Once upon a time, long ago before any of the current students even attended the school, rumor has it that there was a smart ass boy who made a lame joke at Sasori's expense. When the old man's phone went off in class, how it 'should be taken away' and how 'it wasn't professional' or how 'he wasn't being a good role model'.

What had really ticked Sasori off so much at that very moment? Was it the one point that was made? Maybe it was two of them? Perhaps it was daring enough to say it was actually all three! That boy though was taken away to a weeks detention. One version of the story was the kid was never the same again. Another version told that people went in the detention hall that day, and only one came out. All that was seen was Mr. Akasuna dusting his hands together and grumbling as he walked out of the room. Most likely dirtied from disposing of the rude boy's missing body.

Well... that was the tale at least. And to be honest, there wasn't a student in the school who didn't believe it. One version of the other.

No one would dare make a joke now at the old man, especially when the man's phone went off. When it did go off, he would let out the most vicious growl; a sign he just forgot to silence it, as well as it was unwanted. That growl alone he made after being disturbed in his classroom? Terrifying. Down right terrifying.

If horror movies needed reference for something scary, he was the guy you needed to call. A monster under your bed? Scary old man Sasori. The creep jiggling your door knob at night? Creepy old man Sasori. That figure following you on a foggy night in the woods? Spooky Old man Sasori.

Speaking of horror movies and the frights about; it was Halloween!

While their teacher fumbled about trying to turn his dinging phone off, the students took this moment to look around and admire... no ones costumes. Well that's not to say they didn't bring one. The other teachers had no problem with a little dress up. It's just like the Tale of the Missing Phone Kid, wisdom was passed on to future youth that all costumes were forbidden in Mr. Akasuna's classroom. You could dress up for school, but if you had to step a foot into his classroom, be it for his class or for lunch detention... you would be there after school as well. And there the next day. And the next... because there was no costumes in Mr. Akasuna's class. Ever.

So it was limited. Either you wear something you could remove easily before you entered, or something sneaky that the old man would never guess was an attempt at a costume.

An example would be that a couple years prior, Sasori noticed that there were a lot of ice blue dresses or clothes on blond girls for some reason. There were other girls who looked like they were animated movie princesses, but wore no costume. It was weird and he knew something was up but wasn't certain and couldn't make a solid claim on it. It irked him not knowing and it bothered him to the point where he couldn't let it go.

Then there were so many girls tying their hair into pigtails and dying the ends pink and blue, wearing shorts and combat boots. Something was fishy... these students though knew better than to wear a costume in his class though. Doing so would be suicide!

Of course some kids thought they could be clever. Oh sure Sasori would believe multiple kids just so happened to wear their white and red striped shirt and blue jeans combo all on the same day, the one day that was Halloween. Right. The fools! He wasn't too old for that one! So detention it was for them for how they dare think so lowly of him. He could spot that costume out right away.

Sasori glared into his phone, his students looking on in disgust as the old man angrily beat the thing against the palm of his hand as he grew frustrated with it as it wouldn't turn off with the constant dings alerting him that he was receiving texts.

"No I don't want to read the text! I want you incompetent thing to cease being on immediately! Bah!"

It was too late though as he saw the texts from Deidara's boss Konan that unfortunately peaked his interest and worry.

"Hah? Deidara's Costume is 'absolutely terrifying'?" He mumbled so quietly not a soul, not even himself, could hear it.

That was odd... Deidara wasn't wearing a costume when he left. And how irritating was this; she did not need to next four separate times, four separate emojis. She did not need to text her screaming in all capitals. She did not need to text him at all! There was no text message saying Deidara was in danger or had done anything wrong, just that he had dressed up for Halloween.

She was what bothered Sasori. Deidara however? Anyone would be surprised, but it actually didn't bother him if it was Deidara dressed up, as he had always been a big fan of Halloween and had worn costumes. So if Sasori was so used to it and okay with his adult husband partaking in it... why did he forbid them to such an extreme degree on teens?

Well it happened one morning when he saw his husband lookin hella fine with some sort of sexy costume. He was fresh out of college, and taking the day off of working on his commissions to enjoy the fun holiday. There at the breakfast table was delightful talk of how Sasori would get to rip it off him at the end of the day... oh heck yes was he excited for Halloween. All day he was excited. All day he drooled at what his husband had planned. All was fine with that until he went to work and when a class of his started, there he saw a student wearing the exact same thing.

That just about ruined everything.

