Voiceless
"Ready, kitten?" Gajeel's voice was hushed, doing his best not to disturb the quiet of the room, placing his hand - warm and soothing - on her knee that would not stop bouncing. Before she had a chance to answer, a door opened and a young man in a bowtie, of all things, was calling her name. Levy took a deep breath, drawing strength from the squeeze her hand was getting, and stood to follow him into the room. Thankfully, he seemed completely unaware of just who was entering his consult room, his manner as warm and business like as it reportedly was for every patient he saw, greeting them both with a firm handshake and gesturing for them to sit at his desk.
"Well, Ms. McGarden, you have two options - therapy or surgery. Given the severity of the lesions we saw on your scope, I would recommend surgery. You mentioned you were a singer?"
"Yeah, she is" Gajeel answered for her, watching his fiancee fiddle with her fingers to try and process the news she was being given. "Wha's it mean fer tha'?"
"Well, we've had excellent results using microsurgery techniques - it is a day procedure, done under general anesthesia here in our surgery suite, and we've found that with a combination of rest and therapy, most patients have almost no vocal changes after recovery. Recovery is generally from six to eight weeks, and we recommend at least 12 weeks therapy following this initial recovery period."
"So, you're saying I'll be out of action for five months? What if I don't have the surgery?"
"You could try therapy, learn new ways to use your voice, but you will inevitably find your voice will weaken and worsen, and you may do permanent damage to your vocal folds that we cannot correct. Obviously this is a big decision when your voice is your instrument, take some time and call the office with your decision. Personally, I hope you don't put this off - I'd never hear the end of it from my daughter if her favourite band suddenly stopped making music" he winked at them, rising to indicate their brief consult was over and that he knew exactly who he was dealing with, which had Levy flushing scarlet instantly as Gajeel laughed loudly.
"I - I don't know, Gaj. What do we do?" Levy hated this, she sounded fine talking to him over the low hum of the coffee shop, felt fine. Why was her voice, of all things, betraying her now, in the middle of a tour?
"Ya heard th' doc, Kitten, yer can't be doin' nothin'. I know it's scary as hell, but yer gonna be alright. We're gonna be alright, ya hear?"
"I know. Is it weird that I think everyone should get a say?"
"Yes. Bu' tha's what yer like, Levs. An' right now, makes sense. Gonna affect ev'ryone, bu' its yer voice, yer body, yer choice. Wha' would yer do if we weren't tourin' ri' now?" Gajeel reached over the table, taking her small hand in his own, calloused fingers playing with her slender ones just to watch her engagement ring catch the light as it.
"Have the surgery. It's my livelihood, and you guys depend on my sound now."
"So book it in. We can make do withou' ya fer a little while, Levs. Yer gotta take care o' yerself, kitten. We need ya back at a hundred percent, an' Em's would be so sad ta never hear her Mama sing 'gain" he smiled softly at her. "Ev'rythin's gonna be okay, I promise".
"Okay" she took a deep breath, pulling her ohone out to make the call, knowing she was going to catch hell from the rest of her soon-to-be family for letting it get this bad.
Sure enough, telling the rest of the band went exactly as Levy expected - Gray was as pragmatic and logical as always; Wendy cried: and Natsu yelled in her general direction, because his default volume was just loud.
"Guys, I promise I like it a whole lot less than the rest of you, but it needs to be done. And I'm scared to hell over it, so can we all just try and be positive? Heck, I'd even settle for platitudes right now".
"What's a platypus-tude?" Natsu stumbled over the word, face quizzical.
"And somehow, you're the one marrying a journalist" Gray sighed. "It's like when people say "it'll be okay" but they have no way of knowing."
"Oh, gotcha. Don't worry Levs, it'll all work out!" he gave her the thumbs up, flashing his crooked grin as he whispered over his shoulder. "How was that?"
"Perfect, thanks Natsu."
"When do we have to put you on hiatus?" Wendy had tucked herself between Gajeel and Levy, very much feeling her position as the baby of the group in the face of this news.
"Well, they don't have an opening for a month, so two more cities. Erik's found a therapist to come on the road with us until then."
"An' then we gotta figure somethin' out, 'cause Levs gotta be on vocal rest fer eight weeks. So, any ideas?"
As it turned out, Erik being the organised individual he was had already pulled strings and made arrangements, Levy's therapist walking into the venue right in time for sound check, her bright red pigtails bouncing as she moved with an energy that had Gajeel already feeling exhausted as she embraced her new co-worker with a hug, the two ducking off to a side room to start, what Gajeel could only assume to be, some kind of black magic.
In reality, it was less witchcraft and more of Chelia fangirling whilst trying to do her job, coaching Levy through different ways to project her voice - maintaining her sound while simultaneously protecting herself from any further damage. It took two hours, but by the time the lights came up Levy was ready, making it through that nights show - and the remaining two cities - with barely a waver.
