Disclaimer: Paradise Kiss is property of Yazawa Ai and not me. Sorry, you can't sue me. Besides, I'm broke.


Strings

by Boomerang Butterfly

Chapter 4

"One Day at a Time"

She was curled up on the couch when he came home, dressed in his plaid pants that he hadn't worn in probably two years and that big sweater that his mom had bought him for his birthday three years ago. Her eyes were squinted, her lip trembling as she stared unblinking at the television, a black jacket draped around her shoulders to block out the chill from the drafty apartment.

His black jacket. The one with the eagle on it.

He cleared his throat to break the silence as he slipped his loafers off and wearily dropped the bag of groceries on the floor. She sat up, and sniffed, eyes rimmed red and a roll of toilet paper bouncing off the couch onto the floor. "You're home early," she said, with a slight hiccup and moved over so he could sit down. "You look horrible," he commented and plopped down beside her after handing her a bottle of sparkling water. "Yeah, well," she began, but trailed off and went back to staring at the T.V.

They were both silent for a couple of minutes, she sipping on the water every so often and he nibbling on some cookies he'd picked up. But their respective curiosities got the better of them and they both turned to each other, mouths open, to ask what was wrong with the other.

"Is it the obvious?" Arashi asked and offered her a cookie. She took it and stuffed it in her mouth quite ungracefully then shook her head and swallowed. "If you mean am I miserable because my fiancée of two years just ran off with my best friend three days ago, then, well, not exactly." He nodded and ate another cookie. "At least not at the moment," she finished. "Then wot is it?" Yukari snatched another cookie and analyzed it for a few short seconds, then took a more Yukari-like nibble of it. And with the bluntness of a dull axe, turned to Arashi, and blurted out,

"I'm broke."

He frowned, and dusted his mouth off. "Broke?"

"Broke."

"How?"

Yukari took another sip of sparkling water and stared at the television for a moment then scowled. "Most of my money-and when I mean most, I mean a very large chunk of it-was invested in some stock. The stock just fell this morning. All that money, all my assets, they're all gone. So, I'm broke."

Arashi mulled it over for a moment. "D'ya still have any cash in the bank?" Yukari nodded. "Yeah, about 100,000 yen. Why?" "Then you're not broke." She frowned and folded her arms, glaring at him as if he had two horns sprout from his blond head. "What do you mean, I'm not broke? Of course I am! 100,000 yen isn't anything!" Arashi shrugged. "I'm just sayin' from 'sperience," he replied. "I've been broke. That ain't broke." Yukari huffed and sunk lower in the couch. "Of course it is," she mumbled, not catching the dirty look she got from Arashi. He shook his head and frowned likewise, scratching his head and staring at the T.V. while she glumly sipped her water.

"Wait, what happened to you?" she asked suddenly, the scowl gone from her face and concern written all over it. "I got fired," he said simply.

"Fired!"

"Yeah, fired. Let go. Laid off. Given the pink slip."

"Why! You didn't do anything to get fired over, did you?" Yukari exclaimed, nearly knocking over her water.

Arashi shook his head and snorted, his mouth set in an angry line. "Nope, 'less ya count just bein' the wrong guy at the wrong time. The firm let go a bunch of guys; I just made the cut, that's all."

"That's…terrible," she muttered, and propped her chin on her knees. "Terrible's an understatement, Yukari," he said, and sank down into the couch. Then, much to her surprise he started laughing, though it was bitter and a little sad. "No wonder Miwako left me. I mean, if she hadn't left me when she did, she'd have left me now. She always got so mad when I lost meh job," he stated, turning toward Yukari. "How many times have you lost your job?" she asked. "Six times in ten years," he replied, and grinned sardonically. "Six times. And every time, she'd get all hot and start yellin' but I just toughed it up and went out and tried findin' a real job to make her happy, even if I was miserable. But I finally got it good at the firm, ya know. Had folks I liked workin' wit, stuff that wasn't so tough. Paid enough to get her that lil ole ring. I saved hard for it, too. I guess it wasn't big enough."

Yukari could do nothing but stare. There wasn't really anything she could say. Miwako leaving him for Hiro made Arashi feel inadequate. As if he wasn't enough, wasn't good enough for her. She was on the verge of being angry at Miwako for doing that to him, but Arashi just chuckled sadly and touched her arm.

"Ain't no need to get all hot about it. Nothing you could do." "I know, I just…" He nodded and ate another cookie, slowly, then grabbed her bottle of water. "Mind if I have a swig?" She shook her head, reached for the bag of cookies, and ate until she got tired of chewing.


