The breath suit, as it turns out, is badly in need of repair. Examining it up close, touching it again conjures up all the memories that I have spent the past several months trying to bury. Even the smell of it is abhorrent to me; a mixture of leather, metal, and what I am certain is the smell of evil, if such a thing is possible. It seems that Sidious' attack upon me had damaged the circuitry far more than I had originally known; but of course I was too delirious with pain and too weak to know that. What I do know is that if it weren't for Luke, I would have died that day. Judging by the extent of the damage, it looks like I would have had less than 2 hours of life support left.
Calrissian has dispatched a subordinate to Hannas II to bring Luke and Leia to the fleet. I am hoping that I will be on my way to Kamino before they arrive, for I am certain that they will do their utmost to dissuade me from my current course of action. Not only that, I am certain that the sight of me in that hated breath suit will be unnerving for both of them. I know that I am dreading donning it once again, especially the mask; but if it will enable me to strike a blow to the Empire, one that could possibly cripple them irrevocably, then I will do it gladly.
I have spent the time since I arrived at the fleet doing my best to mend the damaged circuitry of the suit. I have at my disposal a protocol droid as well as a technician, a young woman named Kenda, who has been most helpful.
"I think that does it," announces the technician as she adjusts the covers on the metal box that controls the breathing mechanism. "What do you think?"
I examine her work, impressed. "You've done well," I tell her. "I suppose it's time to test it out."
She nods, her face grimacing a little as though she knows how I feel about getting into the suit again.
"Well, that would be the best way to find any remaining problems," she adds.
"Yes, true," I say, stalling more. My heart is racing, my pulse quickened…I suddenly feel claustrophobic just at the thought of putting that mask back on my head. But it must be done, there is no other way.
"I'll be right back," I tell her. I pick up the leather pants and tunic and head for the 'fresher. Once inside, I take a deep, calming breath. "You can do this, Skywalker," I tell myself softly. "You have to do this." I take off my Jedi robes, folding them carefully as I place them on the floor. Standing in my shorts, I look at myself in the mirror. Am I doing the right thing? Will I be strong enough to withstand the temptation of power that this suit will bring me? Am I strong enough to resist Darth Vader's lure?
"Yes," I announce, picking up the leather pants. "I am."
Adjustments have been made to the leather pieces, for the prostheses added several centimeters to my height. Now that I am back to my own, natural height, some tailoring was required in order to make them fit properly. They did a good job, I note, as I put them on. They are a perfect fit.
After donning the outfit, I look back in the mirror. "Nice look," I tell myself, a sour expression on my face. I shake my head, and then head out the door.
"Okay, let's do this," I tell Kenda who has been polishing the helmet in my brief absence.
She stands up and looks me up and down. "The adjustment are okay?" she asks.
I nod. "Yes," I tell her. "Perfect. The boots are next."
I sit down and pull the tall leather boots on, the sensation of them on my bare feet somewhat startling. Next are the shin guards, originally meant to protect my prosthetic legs. I strap them on and stand up.
"Now let's see how this thing fits on," she says, standing up on tip toe to slip the leather straps around my neck and shoulders, placing the box on the rectangular hole in the front of the suit. This box used to be my life support- now it is merely a prop that I must don in order to play the part of the Dark Lord I renounced many months go.
"The shoulder armor," I tell her. "That holds it in place."
"Right," she says, taking it from the droid. "Can you sit down? I mean, you're really tall."
"Sorry," I tell her, sitting down. "I sometimes forget."
She smiles. "No problem." She adjusts the armor across my shoulders, and I can feel its oppressive weight immediately. "Is that it?" she asks, looking down at me.
I nod. "Yeah, that's it," I reply.
"Okay, what else have we got here?" she turns to the droid. "Belt?"
"Thanks," I say, taking if from her and strapping it on. I had forgotten how much all of this paraphernalia weighs. How did I manage to endure this for so long?
After getting every other piece in place, including the robes, the cape, the chest piece, gauntlets, codpiece, the mask and helmet were left.
"You know, we don't have to try it right now," Kenda said, seeing my trepidation. "Why don't you take a break? The mask needs some work still anyhow. And besides, I this can't be easy for you."
"No, it isn't," I admit. "But it has to be done."
"Yes, I know…but, just let clean this up a bit more. I'll be right back," Kenda says as she runs out of the room with the mask in her hand.
I stand up and walk around, getting a feel for the suit and the boots once again.
"Father, no!"
I turn quickly, startled by the sound of the voice, and see Leia standing with Luke, both of them look utterly shocked and horrified.
"Father, is this your plan?" Luke demands as they enter the room. "To become Vader once again?"
"Of course not!" I tell him. "I will never do that, Luke! Surely you of all people know that!"
