For years people were jealous of Sasori. How many years now? Twenty-seven long and glorious years. Why that many though? Was it for his dashing good looks? Was it because people revered and respected him? It certainly couldn't be the animosity he garnered. Perhaps it was his talented art skills? No, it was none of that. It was twenty-seven long years of jealousy because that's how long he had been married to Deidara.
No one could deny they were jealous. When Sasori first introduced Deidara to his friends, they were dumbstruck at the sight. How could such a sourpuss like Sasori put up with such a brat like this Deidara? Sure he was young and pretty, a common trait many men found attractive, but it was also because he was also so young and foolish! They surely had nothing in common then. What's that? They were both art conoseurs? Yet their views were complete opposites! Sasori even openly said Deidara's art was hideous; right in front of him!
Though that was after he had slept with the guy and had gotten to see his true colors. However based on how Deidara slept with him again after that- he didn't seem to mind them.
So that was it. They saw it now. Deidara had some sort of magical power to just ignore Sasori's venomous tongue. Where could he have gotten this strange power from? Oh yes, it's called love. How else could Deidara put up with Sasori's weird bullshit? Sure they had their 'debates' but come on! Sasori was... yikes. Even his long time friends knew that.
So being polar opposites and clearly having nothing in common, everyone was certain that their little relationship wouldn't last. There was no doubt to them it was purely a physical relationship. Friends were wary and family from both sides were dead set against it; where Deidara was cussed out and assaulted by Sasori's family, while Sasori was yelled at and almost lost his entire pinky toe in a furious sword attack.
Yes Sasori had heard of father's chasing men away from their daughters with a gun, but never a grandfather chasing men away from their grandson with a sword!
Yet against what everyone thought and hoped, the couple lasted for years and years. Happily married to boot! Although some people were kept in the dark about the marriage until later as they had only been dating such a short time. Such news would have caused an even bigger uproar!
However the two were in love. It made sense for them to get married and they jumped the gun. Yes they enjoyed the physical part of their relationship, the part which everyone assumed was the main and only part of it, yet what else was great was their friendship. The two could have their enjoy one another's company, have their little spats about art, embrace each other and be together happily.
Both could go to bed at night with a smile with one thought. The thought that their love and best friend was with them always.
With a great sense of warmth and love, Sasori smiled as he looked at his gift for his husband. The reason for the gift? Was it a holiday? Or maybe this all just an elaborate build up to a twenty-seventh anniversary? No. It was just because he 'loved Deidara and felt like doing something kind...'
Is what he was going to say if asked. The truth was it wasn't really a random gift on some random day of the year out of the pure essence of his heart. It was not a random gift and he did in fact have ulterior motives with this gift... but yes it was a random day. So he wasn't all bad. Right?
In his hands were a pair of brand new work jeans, purchased at a store that specifically had an area for fine quality hardware clothing. As he looked out the window he frowned at his husband as he worked away in what were practically jean rags held up by a waistband. They were awful and made Deidara look like a bum. In fact there were two coin sized holes on his left butt cheek. A highly dangerous area as they were spaced out perfectly, begging for a good pinch. Not that Sasori ever tried! Or was tempted!
Okay okay, Deidara was kind of cute when he wore just the scrappy jeans in the backyard when working with tools. Yeah okay, sure Sasori was tempted to pinch the butt where the two little holes were just a little. But he resolved what would look even better and be an overall good experience? A nice, well fitted and not-torn pair of skitter jeans for him to wear as he fixed things around the house.
At least then the temptation would be gone. Plus it was just embarrassing that Deidara wore those out when he'd drop everything for a tool he needed and just head to the store. A lot of the things Deidara did was embarrassing enough. If all it took was to get rid of this, he was all for it.
Placing the jeans into a gift bag, Sasori put a couple pieces of tissue paper in it, stuck a card to it and topped it all with a bow.
"There." He said while feeling proud, "That's better."
Looking out the window at his husband, Sasori smiled as he gave no second thought as he wiped his greasy hands onto his rag pants. Deidara would just love this surprise gift! Not to mention the card was just sappy enough to hide any of his alternative motives.
After their five-thirty dinner, the two went to sit down together on their couch to watch the local news. Deidara in his spot and Sasori... Sasori!
"Oooh, what's that!" Deidara yelled in excitement as Sasori came into the room before him with the gift bag in his hands. Looking up at Sasori he tilted his head down and smiled, "For me?"
