A/N: Thank you for all the reviews. It's getting hard not to make this into a story. Still contemplating. Hope you enjoy this chapter, leave a review, and happy reading.

Chapter 5

Ten Years Ago

This wasn't real. Olivia had her eyes closed and was lost in his touch. Surely this had to be another dream she was having of her secret crush Fitzgerald Grant. She opened her eyes, just to be sure, and it certainly was not a dream. She was in his dorm room. It was just them.

They had just finished making love, and yes, she is calling it making love because she loves him. It wasn't just teenage sex. She told him, embarrassingly, how long she loved him, but he was so understanding. He was thinking of her also. Did he really notice her on the bus that day? She took a deep breath, and she felt his lips.

Olivia was lying topless belly down on his bed. He looked at her beautiful bare back. The silky-smooth brown skin inviting him to touch it, to kiss it and he couldn't hold off anymore. He still couldn't believe this was real. Ever since he lost himself in her eyes on that bus, he never thought she would be here, with him.

The love making was phenomenal, and he couldn't believe it was her first time. She took him so lovingly, her body responding in the most beautiful of ways. He may have thought he loved her before today, but after feeling her, being with her, Fitz now knew he was in love with her, and he would never want anyone but her.

They spoke about love. She opened her soul admitting she had loved him since the day she saw him on the bus. His hand now reached out to her back, and she flinched a bit then relaxed. He heard her take a soft, deep breath, and he gently rubbed circles on her smooth skin.

He admitted he had thought of only her and it was the truth. Now he was understanding why he saw her that day on his campus. She wasn't there for Melody, she was there for him, and he wasn't being pompous in thinking that. He was being proud. He wanted everyone to know now that they were a couple.

Liv felt his hand touch her back. For a guy, he had such gentle hands. At first, she reacted, her body tensed, but it was Fitz, yes Fitz, and she went with the feel. After several strokes of his hand on her back, she felt his breath, then his warm lips.

He began from her bottom middle back, and gently kissed his way up to the middle, "so beautiful" he whispered, and moved up, gently kissing each shoulder blade. His other hand was slowly moving up her body with each tender kiss. He stopped briefly at her neck, and she felt his lips come down on it.

She shivered with the touch and laughed softly. She turned completely around, and he was smiling at her. She looked directly in those eyes. She caressed his cheek as he looked back at her. "How did I get so lucky?", she asked. Then she turned away. It just seemed everything she said to him came out so wrong.

Present Day

Liv sat up, Fitz moving with her. Her body was still numb from the powerful orgasms she just had. She certainly never felt anything like that with any other man she had been with. "Let's move to a more a comfortable place." She gripped his hand and tried to pull him up. He was too strong, and he laughed at her attempt.

"Oh, that's funny?" She put her other hand out and decided to give it a try with two hands and her whole-body weight. She pulled again, and he didn't budge. Now, even she had to laugh.

He gripped tighter and pulled himself up. As soon as he was in the standing position, he swooped her cradle style in his arms. "Which way to the bedroom, Ms. Pope?"

"Straight down the hall", she said with laughter. She wrapped her hands around his neck and enjoyed the ride. Before he placed her on the bed, she took in his smell one more time, just wanting to be sure this wasn't another dream.

He kissed her cheek, and she just stared at him. He moved his eyes around, from hers, down to her body and back up to her eyes. "My Livvie." He put her down and then joined her sitting up in her soft, queen-sized bed.

Olivia turned onto her stomach and faced him. He was on his side, just staring at her. He looked at her back. It was just how he remembered it, but it had some red spots on it, and he realized he may have been a bit too rough during their encounter before.

"Oh my, Livvie, your back." He began rubbing the spots that were red. "Does it hurt?"

She closed her eyes to his touch, just as she remembered. "No, they don't hurt. I am sure they look a lot worse than they feel." He continued to rub her back and she wondered if he remembered when he did that that night ten years ago.

"I remember the feel of your back. It's so smooth, so perfect. Nothing has changed." He leaned over, and she felt his warm lips again. This time, he took aim at the red spots hoping to make them feel better. "You are still so beautiful Livvie. Are you sure these don't hurt?"