"Then why are you wearing that awful suit?" Leia asks her dark eyes wide.
"Just seeing you in that again…I can't tell you how it makes me feel!"
I walk over to her and Luke and reach a hand out to each of them. Tentatively they place one of their hands in mine. I can feel that my daughter is trembling.
"It is me, Leia," I tell her, squeezing her hand gently. "Anakin Skywalker, your father. I have not changed; I have not gone back to the Dark Side. I swear to you."
"We know that," Luke replies. "But why this, Father? What are you hoping to accomplish?"
"Darth Vader has access to Imperial information at the highest level," I tell him. "I cannot guarantee that I can get at that information as Anakin Skywalker."
"But surely they know what happened," Leia puts in. "Surely they know that you killed Palpatine!"
"Perhaps they do," I concur. "But even if they do, that still doesn't mean they won't follow Vader's orders. If anything, it would make them fear Vader more, as being the one who had the audacity to kill Palpatine."
"Possibly," says Luke. "But you're taking a terrible risk, father; too great a risk. I won't let you do this!"
"No, neither will I," replies Leia. "It's too dangerous."
"You're both forgetting about Coruscant, about Han," I remind them. "We don't have time to think of other options! We must act swiftly and decisively if we are to prevent catastrophe from befalling the innocent people of Coruscant. I can do that as Vader. I can make things happen, from within the ranks of the Empire, that would take weeks to effect from outside. Don't you see? It's the perfect solution!"
"Ani?"
I look up from my children to see Padmé standing in the doorway. My heart fills at the sight of her, and I smile.
"Yes, Padmé," I tell her. "It's still me."
"What are you doing?" she asks as she slowly enters the room. "Why….why are you wearing that?"
"Father is planning on returning to the ranks of the Empire as a spy for the Alliance," Luke explains to his mother. "I am violently opposed to the idea."
"So am I," puts in Leia, folding her arms over her chest.
"It's the only way," I tell Padmé. "There isn't time for an easier one."
Padmé frowns and I sense her great fear. "I don't like this, Anakin," she says softly. "What if …what if the Dark Side takes you from us again? What if you can't resist the power being Darth Vader brings you?"
I walk over to her and put my hands on her shoulders. "It won't," I tell her.
"I promise you. Padmé, the Dark Side holds nothing for me but pain and anguish; a life time spent alone in that monstrous suit, enslaved to that fiend I was foolish enough to call my master. I would be a fool to want that again! I have my children now, our children," I tell her softly, moving my hands to her face, half expecting her to jerk away from me. But she doesn't. "I...I have found you again," I tell her, looking into her eyes. "My angel…you and our children are the very reason I am doing this, Padmé; to make the galaxy safe for all of us, to eliminate the evil that is manifested in the Empire once and for all. I more than anyone have an obligation to do that; if it means masquerading as Darth Vader to accomplish it, then that is what I must do."
Padmé's eyes fill with tears, and I feel her guard slip, just a bit. "You are too reckless," she chides me. "You always have been."
I smile at her. "Ah, but that's one of the reasons you love me," I tease her.
She smiles, despite herself. "Is it?" she challenges me.
I nod knowingly. "Yes, it is." We stand looking at one another for a moment, as though we are alone with no one else in the room. "Don't worry," I tell her softly. "I will be fine. I promise."
"You make too many promises, Anakin Skywalker," she tells me. "One day you'll find that you are unable to keep them all."
"Perhaps," I tell her. "But for now, just have faith that I am doing the right thing. Will you do that, Padmé? Will you trust me?" I turn to my son and daughter. "Will all of you trust me?"
"Of course we trust you, Father," Luke replies. "You know that."
Leia nods her assent, the frown on her face softening. I look back to my wife.
"Well?" I ask her. "What about you, Padmé…do you trust me?"
She looks at Luke, and then at Leia, and then back up at me, her dark eyes troubled. "Yes, Ani," she replies at last. "I trust you."
Such joy, such elation…I can scarcely breathe I am so smothered by it! Nothing means more to me than her trust…nothing.
"Thank you, my angel," I tell her, smiling at her. "You have no idea what it means to hear you say that."
She smiles at me. "I think I do," she replies.
I bend down and plant a kiss on her brow.
"Since you're so determined to do this, you might as well fill us in," Leia says. "What is the plan?"
I turn to my children. "Sit down and I'll explain it all to you. I could actually use your help," I tell them.
I sit down at the small table, motioning for them to join me.
"Good," says Luke as he sits down with Leia beside him. "Count us in."
"Count me too," Padmé says as she sits down beside me. "I'm ready to do my part as well."
I smile at her, elated to see the Padmé I once knew again.
"Okay, this is what I had in mind…"
