Sorry for the delay guys, someone complained about our Top Ten Jokes format and our account was suspended for two weeks. Who ever squealed, next time plz inform us about any rules that we unknowingly break so that we can modify our stories okay? It isn't nice to go behind hard working authors backs.
-Lord Baal & La Femme
This chapter is dedicated to LordStriker of Kings of Chaos. He was a great leader and an amazing player. LS if you're reading this, (which we highly doubt) we just want to say that your larger than life personality and frequent scandals with certain unnamed "females" really added spice and flavour to the normal hate and spite of the battle field. As you exit cyber space, we salute your reign of excellence. Good luck in Real Life.-
Striker Clan Lives On! -La Femme & Lord Baal
The word "embarrified" was adopted from a creative story whose name we cannot remember right now…sorry for using it but it was too good to be left alone. Thankyou unknown author.
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Top Ten Questions IV
I tapped my nails on the polished surface of the table as I watched the door for any sign of Baal. Let's hope he can make it today. I couldn't help noticing that a certain banished prince's place was empty as well. But this particular fire bender made his presence known, quickly enough.
Everyone stared as Zuko strode up to the table, slammed his fists down and leaned forward until I nearly fainted from that deliciously revolting breath of his. Note to self: fire breathing cannot replace tooth brushing…hee hee…and he hadn't used the life time's supply of breath mints either. Ungrateful brat!
"Have—you—been—talking—to—my--father?" Zuko forced out between clenched teeth.
I decided to play safe. "Why?"
The restless Fire Prince took out a scroll tied with a red ribbon and waved it in front of my face. "Two days ago my father sends me this!"
"Aaaand?"
"He says I don't need to capture the Avatar to restore my honour anymore, that someone showed him how ridiculously stupid he has acted."
I stared at Zuko in disbelief and slowly the meaning of his words dawned on me. Oh my God! Ozai actually listened to what I told him. Wow. I did it. Me. Not the Avatar. Me. I reunited a father and son. My words stopped a dictator and ended his war. I felt great as a warm fuzzy glow enveloped me. Zuko was expecting a response so I gave him a wide smile.
"Zuko that's amazing. I'm soooooo glad for you."
Zuko took a deep breath. "I'm not finished. He says he doesn't care if I fail to bring back the Avatar. All he wants is… I tuned out to savour this delicious moment. All he wants is his son back……yummy I just love these happy endings!
"…the Loch ness monster, Yeti, Big Foot, King Kong, Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer and something called Shrek…or that could be a spelling mistake."
A ringing silence followed.
My warm fuzzy feeling kneeled over and died.
When in doubt...? That's right. Deny. before I could open my mouth to ask for a repetition, Zuko slumped into a chair and dropped his face into his hands. "Why me?" The single question hung in the air, unanswered.
Damn it! Why did I let Ozai watch television? Why? Why? Why? OMG did he see the documentary on the Nazi holocaust too? I've created a monster!
"Well Aang I guess you're off the hook." Sokka grinned at the air bender and slapped him on the back. "While you sucker…" he turned on Zuko. "Got them all; hook, line and sinker… HA HA HA"
As usual Katara spoke up, to live up to her title of Katara: The last Orator of the South pole. "Sokka, don't be insensitive you dumb brute. Don't you feel the least bit sorry for Prince Zuko? I mean, look, even with all his fire benders, catching Aang was nearly impossible but now he has to catch all these monsters I've never even heard of. He'll never be able to do it. Seeing as how stubborn he is, He will die trying. He'll sail the oceans in vain. With each sunset of every futile day his hope of returning home would perish as will his soul until only his body would remain devoid of any human emotion lacking…"
"FINE, FINE I GET IT !" Zuko roared and turned a pleading face at Sokka, "Next time YOU insult me, don't let you sister monologue…please. Show some mercy."
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I wanted to distract Zuko fast, but someone's timely arrival did just that.
Baal stepped into the boardroom.
"Sorry I'm late, had a major wardrobe crisis. I nearly couldn't find the perfect gear."
"You dress in black! What's there to choose?" Zuko sneered automatically, the entrance of his rival driving away his bleak mood swiftly.
"Hey this ain't black, this is onyx." Baal retorted.
"What's the difference?" Zuko said raising his eyebrows.
"It's a deeper shade." Ball snorted taking his seat.
"Yeah right. It's black. Just like your hair, your eyes, your socks, your everything. Shows just how imaginative you really are."
"Watch it buster. The eyes are black…I'll give you that. The cloak is onyx, the pants are ebony and the shoes are noir. Got a problem?" Baal asked his lip curling.
