Deidara kissed his husband tenderly as he cupped his face, "I'll miss ya, baby." he whispered, kissing even more as he uttered out the last word.

"Brat... behave and be safe..."

"I will... Danna."

Sasori kissed his husband back discreetly as Deidara's female boss looked on with giggles, "Oh grow up Konan! You're the same age as me. Act like it." he hissed as soon as he heard the laughter. "Don't let her be a bad influence." He then growled in Deidara's face he got in real close, yet still loud enough so she could also hear it like it was some sort of insult. "You're an adult."

She giggled some more as she watched Deidara ignore Sasori's words and instead focused to clinging and kissing his husband more, "Yeah, I know...right. Let's go Deidara. Pfft." Konan spoke up between laughter as she watched the two some more, hardly heeding Sasori's words either.
The Deidara she knew from work and the Deidara she saw now were so different. She had known Sasori for years too though and- sometimes while watching them, it was hard to see who was more whipped!

Sasori waved goodbye as the two walked through the airport, away from where he could follow. Now he had two weeks alone, no Deidara to disturb him with all his incessant flirting, not that he would outright say he hated it because he really didn't for the most part. Peace and quiet away from students and as well as work in general. He now had all the time he could now dedicate to his own fine artwork. Thank god for spring break.

The peace didn't last though.

The first day was... interesting to say the least. Sasori was excited to cook for himself again after leaving bachelorhood a long time ago. Now when Deidara was gone, he could cook the foods he knew his husband hated and would thus for refuse to serve; no matter how much Sasori would request it. However even after cooking, he still ended up making too much, already looking around for a hungry blond to gobble up the rest, just like when they had started dating. If anything, after all these years of cooking for two, suddenly being able to jump back to one would be strange.

Eating alone quietly, he could recall fondly the moment he first cooked for Deidara. How amazed he was, how his foot stroked the inner part of his calve, how he couldn't keep his eyes off Sasori to the point it drove the older man crazy with embarrassment. Since they married quick, even when he was busy working his own job, Sasori cooked most dinners while Deidara finished school. It then turned to them cooking together, then it turned into Deidara cooking since he got off work early. Not to mention by then he had plenty of practice.

Sasori scowled into his mound of food, "You aren't even worth it." and pushed it aside. He had no appetite as his heart ached, longing for Deidara to be seated with him, talking away with his mouth full of food and explosive hand gestures as he talked all about his day and feeding Sasori with all the juicy gossip and intel from their friends and the general art community.

Now he had never outright said that he needed to know the latest confidential details, who was planning this, or who was making that. However Deidara knew; he knew his husband was dying to soak up every gritty detail of the art community. It was great to have someone to gossip to! Not to mention Sasori did love hearing it and was fantastic at keeping it all a secret, not spreading it around further. If Deidara told him it was just between them? Sasori absolutely kept it between them.

Perhaps this is why he became a high school teacher? High school students were buzzing with gossip he had a keen ear for eavesdropping into. Just as long as it wasn't about him, they were okay.

Saving his food with a piece of plastic wrap, even though he knew he wouldn't touch the leftovers, he sighed as he walked to his workshop with a glass of fruit juice as a sort of treat. Already he was wallowing in self misery, unable to eat- and he had only said goodbye to Deidara that morning.
Still, Sasori basked in his art. He loved it. As long as he didn't leave his workshop to eat or sleep he was okay. Food seemed to be less appealing without Deidara, the sleeping alone in his bed without being spooned? It was cold. Lately if he needed to sleep- he would just do it on the couch with a picture of his beloved nearby on the coffee table across from him. How he missed that stupid smiling face smushed up against his cheek, laughter ringing in his ears.

At this point it was only four days in.

Opening up the cupboards and fridge, over and over, Sasori was in a tizzy. Deidara had loaded the house with food prior to leaving, just so Sasori would survive and not need to shop and instead could focus on his art. Yet with a house full of food, he was cross. Nothing looked good, nothing was appealing, and he knew very well he had already lost a couple pounds in the five days without Deidara. When Deidara would come back, he'd take one hug and wail how his husband was wasting away, guilt ridden as he would waste no time in trying to put meat back on his bones.