There was no reason a sixteen year old girl should be dressed like that. Ever! And it certainly didn't help that she was a blue eyed blond either.

From that moment on Halloween was banned from his classroom. The entire concept and execution was a distraction, not to mention it encouraged parties and underage drinking in this age group.

Even when Deidara caught wind of Sasori's banning of Halloween, to which he disagreed with, it didn't stop Deidara from handing out candy to kids, dressing up, and even occasionally using the sexy costumes. In this house they celebrated Halloween and carved pumpkins together! Oh how Deidara loved watching his husbands amazing carving rot. Sasori was just being a weirdo-no-fun guy.

In Sasori's defense, he didn't have the heart to tell him that a sixteen year old girl wearing the same costume was what repulsed him into banning it. How juvenile. Even he could acknowledge that. All Deidara got was the boring analytical reasons as to why it would be more beneficial for them to not have Halloween at school.

At home though? Go wild. Go wild like Deidara went wild with his costumes. In fact, one of Sasori's favorite costumes had to be when Deidara was thirty and dressed up as a fireman... Doing his fireman duties by carrying Sasori to bed.

Not that Sasori liked being carried! Especially not by his shirtless husband in red suspenders and those uniform pants... tanned golden pecs and biceps on full show. And those abs... those delicious abs.

Yes! No costumes at school. They were nothing but a distraction.

Still... Sasori couldn't help but be distracted himself as he wondered what terrifying costume Deidara had thrown together this year. Honestly he was hoping Deidara would go down another route... or be something cute, maybe even something clever. Not that being a fireman again would be bad either.

Finally shutting off the stupid phone, Sasori sighed. It would be okay though as he'd be fine with whatever Deidara had come up with. He'd support and be happy with whatever costume was chosen, even if it was a scary one.

Besides, now that he had gotten older, Deidara was absolutely against scaring him. Apparently Deidara would, "Just die, un!" if he was the cause of a heart attack that ultimately killed his beloved Danna.

Oh how he wished that was the way Deidara thought years ago...

The whole ride home Sasori was actually excited to see what scary thing Deidara had dressed as. Konan's text sounded pretty... scared? Excited? Bah! Sasori would never understand the deeper meaning behind a text; even with the help of many emojis.

Walking up to the house he could see the small decorations next to their pumpkins. Deidara must have just put up as they weren't there this morning. There weren't too many and what was there wasn't big or tacky as per rule of Sasori. Into the house he wasn't greeted by Deidara sitting on the floor doing laundry, lounging on the couch or the the clanging of pots and pans while he made dinner. However he did hear a holler,

"Welcome home, Dannaaaa!" from the kitchen.

Walking into the kitchen to see his husband, Sasori slowed down and he took in the sight of his husband opening various candy bags and preparing a bowl for the trick-or-treaters. That wasn't the big deal though. It was what he was wearing...

Deidara was wearing his clothes.

"Hello... Deidara."

Deidara looked up at his husband and smiled, "Hey Sweetie! How was your day, hmm?"

Sasori sat down next to his husband and got comfy as he got situated after a long day at work, "Ummm... Fine."

"Did ya catch anyone dressing up?" Deidara asked, laughing as he popped what looked to be his eighth candy into his mouth.
Although the wrappers under Sasori's feet now seemed to allude to even more being eaten.

"No... they seemed to know better than to do that this year." Sasori spoke calmly still registering what was going on. "Another year and yet again were right about starting that rumor."

Deidara nodded proudly, "I know right? Scare those kids right into their place!"

Sasori just hummed and nodded as he stared his husband down even more. It wasn't... it was... odd? Deidara was in a white dress shirt with one of his classic sweater vests on, khaki slacks and even a very similar style of shoes he must have gotten from the thrift store. As he looked though he saw something on the counter. A short moppy grey wig.

Well Sasori certainly wasn't an idiot. Deidara's "terrifying" costume was clearly him! Deidara was dressed up as Sasori Akasuna! He was the "terrifying" costume!

Why- why Sasori felt himself go cold. He felt numb! Was Deidara scared of him? Had he done something recently to scare his husband? Or maybe he mocking him now that he was on in age? Was he considered a monster? Did his beloved husband finally come to hate him alongside the rest of the world!?

That is it. Deidara was scared of him and does hate him. He knew it. It was really only a matter of time before Deidara eventually realized he hated him and left him. At his old and vulnerable age too... This was the real horror on Halloween.