The day of her surgery dawned with the most glorious sunrise Levy had ever seen, wide awake to enjoy it because she'd been too keyed up to sleep at all the night before. But looking around the room, bathed in the golden glow of the early morning hours, seeing her fiance and their daughter sleeping peacefully in the bed she hadn't been able to rest in? Levy was suddenly feeling a whole lot more relaxed about what the day was possibly going to bring, because no matter what happened, this was her family, her whole life - music or no, nothing in the world could ever measure up to just how important they were to her.
"Mornin' beautiful. 'dya git any sleep?" Gajeel's voice was soft, drawl thick as he was waking.
"Mm-hmm" she shook her head, moving to sit softly on the bed next to him, smiling when he lifted an arm to wrap around her shoulders as she snuggled into his bare chest.
"Too nervous."
"Figured ya would be. D'yer rest a' least?"
"Yeah, I got lots of cuddles all night. From both of you, so that was nice. Didn't stop me stressing, but it helped some".
"Mama? Morning time?" Emme sat up next to them, hair all over the place as she rubbed sleepily at her eyes.
"Yeah baby, it's morning. Go back to sleep for a bit, okay?"
"Okay Mama, I sleepy. Need cuggle" she announced, before all but burying her face in Gajeel's other shoulder and falling straight back to sleep, which brought some soft laughter from both her parents.
"Well, I was gonna suggest a shower, bu' I reckon I'm stuck fer a while yet".
"It's alright 'Jeel, I'm just going to have a quick one. You" she emphasised with a kiss as she stood. "Need to brush up on your sign language. Here" Levy handed him her phone, the app already loaded as she stretched, back popping quietly, before moving into the bathroom and closing the door quietly behind her.
"I might like it when yer Mama can't sass me, baby girl" he smiled, pressing a kiss to his daughters hair as he started to scroll through Levy's list, knowing that before long they'd be saying their goodbyes for a few hours while she went under the knife. Gajeel figured the least he could do was to learn a couple of signs so they could communicate over the next little while, given everything Levy had done - and was doing - for him.
"Levy? Well hi sugar, welcome back. You doing okay?"
Yeah, Levy immediately hated the post-op nurse. She seemed nice enough, but her accent was so thick, and her voice almost grating, especially because Levy knew hers was gone for the moment, if not forever. Not that she could explain any of that, instead opting for the universal sign for "all good" and motioning for something to write with.
"Your family's just outside, Darlin'. That little girl of yours is just a peach! The cutest little thing I ever saw! I'll go get them for you sugar".
Levy heard them before she saw them, Gajeel's gruff voice was clearly annoyed, loud in the relative quiet of the recovery area.
"She knows wha's goin' on, don' ya Ems? See, ain't no use babyin' kids, ma'am. She's all the better fer knowin' wha's goin' on with her Mama. There she is Ems, 'member now, Mama's a bit sleepy an' sore"
"And she's not allowed to talk to us. I know Daddy, I'm better at signing than you anyway"
Levy really had to try hard not to laugh at the whole thing, hearing Gajeel in Dad-mode was always attractive, but the way Emme kept him in line never failed to amuse.
"Mama! Are you alright?"
Levy smiled, signing her answers. "I'm okay. Cuddle, please?" she felt herself relax fully with her arms around her child, who had climbed up into her lap and nuzzled in against her mum's collarbone. "Ask Daddy for me - ask him when we can go home".
"Es'cuse me, Daddy? Mama wants to know when we can go home".
"Goodness, you are just precious sweetheart! We need the doctor to come check on your Mama, and sign some forms, and then you can go honey".
As if on cue, that was the exact moment the surgeon chose to stroll through the doors, making his rounds and ensuring Levy knew the recovery process, as well as handing her a guide for what to expect and the things to do/not do, along with her discharge papers and deeming she was free to leave at any time from then on.
Levy couldn't have gotten out of that bed and dressed any faster if you'd asked her to, so keen to be away from Nurse Southern and her overly friendly manner, and Gajeel had them at their home away from home for the next couple weeks faster than Emme could have yelled for chocolate, truly sick of the smell of antiseptic and all too aware of the weight of the papers in her hands.
"Alrigh' kitten, yer all set. Gonna take Ems down ta th' pool, blow off some o' tha' energy tha' kid always seem ta have".
"Okay. Have fun. Remember her floatation stuff""Already got it Mama! Want to come?"
"Ooh, yer Mama in a swimsuit? Ems, ya always got th' best ideas. Wha' ya say Levs, comin' down?"
