The shower feels good, and it helps to cool the flames of passion that have inflamed me. Damn that Calrissian… I think to myself as I towel off. I never have liked that man…
I find my family in the mess and realize how hungry I am all of a sudden.
"Well that's a definite improvement," declares Leia when she sees me.
I smile as I take a seat beside my son. "Yes, I heartily agree."
"Mother told us about Palpatine's will, Dad," Leia tells me. "What are you going to do?"
I look across the table at him. "I don't know yet," I tell her. "It's a big decision, too big for me to make on my own." I look at each of them. "I was hoping we could talk it over among ourselves and come to a decision together, as a family."
"We are happy to talk about it with you, Dad," Luke replies. "But ultimately the decision is yours."
"I know that Luke," I tell him. "But I would appreciate your input on it. This is a huge step, not something I want to contend with on my own."
"Nor should you," Padmé says. "As I told you before, Ani, you can lean on us if you need to. We are your family, after all. That's what families are for."
I smile at her. "And I am a lucky man to have such a family," I tell her.
"Why don't we just enjoy our meal and discuss this when Mon Mothma arrives?" suggests Leia. "We won't have a long time to spend together, just the five of us," she adds, turning and smiling at Han. "Let's just enjoy our time together while we have it."
"Good idea, Leia," I tell her. "I'll have to return to the fleet before I begin to raise suspicions. Who knows how long it will be before we get to be together like this again?"
Padmé nods, a look of sadness appearing in her eyes. "All too true," she replies softly.
I reach over and take her hand. "Don't despair, Padmé. This will all be over soon, I promise."
She looks up at me and smiles. "I hope so, Ani."
Mon Mothma and Admiral Ackbar arrive within a few hours. We meet them in a conference room, the tension level high among us all.
"We want to thank you for your part in ending the siege, Anakin," Mon Mothma begins.
"Yes," Ackbar puts in. "You've proven yourself once again, Skywalker."
"That was the easy part," I tell them both. "What lies ahead will be far more challenging."
Mon Mothma nods. "Yes, no doubt of that. We need to discuss what your plan is, what you need from us. We are prepared to do anything we can to help you."
"Thank you," I tell her, not wishing to say what I am truly thinking. I don't even know what I am doing...how can I tell you what you can do to help? "For now my main concern is maintaining the charade," I tell them. "Wearing the suit is only part of it. There are certain expectations that people have of Darth Vader, and some of them are rather difficult to bluff my way through."
"What expectations are you talking about, Dad?" asks Luke.
"Simple things," I reply. "Like eating, showering, sleeping…all the things that normal people think nothing of. For Darth Vader, those things were incredibly difficult, and performed using highly sterile, technical means. I slept in a hyperbaric chamber of nearly pure oxygen, for that was the only environment where I could remove my helmet and mask safely for any extended period of time. Eating was done primarily though intravenous, or high-potency capsules; I could go on and on, but I think you all understand what I'm getting at. How do I maintain the illusion of being Vader when I no longer need these specialized systems? And the suit; I had several of them. You can imagine how unpleasant a suit like that gets if it is lived in day in and day out."
"I hadn't thought of any of that," Luke says. "I guess we all assumed that Darth Vader didn't eat, sleep, shower or even need to do any of those things."
I smile. "Well Luke, despite the outward appearance, there was a human being under all of that machinery."
"So how do we solve this problem then?" Padmé says. "We can't give the Imperials the slightest reason to suspect any duplicity on Anakin's part."
Kenda is present at this briefing, and appears thoughtful. "Well, the private aspects of your life will be easier to hide," she says. "I mean, even if you have a hyperbaric chamber installed in your quarters, there's no one there to know you aren't in it at night, no one to see who is under the mask."
"Yes, that is true," I reply. "No one would dare enter my quarters unannounced or uninvited. But what about the suit? It wouldn't be long before everyone knew that it was…well worn."
"We must start work on reproducing it at once," Mon Mothma declares. "It shouldn't be too hard to replicate, it's a simple leather body suit, isn't it?"
I nod. "Yes, in two pieces."
"You'll need to bring it to us, Ani," Kenda tells me. I am surprised by her use of the nickname that only my wife uses. And so is Padmé… "So we can study it and start producing them."
