Haha, The other day I was sitting at the computer innocently and discovered I had a nosebleed, and I mean a BIG nosebleed. So, I got a tissue and my sister came in and started laughing at me and pointed at the screen. That's when I discovered the picture I was looking at was an especially hot one...of L ((from deathnote)) and...I found this...rather ironic, no?

HERES THE DEAL: 5 inches is NOT the average size. If thats what was told to you than you were bamboozled by a guy with a small one who was obviously trying to make himself feel better. Think of it this way: 10 inches would be Titanic. ((you'll understand later))
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SASUKE-CHAN!
I grudgingly woke up to the chipper voice of my hyperactive room-mate chatting up a storm with someone else and most likely either producing moutains of phone bills or something else of the like. It came from the kitchen but always echoed off the huge walls and ceilings, desperate to show their existance.

I scratched my stomach and a cool wind greeted me as I looked around the room for something to cover myself up, as the covers were thrown off. I grabbed a pair of holey boxer shorts and slipped them on. His voice rang off the walls and into my ears like a treat for the hearing. Naruto could be very easily described like a leech, only more, much more...handsome.

The blond, once he liked you, would stick to you and he literally grew on you. The only way to pry him off was a lot of effort but in the end would leave you a parting gift of visable scars, physically and emotionally. Except for the blood sucking perhaps, I mentally added while walking down the corridor. I mean, before I knew it, days passed like seconds and weeks passed minutes, months passing like hours. It had already been 4 months since he moved in with me and we became...closer.

I don't know if he thought the same.Even still, before I even met him...I hated him. Maybe it wasn't worth wasting my energy on the hating but, somehow, I did. It must have been because he was so loud and happy all the time. Why? He had no reason to be. He wasn't very well liked at the time. He was called names and completly abandoned. But...he was alive, a voice pleasently piped as I silently stepped into the kitchen. I might as well have been hovering because my steps weren't heard or percived by ear.

"Dobe."

The little kitsune jumped about a good 2 feet and slunk into the chair. "Wha!"

He screamed. His eyes grew and shrank to regular size, Naruto was already clad in day clothes and kneeled on a chair next to the phone. Covering the mouthpiece he rudely whispered, "Go away, I'm talking to Iru-chan."

I frowned. Nobody says "go away" to me, not EVEN the dobe. There are some things that you just can't get away with. I reached over the sink, grabbed my cell phone, turning it on test vibrate, and promptly dropped it into Naruto's lap where it landed on his penis.

"OAH!" He moaned/screamed and tossed it into the air where I skillfully caught it.

"I-I'll see you then Iru-chan! B-bye!" He hung it up in rage.

"What the hell, Sasuke! Teme!" Naruto exclaimed, pushing the chair back, he grabbed my shoulders after much streching and looked into my face. I stared back into his boredly, although I did enjoy his chest on mine. "Asswipe." He muttered. I threw him the signature Uchiha smirk of triumph, my desired effect on him had proved true. He didn't know this of course.

After he let go of my shoulders, thoughts invaded my mind like storm troopers.

DEEP WITHIN THE HELL WHOLE SASUKE'S MIND:

SAS 1: Uh-oh...I think Sasuke might be getting horny again...its that damned blond.

SAS 4: I'm not horny!

SAS 3: Oh, not you! The real Sas!

SAS 2: What should we do? Block out the thoughts? Their invading again and the bar on the door won't hold much longer!

SAS 1: Calm down, Sas 2, if we win, consienceness will rule over sex but all we can do is rerstrain him until Naruto lea-

SAS 2: IM NOT HORNY! DAMMIT!

SASUKE-KUN?

I let him go, unharmed for some reason or another and the thoughts left my mind momentarily. "I'm gonna go talk with Iruka-sensei! He says its constructive conversation." I blinked at him monotinously. Naruto seemed so excited over talking. Doesn't he realize its the same thing that girls do?

I nodded and the dobe gave me a salute. "Well..." He said giving me a smile, "I'll be back at 2:10, kay? I'm off!" I gave a few uncaring blinks and waved as he walked out the door and left. A broad grin that simply screamed pervertedness led me to the bathroom.

I stared at the Sasuke back at me. I saw hurt, I saw sex, I saw lies, I saw needs, I saw...all the bad qualities. I needed someone to point out the good ones because they weren't there to my eyes.

Then I got an idea and began to change...physically. My onyx hair grew into blond spikes, my eyes enlarged and distorted into blue pearls, my body shrunk, tanned and my outifit became orange in smiply a puff of smoke. I became Naruto. The grin, now foxlike, remained as I shut the door.

"Oh, Sasuke, your so handsome. Not only that your smart and buff and-" Jeeze, this was pathetic. I need real complaments from real blonde's. God.

I wonder...I thought as I began to unzip my shirt, what the dobe looks like under all his clothes? Wait...Why spoil...forget it...its too much fun too not spoil.Ripping off the clothes like a snake sheds it's skin, I tore them ruthlessly and tossed it to the floor. Hmm...he's so tan, I thought stroking my,er his, chest. How? Why is he tan everywhere?

I purred as I began stroking other places and took notice of his dick. Ah, yes. It had to be atleast seven and a half inches. Or more maybe. I grinned. To bad I couldn't reach with my mouth. Then...a horrible thought entered. You have to have sex some time soon! With anyone with a penis seven and a half inches long.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Somehow...I entered asmall storeand was in line for buying a container of lube...maybe a few containers of lube. How on earth did I get here? I wondered, vaguely. A few girls looked at me and what I was buying and giggled. God dammit. This was stupid.

The counter man rung me up and grinned, shooting me a wink. I scowled and left with the lubes after slapping down the cash without caring for the change. How embaressing. That's the last time I do that. ((A.N: How wrong you are, Sas.))