"They don't hurt as much as I've been hurting for ten years now. Wait, maybe that's not true. I learned how to live with the pain, but the first year, I think I would trade in the emotional pain for physical pain. It was that bad. I let it get that bad."

She heard him take a deep breath. "I am so sorry Livvie, truly I am. I just wish we had a chance to talk, so you could hear what it really was about." He put his head back down, their eyes equal and he saw her fill up with tears despite them being closed.

His hand rested on her back, he just needed to touch her somehow in this moment. His heart ached watching her cry, knowing it still had an effect on her after all these years. "Livvie, please. Talk to me."

She shrugged. "I don't even know where to begin Fitz. In all this time, you would think I would be over you; you would be just someone I slept with, was dumb enough to lose my virginity to, but I was so in love with you before that, it just couldn't be that easy." She took another deep breath. She opened her eyes.

"It was a dumb ass prank, a hazing activity. It happened freshman year, and yes, there was a list I was completing, but when I saw you, when I had feelings for you, that list was the farthest thing from my mind."

She turned around. She glanced at the clock. It was still early evening, 10:00. "Do you want something to eat? There is a an all-night diner around the corner, we can order it and pick it up. Maybe some burgers and fries if you're hungry?"

"Maybe in a little bit, unless you're hungry now, I will go get the food."

"No, I am fine. I know we are in for a long night, I just wanted you to know there's options if you're hungry. I am not much of a cook, so take out it is." She gave a little smile, but Fitz could tell she was tensing up.

"I'll be right back." Fitz went to the living room to get his boxers. He put them on next to the couch, leaving her clothes there with the rest of his. He looked around her place. Off on a small shelf next to the television was his surfing picture in a frame. He put his head down. She wasn't lying, she never did get over him, but he didn't get over her either.

She had put on a pair of lose fitting ALABAMA sweats but remained topless in the bed. Her chest was gorgeous, stunning breasts, and Fitz had to control himself from putting one in his mouth and start with her all over again. They really did need to talk.

Ten years ago

"Are you falling asleep Livvie? It's only 10:00. But if you're tired, fall asleep, it's ok." He was holding his head in his hand, resting on his elbow, just staring at her, still on her belly.

She turned to him, and he rested his head on her bare chest. "I am too wired to sleep. I have been dreaming of this for so long, to have you, and here you are." She shook her head. "Nothing I say sounds right, does it."

"Of course, it does, it's perfect. It makes me feel better knowing my trying to find you all over two campuses wasn't a waste of time. You are so beautiful, I thought for sure you would have a boyfriend. Don't tell me no one has asked you out."

"Doesn't matter, I don't hear them anyway, I just think of you. I never thought I would ever get the nerve to go up to you, figured you would be just a crush until you graduated, and I was left here without you ever knowing. Then, the other night outside the library."

"Oh, that." Fitz laughed. "I told Mason some girl was calling him, and I saw her go towards the dorms. I had to get rid of him so I could approach you by myself. Mason ran faster than some planes I've read about."

"You wanted to be alone with me?"

"I did. I saw you in the library. I know I was acting like an ass. I am not like that. I need to stop, but when I saw you, I felt it would be the only chance I had to talk to you."

"You weren't acting like an ass, you were funny. Mrs. Dolson likes you, I think. Anyway, I still can't believe I told you your name."

"I loved hearing my name come out of your mouth. It was so perfect. That's the first time my heart fluttered, then you kissed me."

"I did kiss you." Olivia put her face in her hands. "I still can't believe I did that."

"Best thing that ever happened to me." He looked up at her, and she rubbed his curls.

"Fitz, stop, you're going to make me blush."

He kissed her stomach, then his hand cupped her breast. He continued to kiss up to the breast he was touching, and his mouth took his hand's place. She tasted so good.

"MMM Fitz." She arched her back when she felt his warm mouth around her nipple. She felt herself responding, feeling the wetness again, but she didn't want to do it again so soon. She wanted to talk, find out more about him.

He stopped and met his mouth with hers and they kissed for a few minutes, even though she could feel he had another erection, he rolled off and calmed himself down. Staring at the ceiling while Liv tried to calm her body down also, he asked, "so how did you get so good at softball?"