It was almost time for dinner, and the two of them were still staring pensively at the television. So far, nothing interesting had come on but the pair hadn't anything else better to do…except talk.

"I guess ya didn't go shoppin' then," Arashi said. Yukari shook her head slowly. "No, I didn't. I wasn't in the mood anymore." "Well, I guess you'll be wearin' meh threads some more, eh?" She looked at him and nodded, stretching her folded legs from underneath her and smoothing out the arms of his sweater. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, if you don't mind…" Arashi gave a short laugh. "Nah, no worries. I don't wear half that stuff in that closet anyways. I see ya picked out the most normal threads I got, eh Yukari."

She smiled a bit and stared down at the plaid pants. "Well, I mean, I wasn't so sure how'd I'd look in those leather pants with all the zippers on them." He just chuckled and leaned back onto the couch. "I think you'd have looked rather smashing, if I say so meh self." And he grinned, making her sniggle. "Oh really?" she asked, and stood up abruptly. "I think yes," he replied. "Well then," she said, and took off toward his room, an idea formulating in her brain. "Where ya goin'," he called after her. She just waved her hand and seconds later, he heard the door to his room shut and lock.

It was about fifteen minutes later, as a bored but curious Arashi stood in the now lit living room, smoking a cigarette, and tapping his foot, before Yukari came, a bit hesitantly, out the room. What he saw shocked him and tickled him at the same time. The usually glamorous and impeccably elegant Yukari was now a leather clad, ripped shirt wearing, spiked hair punk rock princess. She had those leather pants on, along with a sleeveless, ripped Sex Pistols shirt, and the leather eagle jacket on top. Her hair, which had been placed in a smooth refined pony tail earlier, was in a messier and spiked one, and thick black liner rimmed her eyes. She stood there awkwardly (nearly impossible for her), with a nervous smile on her face. For a few moments, Arashi just stood in that same spot, his cigarette burning down, with a bizarre look on his face, and then…

He burst out laughing.

If it had been anyone else, in any other situation, she probably would've taken offense, but she couldn't with him. Besides, it was funny, very funny, to see one of Japan's biggest supermodels looking like one of the dolls of Tokyo's punk scene. "Ah, you look fantastic!" he exclaimed and sauntered over to check out her outfit. "The hair's classic, the makeup is just lovely, and that shirt…well, that's meh favorite." He got a bit silent, as his eyes grazed down to the pants she wore, and so well. "I say," he murmured almost in a whisper, "you wear them pants better 'n' I do!" All Yukari could do was blush and giggle, and wiggled her toes on the bare floor. She plopped back down on the couch and grinning, propped her feet up on the low table in front of the TV. The chains and zippers from the jacket and pants jingled beautifully with her. Arashi sat back down beside her and picked up the remote, that same silly smile still on his face, and they looked at the TV again, even though nothing was on.

"There ain't nothing on this tube," he grumbled a little while later, and glanced at his companion. "Ya wanna listen to some music?" Yukari smiled and nodded, finishing off the rest of her sparking water, which had gotten hot, and staring at her leather clad legs, couldn't believe how good she felt right now.


She was stretched out on the couch length wise and he was curled up in the corner of it that was in front of her feet. They were silent, listening quietly to the music that Arashi had put in the CD player minutes before.

"What are we listening to?" she had asked when he put the CD in. "Just a little mix CD I made on meh computer," he answered, and pushed play. Instead of the loud, rousing punk rock she was expecting, she got slow, smooth easy music. With the craziest look on her face, she watched as Arashi leaned back, a new ciggie in his mouth, and closed his eyes, apparently enjoying the song. "Yeah, I know, it ain't what you'd expect from me, but well…I like a lil bit of everything, so…I mean, punk rock's just meh specialty, that's all." He tilted his head and had smiled a little lazily at her, and so she merely leaned back and listened.

Turned out, Yukari knew every song on the CD. She swayed her feet slowly to the songs that came on, but didn't start singing along until one of her favorites came on.

"This got's some soul to it," he commented quietly as the first notes began to play. She gasped hearing the song and smiled just a little. "Oh, I love this song!" she exclaimed quietly, and nudged him with her big toe. "Who would've know, huh? Arashi listening to Howie Day." He chuckled and took a puff from his cigarette. "Yeah, well. Dude's got some incredible lyrics, ya know." She nodded. "And his singing is so real," she responded dreamily. "This is my favorite one, too." "Well, shush, then, so we can hear it!" he growled and she just laughed, but was quiet once Arashi began singing.