NARUTO-CHAN!
Today was rather fun...but I knew it wouldn't last long...I would've even liked to see Sasuke at his work but I guess not. Iruka seemed toworry about me, insecently.I told him I'd be fine.

When I came homeSasuke wasn't here, but I found bits and pieces of my uniform torn and ripped to ribbons. I shrugged it off, maybe after a quick and easy D-ranked mission with Kiba I would have to go prositituting.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kiba looked at me with malice. "Wha'd I do?"

"DON'T. PRESSURE. YOURSELF!" He screamed, getting close to my quivering face. I poked his nose. "Don't pressure YOURSELF! YOUR THE ONE WITH THE BABY!"

"NO! WRONG! HINATA IS!"

I leaned back, wrapping my arms behind my head. "Yeah, yeah, same diff. Just be good." I said as we walked pass some random trees. Birds whistled in the distance with off key pitches, stinging the ears. Kiba popped a rock, carelessly into the direction of the noise. I cringed.

"Yeah, well...good luck to ya man." With that he left. I wondered why. I left too, to Sasuke's mansion, got my clothes and went to the regular club...St. Randy's, Itachi promised me that this would be his last time for a while. I didn't care, soon things like this became a routine for me and I was less satisfied with kissing. I popped the sedatives into my mouth with ease and walked into the upstairs where I knew that Itachi would be waiting for me with open...legs.

No, I remembered, I must stay mentally virgin. I've got to remain clean for my husband! I thought, clenching my fists. My future...husband...I thought as each time he thrusted into me.

SASUKE-CHAN! T.T

I sighed and clicked the TV on, the news channel revealing itself to me. The comfortable leather sunk into the cold spots of my body. I wasn't paying attention. That is...until I heard, "A local school girl who was missing was found today, unfortunatly dead from an STD." The Japanese man frowned, "Her name was Iwamoto Hisui and-"

My stare traveled to the television with cold, shaking eyes. They precieved her face. She...died. I frowned and clenched my fist...she just didn't use condums...or get tested or...I felt tears brim my eyes but immedietly wiped them before they had a chance to spill. Maybe they weren't tears at all. Just friendly reminders. I've...got to get out of here.

Grabbing my leather coat I slammed the door, leaving the ruthless, unforgiving television on. Children looked on, asking their mothers what that scary black rush was. The parents told them that they needed to eat and were halucinating, ushering them inside. But I was running more and more and the families knew better then to tell them it was Uchiha Sasuke with issues again.

I headed to the nearest club in a rush. Always...whenever I was upset...I ran...I ran. I don't know where to most times. Just the wind in my face and theunconventionalfact that I knew no one on earth could catch me soothed my mind and body for a short period of time.

"Run, run little brother, and cling to life..."

I shook my head. I ran to the club this time. My hand grabbed my heart...it wasn't love...it was sorrow. I hate life.

So the club was called St. Randy's, eh? I thought, bitterly as a neon sign proclaimed the smut. I sighed a sigh that couldn't be heard whispered past my lips and slipped passed a few unexperienced body gaurds with ease. It seemed that the whole place was teeming teenagers, no doubt also under-aged. Life was crumbling underneth my feet. The leather heated my body immedietly, mixed in with other feelings of heat.

I climbed upstairs without an appointment as more lights blinked around me, mad that they hadn't given me a concussion yet. What was I hoping to accomplish with this act of random, unheard of Uchiha stupidity? I asked my body as I grabbed an unusually unlocked doorknob.

It was cold in my hand. it soooReally cold. Why...was freezing? I pulled my hand off of it. Bad omen. Something inside me told me not to open it. It was that small voice again. Only it was crying out, so very loudly. But determination gripped me with mad and uncooling rage. No matter how cold it was or how much it burned on my hand, I gripped it also.

A couple gaurds looked at me and began pointing, I wasn't supposed to be up here. Well...here goes nothing. I tightened my hold on it, and pushed it open with cold and dauntless bravery...bravery...or a cowardly act.

"uhm...huh..huh.." My hand quivered on the doorknob and released it with a soft drop. My eyes enlarged and shrank, my heart stopped and I felt dead. Everything that had grownanew insideme, whithered and died like a plant in autumn or the icy birth of winter.

Itachi thrust into Naruto with a fierness that couldn't be matched, Naruto clawed his back and opened glazed eyes, turning his head to the side. H-he didn't notice me. I didn't take in anything else. Suddenly, he stopped thrusting and threw me a gaze...it was the Uchiha signature smirk playing on his lips...andmurder on mine. I don't know if I screamed or not. He began thrusting harder,Naruto was in more pain than before.

I looked down and saw a pale hand gripping a kunai thathad piercedsomeone else'shand. Who's? Mine. I pulled it out and felt pain. Blood squirted out of my wound and I took off. The stairs fell behind me as I ran past the gaurds and people...how long did I run? Where? I was in abandoned town when the gravel rushed up to greet me.
---
Me/Elliot: God, does it seems that ninja's always seem to have stare offs with eachother?

Sasuke: No...we don't...

Me/Elliot: But I'd so be like "Your gonna need those eyes if you wanna fight me, man!" And with that I'd punch out his staring eyes, man! Punch 'em out!

Sasuke: I told you that we don't..

Me/Elliot: And doesn't Orochimaru have mental orgasms, like every second?

Sasuke: What's that have to do with-

Me/Elliot: And what about the Cartoon Network episode of Naruto this Saturday ((Jun 24.kakashi performing the sealing of the curse on sas)) of you? You looked so fucking hot panting with your shirt all off and-

Sasuke: SHUUUUUTT UP! ((performs chidori))

Me/Elliot: ((twitches))

Sasuke: We just want to say we won't write a new chappie w/o 5 reviews or more set to it, dammit.