Chapter 3

Present Day

She could feel how tone his biceps and shoulder blades had become over the course of ten years. Her hands couldn't get enough of rubbing them equally. Each time his body moved, she felt them flex and it was blowing her mind right into a weakening orgasm.

Finally, he fell into the crook of her neck, unapologetically grinding into her over again. All Liv could do was rub his curls. Those soft curls she never stopped dreaming of, and her body lost any control. His panting was causing his breath to suffocate her neck, and as Liv fell over the edge, she cried.

Ten years gone by, and this man still made her weak. A broken heart, and this man still had it, because it was only his to fix. Ten years, and she still couldn't stop thinking of him, pulling her to him. "I can't stop loving you Fitz."

Fitz raised his head, smiling. He had on that smirk she loved so much, and he turned his head to the right. "You hear that, Simon; she can't stop loving me."

Liv saw Simon throw his head back in laughter. She looked at Fitz who had stopped all movement and she pulled his head back from his curls. "Why would you tell him that, why would you share our intimacy with anyone?"

"Because I won Livvie. The game we were playing, I won."

"At my expense?" The tears rolled down her cheeks now.

Fitz looked confused. "Don't cry Livvie, I love you."

Liv turned to run out of the room, but he grabbed her. His lips captured hers, and she couldn't back away. He had her, lip locked, moaning, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand why she wanted him again.

She finally regained control. "NO", she yelled, despite him being her weakness, and Liv heard buzzing music.


She jumped out of her sleep, snoozing her alarm, sitting up in the bed and clutching a pillow against her chest. His NAVY sweatshirt was soaked through with her sweat, no doubt from her wet dream desires for him. It was the Thursday before the 14th of February. Sunday was the day that would mark the ten-year anniversary. It called for taking the shirt out of its hibernation.

Liv had to take a cold shower. She had to stop dreaming of him, she had a long two days of work in front of her. The State Attorney General put her in charge of a grant. Liv had voiced her concern about the downfall of neighborhoods in the capital of New Jersey. Public defenders were being summoned for too many juveniles. The crime was getting bad. She wanted to help the future of the city.

She proposed a federal grant for the Trenton Public Schools. The schools were set up for failure and it wasn't fair to the hard-working educators and students. The students were predominantly low-income families, and they were expected to have just a job out of high school, not a career.

Liv worked with the legislators in Trenton who set her up for a 5-day tour of all the public schools. She would bring with her: Lawyers, engineers, doctors, computer techs, medical field workers, and public service workers and tradesmen.

The grant was approved in conjunction with Fort Dix, a military base not too far from Trenton. The base has a program for challenged youth. The next two days, Liv would be meeting with all the various companies and groups to discuss a schedule, date, and create a list of speakers for the tour.

She had to have her head in the game. She had to stop thinking of him, and as the cold water beat down on her still hot and steamed body, she wondered what she always wondered. How come no one knew about his prize? Quinn would have heard something abuzz on the campus, but she never said anything, and Quinn certainly would have said something, not to mention she would have gutted him.

She waited for a call from the school that she broke protocol, as the dean saw her running out that day. The call never came. Her excuse to Quinn for leaving the school wasn't a lie, though, her father got her a spot in one of the most prestigious softball training boarding schools, and with the season beginning in a few weeks, they wanted Olivia immediately.

10 years ago

Olivia sat on the train, gripping her bag close to her. Her head was buried in it, his sweatshirt she pulled out of it on top, as she quietly cried in a train car in route to Penn Station. She smelled him in that sweatshirt. Although she didn't need the sweatshirt, his smell was still all over her, she needed the softness that came with the material.

Her phone was buzzing, it had been buzzing since she left the building. It was him. Each time she looked at her display it said Fitz with her stupid heart symbol she made with the number three and sideways V symbol. She ignored it, as she did the other twenty calls.

Two good citizens, older women asked her if she was alright as they passed her on the train. She thanked them with a nod and said she was fine, just some cramps. They nodded in understanding and went on their way.