I nod. "How long do you estimate that will take?" I ask her. "I can't be away from the fleet for too long before questions are asked about my whereabouts."
"Yes, we have to remember that," Leia says. "The longer he is away, the more difficult his absence will be to explain."
"Agreed," Ackbar speaks up. "How did you explain leaving in the first place?" he asks me.
"I told them that Han was a traitor to the rebellion and he was going to lead me to the rebel fleet," I tell him.
"And they believed that?" Luke asks.
"They seemed to," I reply, as doubt starts to creep into my mind at his question. "I reminded them of past as a mercenary."
"Yeah, left nothing to the imagination, either," mutters Han.
"Well let's hope they bought that," Leia says. "But if you are away longer than what they deem appropriate, you will need another excuse."
"Perhaps you could say you were seeing to the particulars of your personal requirements," suggests Padmé. "I'm assuming the equipment you required was destroyed with the star destroyer you were living on, wasn't it?"
"Yes, the Executor was annihilated in the battle over the Endor moon," I tell her. "That's a brilliant idea, Padmé," I tell her with a smile. "And that would also explain why I am returning with the extra clothing."
She smiles, pleased that her suggestion has been so helpful.
"I assume that the Imperial technicians can replace the chamber and any other specialized equipment for you," Kenda says. "Perhaps you ought to make contact with them to make Padmé's suggestion more believable."
"Good idea," I tell her. I nod, pleased with the progress we have made in such short order. Now onto a more difficult topic.
"Now, about the will," Ackbar begins, almost as though he can read my mind. "Have you given any thought to it, Anakin?"
"Yes, there has been very little else on my mind, actually," I tell him. "And I'm still not sure how to deal with it. I was hoping to get the input of all of you."
Mon Mothma and Ackbar exchange a look.
"The way I see it," Mon Mothma begins, "there is nothing to discuss, Anakin. If we want to end the conflict and put a stop to the Imperial atrocities in the galaxy, the only way to do it is from within."
"Agreed," I say. "But I am already within as Darth Vader. Surely that…"
"As galactic emperor," she interjects, "you would have ultimate power, Anakin. It would be so much easier for you to control the fate of the galaxy as its emperor. Surely you can see that."
I frown, not liking the patronizing tone I detect in her voice. "Of course I see that!" I retort. "I'd be a fool not to. What you fail to see, Commander, is the how dangerous that much power is. As one who has fallen under the seductive lure of the Dark Side, I can tell you that wielding that much power can change a person."
Mon Mothma frowns. "You have assured us all that you have renounced the Dark Side, Anakin," she reminds me. "What are you saying? That you can't be trusted now?"
"I would trust my father with my very life!" replies Leia hotly. "His trustworthiness is beyond question."
"So what is the problem then?" Ackbar asks, looking from Leia back to me. "We trust you, Anakin; why can't you trust yourself?"
Yes, that is the crux of it all, isn't it? I reflect.
"I don't know why," I tell him, looking down at my hands folded on the table top. "I suppose the guilt I still carry and will probably always carry is part of the reason. History is a harsh master, and my history is …well, I don't need to tell anyone what my history is. Everyone in this room has been scarred by my mistakes, by my fall."
"We know how difficult it is for you to face up to your past, Anakin," Padmé says softly, reaching over and putting her hand over mine. "None of us here will deny that. But it is the past, Ani, the past. You have proven time and time again that you are no longer the man who succumbed to the temptation of the Dark power that Palpatine offered you. You are stronger now; wiser, humbler…you can do this. Everyone here believes in you."
I look at my wife, grateful beyond measure for her love and support. The fact that she believes in me is precious to me, for her support more than anyone's has the power to encourage and empower me.
"Ultimately it's up to you, Father," Luke says at last. "We have total faith in you. But you have to have faith in yourself, and no one can give that to you. That has to come from within."
My son is the same age that I was when I became Darth Vader, I realize; yet he is so wise, so full of humility and goodness...he is a true Jedi...
I look around the table at each one of my family, seeing in their eyes the depth of their belief in me. Surely if they think I can do it, than I can do it. I have to do it, for them, for the galaxy…
"Okay," I say at last. "I'll do it."