Collecting the trash from his little candy nest, Deidara stood up and brushed aside Sasori's hair, kissing him on the forehead, "Welcome home, my love. I missed you so much today."

Sasori crossed his arms and sulked at the confusing reaction. How dare his husband that hates him be so fake and act as if he loved him! The audacity of this man to kiss his special area...

"Ohho noo!" Deidara laughed at the old man as he wrapped an arm around him, "Why so frownie brownie?"

"You hate me." Sasori muttered, seething as Deidara used usual variety affectionate pet names... when he hates him! Fake!

Deidara let out a hideous guffaw, "Are you going senile, my man? You know that I love you with my entire existence!"

Well... to be fair up until this point, that is what Sasori knew. Before not he could whole heartedly agree with that statement. Now though...

"What kind of sick joke is this!" Sasori gestured to Deidara's outfit, "Am I some sort of monster to you!?"

Deidara looked down at his outfit and then grabbed the wig off the counter, carefully tucking up his hair as he got ready. Thankfully Sasori was nothing but patient with him to get the full costume on, however he still tapped his foot ferociously under the table. He needed an explanation for this act of betrayal.

"Okay Danna! Ready!"

Sasori just glared harder.

"Danna I just don't get you..."

"Konan pestered me at work with the texting and the emagees about your terrifying costume! How awful and scary you looked!" Sasori hissed fussily as he threw his hands a bit, "Then I come home and see you're most clearly dressed as me!?"

Deidara frowned and put his hands on his hips, "I'm not wearing a scary costume this year Danna. Scary is next year. Cute was last year, hm."

Sasori hissed, "So? Clearly I've been made out to be something scary!"

Tutting away, Deidara pulled his chair closer to his husband as he sat down to console him, "That wasn't the point, ya doofus, hm."

The glaring didn't stop.

Deidara sighed as he realized his husband was just not getting it. With that he sent him a wink. "You know... not all costumes are scary Danna."

"But is Halloween not about dressing scary and the boogie men and the candy?"

"Well..." Deidara hummed as he stood up, walking around Sasori's seat at the table, realizing that his husband had gotten so worked up over Konan's teasing and had forgotten the other fun thing about Halloween in that moment of confusion and anger, "You think it's all scary huh?"

"Isn't it?"

"You think a devil would count as scary?"

Sasori sent Deidara a wary look, "I most certainly would put that into the category of 'scary'. Yes." He really hoped Deidara wasn't lumping him with the devil. The kids could think that. That was fine. But not his husband!

Reaching beside the table, Deidara pulled out a plastic pitchfork and twirled it a bit, patting it against the palm of his hand, "Well then... meet in the bedroom in fifteen minutes and we'll see if your opinion remains the same..."

"Oh?"

"..." Deidara stayed silent, still toying with the pitchfork as he swayed his hips.

"Ohhh..."

With that deidara twirled on his heels to their cupboard that housed Sasori and his own many medicines and popped a blue pill. He didn't need to look far as he spotted a candy to which he slipped the pill inside. Standing over Sasori he put the 'candy' down and kept his body close, "This candy may not taste sweet, but I'll be sure to make up for that, hm."

-x-

Sasori tapped his fingers against his bed as Deidara cuddled up to him, all snuggled in bed, "So was that me costume not a scary one?" He just had to ask though to make sure... of something because he still didn't get it.

"Huh? Of course not! Didn't you get the hint?" Deidara asked, propping himself onto one arm to hover over Sasori, his tussled, long and blond hair falling down onto him.

Nose crinkling, Sasori pouted, "Apparently not..."

Kissing at Sasori's neck behind his ear a bit, Deidara mumbled, "Cute last year and scary next year. That means this year is sexy year!" He kissed at Sasori's neck even more, "The 'Sasori' costume was clearly equal to that devil costume. Don't you think?" He asked, kissing Sasori's forehead.

Looking at the discarded very little red costume on the floor, Sasori's eyebrows slowly raised as he put the terms of him being like 'the devil' into terms that would better suit the years theme, "Ahhh... I see." He muttered as he recalled the feeling of absolute Not Fear he felt for that costume. In fact he felt much more for that small piece of red fabric.

Sasori smiled as Deidara cuddled into him again, absolutely swaddled in a man that was truly in love with him.

Who knew he was a sexy costume?


note: viagra is not candy. do not spike candy.

if you thought this was going to be scary instead of more old man mush, YOU WERE WRONGGG
happy halloween LOSERs.