Her mother was the first person to see her enter her home. She suspected her mother knew right away she just had her virginity taken away and her heart destroyed, but her mother let Liv do the talking. She jumped from the couch. "Baby girl, what's the matter? Are you alright? You look like you've been crying for the past hour."

I have she thought, but she wouldn't say it out loud. She dropped her bag and wrapped her mother in her arms. "I am in pain, Mom, cramps, the pain is unreal, it just came on while I was sleeping in Quinn's room. I left before I woke her up, but the pain the whole train ride…" and Liv couldn't talk anymore.

Her mother caressed her hair, pulled her head back and looked in her eyes. "You should have called me." She saw more than cramps, she saw heartache, but it was her daughter's story to tell, and she wasn't going to push her daughter into more sadness. "Your father took a morning shift at the MTA; he'll be back by 2. Let's get you showered and resting before he comes home."

Her mother stripped her clothes off, took them to launder as Liv got into the shower. She let the water beat down on her, wiping Fitz away. She hugged herself, feeling his arms around her and she leaned on the shower wall, face first, sobbing in her arm.

Today was supposed to be them. Valentine's Day, he told her he loved her, wanted to date her. His gentleness, the numbness Liv felt to be with him, it was her dream for a half of year, and it was reality. They were going to spend a day for lovers together. But they aren't together, they're apart, and will be forever.

How was Liv ever going to step foot on that campus again? At least she had tomorrow to take off, her mother wouldn't let her go to school thinking she was still sick.

"You bet your ass I did". "You did fucking not." Fuck a virgin twice in one night. Liv wondered what the prize was. What was she used for in his winnings? She had hoped it was something good, something he could use the rest of his life, because she never wanted him to forget the pain he caused her.

Her mother helped her dress into her comfortable sweats and a hoodie, gave her two Advil and ice water. She stayed with her, caressing her cheek and moving all the tears from her face. In time, her mother would be the only person on Earth in Liv's circle that knew Fitzgerald Grant existed. She would tell her mother, just not today.

Liv curled up under the comforter. She glanced at her now silenced phone. 50 missed calls 3Fitz3. She closed her eyes, to let the tears fall. She had a chill that wouldn't go away, and as she shivered, she drifted into sleep and that sleep began the next ten years of Fitz dreams, dreams that would never go away. As she drifted, she heard her mother leave, but she was too weak to say anything, so she entered off into slumber and felt her body melt in his.

Present Day

He woke up with an erection, clutching his pillow. His pillow was cuddled under his arm, him gripping it, holding it close to his body. He used his other hand to rub his eyes. He wasn't ready to head into this weekend. First things first though, today was Thursday and he had a busy schedule.

Sunday would mark ten years since he last saw her, and he couldn't stop thinking of her. She was a drug he was addicted to, and he would never be over her. He looked down at his erection through his boxers. She was still able to do that to him, after ten years.

The only reason he looked forward to sleep was because he would dream of her. Her face was mature now, having come into the full features of her gorgeous cheekbones and smoothing out her skin tone. Her big brown doe eyes, slightly smaller with the development of her cheekbones, but still smiling at him. He never met a woman who could smile from their eyes like his Livvie.

He turned to the pillow. His eyes closed and he was brought back to his dream. She was lying on top of him, his hands wrapped around her waist. She was laughing, him telling a corny joke, yet it still made her laugh.

She felt what she was doing to him, and she raised her chest so her breast, now perfectly formed, reached his mouth, and as he circled her nipple with his tongue, she lined up her entrance with his erection.

Within moments, he was deep in her, not letting her move, just feeling himself inside her, and she stared into his eyes. He finally cupped his hand on her cheek, and she held it, as his body motioned up. She pressed his chest down though and wouldn't let him go deeper.

Her eyebrows were crossed in confusion, and he looked at her alarmingly. "Livvie, what's wrong."

She jumped off him and covered her naked body with her arms, reaching for her shirt. "Why is he here?" She nodded towards the corner and Fitz saw Simon.

"Son of a bitch", he went to jump out of the bed, but Liv stopped him.

"It's fine Fitz, you won, claim your prize." Liv turned and walked out the door, crying, sobbing, and Fitz was reaching for her, wanting her back in his arms.


