"We have to."
Sasori leaned in and sighed as he then looked over at his youthful husband, having been happily married seven years now, and scowled, "We really don't."
Shaking his head, Deidara pointed to the screen of his new desktop computer, having already dragged his husband away from his work just to see what the fuss was all about."We have to though. This one here? This lil guy? It's a sign. He looks JUST like you, hm." He said tapping the screen vigorously.
Nose scrunched up at the screen, Sasori didn't get it. It was just some rusty, raggedy haired dog name Baby.
"Hmph. I don't see it."
"Are you kidding!? The resemblance is uncanny!"
Now Sasori scrunched his nose up at Deidara. How could he possibly compare him to a puppy? Back to the screen he huffed. They were not similar at all! Yet now that he had looked a little closer at the ad, the breed was labeled as a toy poodle. He ended his huffing and puffing with a heart scoff. He was far from being a toy, let alone some frou-frou poodle!
"I don't think you know what uncanny means, Deidara."
Because of course he didn't see the resemblance.
Deidara just waved his husband off, "Please! Let's just try it out! We need to help this poor angel!" He then pleaded as he flopped onto the floor and on his knees, head laying pathetically on Sasori's lap.
Looking at Deidara, Sasori growled as his hand instinctively went for the blond hair. If anything, it was him who looked like a puppy. Which...unfortunately for Sasori is why they were now stuck fostering a sick little puppy. Well, not 'they' in a sense. It was Deidara's job as what was bartered together. He was in his mid twenties and a married man of seven love filled years! He certainly wasn't just some young punk anymore with no caring-of-another-living-being-skills. No, he had years of expirience. So surely he could handle a puppy for a little bit...
And yet to no ones surprise, he was not good at it. However we're jumping a bit too far. Let us take a step back, to the moment little Baby entered the two person family...
-x-
"When I saw him I just had to foster him. We can't have pets permanently because of..." Deidara looked over his shoulder as he chatted with the volunteer working the counter. "Ya know... prissy men." He spoke the last part in a snarky whisper, with his hand waving dramatically and nose crinkling.
The woman giggled as Deidara made the small chat. He wasn't just being friendly, he was being cunning. Apparently there was a chance they wouldn't be able to get to foster Baby as his needs needed to be met, and they could ultimately decide Deidara was not the best candidate. Then what? They give him another dog? No! He wanted Baby! Of course he couldn't say that as that would make him seem disingenuous. He'd look as heartless as his husband's students look at him!
Sasori sneezed.
Looking past the smooth talking, friendly and incredibly handsome and very obvious gay man before her, she then stared at Sasori, The Prissy Man.
"I get it." She nodded with a growing smile.
"Hm?"
She looked back at Deidara with an even wider smile, "I can so totally get why you were so drawn to Baby."
Deidara faux shock, "Why! Whatever could you mean?" He then asked looking back over his shoulder at Sasori, as if he really couldn't understand what she was getting at. Of course the smug look he sent Sasori read loud and clear as, "Listen up BUDDY."
Like slinging clay in Sasori's face.
"Baby looks just like him!" She said gesturing to Sasori as she took note of his raggedy, red hair and small stature; much like the breed of the puppy in question.
Deidara gasped and pressed his left hand to his face, "No way! The reason I'm so emotionally drawn to care for this poor sick puppy... is because he looks like my dear husband, hm?"
There she spotted the ring on Deidara's finger. Now she loved this couple even more! They were just too cute.
"Fill out this paperwork and we'll get you Baby."
Deidara tittered. This was a piece of cake. Sitting down in lobby chairs, he filled out the paperwork. Of course every now and then he'd send his husband a snarky smirk.
"I told you~"
"Oh shut up." Sasori scowled as he sat next to Deidara with his arms crossed, pouting.
"Hello hello!" Called a cheery female voice after a few minutes causing both men to look up.
Sasori felt a sense of dread wash over him while Deidara riled in delight for many various reasons. There they saw the woman return, coming back with the puppy in her arms as well as being followed by two more volunteers and instantly - hinting towards Sasori knowing this wasn't going to be good for him. Especially as the women held the puppy up beside him by his face, admiring the similarities that were clearly not there.