It was the distraction Liv needed and she was happy to tell him how she grew to love the sport.

Present Day

Fitz broke out of that memory and joined her on the bed. "Your breasts, Liv, everything about it is so beautiful. You have developed just as I imagined you would. I am only sorry I couldn't be by your side to see it happen."

"So, it was hazing? Hazing for what? This didn't have anything to do with you graduating first in your class did it? Because if that was it, that's BS, you are smart enough where you could have done that without some hazing prank."

"The one who was leading the class standings senior year had to complete the list. We were both in the ROTC, Simon wanting to get into West Point, and me wanting to get into Top Gun. Whomever was higher wrote a recommendation an evaluation type letter for the other and we threatened to write shitass ones for each other if the list wasn't completed." Fitz put his head down realizing how dumb it sounded now that he said it out loud.

"So, you were behind him the start of your senior year? You already had feelings for me, you said that yourself. If it wasn't me, how were you going to complete that list?"

"I don't know, Liv, I really don't. I wasn't even thinking of the fucking list that night. I just couldn't believe you pulled it off, you got into my dorm, and we were spending the night together. The farthest thing from my mind was that fucking list, really it was." He looked in her eyes, pleading.

She cupped his face. She couldn't help it. She pulled him to her and kissed his lips. She connected her forehead and shook her head. The hold this man had on her. His hand cupped her breast, and she pushed his head towards his touch.

He put his lips around her breast, circling the nipple with his tongue. Liv felt her body responding again and she was grateful she put pants on, because she would have had him inside her again. "Fitz", she whispered. She felt his erection through his boxers, and he stopped, resting his head on her chest.

She didn't want to ruin the moment, but she had to, she just had to ask. "So, if you fucked me, a virgin, and then you had no intention of it completing the list then what? I am just curious how you were going to get out of this. You fuck me, date me, don't say anything and get a bad recommendation, or you fuck me and go ahead and tell Simon anyway? I am not finding any right way out of it for you."

Fitz sat up against the headboard. Liv grabbed a sports bra out of the drawer next to her bed. She didn't want any more distractions.

He buried his face in his hands. "I don't know Liv; I just don't know what to say. I wasn't thinking about completing the list, the way it happened, it did, and I just spent the past ten years trying to find you, to get you to one day forgive me. You have to believe me Liv. It was a no win for me and believe me I lost because I lost you." He put his head back on her chest.

Liv didn't mean to make him cry. She just let him cry feeling the wet of his tears and rubbed his back. She rested her head on his and continued to rub his back. They just laid in silence, until Liv heard his light breathing and she realized he had fallen asleep.

Liv stared at the ceiling. You have him back Liv, let it go, just begin from here. She had every intention to forgive him to let him know she forgave him, but she needed to know how he kept it a secret, that was it, then she would move forward, or she hoped she would. She

Ten years ago

"So, I began playing stickball with all the neighborhood boys on the block. I was always very good, and some boys didn't like that, but who cares. Then they wouldn't let me play anymore."

"That sucks. Boys suck, Livvie, they do, trust me I know." He continued to rest on her chest loving the feel of her rubbing his back as she talked.

"I told my father how much I loved stickball and he found a softball league for me to join. I was 8 years old, and the rest is history. Here I am now trying to keep my ankles healthy and hope to get a scholarship to Alabama."

"I have no doubt you'll do just that; we have to find a way to stay in touch when you're in Alabama and I am in Top Gun in Nevada. Do you think we can do that?" He yawned. "You know Livvie, watch the way you slide into the bases. You want to slide with your feet landing straight on the bag, not on an angle, that protects your ankles, and wrap them. Make sure you wrap them before you cleat up."

With that, Fitz fell asleep on her chest, and it had to be the single most, best feeling in her life. Here she was holding the boy she loved for six months as he slept peacefully in her arms. She was surprised he didn't wake up with the pounding of her heart so fast on his cheek.

She just stared at him, and God was he beautiful. He had the most gorgeous skin. His arm, wrapped around her stomach let her get a good glimpse of his bicep. A few years in the NAVY and those arms would be perfectly formed. She couldn't really see his chest being he was one with hers, but she remembers feeling it. Could it be true he was really wanted to be all hers?