Now Sasori couldn't have that. If anything, Deidara should come home to a clean house, a warm bed and the most loving arms.

Leaving for the grocery store, Sasori wandered slowly up and down the aisles for hours aimlessly. He was bored, lonely and knew he couldn't leave without some sort of food. Nothing was appealing, no one had even asked if he needed help! He felt as if he was going to explode at any moment here...

Looking up from his discussion with his partner, a Police Officer glared at the sight of some old guy going off at some young employee. Before his partner could jump in and stop the fight, he put his hand to their chest,

"Whoa whoa, whoa..."

"What?" Officer Two asked, confused as to why he was being stopped. That poor boy looked as if he was going to bawl!

"I think..." Officer One mumbled before gasping, "I think that's Mr. Akasuna!"

"Mr. Akasuna? Wait... that nasty teacher from high school?" Officer Two narrowed his eyes, "My god- I think it is him!"

"..."

"..."

"Ew... what happened to him?"

As the two slowly approached, they cringed at the all too familiar sight of the man making someone quiver in fear and horror. The teacher they knew though was younger than this by maybe ten years. Ten years had aged the old guy hard. Something about him was unhinged, unkept as he was distressed. Maybe it also had to do with the way he was dressed? Clearly he had not been properly been taking care of himself. No one had! Looking, they could tell one thing was the same as usual, the guy was an absolute prick. Nasty.

"Watch as I get us some revenge." Cackled Police Officer One to the other. "I'm not scared of that old bastard anymore!"

"That cooky old bastard is insane to be doing this. Has he no shame?" Officer One then muttered to himself as he approached the altercation to stop it. "Sir, relax."

"I am relaxed!" Sasori growled as he hardly took into consideration that a man of the law was talking to him. What did he care? "I just need him to understand that he's-"

"Sir, do you know who I am?"

Sasori glared at the cop now, "No."

Officer One sighed loudly and elbowed his partner whom had now approached the situation for backup, "Look at that! Public freak outs and he's also losing his memory!"

"But do you remember me?" Asked Officer Two, resting his hands on his knees as he knelt down a little to get on Sasori's level in a condescending manner.

"No! Should I? Pfft! No!" Sasori now huffed and growled as he began to get fussy.

"Come with us old man!" Officer One said, both of them scowling as they forcefully took Sasori away from the poor shop employee and into their squad car.

"Unhand me!" Sasori demanded as he couldn't put up much of a fight. He was hungry, tired and weaker than these young muscular cops. Of course they could drag him away! "Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see Mr. Akasuna... you'll see." Chuckled Police Officer One as his sinister plan began to take action.

-x-

Sasori gasped as he was then dragged into a building after a long and tiresome drive as he nagged the entire ride. Mustard carpet and cream walls, tacky floral seats and trays with pills; the air reeking of fish oil and fragrant floral perfumes and colognes. He had been taken to an old folks home! A place for the elderly who were unable to care for themselves. A place where the elderly went to die. Him? Here? Seriously!?

"I am completely sound of mind!" Sasori yelled once he was in the care home. "And- Let me phone my partner!"

"Partner?" Asked the woman at the desk who was busy getting the paperwork for the two officers to sign in the lone old man until his family could come and take him away.

"Deidara, you brats!"

"Who's Deidara?" Then asked Officer One as he had never heard the name.

Officer Two nudged the other, "He's married? I do... I do see a ring."

"No he's not, he lying!" Police Officer One scowled, "He's just a cooky Old man!"

"Deidara my husband!" Sasori protested again, this time being more specific.

"Husband?"

Sasori let spit fly as he was losing whatever 'cool' he had left, "Yes! He's just out of town for a bit!"

Of course for him, he was used to saying he had a husband. He was gay and not ashamed. Well... Ashamed of Deidara's actions sometimes? Yes, definitely yes to that. Him? Have a husband named Deidara? That young hot blond over there behind bars waving to me because he got into a fist fight with that other guy with the bleeding nose? Who? I have no husband.

Of course Sasori would still end up paying bail, telling the officers at the station to keep him in there an extra hour as punishment.

"Right... tell us Mr. Akasuna... tell us all about this 'Deidara'." Officer One spoke in a mocking tone, nudging Officer Two discreetly.