Sasori nodded, "For you."
Taking the card off and digging right into the bag first, Deidara looked at the gift. There he saw the lovely new pair of jeans. Waistline and leg length were labeled to be a perfect fit on him. They were high quality, very nice looking work jeans and probably cost his husband a pretty penny.
For men's jeans that is.
Now that he had seen the gift, he sent Sasori a quick smile before looking at his card. Internally he just really hoped that it did not say something like, 'Happy Anniversary' because it had been year and years and years since Deidara last forgot. And never ever was able to live down as he couldn't forgive himself. Instead on the inside it just mentioned how Sasori loved and appreciated all that he did around the house. How much he meant to him and how happy he made him. And then that he had noticed he needed a new pair of work pants as the ones he wore were useless as they were old and falling to pieces and these were to replace them.
Deidara still smiled but just stared at what bullshit he had just read. It was nice to be loved and appreciated; he really liked that. But he loved those old 'falling to pieces' jeans! They were his precious skitter pants! They were so comfy and he could do anything in them without worrying about dirtying them or tearing them! In fact he liked the big gaping holes in the knees that went from mid thigh down to his shins. They were so breezy! They fit his waist so perfectly too! Not to mention how broken in they were, rendering them the softest jeans he owned. Best of all? He knew very well with this pair that he never had to worry about his ass crack hanging out the back whenever he bent over.
Like some sort of slob.
Looking at the pants, Deidara rubbed the new stiff denim in between his fingers. Breaking in a new pair of work jeans now? Wouldn't that just get in the way of his 'appreciated' chores? And what if he spilled something like paint or got car oil on them? Well! Then Sasori would just complain that he wasn't treating the gift with respect.
What an absolute pain in the ass.
"Thanks Danna! I love them, hm..." Deidara gushed as he didn't want to hurt Sasori's feelings. As he looked up though, he could see it in those brown eyes, "How about I try them on right now for you?" Deidara asked with his knowing smirk.
Giddy, Sasori nodded. Now he knew what is was like when Deidara bought him clothes; and he had been doing that for over twenty-seven years now. Still a thrill! But of course he wouldn't be as obvious as Deidara. He had far more self control!
Undoing and sliding his pants off, Deidara smirked at his husband's overall giddiness. That Lump of Cute couldn't fool him. He wasn't new to this situation and could practically hear the internal squealing as his husband sat down, ready to see him in the new gift.
Now in just his boxer briefs, Deidara made a little show of his putting on of the new jeans. Jutting out his hip, sliding the pants up his leg ever so tantalizingly slow. And when he was done? He ended it with a Sasori-Brand trademark twirl where he stood just a moment longer so his butt could be thoroughly admired.
And was it ever.
"Well?" Deidara asked his a small kick back of his leg, "How do I look, hm?"
"Like you could fix my little red wagon..."
Deidara snickered at one of his husband's old flirty lines as he was no longer a redhead. Leaning forward to press a thankful kiss down on Sasori's forehead, he felt it. He felt it during the twirl and when he did the cute little kick. The roughness and tight fit of the new jeans.
Ugh.
He really did not want to break these in. At least not yet. Maybe another day and not after they just had dinner. It was time to be comfy! Not wear... these! He groaned internally. He also honestly wasn't in the mood tonight. He needed to get waxed again so was a little self conscious but... maybe as a distraction...
Undoing the pants, Deidara stripped out of the jeans even more tantalizingly. Swirling his hips and just trying his best to not look like he wanted the demon-jeans off of him. Stripped down to his undies again he sighed in relief. By accident of course as he went into damage control by grabbing at Sasori's belt.
"What're you doing?" Sasori asked, not swatting Deidara away. There were a couple things the blond could be up to, but he didn't want to jump the gun.
"Want to... cuddle?"
"With no pants?" Sasori asked, now standing in his boxers and socks as his slacks were dropped to his ankles. It was a rather odd request from his husband. Not that that was new as he often requested odd things. This request however...
"Yes."
"..."
"I want some... leg on leg action. Skin contact."
"Leg on leg..." Sasori stared at his husband as if he were a fool, "Okay?" he agreed, shaking his head and blinking a few times.
"Uh, did you uh..." Deidara fumbled around, making a not so subtle up and down hand gesture with his fist, "Did you want more?"