"Awww! That's so cute!" They all gushed. "They look so much alike!"
The puppy sneezed.
"Awww!" The girls and Deidara cooed.
Over the past seven years, Sasori sure felt he wanted to die more often, but certainly not as much as wanting moments to last forever. This wasn't one of those forever moments though unfortunately. Really unfortunate. They were mocking him. The whole room was mocking him and unlike his classroom, he couldn't control it. Especially after Deidara pre-paid ahead of time his special favors to Sasori. At one time he thought it was a deal; now he felt like he should have asked the blond for much more. He could imagine Deidara back on his knees... oh how much more scrubbing he could have done.
After giving Deidara a rundown on how to give the puppy it's medication, ear drops twice a day, and feeding, constant bottles, and general potty training, they finally signed a couple more papers meaning Deidara was well off on his way with a puppy in a carrier. Before he left though the girls warned him with giggles. Having been warned that when Baby was a little older and better, he should be adopted fairly quickly. No he couldn't marry the puppy, because they heard through hisses, as Deidara cuddled Baby, The Prissy Man told him they were never keeping the dog.
Not that Deidara was surprised though hearing that Baby would be adopted quick. He was a very cute dog and nice breed. In fact, Baby was gorgeously adorable. The last gorgeously adorable thing he saw was...
"I don't look like that thing-"
"Baby." Deidara quickly corrected his husband, "His name is Baby."
Sasori smacked the steering wheel with a huff, "I'm not like Baby!"
"With that behavior? Yeah, sure you're not, hm." Deidara said with a roll of the eyes. As he looked away he snickered a little at his husband yelling, 'I'm not like baby'! He sounded like such... a baby! Adorable. Simply Adorable.
To Sasori's shock, everything was great at first and even he was impressed by Deidara's firm determination to not screw up. Deidara was diligent in giving Baby his ear medicine, constantly getting up no matter what to feed him, potty training and playing oh so much. It was clear Deidara loved Baby, and even more obvious that Baby loved Deidara. Sasori was nothing to Baby. Just some person in the room who wasn't Deidara. To Sasori? The feelings were quite mutual.
Every moment together sent Deidara on cloud nine. He loved taking care of Baby. The bum wiggles as he gave him scratches was adorable! Oh how it made Deidara absolutely melt. The last person to make him melt...was well... if you haven't guessed it already, it was Sasori! Deidara loved the little puppy kisses, he loved the little bow-wows, nibbles, flip flopping and he was literally dying every time feeding time came around. He was such a sweet little baby just like his husband! No wonder the girls warned him about that.
So if everything was so honky-dory, why had Sasori deemed Deidara so terrible at taking care of Baby?
Waking up one morning, groggy and ready for coffee, Sasori's eyes went wide as he saw Baby out of his carrier and out of his designated room, the main bathroom. He sleeps in there. Deidara sleeps in bed. Deidara was in bed. Baby was not. Instead there was the puppy, tearing up their carpet in the living room, teething away and clawing at it to shreds with his little mouth and little paws.
One would think the damage would be minute since he was such a small puppy, yet after a long time of having free time to destroy? Baby definitely managed to leave his mark. Leave his mark everywhere in fact.
"Why you little!" Sasori yelled, taking a step foreword to yelp immediately. Looking down he gasped as he stepped in a thick, wet chunk on the carpet. It was wrong to blame the puppy though, and Sasori knew this, "Deidara!"
Deidara came running out their room, heart racing at the yelling. Sasori never yelled at him. Sure they bantered, in fact there was a lot of that, and yes Sasori would more than often give Deidara a good scolding out of love. However there was never yelling. Sasori never ever yelled at him.
"What is th-is?" Sasori barked, pointing to the torn up rug, as he held his filthy foot up, getting to the foot as well as the pee and fecal soaked spots. However not that he had a better look, "I loved that throw pillow!" He howled as he saw the poor pillow full of chewed up holes.