Liv stared at the ceiling thinking. She saw herself with only him. Married, in a house with rooms for lots of kids, that's how she saw herself with him. It was wishful thinking but the connection they had, and they were making right now, it wasn't too farfetched.

After about an hour, she felt him fidget a bit, and look up at her. "I am sorry, Livvie, I fell asleep. Here I am telling you it's ok to sleep and I go and do it."

"It's fine, you are so fine when you're sleeping. Well, you're fine when you're awake too, but looking at you." Liv just stopped.

"Here." Fitz rolled on his back. He put his arm up and Liv rested her head on his chest. She finally got to feel him rubbing circles on his chest. There was a little hair, not too much and she imagined his abs once he worked out for all those hours in the NAVY.

"You are going to develop into one fine soldier Mr. Grant." She sighed a little chuckle and felt herself drift off to sleep. She was in the most heavenly place, and she couldn't help but lose herself in the peacefulness.

Fitz looked at her. She was stunning. She thought everything she said was wrong, but it was so right. It was her true feelings, and he was falling hard for her. He wanted to spend every day waking up in her arms or with her next to him. He could never get too much of Olivia Pope.

He looked at her breasts, still forming, and imagined how they would be in a few years. Her legs were smooth as silk and he thought of how slightly muscular they would be when she worked out as an Alabama softball player.

He wanted to get to know her body. He wanted to know all her weak spots and make her melt into him. He wanted only her, and he never wanted anyone else to have her. This night was so perfect, and he saw the daylight starting to come through the window. They really should eat something, so when she woke up, he would have some breakfast for them.

Present Day

Sometime between staring at him and thinking about their future, Olivia fell asleep. They still had so much talking to do, but her day at work and the mind blowing love making, just exhausted her and she couldn't hold her eyes open any longer.

Fitz woke up and blinked, not realizing at first where he was. He thought maybe it was all another dream. Most of his dreams were of Olivia so it wouldn't have surprised him. There she was though, in the flesh. He had fallen off her chest and she was peacefully sleeping now.

He slowly slipped out of the room and got dressed. He made his way to the living room and picked up his phone to find the directions to the diner around the corner. He wasn't sure what corner. By the time he dressed and made it outside, he noticed the daylight peeking through the sky. She had kept her keys by the door, so not to lock himself out.

They had broken one barrier, and still had a few more to break. The main thing, she knew he did not do that just to complete the list. He wanted to know how hurt he made her, how she got through it. Most importantly did anyone else know what he did. He wasn't sure if she still kept in contact with Quinn.


He entered the diner. He was the only one in there. He asked for two orders of pancakes and bacon to go. As he sat waiting for his order, he heard another Whitney song coming through the radio behind the counter. "Where do Broken Hearts Go?" He shook his head. It was fitting for the discussions they were about to have.

She wanted answers, she will get answers but he wasn't losing her again. He would never let this love go, he never wanted to be far from his Livvie again. "Can they find their way home, back to the open arms of the love that's waiting there. And if somebody loves you, won't they always love you, I look in your eyes and I know that you still care for me."

That's exactly what he felt when he looked in her eyes. She still cared, she admitted she still loved him and he would make it work now, even if it meant apologizing every day for the rest of their lives together.

Ten years ago

Fitz had quietly left the room, wanting to get something to eat for them. The cafeteria was right across the way from his dorm. He walked in, being the only one there. The cook turned and looked at him. "What has you up so early on a Saturday?"

"Just hungry. Can I get two orders of pancakes and bacon please?'

"Hungry my foot, I know you Fitzgerald. You be careful, don't get caught."

Trudy always looked after him. She was a gem. He smiled. "I won't, but this one is special Trudy."

"Well in that case I will give you a double order of the two orders." She winked and turned to make his pancakes. He picked up some bottled water and some orange juice.

When he got back to the room, he placed the food down. She was still sound asleep in his bed and he didn't want to wake her up. He was hoping the aroma of the food would do that, so he began plating on the small table in his room.

He had tossed the unopened pizza box to the corner, and sure enough once the bacon smell hit the air, she began stirring. "mmmm, tell me you cooked bacon in your dorm room."

