Hi, guys we took down the chapter thanking the reviewers because a guardian angel pointed a better way (we still mean every word we wrote.) So the page is now posted at the end of this chapter so have a quick read if you haven't read it already.
Ok now…On with the show!
Top Ten Questions We'd Ask the Cast III
I hope their not up to any tricks. I thought as I ran through the busy hallways of Baal Industries. My cloak bellowed behind me as my feet pounded the marble floor leading me to the elevator at the end of the hall. As I pushed the button to take me up to Boardroom V, I remembered Baal telling me that this was the fastest lift he'd ever ridden. Yeah righ! Maybe in his imagination…but then again………
"I'm sorry I'm late," I panted as I scooted into the lone seat at the head of the table. "You won't believe how heavy the traffic was, in the high way exit from Reality."
"Where are we?" Jun asked, while slipping a silver letter opener in to her sleeve.
I pretended not to notice and replied casually. "Oh, somewhere in Baal's imagination…"
"Baal? The side burn killer? " Zhao questioned angrily. "Why are we in his imagination? Haven't you got one of your own?"
"I do of course…But you see it tends to run away once in a while…I have absolutely no control over it so I kinda borrow Baal's"
"That's enough of the chit chat…On with the intros…" I looked around and smiled. "I believe the only new face here is Jun" I gestured towards the Femme Fetale and continued.
"Jun is a bounty hunter who uses the unique sensory power of her pet Shir-shu to track down her prey. She was employed by Prince Zuko in his hunt for the Avatar. But we all know the only result of that partnership was a full heart and a half empty vault wasn't it?" I winked at Iroh, who flashed me a knowing smile.
"Ok Zhao, let's start with you. Are you married?" I fired the question hoping to catch the Admiral off guard.
Zhao, who was stroking his newly re-grown side burns grinned foxily. "That depends…" he smirked, "on whether or not Miss Jun is…"
Jun regarded Zhao's intense stare coolly. She leaned back on her chair and raised an eyebrow. "That depends…Either way it'll cost you fifty gold to get an answer"
Iroh scowled as Zhao pushed a moneybag across the table to Jun. "And the answer is…?"
I watched in fascination as the tattooed woman deftly snatched the pouch and attached it to her waist. "The answer is…maybe" Jun answered sweetly.
"HA HA HA" Iroh and I laughed heartily at the pissed look on Zhao's face. I exchanged a high five with the smug bounty hunter.
"Great burn Jun, you're an inspiration to single women everywhere. Now can I please have my wristwatch back?"
After all stolen property was returned and no apologies are exchanged, I turned to Iroh who was sipping tea.
"General, First of all I just wanna say, your nephew may not give a toss but I totally think you rock…"
"Thank you my dear, I didn't fully comprehend that sentence but I'll take it as a compliment."
"See…" I tapped the table to emphasize my point (which is non-existent by the way) "That was classis Iroh…calm cool and collected. Nice feat for a fire bender."
"I digress…General I'm very curious, just like all the other fans out there…Why did you pull out of Ba Sin Sei after six hundred days? I'm mean you were the great Dragon of the West! Were the earth benders' defenses THAT strong?"
Iroh smiled. "Well I…"
"Were you sick of the blood shed and the burnt flesh?"
"I…"
"Did you have enough of your brother's greed for power and destruction?"
"No. But…"
"Were you really home sick even though home was no more than a fortress of lies and corruption devoid of love?"
"Er…"
"C'mon tell me. I'm sure it's a great story."
Iroh shrugged "I ran out of tea."
"WHAT?" I choked.
"WHAT?" Zhao croaked.
"WHAT?" Ozai roared, "YOU TOLD ME YOUR SUPPLY LINES WERE CUT!"
"And that's the truth." Iroh smiled "They sank my shipment of Ginseng."
A huge fight resulted with Ozai snarling that he should have had Iroh executed for cowardice; Zhao was yelling that he should have been called Dragon of the West but now Iroh had stolen his rightful title while Jun was howling in laughter.I looked at Iroh who continued to drain his tea and sighed. Heroes never lived up to their standards….
Ozai was radiating an unbearable amount of heat and even the French windows steamed up and cracked. Before I could end this nonsense a helicopter flew past announcing that the polar ice caps were melting and the day after tomorrow was advanced to today. The president had declared a code red situation and all able citizens were to evacuate to the Himalayas.