"Holy sh-" Deidara ran for the puppy, only to shriek as he too stepped in a pee puddle on the rug, "Naughty Baby! How in the world did you get out, hmmm?" He asked the puppy instead of asking himself.
On further inspection? It was indeed Deidara's fault as he forgot to press the latch on the carrier and close the door during a late night feeding. With enough force, Baby easily pushed the latch on his crate open and broke free. If only he had closed the bathroom door as well!
"Well this is a mess, hm." Deidara said as he started picking up scraps of rug, cleaning up pee spots and dealing with the pieces of his husbands favorite throw pillow, "Sorry Danna. Don't blame sweet lil Baby. Blame me." Deidara said as the little puppy still bounced around the room looking for love.
Which Deidara gave him by scooping him right up and giving him kisses. "Who's Deidara's Naughty lil Baby? You are! Yes you are!" Turning to Sasori, he cuddled the puppy up to his face and pouted, "Look at this sweet little face. Baby didn't mean it, un!"
"It... it's FINE." Sasori huffed, still holding his shitty foot. He had other things to do though such as getting ready to leave for work. If anything, it was as if he was suffocating being around those two and he was looking foreword to getting away for a bit. It was like living with two Deidara's, but one brought no benefit to their household and also apparently liked leaving globs of shit on the floor.
That was Baby by the way. Deidara didn't like it when Sasori likened his art to shit. He also didn't like Sasori stepping on projects to which Sasori would then say he shouldn't leave them lying about.
It was insanity in there with those two. He needed to get out of there! As he drove in his car he hissed, "Stupid dog."
So what was wrong? Two Deidara's generally sounded like a good thing. Even though Sasori still just didn't like dogs in general. But what was really bad and clear to anyone was that Baby was being spoiled rotten. Had it not been for that stupid mutt, Sasori would be the one being spoiled! That's what really ticked him off.
At least now it was a Friday night. Yes, good old Friday night. Sasori smiled as he knew what that meant and welcomed it. He would come home, they would have a nice dinner, and Deidara would less than subtlety make the moves on him. That excited him. They hadn't had any little bit of sensual contact since getting Baby. Sure they hadn't had Baby that long, but usually within a similar timeframe, Deidara at least tried or even succeeded a couple times. Heck, it was almost like Deidara was kissing the dog more than he kissed him!
Tonight was the night though to relax and take it all in. After a week of being around stupid kids and now having to deal with the stress of having to go through the ordeal of reflooring the house? He deserved a rough and passionate romp in the sack.
"Hehe... Danna..." Deidara chuckled, as Sasori kissed his neck and grabbed at his thighs, "Mmm..."
They kissed long and passionately. It was the perfect time as the mood was great. But best of all? Deidara looked and... Oh gosh how he smelled so good! In fact, Sasori was beginning to worry that if he smelled the scent anywhere else, he'd get turned on by the smell alone; just by association! He had some sort of combination of colognes that he kept a secret. Everyone loved it. Sometimes a little too much, so it had to be reserved to just the bedroom or at home as it just added to the attention Deidara got.
Perhaps when he got older he could wear it out and about without being hit on. He already landed a husband with it so he was okay now.
For Sasori's nose though, he caught on to a change and noticed that Deidara had been smelling a little too dogish for his liking. This was a welcomed change and definitely got him all riled up.
Deidara sighed heavily as Sasori's hands roamed his chest. He loved his husband so much. Sasori knew just what he liked, all his sensitive spots and how to make him purr. Best of all? He was calculative, knowing when they needed things slow, and when they needed things fast. They worked together in perfect harmony. Such good harmony, and Sasori was such a wonderful husband all around; he deserved it all and was ready to give it to him.
Raising his hands to touch Sasori, one hand touched his Danna's face, the other then going elsewhere as he leaned upwards to peck at his forehead- but he stopped midway. Both of them froze up at the frantic little barks and whimpers of Baby in the room next to them.
"He's in his crate. He's fine." Sasori said pecking once more at Deidara's neck, in his mind pleading for his forehead to be kissed because of course he'd never outright say that.
Sasori had personally made certain that the damn crate was shut so that dog wouldn't interrupt them tonight.