Sasori just smiled and shook his head once more, "No no, you're just enough for me." And gave Deidara a hug and a kiss before sitting him down with him, the two of them under a cozy blanket and watching the news as they cuddled in their underpants, Sasori toying with Deidara's hair and somehow actually enjoying their leg on leg action.
-x-
The next morning Deidara nearly choked on his breath as he went to throw out the old coffee filter. There in the trash, the Trash, he saw his beloved and oh so comfy skitter pants. Fishing them out, he scowled at the trash juices that had leaked onto them and ran to toss them in the laundry. Paint smears and oil residue were one thing, but garbage juices were out of the question!
Scowling, he wonder how in the world he was going to explain this to Sasori. Clearly his husband saw the jeans as trash. Especially now that they had a replacement. Henceforth why they were in the trash in the first place.
Deidara sighed and shook his head as he leaned against the running washing machine. He need more time to think this over; and he needed to run to the hardware store for a new jug of drain cleaner before Sasori complained about the backed up drain in the shower in the master suite.
Still, Deidara was too angry about his jeans being put in the trash. Why? It was done without his permission! Without his consultation! Without warning! He was so angry he couldn't even bring himself to put on the new jeans from Sasori. Yes, he was just that petty.
When Deidara left, his truck as usual was loud. Loud enough to wake a slumbering old man.
After his cup of morning coffee, Sasori jumped at the sound of the laundry machine buzzing. It wasn't laundry day, so Deidara must have made of mess of something. So early in the morning? Sasori tittered a little at that and got up from his seat. He was still on a happy high from the day prior and decided to see if he could put the laundry in the dryer, or if it needed to be hung up to air dry.
Looking into the machine he cringed. It looked like a wet piece of garbage was sitting in the bottom of it. And as he held it up? It was garage. Deidara's ratty tattered old skitter jeans. That brat had fished the useless pants out from the trash and even washed them!
There would definitely be a talk when the blond would get home. Definitely a spat was on the horizon.
"They're useless!" Sasori sighed as he gestured to the jeans on the bed, "You can't continue wearing those. They're tatters! You look like you belong on the streets-"
"Rather than in your sheets, hmmm?"
Sasori just gave Deidara a stare, "I'm not saying you are not attractive. If anything, you make a very cute homeless person."
Gasping, Deidara held his chest in horror as he took a dagger to the heart, "So you do really think I look like some dirty bum!?"
"I said you're still cute." Sasori scoffed, crossing his arms and turning his nose upwards. "However I think the new jeans will be less emba-" Sasori quickly stopped himself from finishing that last word.
"Emba? Embarrassing? You think I look embarrassing!? I embarrass you!?"
A sledgehammer to Deidara's heart this time around.
"Well I'm just saying you could dress a little nicer. Those rags may make the impression that I don't take care of you."
"I don't need you to take care of me, hm!" Deidara hissed, stomping his foot.
"Perhaps not, but you cannot deny that you like it. Just as much as I do enjoy when you in turn take care of me."
Deidara sighed. Sasori was indeed right. He loved taking care of Sasori by giving him everything and all that he had. Clearly Sasori felt the same way and the new pants reflected on that; just as he said.
But the old pants were just so so so comfortable! He loved his old jeans. In fact he could even recall when he first put them on. Sasori had grabbed him by the hips as he walked by, grabbed his butt and turned him around to kiss up his spine till he knees buckled, sending him to the floor. Then? Oh what a magical evening! A tender memory. Plus did he mention they were soo comfy? Besides! They still technically worked and HE wasn't embarrassed by them.
If he was embarrassed to wear them? Sure. Okay. Then he wouldn't hesitate to discard them.
Taking them to work with him, he just needed a second opinion on the jeans. Someone more neutral to the whole situation.
-x-
"Okay even if they are falling apart. I need to prove Sasori wrong, un!"
Konan looked over her tea, "Why can't you just accept your husband wanted to do something kind for you?" she said sighing.
"Danna's not like that, hmph. He always has an ulterior motive. He must have something against these pants! Like how he said they embarrass him!"
"Well he's right. They are rags, ugly, and are disgusting." She said said bluntly, "I can only imagine you look ridiculous in them. Just wear the new jeans and throw those out."
"I can't!" Deidara yelled, "I just can't!"
