"Vintage clothes are so in style!"

"1990's retro baby!"

A girl popped her head up from the sofa and glared at the teens, "Are you trying to pick a fight with me?"

The two teens looked at the young woman that was snarling at them, one girl giggling while the other just sighed in defeat, "No sis!"

"How dare you consider my childhood retro!" The woman yelled again, "I'm not old! I'm only thirty-five!"

"Weren't you born way back in the 80's?"

"Way back!?" The woman threw a throw pillow at the girls in a huff, "And hey! It was 85' so the nineties were just as much as my childhood too!"

"Whatever. That's still forever ago." mumbled the younger sister as she dropped her keys into her purse, "Anyway, my friend and I are going thrift shopping to buy some vintage stuff for cheap. See ya!"

"Vintage!?" The woman whined as she wept into the sofa as they considered the day of her birth 'forever ago' and that her youth was slowly turning 'retro'. Oh... how could time slip by so fast? "Kids these days..." She muttered bitterly. That is until she wanted to gag, "Ugh! I sound like that one jerk teacher in high school..."

Walking into the thrift store, the girls happily sifted through the racks, laughing at some style choices from back in the day, getting excited over finding something that looked brand new and of course their goal of cute 90's retro clothing. Slowly but surely their baskets began to fill up, and all at one hell of a deal. Not only that, buying used clothing kept it out of the landfills and the specific store they were buying from benefitted a great program that helped women in their local community!

Really, they were doing something amazingly commendable. At least, that's how they liked to put it. Them buying from this store in particular was girls helping girls right? They were soo feminist.

"Let's go look at the sweaters. I've been hoping to get a tacky sweater for the holidays and it's never too early to look."

Well! It was cardigans, ponchos and sweaters galore. The girls still sighed heavily as they searched, "There's still a lot but, like, it's out of season so... you think someone came through here and took all the good ones?"

The other girl hummed as she leaned against the rack, "Maybe we should try again early next week when they put out the newest clothes?"

"Yeah, Maybe we- hey!" The other of the two girls shrieked, pointing her finger across the walkway and into the males section, "Isn't that Mr. Akasuna's dreamy hubby?"

A stupid question. Of course that was him! You didn't see handsome men with long blond hair like that every day. Honestly the both of them were heartbroken he was already taken... oh and gay. He'd make such a hot sugar daddy! Of course... for when they would turn eighteen. They knew it was their teachers husband, but what was his name again?

"Uh, uh, Mr. Akasuna...?"

Deidara turned around and stared at the girls a moment before glancing behind him, "Yes?"

"Oh Thank god! We forgot your first name, but you're our teacher's husband so like we assumed you'd also go by Mr. Akasuna too!"

Deidara scratched his head as he thought about it, "Hey... hey! You're right! I AM Mr. Akasuna too, hm!" He boasted in front of his husbands students.

"Do... people not call you that?"

"Frankly not often." Deidara mumbled with a chuckle, "I tried to get people to call me it, but it never stuck... But I guess it's okay since it can get confusing when you're married to a man who is Mr. Akasuna in a daily basis. The two of us together in the same setting and it can get messy very quick, hm."

The girls couldn't help but hum and nod in agreement, letting the man talk on and on. Who cares if they weren't interested as it involved their totally yucky teacher. They got to be near this handsome man! They could see his abs up close. They could even smell him! And by god did he smell good.

"Oh! Huh, but I guess I was called Mr. Akasuna at the wedding... Hmm, I go by just Deidara in my art..." he continued to ramble to himself, getting a little lost in his own conversation as his mind became clouded by wonderful memories of the handsome man who held onto him so tightly in the courthouse and those eyes dripping with sweet honey as they were stuck on him. "Ahhh Yeah, other than that, the closest I've been called that as of recent is Mr. Sexy Pants by..." he quickly stalled and stared at his husband's students, reality setting in again, "Sooo, What can I do for ya cuties, hmm?"

"Just wanted to say hi and- Oh hey whatcha buying?"

Deidara broke out into a wicked smile as he held up what was in his hand. Immediately the girls had war flash backs as they saw the dreaded piece of clothing; a sweater vest. However it wasn't just a plain one, it was the hideous style that their horrific teacher wore to the battlefield. It was like a hollow silhouette of the crusty old man, all hung up on a hanger.

The fight or flight aspect in the wanted to kick in just at the sight of the garment, yet they both knew if the man was there in the sweater vest, there was no option to flight and certainly no way you were going to fight him. Not unless they wanted to die.

"Are you... clothes shopping for Mr. Akasuna?" One girl asked, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart as she tried to remember that what was in front of her was just a vest and her teacher was not there wearing it. He wasn't there. This was a safe place. Right? Right!? That monster surely couldn't just be summoned by Deidara, to loom over his shoulder with withered lips and ghastly old man breath.

Her friend felt the exact same way as she glanced over her shoulder.

But no, there was no summons as Deidara just nodded excitedly, digging into his basket and pulling out his treasures of sweater after sweater vest, showing them off. Of course each one was a hideously grandpa style. Some were the usual murky shades or vomit colour, while others were that plus dingy print. To the girls, these retro sweater vests were far from 'cute' and 'trendy'. They were just plain old fashioned and incredibly ugly.

"Does he ask you to buy these?" One of the girls asked, genuinely confused by the large smile on the blonds face.

"Nope!"

"Then like, why don't you... I dunno... buy nicer ones? Ones that are less old man? Like... make him look...better...and not so... icky?"

