"Look on the bright side, growing up with your sisters he was bound to be neurotic anyway."
Neurotic
Disclaimer: Charmed does not belong to me.
Summary: His name is not Chris Perry. It's Christopher. Christopher Halliwell.
Chapter the Thirty-first
"Return To Me"
"My name's not Chris Perry. It's Christopher. Christopher Halliwell."
Phoebe gasped aloud at Chris' quiet admission, and squealed excitedly. Piper not knowing had been literally killing her, and now she knew! Bending down, she looked up to see Piper's expression, hoping her slightly neurotic sister would take this well.
Piper's cheeks flushed awkwardly. "I- I knew that," she said stupidly.
A little overwhelmed, Chris just stared at her a little.
"I didn't know know," Piper said, frowning as she tried to phrase it properly. "And I definitely didn't know a few weeks back… but lately, I've just felt it… and because I didn't know know about it, my thoughts didn't make sense… Did that make any sense?"
Chris bent his head down, and it took Phoebe a little while to realise he was laughing gently. He raised his head, and forced his face into a serious expression. "Absolutely none at all," he deadpanned, as steadily as he could manage. The corner of his mouth twitched, giving himself away a little.
Phoebe knew that expression so well. It was the restrained expression Piper always had when she was trying to stop herself from laughing. It turned out Chris was better at it than Piper, because Chris wasn't laughing now. Piper, by now, would have burst out laughing.
"And you knew," Piper said, edging a look at Leo, but not removing her hands from Chris'. Their light presence gave her hope, and it fluttered awkwardly in her stomach. "You knew he was-"
"-our son," Leo said, looking softly at Chris, who squinted a little at the attention. "Yes." He smiled wryly. "You know I got him mad."
"I can't help it," Chris grouched. "My brain can't figure out how to keep secrets when I'm not being quiet."
"I'll remember that for the future," Piper interjected, her eyes sparkling.
"Anyway, I sort of—accused him of getting me out of the way so he could have you all for himself," Leo said, fidgeting, but also unwilling to move his hand from Chris.
Phoebe snickered, amused that no one could actually hear her doing so. If she'd actually been there, for one she would have probably blurted out the secret already, and two, Piper would have been smacking her really hard right about now.
"Aw, who can blame me?" Chris instantly countered.
"That's sweet, but as soon as you're born, you're grounded," Piper warned him. Chris pulled a face. Piper's own words hit her. "So that's how you knew so exactly when the baby was due!"
"Because I am the baby," Chris said, his eyes widening almost comically for a second. "Yeah, I know it's weird…"
"You can say that again," Piper remarked dryly.
"I know it's weird."
"Brat."
"But I'm your brat," Chris returned easily. "I-" He looked down softly. "I was trying to tell you, before the crystal found- found where we were going."
So he had been trying to tell her… As Phoebe had watched the two interact over the map, she had been certain Chris was about to blurt it out to Piper, and had jumped up and down excitedly before the crystal had shuddered to a halt. And Chris had shut up. Only for an even worse revelation to come out. Wyatt only used Excalibur for the really big kills.
A really big kill. Wyatt must have deliberately come back and stolen Excalibur, meaning to kill Pippa, and very probably Chris, too.
"It's okay," Piper said, a small smile twitching onto her face. "I understand. Besides, you have to be the first Halliwell to be able to survive for so long in another time period without someone finding out who you are. We tend to slip within minutes."
Chris smiled. "I know." He was suddenly quiet, and he pulled his hands away reluctantly from Piper's. "It just seems- completely unreal." He smiled bitterly. "Now my- my mom really is dead, and Paul was- Paul was all along…"
Hug him! For crying out loud, hug him, you mindless moron! Phoebe felt like shrieking at her sister, but knew it wouldn't do any good. A mixed look flittered over Piper's face, like a bird flapping its wings, until a firm look of resolution settled on it. Perhaps Phoebe's message had got through, because she leaned forwards and pulled a startled Chris forwards.
She petted his hair as she hugged him, and closed her eyes. "It's going to be all right. I promise."
Chris looked as if he was going to protest, but he fell silent and leant into the hug instead.
Cole and Paul were bent furtively over the book when Piper, Leo and Chris came back down the stairs. Chris was helping Piper down the stairs, and she wasn't protesting. When she got to the seat, she smiled and touched his cheek.
"Get me a strong, black caffeine-free coffee with no evil potion in, won't you, peanut?" Piper asked, grinning at him.
Chris blinked, a little flummoxed. "You haven't called me peanut in years," he complained, but he slumped off to the kitchen anyway. "You at your sugar phase yet?"
