION TO SINK INTO THAT THICK, PONY SKULL OF YOUR'S?"

Foaly flicked his tail, highly offended. "Excuse me? My skull may be slightly thick, however my brain is four-hundred percent more-"

Foaly was interrupted here by Chix Verbil. "Woah! Look at that hot chick!"

"No, that's a rainbow lorikeet." Trouble corrected him.

"Not the bird chick, the CHICK chick! The hot chick!"

"What hot chick, Chix? We're bird watching. There are no hot chicks. Unless you're into birds but…"

Holly interrupted. "Excuse me? Bird watching? We're actually on a surveillance mission."

The commander nodded. "Captain Short has the right idea. What the hell are you doing watching birds?"

"I'm not watching BIRDS, I just told you, it's a hot chick!" Chix was indignant.

"And I just told you, I think you're going crazy!"

"No!" Chix practically screamed. "There! Look!"

"Where?" Asked the occupants of the shuttle in one voice.

"There!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Oh, INSIDE the manor!" Foaly was the first to spot it.

"Yes. YES!" Chix said, happy he wasn't going crazy.

"Hey, it's Juliet!" Holly exclaimed.

"When you have quite finished looking at the Mud Maid," Commander Root said in a calm voice, vein pulsing in his temple. "We can get back to the mission."

Foaly looked at Root's complexion and decided it would be best to obey. "Yeah, what Julius said."

"D'ARVIT, PONY-BOY! STOP CALLING ME JULIUS! AND, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, EXPECT SOME SERVERE SHORTAGES OF GOLD IN YOUR BUDGET!"

There was a brief silence while Foaly contemplated this loss of money and Holly wondered why she'd ever agreed to come on this mission. This silence was broken by Trouble.

"Hey, there's another bird!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

"THERE!"

"WHERE?"

And that was when a large pigeon (AN: Sorry, couldn't think of anything better) crashed into their shuttle.

Fowl Manor, Dublin, Ireland

The Fowl's were sitting down to dinner when they heard a loud crashing sound coming from their backyard.

"Hey, it looks like a bird just crashed in to a tree!" Called Juliet.

"Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

AUTHORS NOTE:

Comment's, suggestions and criticism are totally welcome. Please tell me if things are a little out of character - I've been reading the Harry Potter books for a few weeks and I might be sort of making things weird... I also need ideas for other things I should do… Got any?