"OZAI, Can't you see you're making water overrun this planet! I thought you wanted Fire to dominate? Stop it at once or you'll lose this war without the Avatar even lifting a finger to stop you."
Ozai shot a fireball in my direction.
------------------------------------------A while later-------------------------------------------------
"Lord Ozai" I called out once the hoo ha died down. "Last time we met, you didn't tell me why you hated Zuko so I'm going to make a guess ok? Tell me if my theory is far fetched or not."
"Go ahead and try." The chilling voice boomed out from the fire place.
I took a deep breath, bit my fingernails and tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach. I was in dangerous ground and I knew it.
"Ok here goes… Iroh has golden eyes. You have black eyes. Zuko has golden eyes…Get my drift?"
"No!"
"Fine then, lets look at this at a different angle" I licked my lips and glanced at Iroh who was whistling and avoiding my eyes. "Two brothers. One princess. One heir….Got it?"
"No! Try this." Ozai sneered. "One pissed Fire Lord. One stupid girl. A big bon fire. Got it?"
"Yeah yeah" I grumbled secretly amazed I was still alive. "Next question. Is Zula's mother and Zuko's mother the same?"
"Yes." said Ozai with a nasty look in his eye that I just couldn't figure out. I was too busy fighting my disappointment, as I was a strong supporter of the theory that Zuko's mom was Ozai's beautiful, gentle, sweet first wife and Zula's mother was the nasty, evil, twisted second queen. When in doubt DENY. So I repeated my question.
"Zuko and Zula's mothers…They're the same?"
"Yeah…" Ozai snickered. "The same species."
I stared at the fire in disbelief. The Fire Lord had actually made a joke. Maybe Zuko had hope left for him after all.
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The clock ticked on…One minute past noon, two minutes past noon, three minutes past noon…(dammit what comes after three? )
Zhao drummed his fingers on the table while throwing shady glances at Jun, the oblivious bounty hunter had her feet propped up on the table and was filing her nails with my letter opener. Iroh was twirling his teacup around in its saucer. Ozai's menacing eyes were glinting at me through the flames. I was out of ideas.
"Well?" Zhao broke the silence. "That's it?"
Your father raised a coward! I completed his sentence in my head. The next time you get in my way, I promise I won't hold back. I answered him mentally. Woah snap out of it! I chided myself. Last thing I want is to have conversations in my head…conversation with Brad Pitt was acceptable but with ZHAO? No way!
"Well…this is about the time Baal disrupts the conversation, insults Katara, pounds Zuko and gets bitch slapped around. Since he's not here…I'm at a total loss."
"You share his imagination…You use his boardroom…Tell me girl…What can you do? Can you cook? Clean? Bend?"
"Watch it chimp!" I snapped self righteously, "I can do stuff…like…like…dissect rats, culture bacteria and …and…survive end of year exams…Yeah PUNK THAT"S WHAT I CAN DO!"
"Silence girl!I am the esteemed Admiral of the Fire Navy and from this point onwards, you'll refer to me as such."
"Ok, SUCH, now shut up and let me think."
I thought.
I contemplated
I mulled over.
I reflected.
I pondered.
I…should really stop reading the thesaurus.
I came up with this.
"Let's think about what we'd be if we were food instead of people. What do you think?"
"Geez I was dragged here for this?" Zhao sneered.
"Sure Admiral I'll do you first!" I grinned sweetly. "You're like plain yoghurt at room temperature."
"Huh?" Zhao was stumped.
"Nobody WANTS you. Get it?" I snickered. Zhao scorched the table while Jun, Iroh and Ozai sniggered. "General Iroh you're next."
Iroh grinned expectantly.
"You're like….trifle."
"Wait let me analyse this" Jun volunteered and Iroh perked up. "He's an unhealthy wobbly lump?"
Iroh's smile drooped and I felt like crap.
"No! He's a trifle cuz he has hidden depths."
"Hidden Depths? Yeah maybe in his ass!" Ozai cackled meanly.
"SHUT up you big bully" I truly felt sorry for General Iroh, and hurried to divert attention away from him, but Jun beat me to it.
"Do me!" she commanded. "Can I?" Zhao simpered and a got a mouth full of boot.
"Well you're like Diablo sauce." I offered. "You're fiery and hot."
"You think so?" Jun winked and I backed away from her.
