A man of mystery, one of changes and surprises; Deidara truly was one of a kind. A piece of fine art. Unique. Something that Sasori truly loved, yet unfortunately it sometimes also worried Sasori... a lot.
Walking into the living room out from the kitchen, Sasori stopped in his place and chewed at his piece of buttered toast. There was an odd sight he glared at, chewing slowly as he processed it. On the couch in the living room to was Deidara, sitting up straight and rigid- mortified at the television as he clutched his pillow.
"Heya buddy. Are you watching a horror movie?" Sasori asked, unaware they even showed such films at nine in the morning on a Sunday. Not that he really cares anyway. If anything he just wanted to piss off his husband by calling him, 'Buddy'. Which was a continuation of a fight they had the night prior leading up to Deidara angrily sleeping on the couch; where he now sat now that morning had come.
"No... no. It's just..." Deidara looked up at his fifty year old husband, chewing his lips as he entirely ignored the teasing, "a scary commercial."
"Okay?" Sasori hummed in confusion as he took another bite. What could a commercial do to scare Deidara? His husband was always so brave, had a high pain tolerance, and was incredibly hotheaded. Which is ultimately why he got into so much trouble far too often, even when he was smart enough to know better. The combination really wasn't beneficial in this certain cases that often left the small blond man in a pickle. Far too often for this aging man to deal with.
He'd still bail him out of course. The sex after Deidara had spent some time in jail was fantastic. Sasori just had to be careful another man didn't claim Deidara as his bride while incarcerated. Not that Deidara would allow that either.
It was probably a suffering puppy commercial. Like hell they were fostering puppies again. They ruined their carpet, leading them to have to redo almost all the flooring in the house. Not that he hated the laminated flooring as if anything, he loved the wooden look. Still, no more puppy fostering; even the puppies, 'That look my precious danna!'
Getting up off the couch, Deidara took a shaken breath. Standing before his darling husband, without warning he picked up him up in less than graceful, and far too crushing way. Not that it was too hard, it's just that it wasn't too easy either. They both definitely had similar body types, especially now that Deidara was getting on in his age having lost that twenty year old glow now he was in his thirties. Still, they were both short and slim men, having a rather ectomorph body type. Or as Deidara's friend, Hidan, would so callously call them, Twink One and Twink Two. Of course they could definitely build muscle and be be stronger- the both of them.
However it was not because they were helpless or weak. They were both grown men and capable of carrying for themselves. Besides, the two of them had quite the special workout routine that kept them both plenty in shape. Which ultimately Deidara especially needed in his life when Sasori would crack open his recipe box, filled with the meals his granny would make when he was young. Oh the creamy pastas, loaded casseroles, hearty stews and soups. Dessert was it's own sinful pleasure that could easily get Sasori laid.
Still, it was a little too difficult to carry Sasori. A 'little' was a lot to Deidara, and that was unacceptable at this point.
"Can you put me down?" Sasori groaned, limbs pinned together as he was squished, "Your arms...uh are shaking..."
Okay okay. Maybe he was still upset about last night and being called 'Buddy'. Maybe this was his punishment?
Deidara scowled as he put Sasori down, "these... these weak noodle arms, hm!" He yelled at his arms, even punching them as punishment out of anger.
"Oh no... were the groceries too heavy again?" Sasori mocked, now able to take his last bite as recalled what had happened last week when he had laughed at Deidara's attempt to bring his in his haul of canned tomatoes Konan had given him as her garden over produced that year- while Deidara's died. Of course he stepped in to help afterwards. It was just so cute that his husband was so defiant- so sure he could do it all by himself like Konan had when she had loaded the car by herself.
Woman was fifty-one, but she was tough as hell.
"No!" Deidara snarled, "This is much more serious. Something precious is at risk..."
"Pardon?"
It was too late. Deidara had his mind set on something and was gone leaving Sasori in his dust. As of there and then, he immediately started working out. Even without proper the equipment, that very first night he did everything and anything possible to get stronger. To say the least, it was weird. His diet and whole lifestyle changed instantly, but not to the point that he would turn down dessert. Suffice to say, Sasori didn't even know what to think when Deidara upped their routine in the bedroom as well. It was like the blond was working twice as hard- not that it was bad. It was actually incredibly wild. Sasori was just having a tad bit of trouble keeping up with him!
Months later on one sore morning after a very intense and rigorous night, Sasori couldn't help but give in and ask what the heck was going on.
However it was during his sit-ups, and of course Deidara didn't stop to chat, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, hm." He just said, panting as he remained focused on his goal of making his new best.
"Do I have to do anything?" Sasori asked shuffling around nervously as he on the other hand had not been working out. He was busy and would rather not spend as much of his spare time 'working out' as Deidara was. However he was willing, ready to join him to be supportive. Like, he was already cooking different food and, most importantly, was being as supportive as physically possible in the bedroom.
