1/1/07: Now with new BIGGER words, copied directly from wikipedia (so whatever minion edited that article BETTER have been right)!!!
Well, this is just something I thought of when I was preparing to write the next bit of one of my other stories – it's a bit pointless and whatever but I thought, since I haven't done anything for this story in ages, I'll post it. Okay, in this Artemis attempts to make a friend. This cannot be a good thing.
Butler first brought it up.
"Artemis," Artemis's bodyguard had begun, rather informally, "I have been thinking about your wellbeing in the months since our last … escapade. I have talked to your mother regarding this manner and we both believe it would be healthy for you to socialize more with people your own age."
Artemis had almost fired Butler on the spot. But one did not become one of the world's greatest criminals by being hasty.
So, he settled on raising an eyebrow threateningly, to give Butler the benefit of doubt. This action was slightly less pleasing, as the consequences were less eventful, but Artemis kind of didn't want to fire Butler. After all, the bodyguard had been protecting him since birth and Artemis felt a bond with him. Almost like a son and father. Or at least two related males (assuming, of course, that Butler was all man). Still, he had to clarify exactly what Butler had meant by his statement.
"Excuse me?"
Butler hadn't really wanted to bring up the subject, but Mrs Fowl had insisted. And Butler did agree that it would be healthier for Artemis to get out more. So, he bit the bullet, so to speak.
"Well, Master Artemis, Sir, Mrs Fowl, your mother, wished for you to-"
Artemis was impatient. "To what, exactly?"
"To make a friend."
Dun, dun, dunnnn.
And that began Artemis's search for a friend to appease his mother. He had, of course, read many books on the matter of friendship. Most of them psychological analysis's of group dynamics. But, in real life, books don't help you make friends, especially in the age demographic Artemis was dealing with.
Artemis had made an executive decision to ask a boy in his class, David, to be his friend. An exceedingly direct approach, perhaps, but Artemis thought it would work fine. He had chosen David solely for one reason: David and his friend, Alex, had recently had a fight which transgressed from insulting each other to dacking each other, finally coming to a close in a dramatic fist fight. Needless to say, they were not friends anymore. Well, not at this moment, at least. This left Artemis an open window of opportunity which he intended to fully embrace by attempting to befriend the less violent of the two.
To Artemis's surprise, he found himself fighting off nerves as he prepared to approach David. Artemis considered himself superior to his classmates – actually, to the vast majority of the people living on this earth. But a subconscious neurotic mechanism of compensation wouldn't save him from feeling humiliation amongst people who ridiculed him for being what they perceived as a stuck up rich kid and his lack of a bronzed and muscular build.
Gathering every last drop of courage he possessed and briefly shuffling his cue cards (on which he'd written a speech outlining his intentions towards David), Artemis stood in front of David and coughed.
"Outta my way," David grunted, shoving Artemis to the side. Not the most encouraging of starts. Nevertheless, Artemis began speaking.
"Greetings, fellow classmate," Artemis said, looking down at his notes. "In light of your recent disagreement with your former friend, I am hoping you will extend the hand of friendship to me. I think you will find I am a suitable replacement for whatever relationship you held with Alex. We can become … mates," Artemis finished. Then he thought he'd better add a bit of slang, so that he and David could bond over their lack of language skills. "It would be … cool."
David blinked at the pale kid standing in front of him, trying to understand what he'd just said. He gave up and told Artemis to go and do something to his computer that Artemis doubted would be anatomically possible. However, Artemis decided not mention the impossibility of this, as he watched David push past him again. Perhaps David was severely deluded regarding the inner-workings of the male reproductive system.
Artemis was, once again, reminded why he didn't associate with him classmates often.
It's a bit short… Please comment on, criticize, give me advice, whatever! I have one other thing to post up – it involves Mulch Diggums – so keep an eye out for that soon. Seeya!