Zuko twitched. "Coal is black too. So is soot. Fire can reduce anything to coal and soot." He smiled grimly making a small flame dance on his palm.
"Yeah?" Baal eyed the flame wearily.
"Yeah!"
"So?"
"So what?"
"Just that!"
"That's it?"
"Fine."
"Fine then!"
"#& off!"
"Like wise."
"Are you done?" I asked rolling my eyes. Boys! Well atleast Zuko's back to scowling. That's normal, maybe the next item on the agenda will cheer him up. NOT! Hee hee.
"The next item is a debate, between Zutara shippers and Kataang shippers." I announced grinning. Oh this is going to be fun.
"For those of you who do not understand the meaning of these terms, Zutara shippers believe that Katara should end up with Zuko and have his babies, while Kataang shippers think Aang's the man for her." I looked at Zuko who's face was red as the flame he produced earlier and Katara who looked embarrified. (Past embarrassed and beyond horrified.)
"We have invited two representatives each, for both Zutara and Kataang, to explain to us the reasons and evidence they have to support each ship. Baal if you could buzz them in now…"
Baal pressed a button under the desk and the double doors opened to reveal four girls escorted by four agents. And Boy what a weird bunch they were.
The four representatives made their way to the table all the while shooting glances that could only be described as lusty, at Zuko. The Prince for his part, took this open adoration quite well considering all the winks, air kisses and open mouthed stares directed his way.
The Zutara representatives took their seats on my right while the Kataang shippers sat opposite them.
Knowing the extreme devotion dedicated to the Avatarian males in the room, Baal and I were well prepared for floods of tears, catfights, torn out eyes/ limbs/ private parts. But the ambassadors were silent and limited themselves to hypnotized stares and drooling mouths. Until……One Kataang girl grabbed Aang and tried to hug him. Aang tried to pull away in mortal fear. Predictably, Katara pried the fan's fingers off Aang and pulled him back to his seat.
"GET-AWAY-FROM-HIM!" Katara screamed glaring death at the fan girl.
"You better calm down, these girls still have to present their case. And judging from the smile of the fan you just molested, I can say that you just increased Kataang's chances of winning." Baal smiled evilly.
Not to be out done, one Zutara delegate leaned across her companion and stuck her face inches from the Zuko's. We watched in awe as she leaned in closer and took an almighty sniff, swooned with pleasure and melted into her seat in complete bliss. Okaaaay…
Baal coughed discretely to end the madness and gestured to the girl on his right, "Ok Zutara'sno1fan, as the representative of those backing Katara + Zuko, tell us your reasons for supporting Zutara."
The girl jumped up and sighed like a horse. "OH MY GOD LIKE THIS IS SO UNREAL LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY…"
"Then shut up." Baal shot the girl with a tranquilliser gun and watched as two agents carried her slumped form, out of the boardroom.
Baal turned to Zukosno1fan's second in command. "Do you think you can do a better job?"
I examined the girl from head to toe. She had on a black business suit, wore professional glasses and carried a brief case that looked heavy. Oh, she'll do the job alright. I wonder if she'll give us bathroom breaks.
The Zutara camp's second in commandsnapped open her brief case, took out a bundle of papers labled PrOOF, and lovingly deposited them on the table. Now all we could only see was the top of her coiffured head.
At my signal, her disembodied voice started speaking. "Zutara…" she whispered, "the very word suggests romance. Hot, fiery, passionate romance unlike Kataang … (here she shot a sneer at her opponents.) unlike Kataang which sounds like someone banging two dustbins together."
(Baal frowned at the Kataang worshippers who were restrained by two agents but nevertheless shrieked death threats and four letter insults.)
Zutara'sno2fan cleared her throat. "As I was saying Zuko's intense personality is matched perfectly by Katara's firm yet calm character. Just look at them…" here she gestured at the shuddering Katara and the scowling Zuko. "Their mere presence in the same room makes the air cackle with electricity."
Baal waved a hand dismissively "Nah, that's just the faulty wiring. The engineers who built this place totally sucked."
I shot Baal a murderous glance. "Hey didn't you tell me your imagination was completely harmless, Mr. I'm so cheap I can't afford safe wiring?"
Baal grinned. "Just joking sis. Keep your shirt on."
"Ahem, can I like continue?" Zutara second in command snapped.
"Like whatever." Baal snapped back.
"Fine. We all know, or at least those of us whose heads aren't so deluded and full of shit know, that Prince Zuko is hundred percent redeemable. (Sneer) You all saw "The Storm" so you know that what compels Zuko to catch Aang is not for personal gain unless you call regaining your honour personal gain, which it isn't."
"What is it then? A Common Goal?" Baal questioned rolling his eyes.