"And me?" Ozai growled, keen to get in on the action. (That sounded sooo wrong.)
"Ha! That's easy. You're like a gummy bear."
"I'm sweet?" Ozai actually sounded pleased.
I decided I just had to burst his bubble. "No. Because I'd like to bite your head off!"
"ARHHAAAAAAAA" the fire lord roared as made to get out from the fireplace. On my top ten worst ways to die, No 2 was being roasted by a fire lord. Being bludgeoned by Zuko fans wasn't in the list. So I decided to tempt fate.
"WAIT! Don't you wanna hear what Zuko is?" I crossed my fingers and held my breath.
Thankfully, Ozai's anger at me was far out weighed by his hatred for his banished son. He settled back in the flames and snarled:
"It better be good!"
"Zuko's like a Durian fruit." I grinned. Ozai waited.
"He's offensive and banned in several nations."
"HA Ha ha " Jun slapped the table with her whip. "Angry Boy? I Wish he heard that! Girl you'd better run. That dude's unstable." Zhao nodded gleefully. Iroh looked disapproving. Ozai smiled.
I didn't. Zuko was nothing compared to his fans.
"What about you?" Zhao challenged.
I was ready. "I like to think of myself as poisoned honey, Admiral. Sweet but deadly." Take that buster!
Zhao snorted. "Yeah right! More like rancid meat. Sour, Filthy and worse than komodo shit."
"Sod off, Boiled broccoli."
"Mouldy turnips."
"Shitty carrots."
"I'm hungry!"
Zhao and I stopped our screaming fest and stared at Iroh, who shrugged. "Well I am."
"Yeah! Is this like over?" Jun asked impatiently.
"I guess…but I've only asked you five questions. I need to ask Ten!" I pouted; keen to avoid being humiliated by Baal for not having the "imagination" to live up to the title.
"Oh my god you're one of them." Jun snarled. I was nonplussed. "Who's them?"
"You know those damn psycho maniacs who have to have everything just right. Can't have the carpet rolled up in a corner. Throws a fit if the books aren't all straight on the shelf. Wants to scrub the floor till the komodo rhinos come home. You people make me sick." The fired up bounty hunter cracked her whip angrily.
"Er Jun…That's called Obsessive Compulsive disorder…and I don't have it ok? I just suffer from voices in my head that tell me to hunt down and kill people. So Relax."
"Thank god you're normal." Jun calmed down. "I hear them too. The one with the foreign accent is downright sexy."
Now even Ozai looked scared.
Silently, one by one the fire nationals around the table made their way to the exit. Who ever told that talking wasn't a work out, lied! I felt like I'd run a marathon under water. (Maybe my exhaustion had some thing to do with staring death in the face by insulting Ozai. Note to self: Dissing unstable dictators burns calories.)
"General Iroh, Jun wait!" I called hurrying over while searching my pockets.
"What's up sugar?" Jun drawled and snapped her whip on Zhao's knuckles as he tried to put his arm around her.
I walked over to Iroh and handed him a ticket, Jun got one too. "What is this Miss Femme?" Iroh asked examining the card.
"It's a VIP…er very important person pass to the best restaurant around here. You two can… you know, go there and have some fun before you leave."
"Why would I want to…." Before Jun could say anything sarcastic or in Iroh's case hurtful, I cut in. "I noticed you have a liking for shiny things…hear me out…" I held up a hand as Jun opened her mouth to protest. "This restaurant, it has silver spoons, gold napkin rings and other goodies that are pocket size…"
"I'm in" declared Jun and swept off to the elevator.
"The General goes with you or you head back home clear?" I yelled after her. Jun turned back, grabbed Iroh's hand and dragged him to the waiting lift.
"Ever heard that love can't be forced?" Ozai sneered looking at me calmly.
"Yes" I replied. "But I also heard that men don't wear veils."
A commotion at the elevator distracted Ozai from killing me.
"You can't leave with HIM" Zhao was yelling.
"I don't see you with a pass." Jun snickered haughtily.
"Yeah but I'll pay you to go out with me."
"You can't afford her Zhao; she's priceless." Iroh's tranquil tone flitted into the room.
"Everyone has a price, even sluts." Zhao raged back.
"Can I?" Iroh's voice.
"You may…" That was Jun.