She pinched the bridge of her nose. Why did these two only argue about the stupidest of things? Most couples argued over not pulling their weight in the relationship, not being romantic enough, overbearing in-laws, or how they felt ignored or neglected. This stupid couple though! Sasori and Deidara argued over art, a little scolding when Deidara got a little riled up, and... jeans? How absolutely stupid.
"But why though? Why can't you just let those disgusting pants go?" She pressed further, getting fed up at this point.
"Ugh! You wouldn't get it Konan." Deidara sighed, shaking his head and his dragged his hands down his face, "You're a woman." He gestured at her and then to himself, "I'm in a gay man relationship with another man."
"Yeah so?"
"You don't know the power struggle I go through!"
"You think I don't have to prove myself against my husband, just because I'm a woman?" Konan sneered at the sexist remark. She did get his point though. It's just he just wasn't doing a very good job explaining himself. "If I recall, you wore your limp with pride."
"That's different! This is different! These pants still have use, hm!"
"Then why are you asking me? I have shown I agree with Sasori yet you keep blubbering that he's wrong."
"Konaaan! Use your big conniving womanly brain and help mee, hmmmm!"
Now that she did have. Grabbing the pants she held them up and looked the over. They were is tatters and stained with various liquids. It wasn't like the legs could be saved; they were hanging on by nothing! The best thing they could do is just cut the pant leg off and make some sort of shorts. However... they might be a little on the short side...
"Hm." Konan grunted, grabbing a pair of sharp scissors. With little effort and so few snips, she chopped the main problem of the jeans; those giant holes on the legs. With a little fraying of the edges, she tossed the jeans back to Deidara,
"There. Fixed it." She said, feeling a little proud she actually made something of the garbage.
Deidara on the other hand...
"What the hell!? They look like daisy dukes! I can't wear these now. They're really useless... just like Sasori said! Konan- Oh how could you!" He wailed as he looked at his poor work jeans. Now he'd never get to wear them and bask in their comfort again!
"Oh really?"
"Really!"
"Really?"
"Really really really, unnnn!"
Konan held the short shorts up and raised a brow as she gave a small smile, "Really now? Sasori will look at you in these shorts and still be upset? You really think they're useless now?"
"Yes re- oh... oh wait a moment." he went quiet, grabbing the shorts in his hands and looking at them carefully.
Konan didn't say anything more and picked up he tea for a well deserved drink.
"... oh.. Oh Konan you clever old gal."
-x-
That coming weekend was going to be a good one. Sunny weather and unseasonably hot. Perfect weather for his new skitter shorts.
Sneaking around his husband who had woken up far too early for a Saturday morning, Deidara made it outside in the backyard ready to do some puttering around fixing stuff. In fact he had been putting off one job for awhile now. It was to clean and prepare to put away his motorcycle for the upcoming rainy season.
In a white loose fitted tank top-crop top and the new daisy dukes, Deidara got to work filling up a bucket of water and getting ready wash, wax and overall tune it up. No big deal if he got wet and dirty. He was in his skitter jeans after all.
From inside where Sasori sat getting all his work done immediately, so he could have lots of free time over the weekend, he could hear the water start running. He smiled as he wondered if Deidara was finally wearing his new work jeans. It was already getting warm out there so there was a good chance that Deidara would even take his shirt off.
The nice thing about their yard, mostly in thanks to Deidara's years of gardening skills, was that they had a lot of privacy at their home. There were neighbors to the left and right, but none behind their house. The fence surrounding their property was built solid and tall by Deidara's two hands. And then there was the gardens, thick and lush with lots of large topiary bushes and even some trees around the edges. Deidara knew long ago he wanted to have the sense of security that he could stand butt naked on his back porch with a beer in his hand, without anyone seeing him. To which Sasori found out the hard way as to his surprise when he woke one morning to see his husband doing so. Oh how Deidara got scolded for that.
Somehow it was Sasori in the end who felt he had lost the battle though as he lay in bed staring up at the ceiling with Deidara curled up to him, resting with a big smile on his face. It was a blur how they got there...
So now that coverage was good enough to stand in the nude, Deidara saved up money in a little piggy bank and bought the house a hot tub. Sasori didn't understand the appeal of the purchase until he did understand the appeal. It was like the naked argument all over again. Yes, after a few tries, they had to get a jacuzzi style bath for the inside too. It was just too much... fun.
