Walking down the street away from the bus stop, New Boy stretched as he made his way down the quiet street back to his house. Thankfully this friend he visited lived far enough away that they wouldn't choose his house to come over to- lest they accidentally see who his dreadful neighbor is and ruin the boys social life.
As he approached his house, he noticed someone in the driveway of the dreaded house that homed the dreaded neighbor. Someone was working on a small truck.
"Hello there, Mr. Akasuna."
Deidara looked at the boy with a bit of a pout as he shifted on his creeper, "Hey now that's not cool. You're making me sound old. Just 'Deidara' is fine." Then sat back, and slid back under the car.
"Well... aren't you old?" The boy shot back as he didn't know how old Deidara actually was. For all he knew he was just a few years younger than his ancient teacher, just with some plastic surgery, hair dye, make up, and some proper skin care.
Y'know, gay stuff...
Deidara didn't respond to the boy calling him old and chose to just ignore it- that is unless the kid pissed him of further.
Accepting the silence though, the boy nodded to himself, now having the approval from the man to use his first name. Heaven forbid he be considered rude and have the blond tattle to his teacher. The next day? Oh the boy could just imagine it as the old demon would glare and hiss at him for disrespecting his man.
"So...uh...gays can fix cars too huh?"
There was continued silence under the truck, until a loud sigh, "Sasori was right when he said his students were morons." he said rolling his eyes.
He felt for Sasori now. Having a pupil dumb enough that he assumed he didn't know how to do mechanical work due to his sexuality. He knew how to fix a car, install a new water heater, do the plumbing, and produce the flyest winged eyeliner. Deidara was truly a man of many, many talents.
Scowling, the boy leaned against the vehicle, "Y'know teachers shouldn't talk about their students like that. He could get fired."
"He's got tenure, hm. Besides, his bosses love him too much. He's fine... for now."
"Damn." The boy growled as it now made more sense why kids didn't complain to their parents enough to get a mob in there to demand he be fired. Guess one tough teacher amongst a sea of softies was balanced. He also had tenure too. Can't quite fight that.
"Well, what're you doing under there?"
"Cutting Sasori's breaks."
"Haha real funny..."
Rolling out from underneath the car, Deidara looked the boy dead in the eyes, "Funny?"
"You're not really cutting his breaks."
Sliding out fully, Deidara got up and wiped his oily hands in a rag, "We just got back from the doctors and then getting him new life insurance. The sooner he's out of the picture, the sooner I collect his insurance, move somewhere tropical, and live the rest of my life as a giggolo. Get my own taste of younger men."
The boy couldn't believe what he was hearing; and Deidara looked so convincing too!
"Yup... about time I spread my wings from that old fart." Deidara sighed as he put his hands on his hips and stretched his back.
"Uh, Yeah... Speaking of that old- uh...him, what's he up to?"
Deidara sighed heavily and with a jut of his hip, pointed towards a fence that led to the backyard, "I forced him outside to do a little gardening. Get a little fresh air. Enjoy life before- " the finger that was pointing outwards retracted and as Deidara turned around, he swiped at his throat, "Kkrrttt!"
With that Deidara grabbed a new tool before hopping on his creeper and rolling back under the vehicle.
"I think I'll say hello..."
"You mean goodbye?"
"Uh..."
Wandering to the backyard, the boy watched the old man fumbled and grumbled as he clipped the hedges- until he ultimately gave up, throwing the blades into the grass with a swear. Bending down slowly, he picked up the hose and stuck with watering. It was then the boy noticed at that wheel barrel with trimmings from the bush the teacher had been trimming had fallen over. There was a good chance that the older man made the decision it would be for the best he didn't pick it up, lest he accidentally injure his back.
"Knock knock! Mr. Akasuna!"
"Hm? What?" Sasori responded gruffly, continuing to water.
Walking into the backyard, the boy picked up the wheel barrel and moved it to the side-
"Hey, aren't you a student of mine? How did you find my house?" Sasori asked before pointing the hose at the teen, "I'll shoot."