It was just one peck at the sweet smelling neck though as Deidara then didn't give him the receptive peck on the forehead back. Instead Deidara ripped himself away, grabbing his robe off the floor as he rushed out of the door to see what was wrong with Baby.
Sasori sat there in the bed, naked and alone, "Well isn't this just spectacular." He groaned.
Getting up, Sasori put on his robe as well as hewent into the room to see what was going on as well. Even though he really could not care less about that red fluffy nuisance.
He breathed heavily as he learned against the doorway, arms crossed as he watched his husband swaddled Baby inside his robe and against his bare chest.
God Sasori wished he was being swaddled up against Deidara's chest right now. Instead of saying anything, because he would never, he just watched on while gnawing his thumbnail like Baby chewed at their rug. Instead of being in bed together as a couple, his husband sat on the floor as he talked to Baby, comforting him in place of him.
And after that hellish week he had been through!
"I'm going to give him another feeding, hm." Deidara said more to himself than to Sasori as he got up, ready to prepare something to comfort the whimpering pup. "I just don't know what got you sad Baby-Pie! Were you looonely? Should we move your cwate into my woom so you can be near Daddy, hmm?" He spoke in baby talk.
The corners of Sasori's lips turned absolutely downwards. Even he knew it was the most disgraceful expression as he raised a hand to hide it, rather than change it as he just could not shake it.
After giving Baby a snack and moving the crate into their room so it faced his half of the bed, Deidara gave Sasori's chest a pat and the desired peck on the forehead, "Sorry love, not tonight, hm."
"But-"
"I mean..." Deidara bit his lip, looking uncomfortable with it all, "I could use my hand..."
Sasori sighed, "Nah, forget it. Maybe tomorrow."
Deidara smiled and kissed Sasori's lips this time, "Tomorrow, hm."
"Just remember Deidara... We're not keeping him. At all. Wasn't part of the deal. We could get a phone call at anytime that he's been adopted and we have to give him up." Sasori reminded, speaking calmly and carefully.
"Ok ok." Deidara hummed, "Hmmm... yeah I understand."
"Just... be sure you don't get too attached."
"I won't! Jeez, un." Deidara scoffed, "I don't get attached to things so easily you know!"
Sasori silently raised his left hand, his wedding ring glowing in the dimly lit room. The twinkle seemed to mock Deidara that it took less than a week to fall head over heels for Sasori and half a year to get hitched in a courthouse.
"Well... you were an exception. The only exception!"
Sasori kissed Deidara and smiled, "And you are my only exception as well. My only exception."
It was romantic and a little cheesy, but it was last attempt to get laid that night and it still failed as Deidara just rolled over to face the crate and fell asleep. Oh well. Like Deidara had said, there was always tomorrow night!
And yet the next day was a no go for the same reason. Sunday was no better either. It was obvious that with every passing day, Deidara was indeed getting more and more attached to the dog. And by Tuesday, now just over a week of having the puppy, Sasori's patience for this entire situation was thinner than the toilet paper at the school he worked at. He of course wasn't mad at Deidara,
"Stupid dog, stupid dog, stupid dog!"
So being the person he was, he took his anger out on his students. If he couldn't control that nuisance of an animal or the affection he got from his husband, he'd get the satisfaction from conducting those brats to be model citizens with the finest education he could provide them. Lunch hour detention was so full, some kids were sitting two to a desk trembling in horror.
Female students had such conflicting views about the teacher. He was so incredibly handsome, so incredibly smart- but he was also so incredibly scary! It really was hard to enjoy his good qualities.
The boys just felt horror, but all could agree that they did not deserve to write an essay during lunch over being two minutes late to class.
Another day of hell went by and Sasori found himself watching a girl present her academic essay on the cruelty and abuse of animals. It went from puppy mills, over fishing, eating meat, oil spills, and the farm industry as a whole... is what it should have been. Instead in stopped at the first point only, missing the whole point of the academic essay she labeled, so instead Sasori had to listen to Why Puppy Mills are bad and 'how you should be totally nice to dogs cause they're man's best friend!'