Sasori sneezed and set aside his paperwork and laptop. He wanted to see Deidara in his new jeans, or rather, see if Deidara was wearing the old pair. Okay maybe he just wanted to see if Deidara was shirtless; something he would never grow tired of.
Which often led him to losing their petty little fights.
Opening the back door onto the porch, Sasori stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked over to the small set of stairs where he looked down in silence at Deidara who was behind his bike cleaning it. From where he stood he could see the blond tuft of hair that was his top knot bun. As Sasori watched in silence, he would see peeks of Deidara's face, his tongue sticking out in concentration as he was too focused on his task. No matter how old Deidara got, he was still cute.
Then it was like slow motion as it happened. Deidara stood up and walked around the bike, ready to do the other side in getting the fine details cleans. The damp white shirt and soap streams on his body. The muscles coming out from under his flimsy little tank top. And of course, that was when Sasori saw them in all their glory.
"What the..." Sasori gasped as he watched Deidara's backside as he squat down to work, humming away. It was pretty clear Deidara hadn't seen the man as he was just in the zone, hyper focused on getting his chore done, a chore he was already always fond of as he enjoyed working on his bike. Seeing his husband was too enamored in his chore, Sasori took it that it was a great time to take a few steps back and head inside for a calm moment to compose himself.
Sasori took a long a deep breath. Those dazzling jean oh-so-short shorts weren't a new purchase that's for sure. Oh yes , he saw it, he knew those pants anywhere. Yeah, he saw the two holes on the left butt cheek...and he saw SKIN through them time rather than the coloring of whatever underwear Deidara was wearing that day. There was only one pair of jeans that had such holes.
Shoulders slumping in defeat, Sasori opened a cupboard that housed most of their medicines and popped a blue pill with a sigh. He knew when he lost a battle and it was obvious Deidara had won victoriously... and there was only one way to admit defeat now.
To Deidara's surprise he looked up at his husband and smiled as his arm was tugged at, "Oh hello Danna- whoah!" He yelped as he was dragged to the covered porch and sat down on the swinging bench. Within seconds of being sat down his tank top was taken off for him and Sasori was just sighing as he then undid his own pants.
Deidara wasn't an idiot. Rather, with a big ol grin, he was a winner. Victory was his and he was getting a mighty fine prize in return!
The two sat on the bench, swinging lightly as they enjoyed the gentle cool breeze on their clammy exposed skin. Deidara having been stripped clean while Sasori managed to at least hoist his pants back up.
"Autumn is comin, hm." Deidara mumbled as he stared out into the lush gardens that surrounded their backyard, looking at all the flowers that would need to be uprooted or planted for the upcoming spring in particular.
Sasori nodded and sighed as he bent down to pick up the shorts,
"I guess they're not useless after all." He muttered as he held them up.
"Hm?" Deidara looked over to what his husband was holding. His nose crinkled, "Hey, how did you even know they were the old jeans anyway, hmmm?"
Flipping the jeans over, Sasori pointed to where Deidara's left butt cheek was once poking out, "You're a fool if you think I wouldn't notice these holes."
"Huh?"
Making a pinching gesture with his hand, Sasori held it to the two holes, aligning them perfectly, "You sly little tease." He snickered as he planted a kiss on Deidara's cheek.
Face cheek by the way.
Deidara ignored the kiss completely and stared at the holes in horror, "And... and you knew about these?"
"Yes?"
Giving Sasori a whack in the chest with the back of his hand he growled, "I can't believe you let me leave the house in those jeans, hm!" Deidara shrieked in horror.
"Ow! Excuse me!?"
Deidara now grabbed Sasori by his shoulder and shook him, "Had I known of those holes I would have tossed them ages ago, hmph!"
Sasori gasped and held the short shorts close, "No!" He yelled, protecting his new favorite pair of bottoms Deidara owned.
To him they were even better than the brand new ones he just bought for him.
"Yes!" Deidara lunged for them, "Now gimmie!"
"But- no!" Sasori yelled, pulling back.
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
Twenty-seven years and they still argued over the stupidest of things. Thank god for their love.
Btw Deidara ended up keeping the jeans. He decided he liked the reaction they got from Sasori. But he never wore them to do chores outside again...
But when he installed a new lightbulb, stepping up on a step ladder? You bet he wore them as he asked Sasori to support him. And Sasori absolutely pinched him.
BYE LOSERS! happpy newww year!