"Arrrhhhhhhhhhhha Not the SIDEBURNS! Somebody get me some water!" as Zhao's footsteps pounded into the distance, Ozai and I heard Jun say slowly…
"You know…you aren't that bad looking for an old man."
"And your beauty is never a bore to my old eyes."
(giggle) "Can't say I don't enjoy someone watching out for me…"
"It is my honour. Shall we?"
"Lead the way."
The elevator doors closed silently behind them.
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That just left me and…
"So hey…do you um…" I stammered.
Ozai just stared.
"Ok then…you know your way out." I inched towards the exit, when Ozai remarked coolly, "Yes the same way you're about to leave."
I gulped, remembering the lift ride down ninety-eight floors. Being stuck in a box with the man I hated most in the Avatarverse was bad enough, being a human being who was not fireproof and stuck with an arsonist was worse. I considered taking the stairs. Briefly. I hated exercise. I decided I'd rather risk death.
"Ping" the elevator opened. I got in. Ozai followed. The lift doors sealed shut.
98…97…96… (What is it about enclosed spaces that make's one drop IQ points? Because that's exactly what happened. I turned stupid.)
"Why do you hate Zuko? He seemed to be a good son. Arrogant yeah, but aren't princes supposed to be proud? He was fourteen for heaven sake! You could've just smacked him or locked him in a room! No, you just had to burn him. Then banish him too!"
86…85…84…
"How can you? Your own son! I would understand if Zula was a boy. Then Zuko would have been expendable. But No, he was the only heir. Don't you understand, when you die…believe me you will die, bottom feeders like Zhao without a drop of royal blood will worm there way into power. Don't you want your bloodline to continue? Oh before I forget, keep a close eye on that daughter of yours; people seem to think she'd getting it on with Zhao…."
65…64…63
Did you know that Zula smiled when you scarred Zuko? I'll tell you one thing, for god's sake don't write a book on parenting. Your children are the epitome of sick and twisted. Where's your wife by the way? Did you kill her too? Huh? What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?..."
48…47…46
"For you information, I'm not a bender so forget about an Agni kai. While you're at it, why don't you stop this wretched war? Can't you understand? Fire isn't the superior element! We need all four to live. Why can't you live in peace? Hey why are your hands glowing?"
23… 22… 21
Have you seen the Avatar? He's only a little boy! He's just twelve years old. Can you murder a child in cold blood? Of course, you can! Look what you did to your son!
Watch it! You'll make the smoke alarms go off."
15…14…13
"And about this comet, I heard you can harness its power. Do you know what you're doing? You're utilizing energy from an extra terrestrial source! Scientist's in my world would die to do that. We can't even channel geothermal power properly. So take a step back, meathead and look at the bigger picture for a second! You can use the power of the comet to produce electricity. Think of all the possibilities…Central heating…ok you guys don't need that, light bulbs, electric razors, hair driers maybe even television…."
3…2…1
"Ping"
-Silence-
"So (gulp)…what are you going to do now? Melt me into a pile of burning flesh and dissolved bone?
"Yes" (smoke alarms go off)
"That's no fun."
"So?"
"Er…………Wanna spy on Iroh and Jun?"
(Alarms stop)………….. (Silence)………….. "Lead the way"
---------------------------------------------The End----------------------------------------------------
Do you know that the entire time I was writing the last scene Baal danced around me chanting "die, expire, pass away, breath your last, pass on, depart this life, give up the ghost, kick the bucket for heaven sake leave !" well Baal take that! (Looks at readers) "You didn't want me to die did you?" – silence- (takes a sac of Prozac tm)
Ok did you miss Baal, do you want him back? (cough-no-cough) Because next chapter is open to suggestions. (thanx for your idea, Liz Mizu)
I hope you enjoyed this.
Please review.
Thankyou,
La Femme
Reviewers We are Sooooo Grateful.
This is just our way of saying thankyou.
benlego13- Weird? Hee hee You should read Gran Gran!