Unfortunately this girl was tough as nails. She continued ignoring the interruption.
"Zuko wants his honour so that he can go back home and claim the throne. He has the Fire nation's best interests at heart. He knows that this war is destroying the World. Zuko isn't blood thirsty or power hungry all he needs is his daddy's love…"
"GROSS!" both Baal and Sokka simultaneously retched.
The girl steam rolled ahead. "When he becomes fire lord he'll put an end to the war…"
"So you're saying all that's needed to stop a hundred year war is to let this ponce," Sokka jerked a thumb in Zuko's direction, "capture Aang? Girl…you're more dumb than you look."
"And you Sokka, have the intelligence of a inbred door nail." Miss Professional snarled. She then breathed in deeply, arranged her face into a fake smile and continued.
"Now that we've established Zuko's inner innocence, who better than Katara to redeem him? She's motherly, beautiful, passionate and she has a tendency to take in wounded souls…Their perrrrrfect for each other."
"You give a very weak case" Baal smirked.
The girl continued as if she didn't hear him.
"Going on I have to say how bad Kataang is as a relationship." The girl pointed at Aang who sniffled. "Girls always fall for the hottest guy. That's a fact. Zuko has muscles; he has a well toned body and a sexy scar. What does Aang have? Primitive tattoos all over his body, a very starved body at that. Also he's only twelve and has no understanding into the deeper meaning of love. All he has is a small crush on Katara, which will soon go away.
"That's beside the point." Baal pointed out.
The girl ignored him again. I wondered how long Baal will take this silent treatment. FYI He didn't like being ignored.
"What I'm saying is Aang wouldn't lose much if Katara left him for Zuko but if Zuko lost Katara that would break his heart."
"Zuko has a heart? That's news." Baal drawled. "But I can't see why he'd shatter is achy breaky heart over a girl he barely sees. I personally think Zuko won't give a flying shit if Katara rolled over and died."
"Hey!" Katara punched Zuko. "I thought I was special."
"Shove it woman!" Zuko snarled rubbing his sore arm.
"No Zuko you love Katara. You may not show it; you may not know it. But when she's with you, all your troubles go away." The professional implored.
"No they don't." Baal scoffed.
"How do you know? You're not Zuko!" the girl scoffed back.
"She doesn't take all my troubles away, she brings them back along with more!" Zuko snarled.
"Shut up!" Katara raved.
"He is nothing but a very angsty Prince with a huge ego, a disowned, hated, humiliated, unlovable little hot head who doesn't care about love/friends/ginseng tea. All he wants is his damn honour!" Baal concluded his argument with a bang to the table with his fist.
The Zutara girl gnashed her teeth, clenched her fists and stomped her feet, but no explosion seemed forthcoming. Then she opened her mouth.
"DON'T YOU EVER SPEAK ABOUT ZUKO THAT WAY! HE'S A WAY BETTER GUY THAN YOU. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, YOU HATE HIM CUZ HE'S HOT! ...YOU JUST HATE HIM CUZ HE'S BLACK!"
A ringing silence followed. Baal stared at the girl as if she was mad. Actually, everyone was staring at her as if she was mad.
Zuko and Katara who had been ready to kill her stared at the girl after she said the totally out of place comment.
The girl seemed to come to her senses because—
"Now that I have your undivided attention, I would like to conclude this debate with this: Zutara is an excellent relationship, they are meant to be. As they say opposites, attract—
"Really? If it was that way Osama and George Bush would get along just fine"
The girl ignored Baal's interruption again, stopping only to give him a deadly glare.
"— but Aang and Katara are just friends and she acts more like a mother to him than a girlfriend. So I would say that Kataang is a hideous couple."
"Further more I'd like to add…"
"That's enough!" Baal declared.
"I'm not finished." the girl stated in a dangerous tone.
"Oh you are…" Baal smiled like a shark. "And when I'm finished with you, you'll never work in this town again."
I watched as Baal brought up his tranquilliser gun, aimed it at the fan girl and shot her in the chest. Two agents came and dragged her out. . The Kataang shippers cheered.
I spoke up (finally). "Baal you can't do that. We're supposed to be impartial. We've got to treat Zutara and Kataang in the same way."
Baal waved his hand. "No problem, I'll be equally rude to Kataang."
The Kataang shippers groaned.
"If I heard one more reason I should fall in love with the water bender, I would have fried her myself." Zuko said.
"On that I agree!' Katara replied.
"You can't fry people" Zuko commented. Katara scowled. I broke up the tension before Katara ripped out his eyes.
"Oh, if you think Zutara was bad you should listen to these hippies!" Baal laughed when the two Kataang fans shouted "Hey!"