The boy stared at his teacher a moment. This man before him was a new creature. With his shirt unbutton at the top and his sleeves, rolled up to elbows, he could actually SEE the man. He seemed trim and fit, rather youthful when he wasn't dressed like a grandfather.
Honestly, he didn't look all that gross at all. Still old and gross, but less than usual. Maybe he could loose the wicker sun hat.
"Yes I am, Mr. Akasuna. And I live across the street."
Sasori hummed, "Ah Yes, the house that just sold... ah yes you. You're that mouthy New Boy." He growled waving a finger.
The boy watched the waving finger, recalling how Deidara had used one in a throat slitting gesture after talking about murdering the old guy, "Ahh haaa... yeah that's me."
"What do you want."
"I was talking with Deidara-"
Sasori narrowed his eyes, "That's Mr. Akasuna to you, Boy." and snapped at the teen like he would any punk kid in his class.
"Oh Ah.. well... he said I could use his first name. He actually said the other way made him feel old."
"Old?"
"Yes sir."
"Bah." Sasori scowled loudly, "There was a time he was practically begging to be called Mr. Akasuna. Wore it like a badge."
"Yeah... uh, Mr. Akasuna..." the boy started, "I was talking with him and he said some pretty alarming things I think I should tell you."
"Alarming? Pish posh..."
"No! He seriously told me how he was cutting your breaks."
"Ah..." Sasori hummed as he knew Deidara was out front, "he's just grumpy about last night when I- uh never mind. It's fine, just ignore him."
"No, listen!"
Sasori sighed and lowered the hose once more, "I'm listening."
"He has it all planned out!"
"What planned out?"
"How he's going to murder you!"
"And he told... YOU all this?" Sasori asked, making sure he got all the information. Preposterous information mind you.
"Well- yes, Sir."
"Right." And he went back to watering the plants.
"Well you did just get your life insurance done again. For a lot of money, didn't you?"
Sasori let go of the trigger and turned around again, "How do you know that?"
That's quite the personal information.
"He told me! He told me of his plans of cutting your breaks, killing you, getting your life insurance and living in a tropical place. He said this time it would be him with the young men! He called you an old fart!"
Sasori let out a disgruntled guffaw. Then his face dropped, "he... did always say he'd like to retire somewhere sunny... but I burn too easily as I'm a redhead..."
"You're a redhead?" The boy asked rather bluntly, looking at the gray hair.
"Oh quiet."
"Yes sir!"
"But..." Dropping the hose Sasori stormed out passed the boy and down the driveway, reaching down with a mighty yank, that honestly surprised the boy who followed him.. Guess the old guy had strength and the capability to ignore a chance of injury after all.
"Hey you, brat!"
"Oh...hello, Danna."
"We need to talk."
Deidara looked up at the nervous looking boy and scowled, "Narc."
"What the hell were you talking about with..with...with my student!"
"Not much. Just you being an old fart."
"You... agh! What are you doing under there anyway?"
"...stuff."
Getting up, Deidara once more cleaned fluids and oil off his hand-
"Is that brake fluid!?" Sasori quickly accused.
Deidara looked at his hands, the palms and the backs of them, "Well..."
"Deidara I can't- I just- why!"
"You know why."
"Because I don't like it when you drug me?"
The new boy stood there awkwardly. Deidara tried to drug the old guy too? Yikes! Based on what he saw and what his classmates said- Deidara was smitten over Sasori and vice versa. Now to hear that Deidara was drugging and planning his murder.
"Why would you cut my breaks!?"
Deidara snorted, "What the hell are you talking about my senile old baby?"
"Baby?" The New Boy repeated in shock, but both adults ignored him.
"If I were to cut your breaks, I'd need your car, hmm."
"Yeah?" Sasori scoffed as he put his hands on his hips.
"Sasori, Honey...Konan has your car." Deidara spoke slowly as he approached his husband, "She's borrowing it for the weekend, remember?"