He sat next to her on the bed watching her wake up. He caressed her cheek and put her hair back behind her ear. "No, I ran over to the cafeteria and got us some. You hungry Livvie, you haven't eaten."

"Yes, I am starving." She held his hand caressing her, and brought it to her lips. She reached for her shirt and put it on with a pair of his boxers. They were comfortable.


As they sat eating at the table they talked about him growing up in California and how he got his spot here in New Jersey. "The best ROTC in the nation, it's true, so that's why I flew all the way across country to be here. It gets lonely on the weekends, but I manage." He reached a piece of bacon and placed it by her mouth.

She took the piece, finished chewing and asked, "Have you dated anyone from here?"

"My freshman and sophomore year I had a few girlfriends, but nothing serious. Melody kept scaring them all away, she is a good friend, but she is difficult sometimes. Like I said, she will know the very second I tell her, I love you, and she is to stay out of it."

"Those other girls, that's why this wasn't your first time."

He looked down, a bit ashamed. He shook his head. "Yeah, but nothing compares to you Livvie."

"You said you like all music. What song are we dancing to at our wedding?"

Liv almost fell off her chair. She couldn't believe he said that. In his defense, she did tell him she saw herself married to him in ten years, so she shouldn't be too shocked. Yet still she was, and she was trying to catch her breath.

"Nobody Loves me Like you Do. It's a song, a duet by Whitney Houston and Jermaine Jackson." She smiled and put her head down. It was on the playlist she made after she first saw him. "I have a playlist of songs that remind me of you." She took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. Why did she tell him that?

"I would love to hear the playlist one day. Do you have the song you just said on it?"

"I do. Want to hear it?"

"Sure do." He watched as she got up and moved things in her bag. She pulled out her iPod and put it on his dock. The song started playing and he wrapped his arm around her waist.

They began dancing to what one day Olivia hoped would be their wedding song. It was a slow dance, and they just looked in each other's eyes. When the song stopped, Liv tried to run over to stop the other songs, but he wouldn't let her.

"Just let them play." He looked down at her, his eyes so inviting again, and she felt that unfamiliar ache in her core.

They began making out again and continued dancing this time to Journey's Open Arms. She loved the feel of his lips, and she was so lost in him again, she didn't even feel her shirt get pulled over her head.

"Can we do it one more time Livvie?"

She couldn't find the strength to speak. She just shook her head, bringing him down to the bed with her. He stripped down and reached for a condom. She was just watching him, anticipating feeling him again. The song switched to Boyz to Men, I'll Make Love to You. Liv watched him pull the boxers down and guide himself into her again.

She watched it the whole time and it turned her on more than she realized because she let out a loud moan. He came down and covered her mouth with his as he pushed his body onto hers making them one again. It felt different, not as special as the first, but different.

The only thing Liv could think about as she felt her body hit that orgasm again was how she wanted this for the rest of her life. Her hips rose to him as she shuddered and he fell down into her as he filled the condom once again.

Present Day

She woke up to the smell of bacon. One of her TV trays was set up in the bedroom. She saw him sitting next to her staring at her. "I figured you may be hungry, so I went and got us some pancakes and bacon."

She sat up. "The same as ten years ago." He didn't forget.

He set a chair up on the other side of the table and they began eating. "How did you keep my name out of it Fitz? How did no one know you took my virginity away? Most of all, did you get your good write up for Top Gun?"

"I threatened to kill the bastard. After you ran off, he said something about it spreading on campus like wildfire and I pinned him to the wall, practically strangling him."

Liv held her forehead in her hand. "Fitz, you could've gotten expelled, you have a temper. I noticed that yesterday in the meeting."

"When it comes to you Livvie, I don't care. Anyway, I put two and two together and I found out Simon was gay. He was too afraid to come out because he would lose his father's fortune if he didn't marry, so I threatened him with it. I am not proud of it, but you weren't going to get hurt anymore than you already had."

Liv put her head down. He did risk a lot for her. "You called fifty times; it was making me crazy."

"I threw my phone up against the wall after the 50th try. I shattered it to pieces, I couldn't call anymore even if I wanted to. When you didn't come back, I figured I would leave you alone. I just never thought I wouldn't see you again."