He took a deep breath and opened his eyes against the pillow. He would do anything to turn back time. Ten seconds of conversation turned into ten years of heartache. He remembers finding the list on the floor when he got back to his room. He noticed his picture missing also, so at least she had that.

He called her immediately, then ten times, then twenty times after that. The phone kept ringing and going to voicemail. After fifty calls, he couldn't call her anymore because he tossed his phone across the room and it shattered on the wall, as he just lay belly down on his bed in his dorm.

He had to get up now. He had a busy two days ahead. He was organizing a group of young Naval engineers to prepare to speak to some middle school children. He had a meeting at the State Attorney's Office, and he couldn't let the beautiful Olivia Pope smoke his thoughts. He was told by the Admiral how important this grant was to the low-income families of Trenton and the challenged youth program on base.

10 years ago

Fitz couldn't punch him, wanted to, but couldn't. No way Simon would get the best of him like that. His heart was just smashed to pieces though and he couldn't fall apart in front of Simon. There was something more to this. Simon used that list as an excuse and Fitz fell right into the trap.

Simon had his own house off campus. Why is he in this residence on Valentine's Day? Fitz was deep in thought, trying to ease the pain of watching her run to gather some sense in all of this.

"Oh, this is going to hit campus like a wildfire, I can't fucking wait. You got the untouchable Olivia Pope. Man, she's been the bait for guys for months now. Ever since her breasts started forming…and her eyes…."

Simon grunted and was gasping for air, as Fitz held him by his shirt up against the bathroom wall. Fitz locked the door, so no one would come in. His face equal to Simon's. "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. YOU TRY ME GUTHRIE, YOU WILL BE A DEAD MAN."

Simon stared at him. He could tell Fitz was serious and he threw his hands up in defeat, "ok, ok, fine, let me fucking go, you prick."

Then Fitz looked at him, his eyebrows crossed. "Why are you really here, you aren't here to check up on my list why are you here."

Simon swallowed hard. "Fitz, geez man, just let me go." Then, his hands gripped Fitz's because the hold got tighter.

"You're fucking gay, aren't you? You're gay Simon, that's why you're here. Why else would you be in an all-boys dorm on Valentine's Day weekend? You're surprising your guy." Fitz let out a small relief laugh.

"Fitz, please." He was fixing his shirt, as Fitz had let go, watching him smile with the knowledge he just figured out.

"Look, I don't give a shit who you fuck, what your preference is. Doesn't matter to me one way or the other, but if Olivia's name gets out in all this, I swear to any God you believe in, the whole fucking state of New Jersey will know Guthrie's son is gay. I will use it to embarrass you because you are obviously embarrassed of it yourself."

Simon was defeated. He didn't want to be hiding the fact of his sexuality, but his father was old school, and his fortune was riding on the marriage he would have in the future. He rubbed his hands over his face. "Fine, Fitz, you win. The list is done, your evaluation will be completed, and Olivia's name never gets mentioned."


Fitz ran out of the bathroom and back to his room. He had a small dread of hope that she had returned to his room, but she didn't. He sat on his bed and held his head in his hands when the Dean stood in the doorway.

"I am going to pretend I didn't just see a girl run out of here crying, for your sake. Did you do something to her against her will? Because if I am going to forget it, there better not have been anything illegal done besides her being in the residence."

"No," Fitz whispered, "nothing illegal. "

"Son, you alright?" The Dean could hear the sadness in the boy's voice. "Your heart is broken, isn't it?"

Fitz stood up, grabbed his phone from the desk, and walked to the doorway. He looked sadly at the Dean, "yeah, broken and incurable." He closed the door and began his onslaught of calls that would go unanswered.

Present Day

Liv walked into her office. Her clerk, Bess, smiling at her. "Is there something I should know Ms. Pope?"

Liv looked at her, eyebrows raised. "About?"

Bess pointed into Liv's office. "You're not going to be able to move around in there." Liv turned to look in her office.

