September 10th, 2001

Dear Diary,

He came to me. Unfortunately it is only though my dreams. It is 2:00 in the morning and I just woke up. I don't want to forget… I have to write it down…

He was battling many heartless… in a world so strange… I've never seen it before. He was all alone. Goofy and Donald were gone… no where to be found. It didn't matter to me… I only wanted to be close to him even more than ever before. I finally got to see him without having everything turn to darkness encompassing me. The never-ending darkness always seems to eat away at me till I lose grip on my own self. It is the scariest feeling to feel your own being slowly slip away.

School is becoming increasingly harder. I am failing most of my classes because I can't concentrate. My parents are forcing me to see the doctor 3 times a week now. He asks me questions about my beliefs and doesn't respond to what I say. He just sits and listens… it's really annoying and nice at the same time. He doesn't judge, but he doesn't respond. My friends have completely given up on me. I think they finally realize I am never going to be the same…

I just don't understand it anymore. Why can't he be here? Why won't he come back to me? All I want to do is hold him once more… to feel his chest rise and fall with life against mine. I hope for it every night. Everyday I see him in the faces of every one. He never really fades from my thoughts.

I finally have found some sort of comfort though. I look out at the stars every night to calm me. For some reason, they make me feel closer to him. I feel like he isn't so far away after all. I actually smile when I see them. They are like my little piece of hope to remind me he isn't gone forever. For once… I have a tiny bit of comfort for my bleeding heart.

Mom told me I have to go visit Grandma tomorrow. She says I need time out of my room. Mom just doesn't understand how hard it is for me to visit my grandmother knowing all that I do… I know she isn't my real grandmother… she knows it too. We don't even look similar… but she treats me like her own. It feels good to still be loved though…

I just wish he could see me now. When will he come back?