Baal nodded to one of the two remaining guards in the office.
"Bring back the first Zutara shipper" the guard nodded and left the room.
"Ok, you," Baal pointed at a particularly ditzy hippie, "tell us why you support Kataang, and why you hate Zutara."
"Ok dude, Katara is the first girl Aang saw, so if I say so myself man they are meant to be together"
"I advise you to drop the 'dude' and the 'man'" I said.
"Sorry man, can't help it."
Baal gritted his teeth.
"Even though Aang is only twelve and acts like it, I say that he is more mature than that. He really loves Katara and man you have to agree that she loves him too!"
I looked at Katara. She was blushing like mad. Baal nudged Aang, and when he didn't react, pushed him bodily onto to Katara. She let out a small scream and pushed Aang out of her lap. Sokka pulled the confused Avatar back to his chair.
I was about to start screaming at Baal when the agent came back with the girl who couldn't talk proper English- Zutara'sno1fan.
"Have you learned your lesson?" Baal asked glancing at the foaming girl. She had just passed Zuko.
"Yes like, Zuko's like the best and he's like the cutest and Zutara is like…" the girl stopped her ranting the moment she saw the gun.
"Good, I asked you a question, to which the answer is now obvious. If you speak out of turn again…" Baal took out a sleek silver Remington shotgun and laid it on the table. "I will use this gun and believe me this is a real one"
Zutara'sno1fan shrugged and took her seat.
I nodded to the ditzy hippy, "Go on"
"Yes as I was saying, Katara is a calm and responsible girl, Aang is a hyperactive kid, he needs attention and someone to control him. Who better than Katara to do all this? She can control Aang; she is a mother and a friend. However, to Aang she is much, much more. She is his girlfriend and Aang is Katara's boyfriend. Even though she will deny it, she loves him" the hippy looked at Katara and gave an ugly smile.
Katara blushed more deeply. Aang's head was red and his arrows were standing out.
"Exactly, this is the same thing that I had in mind" Baal clapped his hands. "But I need a reason to shoot you… so…" Baal took out his gun and shot her. An agent took her away.
"OK, can you continue?" I smiled at the other Kataang shipper who made a rude hand gesture towards Baal.
But before the girl could open her mouth Zutara'sno1fan cut in,
"I like Zutara coz I like Zuko coz he's cute coz he has a six pack coz he's sexay and he's HOT!"
I thought the weird girl was finished but apparently, she wasn't.
"Zutara works coz like Katara is HOT and Zuko is HOT and he is 'muscley' and has a sexay scar and coz he always likes to steal her stuff and coz he likes to touch her and coz he…" she never got to finish her monologue.
Zuko stood up and threw a fireball at her screaming, "I DO NOT LIKE TO STEAL THINGS FROM THE WATER PEASENT GIRL! AND I DO NOT LIKE TO TOUCH HER!"
Just after Zuko finished his screaming match Baal got up held the "real" gun to her head and led her towards the French windows. He opened one, held her hand and pushed her body off the ledge.
"DON"T YOU UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAID NOT TO SPEAK IN YOUR VILE LANGUAGE. DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE DONT WANT YOU TO SPEAK! DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THE 'GUN'? NOW WATCH AS YOU DIE!"
I immediately came running and pulled back the trembling girl. Baal shook his head and looked around the table. Shocked faces greeted him.
Baal shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, I've done worse." Everyone took in a sharp breath.
Baal ignored them and took his seat.
I tried to pull away his gun but he immediately grabbed it and said, "You can have my gun when you pry it from my paranoid, mentally disturbed, physically abusive, cold, dead hand."
Everyone stared at him, including me. Baal seriously needed to see his shrink.
"Please continue what your predecessor was saying," I said to the remaining Kataang shipper.
The girl gulped and continued, "As seen in the water bending scroll, Katara will never give any information regarding Aang to Zuko or any other guy. She is loyal to him and him alone, she has enough brains to know who is bad and who is not. Therefore, she can see very well that Zuko is not of the kindhearted kind, he comes from a family of very aggressive, mentally disturbed people."
"So what you're saying is that Zuko's like school during summer?" Baal interjected.
"What is school during summer?" the girl asked.
"No class" I finished for him.
Everyone except the Zuko fan and Zuko laughed.
"Please continue," I said.
"As I was saying, Katara does not know about Aang's crush on her yet, and I believe that if she finds out and she will, soon enough, what happens in all Kataang fan fictions will happen. She will confess her love for him as well. Aang's love for her has been growing ever since that day in the fortuneteller. He stands up for her like he did in water bending master."