She took a step in and set up wall to wall were ten dozen red, pink, and white roses. Each were in their own vases, and Liv just looked at them all. Her shoulders slumped. She blew air from her bottom lip. "Fucking Jake." She whispered.

"I turned down his proposal the other day" Olivia turned to Bess. She shook her head. Bess didn't know what to say. She held an envelope for Olivia to take.

"This came with them. Let me know what you want me to do with them, they are stunning though Liv, wouldn't hurt to keep them for a bit."

"I'd feel too guilty. Just have custodial take….you know what never mind, just leave them."

"Ok. You have your first meeting with the federal grant team at 2. I've left some paperwork on your desk for the PowerPoint."

"Thanks Bess, no interruptions please. I had a rough night and I need this meeting to be perfect."

"How can I shower you with flowers? What would make you over the moon happy to get as a Valentine's Day surprise?" She thought back to one of the many conversations she had those two nights with Fitz.

"That's easy, roses of all kinds. I love roses. They scream romance, love, and beauty."

Fitz pecked her lips, "then roses it should be for my Livvie."

Her forehead rested on her thumbs as she sat at her desk and thought back to that memory. The only reason Jake knew she liked roses was he saw her stop to smell them one day, literally.

Anything Liv did, Jake paid notice to, and it immediately became his belief that she loved roses. He wasn't wrong, but she never shared the details like she did with Fitz. So, every other week Jake would send her a dozen roses. Every week, she pretended it was Fitz, so she accepted them.

Before she jumped into work mode, she thought of one more thing from her dream this morning. As she looked around at the roses, she realized how sadly in love Jake was with her. Twice during love making, she called out Fitz's name, and once Jake woke her up because she kept moaning Fitz's name in her sleep.

Jake truly was a puppy on a leash. She couldn't be bothered today. She tossed the envelope aside on her desk, made a note to text him later, and began working on her power point.

10 years ago

"No Olivia, what am I going to do without you?" Quinn was whining. Liv just told her best friend that she wouldn't be returning to the school.

"I know, Quinn, but I promise I will call you every day. I leave on Wednesday. The practices begin on Thursday, and I received full scholarship because another girl dropped out of the program. It's a once in a lifetime chance."

"Then you go get your lifetime, Lord knows this place sucks, it wouldn't happen here. It's a good thing for you and I am going to miss you but you better call, every fucking day, or I will haunt you." Quinn threatened.

"I will Quinn. Do me a favor, say goodbye to my library friends and mentors, you can tell them, and an extra special favor, go to the field and tell Mo. That man is the reason I am on the road towards a college softball scholarship."

"Will do, anyone else?" Quinn waited.

"No, why?" Yeah, tell Fitz to go fuck himself and get his dick stuck in his own asshole. She thought it but didn't say it. No one was going to know anything by way of Olivia.

"How was your weekend on campus?"

"I didn't have a weekend on campus, my dad told me about this, and I had to stay and fill out paperwork." Liv felt horrible lying, but she couldn't do it, she couldn't tell anyone.

"Hmm, whatever. Call me tomorrow, and Tuesday, and Wednesday."

"Ok, ok, Quinn, I get it." She hung up and turned to her father.

"You're not giving too much fight with this decision. You sure you are alright leaving your school?"

Liv shrugged with one shoulder. "It's fine dad, this is what I wanted, what I dreamed of. I won't get another opportunity." She hugged him and he smiled as he left the room.

Liv sat in the darkening room. I won't ever see him again. She reached over to her bag; she took out his surfing picture that she had taken from his room. She rubbed the picture. "Only in my dreams now Fitzgerald. May you succeed in life. I will always love you."

By the following week, Olivia was in Alabama, living and breathing softball for about six hours a day. The other hours were used for classes and studying. It was an all-girls boarding school, no brother school across the way, and Liv made friends.

She drowned herself with a strong work ethic and was told the beginning of her senior softball season she would get full scholarship to play softball on the Crimson Tide team, playing third base. Her goal reached and met, and she didn't have to fuck a virgin to get there.

Present Day

"Quinn." Liv picked up her cell phone.

"Come outside. Charlie had to come to Trenton to get some documents. I brought you a tea, I have like five quick minutes, I wanted to see you."

