Invader Zim, its concepts and personalities are copyrighted by Nickelodeon/Viacom. I, BioKraze, own nothing save the original plot of this fanfiction.

Author's Note: This fanfic is lovingly dedicated, with much humor, to fellow fanfic writers Takker and Dreamah.

In the main hall of Conventia, thousands of humans, Irkens, and various assorted beasts and aliens are gathered to hear a very special announcement from the Almighty Tallest Purple. There is hushed wonder as to why the Tallest would choose to speak in front of so many non-Irkens, and without the assistance of his fellow dictator, Almighty Tallest Red. The whispers die down as the Tallest hovers from behind a great curtain, and stops in front of a microphone.

"Hello, is this thing on?" Purple tapped the device a few times with a spindly finger. Seeing that all was going well, the Tallest picks up the microphone and begins to speak.

"Ahem! Thank you all for coming today. There has been something on my mind that I felt was necessary to share with certain individuals, a happening of great magnitude that should have been addressed a very long time ago...

"In short...What's wrong with you people!?

"What's the deal, picking on me for your amusement? Don't you people have compassion? It's bad enough that I'm portrayed as the dumber of the Tallest in the show; I don't need you fanfic writers to make it worse! I've been shot in the eye with a laser, hit in the head by a marionette's hand, and generally made to look like a complete and utter fool! And that was only in the TV series!

"And now this? I get molested by Zim and Red, called a crossdresser by the people of an entire world, stuck in elevators for Irk only knows how long, and for what? Mother of Irk, don't I get a break? Why do you pick on me?

"And enough glomping! My poor spine can't take that sort of abuse! Do I look like a bishounen to you fangirls? I'm not! Our universe isn't even in the Anime spectrum, and I'm absolutely nobody's bishie! So stop it with the attacks! No more glomping!

"I'm sick and tired of being abused physically, sexually and emotionally in these stupid fanfics! I'm burnt out on the pain and the suffering! If I don't get compensation or a decent break in which nothing at all terrible happens to me, I'll quit!"

With that said and done, Purple hovers back to behind the curtain, but not before a tomato hits him in the back of the head. He pauses and lets his temper fly.

"What's wrong with you people!?"