"He's forty-seven," Sasori started as he carefully composed himself, "long blond hair, blue eyes... very handsome..has some tattoos. He's an art teacher at a studio. He's just out of town with a coworker."

While Officer One looked at the old man as if he had gone mad, the other laughed, "So you have yourself what sounds like some gorgeous young artist for a husband?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I have!"

"Right~ sounds like the cute guy at an studio you attend on Saturday mornings for your weekly socializing group, he calls you 'sweetie' and pats your wrinkly ol head-"

"He does do that! He's my husband!" Sasori yelled as that's exactly how that worked. Of course Deidara would pat his head and call him sweetie, they've been happily married well over twenty years! To not have little acts of affection would be preposterous. The fact the Officer could name one of them off the top of his head was just dumb luck.

"Yeah yeah. Poor guy shows a little bit of attention towards an old man until he's deluded into thinking they're married... it's a shame to see such a great mind like Mr. Akasuna's wither like this..."

"Mr. Akasuna..." Sasori mumbled as he questioned if this and the other officer were possible former students or if they were being professional. Only coworkers and students ever called him that. If they had been past students; had they never seen Deidara pop in and out of their school years? Sasori had been teaching for well over thirty years now, but maybe it was before Deidara's time with him played a bigger role. Maybe they were just lousy students who never went to school?

"Damn it." Sasori growled, "let me just call him!"

"Yeah, sure, fine~"

Rushing to the phone, cursing that he didn't bring his blasted cellphone with him, he called the number and scowled as it went to voicemail. Made sense as Deidara was not only out of the country but in a different time zone and the blond was probably very busy.

"...Deidara just get here as soon as possible!" He yelled, his voice dry and crackly from all the yelling he had been doing that day.

"A mysterious, gorgeous younger husband you just can't contact, huh? What a shame!" Mocked Officer One, "You're just going to have to stay..."

"I really have to stay... here?" Sasori gasped, reality setting in. "I have a home already that I am am plenty capable of living in on my own! I- I am neither an old coot nor am I a baby!" Sasori quickly bit his tongue. Oh how Deidara would deny that last statement. Loudly and with many smothers. Damn it he missed his husband dearly!

"You'll be very cozy!" Officer One went on, taunting his old teacher.

Officer Two joined in just as bad, "You can talk about sweater vests and the good ol days!"

Sasori scowled as the men continued to mock him, "I'm really not that old..." and tugged on the sweater vest that Deidara had bought for him and then proceeded to call him his 'handsome boy' once he put it on. If anything the whole Old Man Look was more of a costume... wasn't it? Looking at his shaking frail hands he scowled. How did this happen? Could he really not take care of himself anymore? Was he actually losing his mind? Deidara hadn't even been gone a week and he was forced into elderly care. Sitting up in his seat he took a deep breath through his nose. Deidara would get the message and come for him, wouldn't he? He certainly wouldn't take this as the perfect opportunity to leave him and live abroad, right?
"Honey..." Sasori mumbled in his quietest voice, "Come back."

-x-

Sasori sat around in a room of fossils bitterly as he was administered his heart medicine, "I like it better when Deidara does this..." he insulted the nurse. He looked at his little cup of applesauce she had prepared for him after refusing the banana she wanted him to eat, "This is terrible. You're terrible. You do this for a living day after day of your pathetic life and yet you remain a failure. Disgraceful. Deidara is much better."

"Ah, the elusive Deidara..." she hummed, ignoring all his insults easily as she was one of the staff with the most seniority, knowing well how to deal with the likes of grouchy old men from her years of experience. "Sure Deidara is great. Sure he's real." She then joked as she had been informed of the old man's imaginary amazing Husband.

"He is! He is, he is, he is!" Sasori screeched, pounding his fists against the arms of his chair.

"Right. You know a lot of closeted old gay men, when they get older and lose their shame-"

Sasori shot his arms in the air, exasperated, "Oh for fu-"

"And then? They project their hidden desires and regrets!" She sighed, "Do you regret never coming out of the closet, Sir?"

"I was never in it." Sasori hissed at the woman as if he was holding back venom, veins sticking out on his neck and forehead as this random woman tried to give him a brand new life story.