Of course the entire class agreed with her. Sasori on the other hand was seething, and not just his regular seething. Yes the essay was far from academic and yes she managed to get her opinion across with the room agreeing with her without dispute. Yet the dog, dog, dog! Sasori was sick of the dogs!
The friends of the girl whispered as they watched their teacher grind his teeth. How he ignored her topic and focused on just how awful her work was. Didn't he care about the poor animals at all? Those poor puppies! Mr. Akasuna really was a heartless monster!
Reality is Sasori had no ill will to animals nor did he HATE dogs which is why he refused to have one permanently. Yes, Sasori wasn't a big fan and never had the best experiences with them when he was a kid. However that was with all animals in general. From a bird pooping on his head, being chased by a dog, honestly just being grossed out by snakes, spat on by a llama, to a horse taking the hat right off his six year old head! He also liked having a clean home so they just weren't generally welcomed.
Deidara had to learn that part the hard way. Blond hair. Everywhere.
Yet worst of all and a new experience that soured his view on animals and pets was Baby. He, a grown man, was just jealous of Baby. He was supposed to be spoiled by Deidara. He was supposed to be Deidara's baby! Oh but wait- not that he wanted to be called baby. Sure Deidara called him babe on occasion, but there would never be a day Deidara would live after calling him baby!
With all the whispering and murmuring, Sasori snapped and gave the whole class lunch detention. Detention left and right and essays here and there. To them he was a heartless monster indeed.
He was going to be such a grouch when he got older!
Of course that wasn't the end of it. He even snapped again later on in the day giving a group of boys after school detention. To one fellow teacher, one of those kind that liked to be friends with their students, he found that Sasori was going too far with his punishments as a few boys he was chummy with sulked in the halls as they spoke of their detentions.
They were good boys! How dare Sasori!
"You know you can't just be giving all your students detention."
"I can and will." Sasori snarled like a wild animal, disregarding that this was a fellow coworker and not a student. For all Sasori cared, if he acted like a stupid student, he was going to be treated as such.
"Wow, totes lame of you. What's wrong man? Not getting any from the wife?" The teacher laughed at Sasori's expense. Also a crude joke as he knew Sasori was married to a man.
So with that Sasori snapped, just like he would at any student. And just like any student...
Detention hall was so full, that all of students were seated two to a desk this time. As a regular detentioner trotted into the room towards his regular seat, ready for another hour of spacing out, he looked over and narrowed his eyes as there who would be sitting beside him... was his math teacher?
"Mr. S?" He asked confused as to why his MATH TEACHER was sitting in on detention. "What're you doin' here?"
"Well... uh you see..."
"Silence!" Sasori roared, sending everyone in the room to sit up straight; the math teacher included.
"Did..." the boy whispered, "Did you get detention too?"
Mr. S went to reply but stopped as he looked up to see his colleague Mr. Akasuna, elbows propped up and hands folded under his chin, staring at him hard.
He just nodded and put his head into his hand to ignore the student. This kid was the kind to not be bothered by detention or getting into trouble. Sure this teacher liked being chummy with his students, but he was not about to be dragged down by one of them.
-x-
"Don't be mad at Baby, be mad at me, un."
Sasori stared at the mess on the floor. He was beginning to think that this duo were nothing menace. Plus that dog chewed some of his expensive crafting wood.
"I'll make it up to you, hm."
"How!? That takes forever to export." Sasori growled as he became frustrated. He really hated waiting the waiting process on his wood... for his art mind you!
Poking out his tongue, "I'll chew your wood." Deidara said, sending his husband a flirty wink.
"I know you're trying to sound sexy..." Sasori muttered, just staring at the love of his life, "but honey that's really not it..."
"So you don't-"
"I never said that."
At least he wasn't going to be sexually depraved anymore. Yes. Sasori did take Deidara up of that offer. Of course he did. However he could have had more. Much more.
It was when he came home after a less vicious day at work, he saw Deidara sitting on the floor looking at flooring samples he had picked up after he finished work. He sat there in absolute silence. Too much silence. There was no music playing, no television on in the background. In fact, he didn't even see Baby trying to make a mad dash out the front door.