"Oh yeah..."
"This is a truck. I'm working on the gasket on MY truck. Your car is long gone."
"Oh."
"You don't know how to drive a stick shift so even if I did accidentally cut the breaks on the truck, you couldn't drive it."
"That's... Oh hum..."
"..."
"Hey you little shit..." Sasori growled as he realized the cruel trick played on him.
In an instant Deidara ran into the backyard with Sasori hot on his tail. Following the two older men, genuinely worried who was going to kill who as at this point it was a fair game. He also didn't know the old man was capable of running that fast. He wasn't surprised though now, this old man was all around terrifying.
As the new kid came around the corner and past the fence his eyes went wide. There his teacher held his hands up, surrendering to Deidara who held the nozzle of the hose.
Pointing it, Sasori feared the worst, "This is for trying to ruin my marriage, skanky boy..." Deidara said in a volume that Sasori would struggle to hear, before he shot past Sasori and at the teenager, relentlessly and completely soaking him.
"Agh!"
The two older men approached the boy and neither helped him up. Sasori had no desire to while Deidara shot him briefly again.
"Bleh... Wh-Why...?"
"That's what you get for calling me old." Deidara scowled, "and you," Deidara clicked the nozzle to a powerful jet setting and shot his husband in the crotch causing the old man to yelp loudly, "is for... you know what you did." And walked out of the backyard and into the house.
The New Boy looked up at his teacher who gasped in shock and pain at the cold water soaking into his pants and genitals, "Isn't the part where you pass your wisdom of not getting married?" He asked.
Looking down Sasori snarled at the boy, still holding his crotch, "No! This is where I say, living near a student is nothing but trouble!"
"Huh?"
"Now you listen here you punk, I don't know what Deidara meant by you being skanky and trying to ruin our marriage," Sasori shook out his leg while the Boy swallowed harshly as he earned his teachers scorn on a weekend, "but being married to Deidara is the best thing in my life! I shouldn't have doubted him and listened to a mouthy brat like you!" He finished yelling before storming off into the house after his husband.
The New Boy sighed heavily and got up off the ground, all soggy, wet and dirty now.
"Well, I am in for it on Monday now... I hate living here."
-x-
Deidara curled up to his husband, twirling his finger in the grey chest hair, "Mmm, that was nice."
"Yes, yes it certainly was." Sasori gasped as he caught his breath.
"Mm... my Danna is so handsome and sexy when he's angry...and realizes he's wrong~"
"I still stand by my not wanting you to put viagra in my food, but I shouldn't have doubted you wanting to kill me for my money. The fact you would want to put the drug in my dessert to have sex with an 'old fart'," Deidara chuckled as he was quoted, "Well I'll admit it is quite flattering."
"Oh god... you were just so sexy that night, hmm!" Deidara moaned as he recalled finding his husband to be quite the dessert.
Sasori kissed Deidara's head, "I was only grading essays."
"Oh...my baby doesn't know his own power over me!" Deidara swooned, shifting his body up to kiss Sasori slow and passionately.
"Mm..." Sasori moaned into the kiss, caressing Deidara's strong arms with his thin wrinkled hands, "I love you." He mumbled against his beloved's soft lips.
"I love you too."
"But I have to ask, why did you call my student a 'skanky boy'? What was that about 'ruining our marriage'?"
"Ah."
"Wait...did he... did hit on you?" Sasori asked before quickly scowling loudly and tightening his possessive grip onto his husband, "Kids these days!"
"Ahhh!" Deidara screeched in delight causing Sasori to flinch, "My precious Danna doesn't have a clue what a handsome boy he is!"
"What?"
As Sasori was smothered once more, across the street the New Boy sneezed, "I wonder if I'm going to catch a cold now..."
part two
deidara get his revenge and his man. also the return of New Boy.
uh, if you don't know like i didnt and had to look up; a creeper, like deidara was using, is those carts to lie down and slide under cars
BY LOSERS