"Sweet is the sight

Of her room

Window opened by candlelight

Cold winter on the shore

Chills the dress she wore

It's on the floor

Still it feels so warm tonight "

Then Yukari gathered her courage and sang along with him, quietly at first, letting Arashi have the most volume but picking up the slack when he suddenly stopped singing.

"And that's why I'm wondering why

You had to tell me

What's going on in your head

What's wrong

Come around to another time when you

Won't have to run"

"And when she says she wants somebody else

I hope you know that's she doesn't mean you

And when she breaks down and makes a sound

You'll never hear her the way that I do

And when she says she wants someone to love

I hope you know that she doesn't mean you

And when she breaks down and lets you down

I hope you know that she doesn't mean you"

Once the song had ended, Yukari burst out laughing and Arashi too, because of how fun it was. They had gotten silly by the end, Arashi hitting really high notes that weren't even there and Yukari singing intentionally off key. "Okay, okay, okay," she wheezed through her laughter. "What's next?"

The next song was a Coldplay one, that started off with acoustic guitar and was almost perfect for Arashi's voice. He began singing softly, his eyes closed, and Yukari remained silent except for the chorus, because she only wanted to hear him. It struck her somewhere around the time she began singing the chorus how ironic the lyrics were.

"We never change, do we?

We never learned to leave,

So I wanna live in a wooden house,

I wanna live life, always be true,

I wanna live life, and be good to you,

I wanna fly, and never come down,

And I live my life, and have friends around."

In a way, neither she nor Arashi had ever really changed. But, they had changed. They were the same, but different. And now, they would have to change more. The mood got a bit more somber, as the song ended, and she sang along with him quietly,

"So, I wanna live life in a wooden house,

Making more friends would be easy,

I wanna live where the sun comes out…"

They were both very quiet after, staring at the CD player and musing over what the song really meant. Arashi changed the next song, which was by Zero 7, and on to an Aqualung song. He settled back into the couch and didn't bother singing this time, just listening to the words and then closed his eyes and tried not to cry.

I'm tongue tied

Waiting

Hoping

And praying

Lying

Beside you

Longing

To touch you

But this feels like the end

So tired

We are

Drifting

Too far

Eyes closed

Tightly

Thinking

There might be

Some way

But this feels like the end

Yukari stared the whole time at Arashi, a bit apprehensive and was tempted to turn the song off, but decided against it. His brow was furrowed with the struggle not to cry, but it was fruitless. Slow, silent tears crept down his cheeks and Yukari felt a tug at her heart, not for herself but more so for him.

Then, he choked out a few words to the song, brokenly, and got up wiping his face violently and not looking at her. "Arashi," she called softly, sitting up but he just shook his head. "I need to be by meh self for a lil while, Yukari," he said sadly and went to his room, shutting the door behind him.

Yukari sat on the couch, and was suddenly cold, listening to the rest of the song and repeating the lyrics that Arashi had sang so sorrowfully in her head.

"But this feels like the end…"


It had been quiet for the last thirty minutes or so. Yukari still sat on the couch, listening to the rest of the CD and fighting back tears herself. All she could think about was Hiro. How he'd sworn he'd love her forever, how he'd been so wonderful after her breakup with George, how for years they had been friends and then slowly fell in love. And suddenly, in one guilty confession, all of that was washed down the drain, along with her trust and her friendship with Miwako. Not only had Miwako hurt Arashi, but she'd hurt Yukari, as well. And Hiro had hurt Arashi. Their friendship had been strained for some time after ParaKiss broke up, but they found a way to work it out. And for years now, it had seemed as though the two had finally gotten back what they had from when they were kids.

Was that all just a lie? Had Hiro lied to her about loving her, and had he deceitfully used his friendship with Arashi to get closer to Miwako? Had he just used her as a pawn, as a decoy to hide his real intentions? Yukari hoped so much that that wasn't the truth. It would've been easier to understand if he had, though. And she could've moved on already, using her sorrow as fodder for pain so she could forget…but in her heart, she didn't believe Hiro or Miwako capable of being so cruel. Maybe…maybe it was inevitable, maybe they couldn't help it. Besides, you couldn't choose who you loved, right?

Nonetheless, the thought was still painful.

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed softly, dimly aware that there was a blunt thudding sound coming from the adjacent wall. A few minutes later and the sound got louder. She looked up, and sniffling, got up off the couch slowly and walked toward the sound, which just so happened to be coming from Arashi's room.

