September 22, 2001
Dear Diary,
Today has been such a peculiar day. I feel like my whole world is upside down. Do you ever have those days? Today I opened the fridge to get a box of cereal… and then my dad came in and gave me a puzzled look when I started getting mad because it wasn't there. Luckily for me, my dad is pretty easy going sometimes and his laughter made me feel better. Laughter seems to cure everything sometimes… even a broken heart. By no means am I cured… but the pain dulls whenever I laugh for real… which isn't very often… but when it does happen… it feels good.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about Riku. I know he is still out there… but I know he is in pain… I fear he has been consumed by the darkness… all alone… just like me. I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I'm right… I don't want to be though… I want him to be back here safe and happen… but I know that for things to turn out right, I might have to just let him go… but why? Why do I feel so disconnected to everyone? I don't even care about the people I sued to love the most… except for him… if this were happening to him I wouldn't just let it go like this. For some reason, I just don't care about anyone else but him…. God, what the hell am I doing? What is wrong with me? But no matter how hard I try… I just can't feel the same love towards others as I did before… That day at Hollow Bastion… the memory still so clear… something in me died… but something else was born. My heart feels different towards everyone in my life except him. I pretend to still be kind and caring, but it just doesn't' work anymore. What has happened to me? What have I become?