Finally stopping and sitting up, "Babe, you're perfect the way you are!" Deidara said, panting with a smile and ending it by blowing his husband a kiss.
Squinting his eyes at the flirting, knowing well where it could lead at this point, Sasori frowned as he felt his body already ache even more, "Yeah, about...uh, last night. We might need to take it a little easier."
"Huh?"
"Honey, I love you, but... you're an animal."
Deidara fell back onto the floor laughing, "Sure thing, Danna!"
Within the month, oh how Sasori wish he hadn't said that. Standing at the sink and doing the dishes while dinner was being cooked, he couldn't help but keeps his eyes off Deidara through the window that lead onto the back porch. Out there was Deidara's little gym set up. Nothing too fancy, just a lift bar and some weights; but damn he'd be lying if he said Deidara didn't look fantastic using them. He was like a model. Anyone would buy these pathetic products if he was their spokesperson! And at dinner? It was no better as he when called his husband in, his eyes were glued to the animal he called his husband. There he sat there across from him, drooling at the mess that was a sweaty Deidara, who had plopped himself down callously and just started stuffing his face with food; mostly of protein.
His long blond hair sticking to his skin. Face still flushed and newly formed muscles from behind his tank top. Sticky, dirty and hot, yet Sasori wouldn't dream of sending this beast away from his table.
Deidara was definitely changing and by god it looked good. Where did his sweet little blond go? That Deidara was nice. But This? This was good too. Sasori would be dragging this man to the bedroom later tonight without a doubt.
And looks aside- a healthy Deidara meant a long life they could spend together. Sasori could definitely appreciate that.
After dinner and a much needed shower on Deidara's part, the two curled up on the couch watching the television. Sasori in a pair of shorts and large T-shirt, while Deidara relaxed in just a pair of sweatpants. Sooner or later there would be the perfect moment for Sasori to transition to something more- Unfortunately for him his planning was put on hold as a commercial came on that made Deidara sit up right, rigid. Sasori, torn away from his devious planning whilst stroking the long blond, damp hair, was shocked by how on edge he was. It was the same reaction he had had almost a year ago...
On closer inspection, Sasori looked at the commercial that had caused Deidara to freak out so much. To his surprise and confusion, it was an old rehashed commercial, the one with old people falling, unable to get up and needing some sort of emergency device. It was overall quite tacky and poorly done, but it got Deidara so invested in it. Why? It wasn't scary in the slightest!
Jumping up, "Danna! Stand up!" Deidara demanded.
"What? Why?"
"Just do it!"
Standing up with a groan as his knees ached, Sasori yelped as Deidara picked him up again. The last time being about eight months ago, just before he started working out. This time around it was much more graceful, featuring less arm trembling and bone crushing.
With ease, Deidara swung him about, moving Sasori so was held in the classic bridal style.
"Ack! Deidara!" Sasori hissed in embarrassment as he had never been held in such a way. Sure he had been spooned and probably would always end up being so as Deidara had claimed cuddling him the best thing ever. But never had he imagined Deidara, swinging him around like that. He honestly hated that it made him swoon a little.
Deidara grunted and nodded, brows furrowed as he assessed the situation. Then he sort of listened to his husband. Sort of. Swiftly he put Sasori back down on his feet, yet just a brief moment later his husband was up again high, and now plopped over his shoulder.
Oh Sasori didn't like that either. Instead of a bride, he felt like a princess being tossed over a monsters shoulder.
"Deidara!" He panicked with kicking, "Deidara you put me down this instant!"
Laughing proudly, Deidara grabbed behind Sasori's knees to restrain him, "This is perfect!"
"Deidara- What!?" Sasori cried out in horror as he still continued to wriggle over his husbands shoulder; alas without success.
"Now if you fall I will be able to pick you up!" Deidara said proudly. Pointing towards to the TV he sneered, "Take that scary commercial!"
"Wait..." Sasori grumbled as he gave up, just accepting that he was now going to be held. Surprisingly enough he was actually thankful that Deidara then moved him back to bridal. "That's really the commercial you were scared of a all those months ago?" He asked looking up at his husband who held him so dearly.
Deidara nodded, proudly smiling as he puffed out his chest, nose turned up.
"That stupid one... with the whiny old people falling and needing help?" Sasori reiterated, needing to make sure he wasn't hearing the wrong thing.
Deidara nodded again, "uh-huh!"
"So... you..."
"I'm strong now!" Deidara beamed as he swayed Sasori side to side, "Now if you fall I can come pick you up!"
"Deidara you Brat!" Sasori yelled, incredibly offended, "The people in those commercials are at least eighty!"
"Yeah?"
"Deidara I'm not eighty! I'm only fifty!"
Snuggling Sasori in close as if he were a baby, Deidara hummed, pleased with himself, "But now they're not just good for hugs. Now you're safe, hm!"