"Alright, I'll get changed. Two minutes".Which was exactly how, less than two hours after leaving the hospital, Levy found herself sat poolside, in a bikini, watching the two people she loved most in the world splashing and playing in the water, the sound of squeals and laughter echoing in her ears. Maybe it was the remnants of the anaesthetic, but something about the whole thing had her a little misty eyed. A fact that didn't escape Gajeel.
"Levs, yer alright?" he moved quickly, setting Emme on the seat next to them and kneeling in front of her with a gentle expression. "Wha's goin' on kitten, yer throat hurtin'?"
"I'm okay. This is just... It's nice. Watching you two, listening to you, makes me happy.""Mama said she's happy" Emme giggled, translating for her father who was very clearly floundering with their current form of communication, taking his time to study his fiancee's face.
"Well, if tha's all 'tis" he smirked, picking up their daughter and taking a running jump into the pool with her as Levy just shook her head, reaching for the pen and notebook she'd brought down with them, suddenly feeling inspired.
It was a long seven days of silence that followed, but finally the first pop-operative check had come and gone with flying colours, and Levy's voice - croaky and hoarse as it may have been - was just about the most beautiful sound Gajeel had ever heard in his life.
"H-hey you." She walked in the door from her appointment, sweeping her little girl up in a big hug.
"Mama! You got your voice back!"
"Kind of. But only a little bit"
"Yer Mama gotta be quiet lotta th' time still, kiddo. Can ya help me ta keep takin' care o' her?"
"Mmhm! Don't worry Mama, I'll make you better!" Emme promised, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek as if to seal her vow.
"I love you baby".
"Love both m' girls" Gajeel muttered into Levy's hair, holding his little family close.
Levy's recovery was slow, just like they'd expected, and a little hindered by her own fear. She'd started working with Chelia again after the first six weeks, the therapist completely besotted with Emme - so much so, she'd moved into Metalicana's guest house just to be closer, claiming medical reasons. Not that anyone minded, the red-head quickly ingratiating herself with the entire family, Wendy especially forming an almost immediate friendship with the other girl, and Metalicana enjoying the company of the spirited young woman who wasn't afraid to fire back at his jibes.
"Dammit little one, ya gotta git over yer fear Levy! Only way yer gonna know for sure."
"I know, Pops. Logically, I know. But if I don't try? If I don't know for sure? Then I can always believe that things are okay". Levy sighed, running her hands through her hair in frustration.
"Take some advice from an old man, little one. Always better t' know. Always."
"Okay." she caved, standing up from the table. "Thanks, Pops. No time like the present, right?"
"You got it kid" he chuckled softly, accepting the brief hug as she moved off to find Chelia and get this one last hurdle out of the way.
"Ready?"
"No, but if we don't do it now I'll chicken out" Levy laughed nervously, rolling her shoulders to try and release some of the tension in her body.
"Okay. Nice and easy, just scales to start with. Just like we've been doing, alright?" Chelia sat at the piano, fingers moving up along the keys at the nod from her bluenette
patient.
The scales were fine, nothing they hadn't been doing for weeks already, although the higher they got, the more tense Levy felt - that tension affecting her voice, the nerves closing her throat and making it hard to breathe, to sing.
"This isn't working!"
"You're too tense, Lev. Take a breath, okay? Deep breaths. Let's try something else" Chelia paused for a moment, thinking through her options. "Okay, Angel's Wings - let's do that one".
"That's Gajeels..."
"Yup! That's the point - lower register, easier for you. We start slow, okay? It's a process. I know it sucks, but I need you to trust the process - to trust me. I'm the best at what I do, and I will do everything I can for you, but you need to trust me!"
"Okay. I trust you, let's do it." Levy took another calming breath, moving to stand over the piano as she heard the familiar chords began to play.
An hour later, they emerged from the makeshift studio smiling, even laughing, much to the relief of all the Redfox's sat at the kitchen bench for snack time.
"How's it going?"
"Good. We're trusting the process, right?" Levy smiled, sliding in next to her father-in-law.
"Exactly. What have you got monkey?" Chelia laughed, snaking a hand over to grab at the cookies on Emme's plate, knowing full well the little girl would let her. Chelia was the only one at that table who could have tried that, and gotten away with it.
"Yer good, kitten?"
"Yeah, things are getting there Gaj. We'll be okay".
Okay, guys, I'm going to level with you - this week has sucked.
My state's back in lockdown (yes, another one) after just a week of freedom; I ended up in the emergency room yesterday (hence why this is a day late, my apologies); and school is kicking my ass.
But, we got nearly 3000 words for this chapter, so hopefully that makes up for how terrible this one is.
Honestly, I'm a little stuck trying to decide where this story is going to go, so I'm all ears if you have any wishes!
As always, thank you all for your lovely reviews and feedback - I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say this week, although hopefully it's not all terrible.
Much love to you all, and stay safe
- A.V xxx