"Oh my! Look at those veins... you're heart pressure must be up. Let's have you take those heart pills!"

Sasori grumbled the whole time. In the closet was he? No way! Deidara definitely wasn't the first guy he had been with, but he would certainly be the last. Him in the closet, the both of them even, what a joke!
"God I hope he gets my message and gets here soon..." he growled as she left him to choke back the nasty applesauce, "I have to go back to work next week!"

Of course, it didn't take long for Sasori to lose his mind in that home. Where they watched what he ate, controlled what he did, and were far to invested in his bowel movements. He's not old! He's sound of mind and just wanted to be home with his husband- or at the least cooped up making art. It certainly didn't help that he wouldn't let any of the care workers touch him. They offered to help him shave, trim his hair a little, get him to wash up. He wanted nothing to do with the place though so went completely unkept, filthy and literally foaming at the mouth. There was nothing to calm this man down. He was put to make their jobs as difficult as possible.

Of course the workers began to gossip and murmur about how awful Sasori was. They were no different than any of his rotten students, the ones he was so excited to get away from this spring break.

"That gross old man is a mess!"

"Definitely not a married man."

"Who would marry such a sick minded old coot?"

Sasori fidgeted in his bed as he stared at the phone that was placed in his room, waiting for Deidara to phone back the secretary where she could forward the call to him.

"Sir, you should just relax." Spoke up a nurse as she came in with the original Police Officers behind, checking in on him... With their own unkind ulterior motives.

It wasn't a very nice visit as Police Officer One chuckled bitterly at his mean old teacher in distress, "Yeah Mr. Akasuna. Just give it up already. Act your age." And walked out.

Sasori sat back on the creaky bed in the home, quiet and all alone. He hated it. It was called a 'home', but it wasn't his 'home'. He hated that he had to wait for Deidara to save him, he hated not being in control, but he hated the fact that Deidara wasn't just with him even more. If Deidara were here, he would make everything all better. Just Deidara being there could make this fake home a real home because there was no doubt he would be in the blond's arms, safe and at ease.

Dragging his hands down his face, he looked at them shake from not eating. Looking at the mirror in the room he gasped, "Who... who is this...?" and touched his whiskery face and greasy gray hair.
If Deidara did come to see him now, he would tell the home to keep him for sure because they were right. With the way he was behaving, he did belong here. He wasn't acting his age. He was an adult, he was in control, yet he certainly wasn't showing it. He was pathetic and he hated it. If Deidara was going to come back for him and take him home, he would need to make some big changes.

It had been three days more when the workers at the main desk located at the entrance shrieked in horror as their door was kicked in; some blond looking biker punk rushing in with tight fists, pounding on the desk yelling, "Where is he!?"

"Who? Are you... you missing your grandparent?" Guessed the poor woman working behind the desk.

"My HUSBAND!" Deidara yelled louder, throwing a massive fit as he stomped his feet and hit the desk like a child, "You stole him! You kidnapped my baby!"

"Who?"

"Sasori Akasuna!" Deidara panted as he tried his best to compose himself, just enough to reach into his pocket, "I'm Deidara Akasuna, hm!" He said as he handed the nurse his ID.

"Husband...?" she muttered, looking at the...young blond. She then bit her bottom lip as she watched the man calm down, tussling his hair about as he fiddled with it anxiously. A gorgeous older man really.

"Yes! Sasori is my husband! I went on a small trip this spring break for work, and get a message he's been apprehended and taken to a retirement home, WHY? WHY!? Give him back!"

"Well sir... there were these two police officers claiming to be former students, said they found him to be not sound of mind and causing a fuss at a grocery store..."

Not to mention nobody believed that 'Deidara' was actually real. The idea of him was nothing but a fantasy.

"Of course he caused a fuss! He's a fussy old man who was probably bored and lonely, but that doesn't mean he's not sound of mind! He's a tough, intelligent, sexy teacher-man and those 'supposed students' were probably little shits as kids, so they wanted revenge on the man who was tough on them, hm!"

"Oh..." the nurse gasped as she wouldn't put it past those men wanting revenge now that she herself had been face to face with the man. He was mean! "They told us how ridiculous and fake your existence was..."

"Well I'ma here ain't I, Hmm? Take me to my husband right now!"