"I would like to conclude my speech by saying that as the fortune teller said, Katara will marry a powerful bender. It could be Zuko, it could be Haru, and it could be Aang. However, Aang has the best opportunity because if she does not marry him and Aang dies the avatar cycle will be broken. As he is the last air bender there will never be another avatar born of the Air Normads."
Everyone was silent for a moment. What the girl had said was so true. If Aang dies without any air-bending children, after a Water, Earth and Fire Avatar, there will never be any more Avatars as the cycle will be broken and the world will plunge into chaos.
"Any last words?" Baal asked. The girl looked scared. Baal smirked. "No, not in that way"
"Well, I think Zutara never had a chance because Zuko never wanted Katara in the first place. Also I will bet my life that Katara will never betray Aang" the girl smiled at Katara and leaned back in her chair.
"Now's the time for the verdict." I announced. "You have heard both parties and their reasons and evidence to support their respective ships…" I stopped in mid sentence as the double doors opened and Baal's new secretary Mary Sue stepped in to the boardroom.
I scowled. I hated Sue. She was just nauseatingly perfect. I had, on multiple occasions tried to get Baal to fire her. Three guesses the outcome of that!
As always, Miss Sue was immaculate and flawless. Today she was wearing a skirt that the size of a handkerchief, which was slit up both sides. Her provocative "blouse" and I use the term blouse loosely, hid nothing.
As she glided up to us, her silvery blond/ fiery copper/dazzling chestnut/ luminous blue/ lustrous ebony hair swayed seductively. Her intelligent/liquid/shining/azure /ruby/emerald/stormy eyes flashed in the sunlight.
On her resume, she claimed to have the ability to bring world peace/ cure the common cold/ perform brain surgery/ recite quantum physics/time travel and speak 567 languages including German, French, Bitch and Italian.
Obviously the moment she stepped in to the boardroom, all the males started ogling her with open mouths. Sokka's jaw was on the floor, Zuko's scar seemed to be miraculously healing, Aang would have passed out if Katara wasn't holding his eyes shut.
The girls around the table bristled as a telepathic bitch alert! flew around the room.
"Sir…" she purred at Baal. Her voice was silky/smooth/rich/classy/ sophisticated and sultry.
"What is it?" I snapped as Baal had apparently gone speechless.
"I have a message for Baal." She sneered.
"Your boss is indisposed. You can leave the message with me." I sneered back.
Mary Sue dropped her 'sexy' tone and snapped, "There is a phone call for Baal from Karu and Ket shippers. They want to know why they aren't represented today."
Baal regained his composure and cleared his throat.
"Er…We haven't come to a decision yet. I'll get back to you later."
"I'll bet." Muttered a Kataang shipper under her breath.
"Of course, Sir…"Mary Sue flashed a seductive smile and left the room.
I glanced at the Zutara and Kataang representatives who were cracking their knuckles and smirked. "Do you girls want to get to know Baal's secretary?" I asked in a fake serious tone.
"Yeah!" "Sure" "Can't wait!" the females chorused sharing evil smiles with each other, all their differences set aside before this common enemy.
"Why…?" Baal started confused.
"Oh it's a girl thing, don't worry about it." I deflected his question with ease as the ambassadors got up and left the room pulling clubs/pitch forks/base ball bats/hockey sticks from their person. Katara would have left too if she wasn't covering Aang's eyes with a death grip.
A few minutes later a blood curdling silky/smooth/rich/classy/ sophisticated/sultry scream ripped through the air.
"OK PEOPLE LET'S GET ON WITH IT" I yelled drowning the scream. "Katara THE FINAL DECISION LIES WITH YOU, SO IN THE NEXT MEETING WE WILL BRING ALL THE EIGIBLE BACHELORS AND DO A LITTLE GAME to select your soul mate. IS THAT ALRIGHT WITH YOU?"
"SURE" Katara yelled back.
"Ok people this meeting is adjourned, take care not to step in the blood/gore/intestine/pulp puddle outside the door Okay?"
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Wheeeeeee. Oh my Gawd that was one monster of a chapter. Baal and I had many a
Battle/fight/brawl/clash/tussle/scuffle while writing this.
Hee Hee, sorry about the Mary Sue thing; They are annoying aren't they?
Ok guys the next chapter is the last and believe us when we say it's gonna be a fitting finale…but the story isn't finished yet. We thought up a crazy sequel called "Trapped in Your Mind."
BTW also read our new humour fic – "Forgive me Father I'm going Insane" and the new poem "Sink That Ship"
Also Baal's Avatar/Harry Potter crossover is published in the account Lord Striker.
Check them out!
We'd love to hear from you So Plz Review and tell us what you think!