What was he doing in there?

She hesitated outside his door, but suddenly a loud crash erupted from the room and Yukari, remembering how torn he'd looked before leaving the living room, slowly opened the door to see what was wrong.

He was in the middle of smashing a picture frame when she came in. He turned, hearing the door open and saw Yukari standing there, taking in the sight of his room and the look on his face, looking as though she'd seen a murder. "Oh…" she whispered, and took a step into the battered room. His clothes and sheets were scattered all over the place; the CD player he had on the dresser was lying ajar on the floor in a far corner; several shards of glass, that she guessed was probably a vase or something had crashed against the wall and were dotted amongst the clothes. But it was Arashi himself that scared her the most. He looked absolutely hellish, tears streaming down his face, his slim body shaking violently, a wild, feral glow in his eyes. "Arashi," she began quietly, staring at the man in front of her. "Oh Arashi…" "Don't even say it," he ground out painfully. "Don't even say you're sorry, Yukari, cause it won't help. It won't excuse why she left me. It won't excuse that I wasn't good enough for her. It won't excuse that she loved him, that she wanted him more than me. And it won't bring her back!" He reared his arm back and threw the picture frame against the wall viciously no doubt imagining it was Hiro.

Yukari dared take another step into the room, hoping that maybe she could calm him down so he wouldn't hurt himself. "Arashi," she said calmly. "I know you're hurt. I know you feel like the world's crashing down on you. I know cause I'm going through what you're going through. But maybe, maybe if we look at it, maybe Miwako didn't mean to hurt you the way she did." He scowled and stomped over to her, ignoring the shards of glass the lined the floor. "How can you stand there and say that!" he exclaimed. "How can you just sit there, and take up for somebody that stole your fiancée right under your nose?" Yukari gasped, his words stinging painfully. "She…she…" "She what, Yukari?" he asked. "What did she do, besides hurt you an' me? Huh?" Yukari fell silent and stared at the floor, tears forming in her eyes again. He snorted. "That's right, nothin'. She ain't done nothin' but made me an' you miserable. And what did we do to deserve it, huh? Besides love her, I dunno." He walked over to his bed and sat down, the anger and fight gone, replaced with sorrow and pain. "She knew I loved her, she knew," he said so softly, Yukari almost couldn't hear. She looked up and walked slowly over to wear he sat. The sight of him, now broken, was so heart wrenching, she shed more tears not for herself, but for him.

Kneeling down in front of him, she attempted to make eye contact but he kept his eyes shut. "Arashi," she whispered. He gripped the edge of the bed painfully, took in a deep, shaky breath, and finally looked at her. There was so much hurt in his eyes, so much…

"What didn't I do, Yukari?" he asked, lost, new tears welling up in his eyes. "What did I do wrong?" Yukari wrapped her arms around her hurting friend and hugged him tightly to her, the contact breaking the fragile barrier around him, and he broke down sobbing onto her shoulder. "Nothing," she whispered, her own tears leaking onto his shirt. "I don't think you did anything wrong." "Then why'd she leave?" he wailed. "I don't know. If someone wants to walk out of your life, you can't really stop them," she said consolingly. "Even if it hurts, you just gotta let them go. And one day, they'll realize what they had. It may be too late by then, but at least you know you tried." "It hurts, Yukari," he whispered, his sobs quieting into silent tears. "I know," she answered, wiping her eyes. "It's gonna hurt. But, we just gotta take it one day at a time. It'll get better one day."

He was quiet then, his head still resting on her shoulder and her arms still cradling him. They sat on his bed like that for a while, eyes closed, listening to the other's breathing. Then, he lifted his head, and staring into her eyes, managed a weak smile.

"You'll need a place to stay since you're not moving in with…with…"

She nodded quickly. "I can't affort an apartment now," she replied, sniffling and wiping her face and his.

"You'll stay with me, kay?"

She nodded again.

"You've got liner runnin' down ya face," he commented, and all she could do was nodded and smile some more, then lay her head on his shoulder and took his hand in hers.

"One day at a time, huh, Yukari?"

"One day at a time."


AN:

Okay, so anyways, next chapter gets a little more upbeat. We'll skip ahead a few days, and meet some more of the old gang, namely…yeah, you know who.. And as a side note, the lyrics to the songs don't belong to me. In case you wanted to know, the first was Howie Day's "She Says"; the second was "We Never Change" by Coldplay, and the last one was "Tongue Tied" by Aqualung. I hope you liked this one, do review. I love reviews…hint hint.