"Husband who?" Walked in a nurse comforting a younger female who was in tears.

"Sasori Akasuna." Replied the desk worker.

The weeping, young girl in her early twenties cried out more after hearing the man's name. The name itself just shook her to her core. Instead of being just grossed out by the guy like most of the other girls, she feared him. That man tore her down as he spat the most vile venom.

"Sheesh Danna," Deidara scowled as the girl wailed loudly, "you sure can make 'em cry. Sorry sweetie!"

Now Deidara always thought Sasori's tough demeanor was hot. Very hot. He just didn't like it when the guy made poor undeserving girls cry. This girl was probably just doing her already tough and probably underpaying job...

"He... he..." she sputtered, ridding her eyes of her makeup as she wiped her tears.

"Yes?"

"He's in the bingo room!" The poor girl wailed as she collapsed into a chair.

Deidara politely handed the girl a tissue from the box on the desk and rushed down in there and narrowed his eyes as he searched the sea of gray crowns and elderly clothes, as he searched row by row, "Oh, that's a nice sweater... oh that's not mine.. oh, that's not him, not mine...oh... Oh!" His heart burst as he spotted his young man among a group of old ladies. Looking down to his husband, he smiled as Sasori contently played bingo very focused on the game. In front of him was a banana, an applesauce packet, a juice box and a race car. "Danna..."

"Silence... I'm close to getting myself another bingo..." Sasori mumbled as he worked his three cards he had fought so hard for. "That teddy is good as mine!"

Deidara looked up at the worker calling the numbers to see the bear and then back to Sasori's pile of treasures, "You winnin' there buddy?"

Not looking up, Sasori scowled, "I don't have any 'buddies'."

"That young handsome man is Sasori!" An elderly woman spoke up, tugging so very lightly on Deidara's jacket sleeve. "At first he was very scary and messy, then he all of a sudden became very handsome!"

Another old woman cackled, "Quite the gentleman too! He helped Betty tie her scarf this morning, and then helped Agatha put her hair clip in straight!"

"He listens to me complain about young kids these days without interruption! Not like other men. It's so nice!"

"He said if Deidara were here, I should wear this sweater." A very, very old woman in a wheelchair, missing her leg from diabetes spoke up, "Deidara would find my sweater very pretty!"

Deidara looked at the sweater with a twinkle in his eyes while the elderly people stamped another number as it was called out, "Ohhh! It is a lovely sweater!" He gushed as he admired the snow white knit sweater with red floral embroidery. He had tried to put Sasori in ladies cardigans, yet that's where he put his foot down.

"Handsome Sasori says he's got himself a Handsome Husband, you know!" Cackled the first woman. "Strange!"

"Oh?" Deidara hummed as he leaned closer to Sasori, "Do you have a handsome husband?"

"The most handsome husband..."

"What's he look like?" Deidara asked, realizing now that Sasori was so focused on winning he didn't even recognize him the whole time he was there talking to the women.

"Like an angel."

"Aww." Deidara sighed as he sat down. He could just kiss his sweetie right here and now! "When you finish up, how about I take you home-"

"Bingo!" called a crackled voice in the room making Sasori growl and slam his hand on the table,
"One more game." he seethed.

Deidara nodded, "Yeah sure." and grabbed himself a card as well to join in. The new prize being a fifty pice jigsaw puzzle? Sasori loved puzzles! He had to win it for him.

—-

The police officers showed up after the nursing home called saying the elusive Deidara actually showed up. First thing they noticed was the drastic change in their old teacher. He had definitely cleaned himself up to be more presentable. But they couldn't help but stare in awe at the man maybe 10 or so years older than them, playing bingo him. Game after game after game until Deidara won one of the five puzzles they were handing out as prizes.

"He is young..." gasped the Office Two.

"He is blond..." gasped Officer One.

"He is attractive..."

"He's actually real!"

"So you see, those two petty ex-students of yours are what put you in here, hmph!" Deidara scowled to Sasori as he carried the heavier one of his husbands bags. "How dare they!"

"I knew something was suspicious about those two..." Sasori muttered as he held on tightly to his little bundle of bingo winnings, plus his new hundred piece puzzle of a cottage that Deidara had so kindly won for him.