"I was never in danger!" Sasori groaned, not denying that they were good for hugging. They were always good for hugging. No doubts there and he would be damned if he ever stopped getting them.
"So I shouldn't carry you?" Deidara asked, sadly as he gripped a little tighter, clearly not wanting to let the graying haired man go.
Sasori growled as he carefully took in the feeling of being carried by his young husband. The cute, little thing first married, the one HE carried over the threshold after their court wedding, carrying him to their bedroom as the twenty year old brat weighed nothing at the time. The small work of art that he wanted pinned against the wall when he first laid his eyes on him was so... so sexy now- in an entirely new way. He was still short and slim, but the muscles he had managed to add to his chest, arms and even his light abs. They were so firm and strong...
"I'll take the lip licking as you're okay with it, un." Deidara chuckled, also noting that he was being felt up.
Mortified, "The what?" Sasori asked.
Deidara kissed Sasori, sliding his hands around his husbands body, moving him so his legs were wrapped around his his waist.
"Wanna go to bed?" Deidara asked, kissing Sasori's neck, "You know you were saying I was making you sore? Well, my legs are stronger too now you know. Perhaps we could see how long I can ride for? Maybe even time it."
Sasori's lashes fluttered as he toyed with Deidara's incredibly hot and muscular shoulders, feeling up the smooth skin that had the damp hair stick to it. He did already want to take Deidara to bed anyway...
"Shall we make a bet on the time?"
Deidara stuck his tongue out and winked, "Winners gets a blo-"
"You know it."
-x-
There was crash and a thump that sent Deidara rushing across the house. One step into the doorway, he saw on the floor was his sixty-six year old husband in the kitchen, the mat in front of the sink askew and a plate broken on the floor. His eyes went wide and his body began to tingle as Sasori sat there on his butt grumbling and holding his lower back.
"Don't you DARE make this a big deal." Sasori growled, pointing at the man who stood above him, those fingers wiggling in anticipation. "I'm fine. It was a little trip, so I-"
Too late. In a flash, Deidara was past the pieces of the broken plate and Sasori was up in his arms being held like a baby who had narrowly missed danger.
"I may have fallen, but I didn't need help getting up!" Sasori fussed, squirming as Deidara was immediately giving some incredibly important first-aid kisses. "Gah! Especially like this. Now- why this is just over the top!"
Deidara ignored the rambling and wiggles and instead walked the older male to the living room. There he sat down on the couch with him on his lap, still grumbling about being picked up, being compared to the helpless old people in the stupid commercial they still played on tv to this day. The rambles went through one ear and out the other as Deidara hummed, proud he was strong enough to take care of his aging husband,
"I'm just so glad you're safe." Deidara sighed as mellowed out, the instant fear that initially went through him when he heard the crash and seeing Sasori on the floor, ever so slowly subsiding. "And Danna, if you do fall again-" As both knew there could be another and possibly even worse fall in the future. "- and do need help, I'll be there, hm." he said holding his precious husband tight, nuzzling his face into the side of his grey head with a heavy sigh.
Sasori sighed as well as he stopped all the moving, relaxing and just gripping at his husbands strong arms. The ones he had gained and maintained just for him. In the beginning and through the years Deidara never said he was working out to better his health. From where he sat, he could still hear the rapid thuds from Deidara's chest, and the tight grip as he still help onto him. This was all entirely for his benefit. This was to keep him safe. And as he looked on, bodies pressed close together; his hand roaming Deidara's firm chest. He just couldn't help himself and licked his lips.
"Okay fine. You did good." Sasori admitted. "Go get cleaned up and meet me in our room."
"What?"
Sasori successfully shoved Deidara away, and grabbed him by his collar as he kissed him, "Don't make me repeat myself!" he hissed.
Plopping Sasori on the couch, Deidara scampered away like a bunny. He did not need to be told again as he knew exactly what his Danna meant and was absolutely going to give it to him.
While the blond was gone, Sasori got up, popped a viagra and rubbed some cream on his lower back and even some joints in preparation. With this romp in bed with Deidara? He was sure to be hella sore in the morning. They both had to work tomorrow too!
However after all that he had gone though? To do it on a work night? He sure deserved it. Oh- Deidara that is, not him. Of course Sasori couldn't help but smile as thought of the blond. Even though the both of them had changed through the years, be it for the better or the worse. Yes they had their surprises, their ups and downs, and unique circumstances that could cause them both to be worried. But one thing that would always be the same was Sasori would have one hell of a loving husband, and it seemed Deidara agreed.
Tiiiime skips i know. also i have been thinking about sasoris age through this fic a lot. tbh i find that i write him to he a lot older and grosser than what his age is hence why when i time skipped to the 'now' he was aged up to a more 'fall worthy' age.
oh darlin, it only gets worse from here. thank goodness you have deidara to pick u up when youre at your lowest!
Help ive fallen for fictional ninjas and i cant get up
BYE LOSERS!