"Heyy…I'll be right out." Before she left she sent a text to Jake. "Unnecessary but thank you. It was a bit overboard, but they are lovely. Enjoy your weekend." She shrugged. She really didn't know what else to say, but he had to spend a fortune on these.

They sat waiting for Charlie, Liv telling her about the roses and Quinn laughing her coffee out of her nose. "Jake is a sad soul."

"Hey you, school wrecker." Charlie gave Liv a hug.

"Why am I a school wrecker?" Liv looked at Quinn.

"Thought my high school would win the softball championship, the girl's side anyway, but Olivia Pope leaving for an Alabama prep school lost that."

Liv laughed. "At least you won baseball, besides that belonged to the guys. Basketball too, didn't you have that awesome player, Grant something?" Liv lied not knowing his name.

"Fitz Grant, ha, the guy up and quit basketball and baseball. Focused on his studies. He graduated first in the class. He didn't even give his valedictorian speech at graduation, having let Melody do it in his place. One day, right before the basketball playoff season, he called it quits, never told anyone why and just went on to Top Gun Naval Academy. Badass dude with those jets from what I heard."

"Wow." Liv didn't know what to say. She had no idea Fitz quit the sports. He graduated first, that was something, since he was behind Simon for that. She wondered why he quit.

They said their goodbyes and Olivia headed back to her office.

Her phone buzzed. Jake texted back. "Don't know what you're talking about, don't really care either. Maybe check with your Fitz fix. In fact, I will enjoy my weekend and the rest of my life if you lose my phone number. Bye."

She noticed a few men in uniform enter the building. She glanced at her watch. One hour until the meeting with the military engineers. Fitz fix? NO WAY, she began a sprint towards her office.

Present Day

"Commander Grant, we're heading to Trenton to be there for 13:00 hours."

"Yes sir," Fitz saluted his Admiral. "Is the team assembled?"

"Here's the list."

Fitz took the list from his Admiral. He read the names out loud as each one stepped forward. "You'll be briefed at the attorney's office. The dates haven't been set for going to the school, but I suppose Mr." Fitz looked for a contact person name on the paper. "uh, Admiral, who is the contact person."

"Ms. Pope, Olivia Pope." The Admiral watched the paper float to the ground, as Fitz just stared at his superior officer.

"Commander, the paper." One of the captains went and retrieved it.

"Sir". The captain waited for the paper to be taken back, but it wasn't.

"Be ready to leave in one hour." Fitz whispered as he walked away from the group and secluded to his office.

His body was numb. Maybe he heard the Admiral wrong. Olivia Pope, it can't be. He looked through some paperwork he had tossed aside. He found the piece he was looking for. Yep, there it was clear as day on top of the letter head. "Deputy Attorney General Olivia Pope."

Fitz began writing on a legal pad. He placed a call to a florist near Trenton, he would fax over a handwritten note to go along with the delivery. It was important the note be in his handwriting. With the order and the amount of money Fitz was spending the florist was willing to walk to Fort Dix and get the note himself.

Fitz was now anticipating the meeting. Ten years in the making, his life only going on because he thought Olivia would one day join him and now the opportunity was here. He thought back to when he was dating Lillian in Germany.

"Who is Livvie, this is the third time you've called me that in six months Fitz. Let's not forget when you said that name during sex one time."

Fitz really didn't have the words. His girlfriend Lilian deserved the truth, and he couldn't keep playing this game.

"You're in love with her aren't you, this Livvie person."

Fitz pursed his lips in defeat. "Yes, Lillian, I am sorry. I can't, it was a long time ago…it's just."

Lillian placed her finger on his lips. "It's fine Fitz, rather be truthful now than staying in a fake relationship. Whomever this Livvie is, she's one lucky woman. You are a good man Fitz; I hope she deserves you."

With that, Lillian gave him one last kiss and they ended their six-month relationship on that runway in Germany.

Fitz took a deep breath. Everything he did he always thought of Liv. Would she criticize his decisions, help his decisions, would she be supportive? The truth, he existed for her, and this chance meeting would be the way to win her back, or so he hoped.