Walking to the exit with the bag full of his belongings, Sasori glared at the two officers and gripped even tighter to the bag. Oh how he wants to chew them out. How dare they not think Deidara was real, that Deidara was just some kind young man that gave him a little extra attention, enough to delude him into 'make believing' their many years of marriage! If only they were his students again, surely then he would be able to succumb them to the fear of his wrath. Now though? He could never...

Putting his bag on the secretary's desk, he grabbed Deidara suddenly by the waist, and dipped his husband and kissed him in front of the two trouble makers, forcing them to watch as Deidara happily kissed back.

"Oh sweetie," Deidara gushed as he pulled away and juggling his own bag that had been tossed about, "I'm so glad you're okay." and pat Sasori's head as he stood back up right, pecking him on his forehead, wedding ring sparkling on his finger.

The two officers were shaken. They really were married! Deidara is definitely real and he does call him sweetie and pet his head! No wonder their teacher was so furious!

"Sorry, Mr. Akasuna Sir!" Squeaked Officer Two, "No disrespect, Sir! This was all my partners fault!" He confessed, while pushing his friend under the bus.

The other officer gasped as he was outed for his malicious plan, "Hey! Well... I uh... sorry sir! Forgive me sir!"

Deidara growled and kicked both officers in the shins-

"Hey! Ow! You can't do that!" Yelled Officer One, stepping closer to Deidara and easily looming over the short male. "That's an offen-"

"Don't. Talk. To. My. Husband."

The officer looked over at his old teacher and in an instant was washed over with what felt like a war flashback. Those foreboding and evil eyes glaring down not on him as he was too short, but down into the depths of his very soul searching to destroy it. Dark aura radiating from his body and encapsulating the room in cold doom. There was a reason Sasori was feared by all-

Teacher or not, he was one terrifying little man!

"Yes sir!"

"We deserved those kicks, sir!" Squeaked Officer Two as he two felt the wave of fear and even nausea overwhelm him.

"We apologize, sir!"

"Forgive us, sir!"

Deidara let out a loud grunt and linked arms with his husband, "let's go home, Danna!"

"Tsk! Kids these days!" Sasori scowled, taking his leave from the retirement home with his husband at his side.

"Yo... man..." Officer Two spoke up as they watched as the couple got into a souped up, blue, retro truck. Deidara using a helping hand to get Sasori up and into the high thing.

"Wh-what..." squeaked Officer One, as he calmed his racing heart after just being scolded by his dreaded old teacher.

"I thought you said you weren't scared of him a-anymore..."

"...shut up."

-x-

In bed just lying with Sasori, Deidara smiled at the soft snores. As soon as they got home Sasori was smitten with his love of his house, his husband and his life. Deidara had told Sasori they could do anything now that they were home safely together, and this is what he chose; a cuddle in the warm and full bed he so dearly missed.

"A bed with you in it is the only bed I want to sleep in." Sasori had said.

Deidara had to agree with kisses as such sentiment melted his heart. Like Sasori, he had missed his bed and most importantly his husband. This was the best place to be for sure. The best place was home.

Kissing the top of Sasori's head, Deidara smiled. He smelled delightful! It was a different soap, a fresh one that smelled of peachy babies. His face was cleanly shaved and he looked less gaunt than he expected. Usually when he left the old man to his own devices, he would get lonely and refuse to eat. This Sasori looked as vibrant as the day he left him! With a subtle movement, Deidara guided Sasori in his arms into a new comfortable position as he readied himself to have a nap as well. Face it, Deidara was kinda an old man too! Jet lag and the inability to sleep after getting the initial message didn't help either.

As he closed his eyes, he thought about many things. His trip, the heart attack after hearing Sasori's panicked message, the rush to find a flight back home, and most in particular that his husband was doing quite well being in a 'home' setting while he was away. Perhaps the next time he was gone, he would make arrangements to have Sasori visit them for a few rounds of girl talk and bingo.


i wrote this back in spring break, but spring break didn't really end now did it? for future readers years ahead- corona lol.

poor sasori got tossed in a home for being cranky. you know, i just noticed im not very kind to him in my fics hahahahahahahah. BYE LOSERS!