Piper frowned a little. "Uh-" She pressed her lips together. "You know, I am craving something sweet, but not sugar…"
"Hazelnut and raisin cookies?" Chris guessed.
"That's my boy."
Even though he knew he should be working, Paul looked between Piper and Chris in amazement. "He TOLD you!" Paul yelled triumphantly, punching the air with his fist. "Man, oh man, oh man!"
"I did better than you," Chris sniffed back on his way into the kitchen. "You were here, what? A couple of days? I had months on you."
"Whatever," Paul retorted. He edged a look back to the book. "Um, I'm going to help Cole again," he said quickly. Chris just shrugged at him, and went off to the kitchen.
"Who told who what?" Cole asked him, perplexed.
"Chris is my son too," Piper said, taking pity on Paul, who looked a little torn, as if maybe he'd misinterpreted the situation wrong and he didn't want to land Chris in it if he was wrong.
"…"
"That was about my reaction, too," Leo informed him solemnly.
"You know what," Cole said to Paul faintly, "your family is screwed up."
"Eh, you married into it," Piper said, rolling her eyes.
"Got myself out of it, too," Cole sniffed, looking down at the book. He read the prose that was developing on the page thoughtfully and turned to Paul. "Has Paige ever done anything to embarrass you?"
"Well, she's my aunt, of course she has," Paul said, pulling a face at a memory.
"I could write in a sex scene." Cole's eyes were twinkling.
"Ewww! You're sick! Sick, sick, sick."
.Chris looked at Paul from the kitchen door curiously.
"You're really strange, you know that?" Chris said.
Paul rolled his eyes. "You know, there's that old saying. Something about a pot, and a kettle, and the blackness of them…"
"Are you going to argue with your brother all day, 'cause I could use some help here," Cole said. "Lana and the dunderhead have been caught by the police."
The sound of Dan being hit in the other room caused Paige to lurch to her feet. An inspector who called himself Davis grabbed her by the arm and flung her back into the chair. She glared at him and held her arm.
This was all her fault! She ought to know the tire going flat was too much of a cliché for it to be in the original plot. Whoever was helping them must have added it, and because she didn't see it, Dan was in danger. Because of her.
"You're not goin' anywhere, Sweetheart," Davis drawled, his hands on her shoulders. "Now, unless you want him to end up with a bullet in his ear ... you'll tell us where the Falcon is. Understand?"
Paige struggled. "Get your paws off of me!"
Davis did, but he crossed his arms and leered at her anyway. "So tell me, what's a cute, little package like you doing mixed up with that no-good dunderhead in there?"
Paige turned to head, as if she could see the wall and see Dan. She turned back to Davis, fire in her eyes. "Drop dead," she hissed.
"Come on, Paige. Don't you know how to play the game?" Davis said, with a smirk.
Paige was about to retort when she realised what he's said. All the other characters had called her Lana. "Paige?" She muttered to herself in disbelief. Don't you know how to play the game? It was a hint, from whomever was helping her on the outside.
"Oh ... you're a little heartbreaker, aren't you? A regular femme fatale." Davis purred.
Smirking, Paige twisted her lips and got to her feet. She pursed her lips and tried to look provocative.
"Maybe I am," she said, deepening her voice to a sexier tone. "Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just crazy, crazy for cops, tough cops. The kinda cops that'll arrest your heart, make you long for a life sentence with 'em." She smiled, and tugged the inspector's tie, yanking him bodily to her. "You know any cops like that?"
Lieutenant Snyder reared and back and smacked Dan, and he fell to the floor, a mess of hair and bruises and blood from the grazes.
"We can keep this up all night if you like," Snyder said menacingly, "or you can tell me where the Falcon is and I'll end it quick."
Dan swallowed hard as the Lieutenant took out his gun and pointed it at him. "That's not much of a choice, is it?"
"I thought it was rather generous," Snyder drawled. "Either you die fast or you beg for death, but either way, I'm getting the Falcon out of you first."
The door slammed open then, and Dan was almost too terrified to look, wondering if another corrupt cop was in to join the other one.
His summoned all the courage he could muster and looked anyway. He'd never seen anything so glorious in his life. Paige was stood there, pointing a gun directly at Snyder's head. A smirk was on her face.
"Dan!"
Dan took his change, and tripped Snyder. Snyder fell to the ground with a startled "oomph!" and Dan knocked the gun out of his hand. It skidded to the floor and Dan picked it up, before crossing over to Paige. Paige dropped her gun to the floor in relief, a look of distaste crossing her face that she'd even had to pick it up.
"You all right?" she asked.
"I'll live," Dan said. "How'd you get in here?"
"Well, I seduced a cop, grabbed his gun, and knocked him out, all thanks to someone in the family," Paige said.