"Icky?" Deidara laughed and shook his head as if the girl was insane, "What are you talking about? My Honey looks so cute in these! The whole reason he wears them is because I like them!"

Both girls were truly and genuinely confused now. Deidara wore such cool clothes! Modern, flattering, and just a little rugged. He looked so handsome and the way he dressed so stylish just to match his dashing good looks. Yet here he was practically screwing over his Husband by buying ugly second hand clothing and then having the gall to gush over how...Oh they wanted to puke... how 'cute' their teacher was in them. He even used the endearing term, 'Honey'.

"Sir, are you insane?"

Deidara frowned, "I don't get it, hm."

The other girl finally spoke up, "WE don't get it! You're cool and stylish and yet you make Mr. Akasuna look mega nasty! Do you secretly hate him or something?"

Looking at the sweaters a moment, Deidara pursed his lips, "Hn, well... when he was younger he dressed a little more like me... not as intense though."

The girls choked as the man admitted their teacher dressed like him in the past. However surely when he meant by 'intense', he meant by the fact that he didn't wear the tight and rugged look, and stuck to a typical modern look. They really couldn't picture their teacher in a cropped top and tight pants.

Little did they know that a young Sasori exclusively wore tight pants...And man oh man his butt looked good in them... Sure there was one or more occasion Sasori grabbed the wrong shirt in the morning back then too. Now he was a lot more careful not to just grab any shirt- lest he be teased by his husband.

"Yeah so that got him in trouble as his female students would flirt too much with him. I couldn't even help myself!" Deidara continued to explain while the girls still remained skeptical, "So I suggested the sweater vest thing and..."

"And?"

"And I realized how cutie patootie he was all old manny!" Deidara gushed, armful swaying about in glee as he recalled the day his husband did his slow twirl dressed down in clothing that an old man would wear. However he didn't wear the clothes for long afterwards, yet the school girls didn't need that bit of information.

"What."

"Haha!" Deidara laughed, "And here he was all worried I wouldn't love him when he got all wrinkly and I was still young but... ahhh he's cute no matter what!"

"Cute no matter what?"

"Uhm, Mr. Deidara maybe you need glasses..." suggested one of the girls as Mr. Akasuna was absolutely not cute and would only get even further from the word.

Putting all his sweaters into his basket onto the floor, Deidara whipped out his wallet which was attached to his phone. Opening the wallet part, he handed some photos to the girls who excitedly saw some younger versions of the couple.

"Oh my god..." One girl mumbled in shock.

"Is that red haired man..." The other gasped as she looked at the blond in the picture kiss at the other man's cheek, "Is that him?"

Picture after picture their jaws dropped as they got to see their disgusting teacher in a new light. The gross old man they knew and feared was young, supple, well groomed and incredibly handsome. His eyes were gorgeous as the light brown hue just seemed to glow, and his red hair was tussled about in each photo giving him a boyish charm. He was still lean, but didn't lack muscle as he did in fact wear very tight and somewhat revealing clothes - that showed off his toned arms in particular.

"Holy sh-" a girl groaned, watching her teacher age like fine wine, "Look at that!"

Suddenly there was a photo of him rapidly changing into what they knew him as... and then back to something similar to what they knew; but different.

"What's going on now?" One of the girls asked, referring to the changes.

"Oh that? That's work clothes and weekend clothes, hm." Deidara explained.

"Wait... so he's not totally gross on the weekend?"

Hearing this, Deidara zoomed in and looked that girl in the face nose to nose, perhaps getting a little too close, "My cute little husband is NEVER gross."

"Oh.. Oh Okay."

They could only guess that they could insult a man's husband to their face so much before the guy finally snapped. To be honest they were surprised they weren't snapped at earlier based on how crazy the man was. They both sighed. It was always the pretty ones...

-x-

Walking in to see his husband, Deidara flopped himself down on the couch beside him while he was busy reading on his tablet, making lesson plans for Monday. Or at least that was what he should have been doing as that was what he told Deidara he would be doing, yet instead was playing a word puzzle game.

While Sasori played his game he sighed, feeling his husband's eyes linger on him, "What?"

Smiling, Deidara held up his bag of treasure. Sitting up excited beside Sasori, he yanked out one of the new sweaters, this one a brown and maroon colour,

"Try it on!"

With a small sigh, Sasori put the game to the side and removed his sweater and put on the vest over top his button up shirt,

"Well?"

"Twirl!"

Standing up, Sasori gave a slow spin with his hands up, giving his husband a show, "We-"

"Now try this one on!" Deidara cut him off, holding up another, this one the colour of pea soup with a hint of a pattern. "Ooh you're gonna be so handsome!"

Putting it on and doing another little twirl, Sasori sighed, but smiled once his back was turned as he gave a moment to let his husband admire his butt. He knew for a fact Deidara was delighted with these purchases and he enjoyed being admired. Those eyes oozed with love, and he was going to bask in it. So sitting down, he wrapped an arm around Deidara's shoulder leaning in and kissing him,

"Thanks, Love. I look great." He gushed, casting his eyes upwards as he did so.

Deidara melted at those honey filled eyes and kissed him back, his hand resting on Sasori's khaki clad thigh... "Yeah, great. Now take it all off, Baby."


i wrote this forever ago. like chapter 3 forever ago but didnt like some ideas and just never felt like proofing it to make the changes. Finally got to it and it may still include some old points i already used elsewhere, but i felt like i shouldnt waste it. bye bye for now ya losers. will be back here real soon bye bye bye