"Mother, you have to understand," I hear my son tell her. "He didn't know about us. He thought we had died with you!"
"I know that, Luke," I hear Padmé reply. "But when I think of Leia enduring that interrogation…" she stops, and I can feel that she is crying. I close my eyes, my heart aching as I remember that dreadful episode aboard the Death Star.
"It's alright, Mother," I hear Leia now. "I'm fine. It was horrible, and for a long time I hated him. I hated him passionately, and not just for that, but for many other things too."
"What other things?" asks Padmé, her voice tremulous with emotion.
Both of my children are silent, and I can sense their hesitation.
"I need to know," Padmé says at last, her voice sounding stronger. "Please! If we are ever to be a real family, then there must be total truth between us. Please tell me what else Vader did."
Well, at least she recognizes that it was Vader who did those heinous things, and not Anakin Skywalker…but will that matter in the end?
"I think it was when I destroyed the Death Star that Father learned who I was, that I was his son, your son," begins Luke. "He told me that when he realized I was alive, that he scoured the Imperial data base to find out if you too were alive. It was agony for him to find footage from your funeral, Mother; I know that even when he was Vader he loved you tremendously."
Padmé makes no reply, but I can feel her surprise at hearing this.
"He wanted me to join him," continues Luke, "to help him destroy Palpatine. You see, the moment he realized that the emperor had lied to him about how you had died, he made a vow to destroy him, and wanted me to help him. He lured me to Bespin, using Leia and Han as bait."
"Did he hurt you?" I hear Padmé ask, assumedly of our daughter.
"Not physically," replies Leia. "But he handed Han over to a bounty hunter, after having him tortured and frozen in carbonite."
"What?" cries Padmé. "Why would he do that?"
"He did it to bring me to Bespin," Luke explains. "He knew that I would come, that I would sense the pain my friends were feeling. As for the carbonite, I imagine he was testing the unit on Han to make sure a human could survive the process. You see, he planned on using it on me in order to capture me. Only he didn't have the chance. He and I fought, and it was there that I learned the truth, that he was my father."
"You didn't tell her about your hand, Luke," Leia says quietly.
"What happened to your hand?" demands Padmé.
Luke sighs, and I sense that he wanted to spare her that for the moment. "Father…cut it off while we were fighting," he tells her. "I guess he needed to get my attention," he puts in wryly.
"Oh Luke," Padmé gasps in horror. "My poor Luke…"
"It's okay, Mother," Luke reassures her. "I had an artificial one attached, and it's almost as good as the real thing."
"I can't believe all this," Padmé says quietly. "How were the two of you ever able to get past all this? How is it that you can forgive him for what he did, when he caused you so much pain?"
"We love him," is Luke's simple reason, and hearing it brings tears to my eyes. "When I first learned the truth, I was horrified. Obi-Wan had told me that Darth Vader had murdered my father, so when I learned that Darth Vader was my father, my world was turned upside down. But I was determined to find the good man who I knew had been my father at one time, for I knew that under all the anger and pain that had created Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker still lived. And I was right, Mother; he proved it when he killed Palpatine to save my life, putting his own life in jeopardy by doing so."
"Your father told me that he'd killed Palpatine," Padmé tells them. "I heard that he'd been killed of course," says Padmé, "but I'd always just assumed that he'd died in the explosion of the Death Star."
"No, he was killed by Anakin Skywalker," replies Luke. "Palpatine would have killed me, Mother. He wanted me to become his new apprentice, to replace Father by killing him. I refuse, and that angered him. So he attacked me with Sith lightning, and as I lay there in agony, I called out to Father. He threw Palpatine down a reactor shaft, killing him, and nearly dying in the process. I owe him my life, Mother. I know he did a lot of terrible, unspeakable things when he lived as Darth Vader; but he has changed. He has been redeemed."
"I didn't think I could ever accept him," Leia puts in at this point. "Not after everything I'd suffered because of him. But the more I got to know him, the more I felt connected to him. I felt as though I'd finally found a part of me that I never knew was missing. He saved my life too, Mother. We were ambushed on Coruscant, and he shielded me from certain death. I love him, Mother, and I know he loves Luke and I deeply. I only hope that you can see in him what we do, see the man you once loved, for that is who he is now. Vader is gone; there is no doubt in my mind or in my heart."
"I know how much you both love him," says Padmé at last, her voice barely audible. "It is obvious to anyone. I…I didn't know all this. I didn't know he saved your lives, both of you…I just assumed that once he became Darth Vader he was incapable of doing anything out of love. I saw what happened to him, I saw the man I loved turn into the Sith monster that destroyed the Jedi and terrorized the galaxy. That day has been burned into my mind for 22 years, for try as I might, I cannot understand what happened to the man I loved, my Ani. I cannot forget how he turned on me…how I was robbed of everything because of him. I never got to see the two of you grow up, never got to feed you from my body, never saw your first steps, or hear your first words...those years are gone forever, and nothing, no amount of regret or redemption can bring them back," she stops as the emotions overtake her.
I can feel her shock, her revulsion, her horror at all that has been revealed to her. And above all, I can feel her pain, her loss. She is right; nothing can ever bring back those years, they are gone forever. I lean my forehead against the wall and close my eyes. The damage is too great, the wounds too deep...so deep that forgiving me is beyond her ability…the pain I caused her is horrific, but added to what I did to our children, it is utterly reprehensible…
Suddenly I feel Luke's presence in my mind. He knows that I am standing there listening. Come in here he tells me. She needs to hear the rest from you... I resist his suggestion, not wanting to face Padmé at this moment, knowing that the anger she directed at me the previous day will be multiplied ten fold now that she knows of the suffering I have caused our children. No Luke, not yet…she isn't ready yet…I'm not ready yet…. Luke accepts this reluctantly, and I walk away, being sure that my presence is not noticed by my wife. I walk up the stairs, my heart heavy. I wonder what pain is worse; the pain of her being dead, or facing the rest of my life knowing she is alive but wants nothing to do with me…I enter the small room I shared with my son the previous night and sit down heavily on the edge of the bed, my hands holding my face, emotions choking me. "Forgive me, my angel," I whisper. "Please, forgive me."
