October 12th, 2001
Dear Diary,
My life is at its worst. Mom walked in on me cutting this morning. She, of course, screamed when she saw my blood dripping down my legs. I've never felt so alone before. She grabbed my arm and led me to the living room where she sat me down on the couch and forced ME to call dad at work and explain what happened. He actually cried… It was the first time I've ever heard him break down… He came home and just held me.
The worst part of it all… wasn't that my parents caught me… but that… I actually didn't care. I didn't cry… I wasn't upset… I just sat there… cold … I am so broken… WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT HAS HE DONE TO ME? WHY DO I HURT SO MUCH IT DOESN'T SHOW! I can't believe myself… this is ridiculous. I literally have NOTHING else left to give. I live for the hope my friends will come back to save me… but other than that… I am still all alone. No one here will ever again understand me… I really am screwed if they don't come back for me. I'm losing everything in my life that every meant ANYTHING TO ME! I'm starting to lose hope. My hope that I've clung to for so long is leaving. This time, it seems, for good…. What if he never comes back? What if they both DIED! What if they've given up? What is left for me here?