10 years ago

Several hours after the phone smashed there as a knock on Fitz's door. "Go the fuck away." Fitz wasn't moving.

"Delivery for Olivia Pope."

Fitz jumped out of his bed. He swung the door open and some delivery dude from the florist across town stood there. Fitz reached in his bag, tipped the guy and grabbed the three dozen roses. "Nice tip and thanks, those are some gorgeous flowers. Sorry they're late, Valentine' Day had us…

"Yeah yeah." Fitz grabbed the bouquet and slammed the door. He stared at the flowers having forgotten he even ordered them. She was supposed to be here to receive them. It was his surprise because of what she told him about roses.

Not willing to give up, he would bring them to the library, their spot around the building. He would give them to her tomorrow when she came back on campus. He would do anything to make it better, he wasn't dumb enough to think flowers would do it, but it would be a start.


He went in the library the next day. He was about to be booted when he put his hand up and said, "please just one minute." He looked around to see if she was in there. He heard her friend Quinn, he thinks is her name, talking to Mrs. Dolson.

"Aww, no, thank you Quinn for telling me. She was a good worker, but I am so happy she got her dream to play near and hopefully for Alabama. You tell her she will be missed and to send a forwarding address. I would love to keep in touch."

Quinn left and Mrs. Dolson had about all she could take from Fitzgerald Grant. "Young man, are you looking for something?"

"No, Mrs. Dolson, thank you. I won't be bothering you again."

Mrs. Dolson watched him leave, never to see him again. The boy was always so full of life, so carefree, what happened overnight for him to be this sad? She shrugged and continued with her work.

"What the fuck man, you can't quit! Aww, Fitz man come on we're this close to the championship." Mason was pleading with his best friend.

"It's done Mason. I talked to my father, if I am going to get to Top Gun, he wants me on top of the list, graduating first in the class. All my focus will now be on doing that. Besides, I can't lose the spot to Simon. It's just done. We made a deal about that dumbass list and I'm through. I just….sports are done for me." He walked away from Mason.

Mason continued to support him his senior year, in fact, helping him ace a trigonometry test Fitz would have failed. Because of Mason and his help, Fitz narrowly beat Simon for first in class, making his Top Gun dreams a reality. It really didn't matter because he didn't have his Livvie to share the news with.

Present Day

Liv bolted into her office, whizzing by Bess who was startled by her boss's rapid entry. "Liv, what the hell?"

She grabbed the envelope she tossed aside. The front had the florist's name on it, nothing else. Liv tore the envelope opened and she stared at the paper.

It was a faxed copy, but it was his writing. Liv could swear under oath about Fitz's writing, she read his note a million times over ten years.

A small teardrop escaped Liv's face and dropped onto the paper just nipping the tip. She read his words over again, a hundred times maybe. She couldn't believe this was real, this was happening.

"My Livvie,"

Ten years is a long time to have someone constantly on your mind.

Ten years ago, you walked out of my life

Never given the chance to make you my wife

You said roses are romance, love, and beauty

And I wanted you to see

I remembered those words from those two beautiful nights

Please give me another chance to make things right

Ten years I have lived for you, ten years I still exist for you

Please tell me I have any hope

To spend the rest of my life with you Olivia Pope

All my love, Fitz.

Her office phone buzzed. "Ms. Pope, your two o'clock is here."

She looked at the time. "It's 1:45."

"He said he needed to see you before the meeting with the others."

"He?"

"Commander Fitzgerald Grant." Liv's body went numb as Bess said his name.

She swung the door open and there he stood. He looked edible in that uniform, and it took every ounce of her control not to grab him by his collar and pull him inside. It was like the first time she saw him on that bus as his blue eyes iced her again.

He saw her, his Livvie. She was more beautiful now than she was ten years ago. Her gray silk top with her necklaces dangling gave her face an extra sparkle. Those doe eyes filling with tears that he wanted to kiss away looked as heavenly as the first time he looked into them.

"Hi" he said.

"Hi" she said, stepping back and letting the past ten years of her life enter her office.