The accommodations Calrissian shows us to are small and sparse. I don't imagine are accustomed to having guests, so I suppose the fact that we have a place to sleep at all is a good thing. Along the way he has informed us that he was unable to contact the Alliance leaders on Coruscant, and that no communication channels to the capital are operational. This information, though not surprising, does nothing to lower the tension level among us, for we know that it means Han is most definitely in danger.
We are bunking in a what I assume are crew quarters, two narrow bunk beds with a small table and two chairs between them. I can sense that my wife is yet uneasy sleeping in the same room as me, even though we are in separate beds. Luke and I volunteer to take the top bunks, and, true to form, Luke is asleep within moments of his head hitting the pillow. Padmé and Leia talk quietly well into the night, the bond between them growing stronger by the moment. It is wonderful to see them together at last after all these years; sharing secrets and laughs as a mother and daughter should.
I am reminded of my own mother as I lay awake in the dark room. I miss her. I wish she had lived to see my children. Yet, part of me is glad that she wasn't able to see how the Darkness destroyed the innocent boy she raised, that would have broken her heart. No, she died in peace, believing me to be the honorable Jedi knight I had always dreamed of being. It is indeed ironic that her death heralded one of my darkest moments, for I am certain that the slaughter of the tusken raiders who brutalized my mother was the beginning of my descent into Darkness.
Eventually I drift off, the soothing, steady hum of the ship's engines helping me along the way. Despite the small, unyielding mattress, I manage to fall into a deep restful slumber.
My sleep is interrupted, interjected, by the images projected by the mind of someone nearby. Someone is having a nightmare; I see the images as clearly as though I were having it myself….
I am on Mustafar, the fiery rivers that surround me sent up nauseating fumes of sulfur and other toxins…running…whoever is having this dream is running, and I can feel the terror they feel, for someone is after them. The air is heavy with smoke and poisonous vapors, and I start to choke...no, it is not the smoke, I distinctly feel fingers on my throat, and they are tightening at an alarming rate. I turn to see who is pursuing me but my vision is starting to blur due to the lack of oxygen getting to my brain…and then I hear it...the ominous, monstrous sound of a thing that had once been a man...and from the smoke emerges a hulking figure dressed all in black, one black gloved arm stretched out towards me…I am frozen to the ground as it approaches me, and in the reflection of its inhuman eyes I see…
Padmé! I sit up as the dream shakes the sleep from me. I leap down from the bunk and see that she is tossing and turning in her sleep. She is dreaming of Vader… I kneel beside her and gently take her shoulders in my hands.
"Wake up, Padmé," I urge her quietly so as not to wake the twins. "Please wake up!"
The room is quite dark, but I sense that she awakens, a great wave of disorientation and terror emanating from her.
"Who is there?" she whispers, her voice edged with fear, as though she is still in the throes of her nightmare.
"It's Anakin, Padmé," I tell her. "You're safe. You were only dreaming."
"Ani?" She reaches out a hand in the dark to see if I am truly there, and I take it, placing it against my cheek.
"See? I'm right here," I tell her. "I won't let anyone harm you," I add, wincing at the dreadful irony of the statement.
"I had the most horrifying dream," she tells me, sitting up. "I was on Mustafar, and…" she stops as the images create a fresh wave of anxiety and fear within her. "And…" she stops again and I can tell that she is crying. Tentatively I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her in an effort to comfort her. To my surprise she does not resist my embrace, and holds onto me tightly, her face buried in my neck. Gently I stroke her hair, as we merely hold one another in the dark, comforting one another wordlessly. I close my eyes, more moved by the simple, yet powerful moment of intimacy than I would have imagined possible. My Padmé is in my arms, trusting me; loving me, allowing me to comfort her…I can hardly believe it is happening. Part of me never wants the moment to end, and another part is afraid that I will wake up to discover that I am dreaming it all up.
"Promise you'll come back to me, Ani," she whispers in the dark. "Promise me you won't leave me again."
My throat constricts with the emotions that fill me at the sound of her heartfelt pleas, at the echoes of profound love that I feel in her words.
"I promise, Angel," I tell her, taking her wet face into my hands. "I will never leave you again, Padmé. You are my very soul, I am lost without you."
"I've missed you so much," she sobs quietly, unable to keep her feelings at bay any longer.
I press my lips to her brow, then to her eyes, tasting the salt of her tears. I press my forehead against hers, my hands gently holding her face. "We will never be apart again, beloved," I tell her softly. "I promise you. I will spend the rest of my life loving you, Padmé, if you will let me."
"Mother? Are you alright?"
I pull back as the light goes on and Leia approaches her mother's bedside.
"Yes, Leia," Padmé replies, wiping her tears away. "I'm fine. I just had a bad dream."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear it," Leia says. She looks at me. "Have you managed to get any sleep?" she asks me.
"Yes, surprisingly," I tell her. "With everything going on I was certain I'd spend the night tossing and turning. I don't imagine I'll be getting too much rest once this operation is set into motion."
Leia frowns. "No, I don't think you will. I still hate the thought of you doing this."
"We all do, Leia," Padmé adds. "But I trust that your father is doing what he feels is necessary."
I smile at my wife, grateful for her support. More and more I am seeing the old Padmé I knew all those years ago, as she begins to emerge from the protective shell she has built around herself.
"I know," says Leia with a sigh. "And I'm proud of him for doing it. I'm just …afraid…"
I reach out and take my daughter's hand. "You don't need to be afraid, Leia," I tell her. "You won't lose me to the Dark Side; I promise you that."
"That isn't what I'm afraid of, Dad," she tells me. "I'm afraid that they will find out what you are doing. I'm afraid that …that they will know who you've become. And if they do…" she stops, and I can see the fear in her mind, the unspoken words that she daren't utter aloud…afraid that they will kill you for it…
"That will not happen," I tell her, squeezing her hand gently. "By the time they have discovered my true identity, it will be long after we have seen them defeated and eradicated from the galaxy."
Leia tries to smile, but I know she is worried, and not just for me; she still has heard no word from Han Solo, and with Calrissian's attempts to contact the Alliance leaders on Coruscant unsuccessful, we all know that he is in almost certain danger.
"Why don't we all try to get some more sleep," Padmé suggests at last. "We have a long, difficult day ahead of us tomorrow."
"Good idea," Leia says. She bends and gives each of us a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight to you both. Sleep well."
She walks over and turns off the light and then I hear her climb back into her bed on the opposite side of the room.
I stand up to return to my bed when if feel Padmé take my hand. "Goodnight, Ani," she tells me.
I bring her hand up to my mouth and kiss it tenderly. "Goodnight my angel. Sweet dreams."
I climb back up into the top bunk, and settle in again, hoping to get back to sleep. I smile in the dark as I relive in my mind what has just transpired between my wife and me, scarcely able to believe it really did happen. Was she still half asleep and therefore not cognizant of what she was saying? Or was she truly expressing her feelings to me at last? I roll over with a sigh, only to hear my son snoring softly on the other side of the room, blissfully oblivious to what has just happened. I chuckle to myself, and then close my eyes, determined to grab a few more precious hours of sleep.