"Who?"
"I don't know, but we're getting a little magical help from someone who knows my name," Paige said. "That's the whole flat tire thing. They were warning us about the trap. Doesn't matter. You're right, Eddie's not an innocent."
"Actually, I think that you were right," Dan said. "I think that he is. Come on, I'll explain on the way. We gotta find him."
It was a good hour later, and Piper and Leo and Chris was all engaged in a heavy conversation involving the book and some sort of Map that they kept blathering on about. Cole didn't want to know. Paul had gone to use the bathroom, and Cole was left staring as Paige and Dan ran off willy-nilly to look for the idiot who had double-crossed them in the first place.
"Cole? Can I have a word with you?"
Cole looked up from tapping his pen impatiently on the table-top, to see Paul looking at him, toeing the ground with his shoes and twisting a lock of hair between his fingers.
Startled, he nodded. "Sure."
Paul reluctantly pulled up a chair and sat down next to Cole, shifting the chair closely and lowering his voice like he didn't want to be heard. "I need you to hurry up and get Paige and Dan out of there as fast as you can," he said, unsteadily.
Cole blinked, and retorted angrily, "What do you think I've been doing?"
Paul looked down, his lips pressed together. "I'm running out of time," he said quietly, before looking back up at him. His dark eyes flashed.
"What do you mean you're running out of time?"
"I-" Paul bit on his lower lip worriedly, and he looked around. Piper, Leo and Chris weren't paying attention to them. "I…" He brought up his hand and a silence barrier shimmered easily around them. "I have to tell someone who can help me, but I can't let anyone else know. It's imperative no one knows this."
"Wha-"
Cole was cut off by Paul shrugging up his right sleeve. Paul edged towards Cole so his back was to the living room, and none of them in there could see what he was showing Cole. He extended his arm forwards. Cole inhaled as he realised just exactly what Paul meant. A large section of his arm was almost see-through. Paul looked at him heavily, as if trying to implicate the importance of this face through his gaze.
"I need Paige and Dan out of there in the next twenty-four hours, if not way before that," Paul said, hesitantly, breathing hard, "or I cease to exist. Believe me, I've done the math. If I'm not conceived by this time tomorrow…"
"If you're not…" Cole's mouth opened, and was moving as if words should be coming out, but none were. "I thought you were Piper's son, why do you need Paige and Dan to-"
Paul looked quietly down at the table. "In my timeline, Paige and Piper were pregnant at the same time. Paige, in a vision quest, saw a part of the future in which Chris was convinced that Wyatt was evil, but no one believed her. When Piper suffered a miscarriage around the same time Paige gave birth to her baby, Paige was so distraught she made Piper raise me as her own."
"That's- quite a story," Cole said, scanning over him slowly.
"It's true." Paul looked down again. "Will you help me?"
"As much as I can, yes," Cole said. He moved back to start writing in the book again, and then looked up at Paul. "I told you before, but I'll say it again. Your family is completely screwed up, you know that?"
Paul laughed, and dispelled the silence barrier. "You used to be part of it, you know."
Cole looked around a little furtively, before asking, "Does Chris know?"
"No, no one knew except- Except Pippa." Paul looked into the distance, a little sad.
Cole couldn't think of anything to say to that. He patted Paul's hand awkwardly. "We'll get them out," he said. Paul didn't look like he believed them. He lowered his voice. "Still don't want me to put in that sex scene?"
Paul just rolled his eyes and smacked Cole, hard. "Bitch," he sniffed.
"Uh, you do know I'm male, don't you? You can't call men bitches," Cole informed Paul solemnly.
"Well, bastard, then," Paul said.
"My parents were married when they had me," Cole said primly.
Paul looked at him slowly. "You really have an answer for everything, don't you?"
"Yep."
"Pass the thing over then," Paul commanded, taking the pen from Cole, and shifting the book closer. "I really don't trust you with that any more."
Phoebe slumped to the ground, in true shock. Paul wasn't Piper's son. Gideon had wanted her out of the way, but now she wondered if he meant to torture her too. It was no secret that she was the worst of the Halliwell secret-keepers. Putting her in a situation where she could learn anything about anyone, but making sure she couldn't tell anyone?
True, awful torture.
Then it struck her. No one could see her. No one was going to be able to find her, at least not until Paige was out. No one would know she was even there.
And that could be used to her advantage.
All right, Gideon, Phoebe said silently, her eyes glimmering with the full realisation of her plan. Let's pay you a visit and see what you're planning next.
After all, Paige would be free soon, if Paul and Cole had any say about it, and then it wouldn't be long until they could save her… And wouldn't she have some tales to tell then…
T - 22