"You quit basketball and baseball. It was your senior year. Please tell me you at least went to prom." Liv was starting to feel guilty now.

"Nope, nothing. I lost you and I was miserable. I wanted one thing and I didn't want it more than you, but I still wanted it, so I worked my ass off to get it, so I did, I got it, and I attended Top Gun after graduation first in the class. I caught Simon, became valedictorian and went off to Top Gun. I never stopped thinking of you Livvie."

"Did you have any relationships? I will tell you about Jake in a minute, you answer first."

"I had a girlfriend, Lillian, over in Germany, but I was in love with you. I wasn't going to keep pretending. I could never love someone like I love you. Yeah, spill it about Jake because the first person I hear named Jake in the same room as me I am about to punch."

"I dated here and there in college, nothing serious. When I did have sex, it was nothing compared to what we had. I could never feel what I felt with you. It wasn't worth pretending. One or two dates and I would shrug the guy off."

Fitz couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, smile Mister, go on. Anyway, I met Jake through a work function, that's how Mr. Santos knows him. We dated on and off for a about a year. Last week, he took me to Central Park and in the middle of the afternoon in front of about 50 people he asked me to marry him."

She saw his jaw clench again. "He had a ring and one knee and all that?"

"Yeah, he had all that, but he wasn't you and I turned him down. I broke his heart, but it's not like I ever told him I loved him because I didn't. He did it to himself thinking it was more than it was."

"He sent you roses?"

"Every month at some point. I never told him what they meant to me like I told you, he just knew they were my favorite flower. He never sent me ten dozen though, that was crazy Fitz."

"One for each 14th of February I have missed you. So you and Jake are finished."

"He sent me a text telling me to lose his number when I accidentally thanked him for the flowers. He called you my Fitz fix. Twice during sex…" She stopped and saw his face turn red. "Anyway, I called your name out."

"I called Lillian Livvie one time." Fitz shrugged.

"Jake also woke me up because I was dreaming about you and calling your name. He was pissed."

"I also called Lillian Livvie in conversation twice. She was no dummy though, she knew I was in love with someone else, this Jake sounds like a real loser."

"He was in love", Liv shrugged, "what can you do?"


She reached over to her nightstand. She pushed a few buttons and she stood up. Soft music began playing and Fitz recognized the song immediately. "No Body Loves me Like you Do"

"Care to dance Mr. Grant?"

By the second verse of the song, Liv was lost in his lips again. He pulled his shirt off and they were dancing skin to skin, as she took off the sports bra, making out to the rhythm of their dancing, slow and steady.

This time Fitz gently put her down on the bed. They were going to take it nice and slow now, the initial need of ten years dwindling in their forgiveness. He gently pulled her sweats down and got himself naked.

This time, the next song on the playlist was Ed Sheeran's Perfect. Liv rolled so she was on top now, and guided him right into her, the wetness making it easy, and she saw him fall weak as she moved her hips slowly around before finding a steady rhythm.

He pulled her down, rubbing her back and devouring her lips with his. "You will always be perfect Livvie." His mouth made its way to her neck, and he held her steady as he felt her explode all around him.

As she was still shivering from her orgasm, he rolled her around, going slowly, taking his time. He wanted to savor every moment he was still inside her. When her eyes closed and he felt her walls close again around him, she pulled at his curls.

It was his undoing and once again, unprotected, Fitz emptied himself into the woman he has loved for ten years and will for the rest of his life.

This time Liv didn't look at him. She had no more strength left in her. They said what they had to say for now. They still loved each other, that wouldn't or didn't change over time. He put his arm out to her like he did ten years ago.

Even though it was a bright, yet cold, February afternoon, Liv fell onto his chest. She felt his arms tighten around her and her arm went securely around his waist. She was exhausted having the past ten years finally get put to rest.

They still had so much catching up to do, but on this Saturday afternoon, the day before the 14th of February, the two reunited lovers began to fall into a much needed and peaceful sleep wrapped in each other's arms..

Before they drifted off to dream about their future together, Olivia whispered "I love you Fitz, for ten years, and for always."

Just as her body was falling into sleep, she heard his gorgeous voice. "And I love you my Livvie, and I always will."