ConspiracyTheory- Hey I hope you did well in your test. 21 ,16 Hmm…not much of a difference (just joking). Thanks a bunch. – Baal
KSC- Hi there.Yup Baal is a great bro. (I'm just not saying this cuz he's got a gun to my head…no…its worse he's glued his gym socks under my nose…). Thanx again. – La Femme.
kataang shipper- Heya, don't get me wrong. I don't hate Kataang, I hate Katara.( my therapist says I have issues with blue eyed girls…). BTW why be a terrorist when you can be a Hit-man? And why kill yourself when you can kill…Hold on a call is coming through…damn it's my therapist again. Yes Mr. Knickersinatwist? I wasn't thinking violent thoughts no way man! I was talking to a fellow sailor about a superb career opportunity… - Baal
Almostinsane- What's an OCD? (Original character detector?) Any way the name Lord Baal was from Diablo:Lord of Destruction (the game).No insult was meant to anyone.Thanx for reviewing– La Femme.
Zukoisgay- Zuko: "I'm not gay. I just don't enjoy female company."
Me: "Who's company do you enjoy then you highness."
Zuko: My father, my Uncle and occasionally lieutenant Ji.
Me: Okaaaaaaaay. Last question. Do you accessorize, colour coordinate and wear silk underwear?
Zuko: Is this a trick question?
(Thanx a lot for reviewing Zukoisgay but don't miss air ball practice Ok?)- LaFemme
Katara100- (I'm crying bucket loads of tears, the national reservoirs haven't been this filled since the monsoon of '69) Waaaaaaaaaaah! You mistook me for a guy? How did that happen? Sniff sniff. I wore a white dress and gloves. (makes an apponintment with hair dresser and registers for ambush make over.)- La Femme. (lol just kidding, I'm a girl btw and thanx for your lovely review.)
Zukolover- hee hee never had that reaction before. Now all we need is people to lay down arms and declare world peace after reading fan fiction. Thanks a lot girl. Rock ON!
Katara1234- Thankyou very much. You the greatest.
earthbender- "Believe me Baal is bad mean nasty and an A-list jerk mkhdiigdfgugfg NO WAY he's sweet, charming, adorable and gfgfkjegjfgsfkjf This is MY PC. Get away jerk. Shut UP sis. I'm telling her the truth Baal. Well I'm telling MOM…………
ket is over- "Dinner. Friday night?"- Baal
elf of rohan- WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. THANK YOU VERRRRRRRRRRY MUCH. (
Nastyreviwer- We LOVE you Jason. Thank you for believing in me when every one though I was a spineless pip sqeak. No, you don't have to like Baal. He has too many fans already.lol – La Femme.
Katara123- "Did it hurt?" (looks at you with concern.) "When you fell down from heaven?"- Baal
DrugAbuser- Once upon a time Baal thought Katara was nice, even cute. Then the Water bending Scroll aired. Baal was devastated at the true violent side of Katara. (this is a bit rich froma guy who makes weakly death lists.). That was the end of his infatuation and the beginning of hatred. – La Femme. (Oh You want to marry him? It won't work. He's a commitmentphobic.)
wackedwriter13- Thanks a million for the cookies and milk, we were starving.
Zukoscute2 – We don't know what to say except, ……….. thanks anyway.
SleepingDragon13- Thanks a lot.
You know you rock.
(We're curious. What exactly happened in the closet with Zuko + Katara? Seven minutes in heaven or three minutes with a pyromaniac? lol)
Purple MoonShine- Let the moon light guide you. Your review was deeply appreciated.
1bzwriter- Hey go ahead girl friend. Do the monkey dance! We were overdue for a spiritual cleansing session anywayz. Hee hee. Thank you.
Lensgirlfriend- We LOVE you too. Group hug? (Len arrives.)
Len : You messing with my girlfriend? (flexes muscles.)
Us: No. just an innocent hug. No? Ok. ( backs away and blows kisses in lensgirlfriend's direction.)
Len: …and keep your flying spit to your self too…..
(lol)
Liz Mizu – Don't die. Please? Our inspiration dies with you. Sniff sniff….
Grim reaper- Wow you guys are 21? Wohoooo.
You know what they say. Break the rule but don't get caught.
Thanx a lot to all of you. – La Femme & Baal
Dragonsfire867- Thankyou for reviewing. But we have a question.Who's not gay? We didn't get you.
Ktoe- Stop right there young lady. Do NOT laugh you ass off. What's gonna look good in your jeans if you lose it? Hee hee. You Rock our socks off.
Blue Striped White Boxers- Are your injuries ok now? Hand you a cookie and some asprin and a free hug from La Femme.- Thank you for reviewing.
Lin13- Lin? Last but never the Least. You're really sweeeeeeeet and your reviews are soooooooo nice. We love you with our dual hearts.