"Whaddya think of this one!" Deidara that spoke up excitedly as Sasori walked over, "This is a nice color and grain, isn't it?"
Sasori looked over the wooden board. Wood floors? He looked down at what was left of the currently damaged carpet. He had only ever lived in houses with carpet. In fact, in his childhood home, there was carpet in the bathroom!
Yuck. Chiyo had some bad taste.
"Oh I do really like this." Sasori finally said, taking a seat to admire the other samples his husband had brought home. "What about this one?"
Deidara took the sample Sasori handed him and nodded as he saw what he liked, "Well you see, I was thinking that if we're going to get new flooring, I could paint the walls a new color, hm."
"What are you thinking of?"
Deidara held up a few light green paint samples, and also some light yellows, "The green is really lush, but the yellow is warm, hm."
"I'm surprised you didn't pick anything more wild..."
"Oh please. When you first moved in here when you were young, you painted the walls oatmeal to match the oatmeal carpet. I know the whole wacky colorist ain't your thing so I decided to compromise a little more."
Sasori held up the flooring Deidara really liked, a natural walnut wood. He nodded, "I prefer the greens with this flooring that you liked. The cherry flooring you have here?" He then pointed other board that he originally liked and now Deidara was looking at, "this would be nice with a yellow."
"So... green or yellow?"
"We've been 'oatmeal' for so long now... it's a warmer color... how about we change it up and go for green? In a few years when we're ready for a change again, we can come back to the yellow or something similar."
"Okay, hm!"
"By the way..." Sasori looked around, still taking note of the silence, "where is Baby?"
Deidara froze, "Oh uh, he was adopted this afternoon." He muttered, looking back at the samples.
Sasori frowned. Of course Deidara would dive in right away to redesigning the house. The little puppy he adored was suddenly gone. It was only logical that he would need something to distract him.
Sasori honestly and genuinely felt bad though. He loved his husband and knew that even though he wasn't showing it, he was hurting. "I'm sorry honey." He said, lips curling down as he rubbed circles into Deidara's back.
"No no, it's quite alright. I knew this was going to happen eventually. I'm just glad I was able to help out, hm."
Sasori kissed his husband and tilted his chin down as he looked up into Deidara's eyes, "You really are a sweet, brat."
In return, Deidara looked down into his husband's eyes, the warmth and love practically oozed from the light brown hue. Such a sweet and cherub face on such a sweetheart! His Danna was just darling.
"You want pizza tonight?"
Deidara pressed his forehead against Sasori's, "That would be nice."
-x-
Wrapping an arm around Deidara and pulling him close for a tight hug and cuddle, "You sure you don't miss Baby?"
"Nope." Deidara said with a smile as he wiggled out of Sasori's grasp, only to take charge and wrap his own arms around Sasori.
"Seriously?" Sasori growled as his loving gesture was pushed aside. Not that he didn't like being held, he actually liked it a lot. Of course he wouldn't ever out right say that though.
Deidara just chuckled and ruffled Sasori's red hair, kissing his cheek and jawline, "Seriously. I'm fine, hm." The kisses soon led to Sasori's lips, ensuring a long, slow, and just a little sloppy make out session. Pulling back finally, Deidara pecked Sasori one last time, "You're the only baby I need." He said, tapping his nose playfully.
Sasori gasped in horror at the nickname. He was in his forties! He wasn't a baby! Sure Deidara used many many endearing names for him, and yes he got used to them. In fact he even got in the habit of using some on Deidara, such as; Dear, Honey, Love...Brat... However this one was going too far. Yet before he could get another word out and chew Deidara out for using THAT one on him, Deidara sat up and elegantly removed his shirt, letting down his long hair, the gold tresses trickling down his now bare spine as he sighed heavily.
Okay fine. Maybe he'd let Deidara get away with this one. However! Just once and just as long as he never called him BABY ever again! Never ever!
But...we all know how that ended.
a few chapters ago there was a blurb about old men fostering a puppy when they were young. sorry this was so long lol.
baby the puppy is a mini poodle. the rusty red ones obvsly.
bye losers!
