"Good afternoon, Sasori."
Sitting down slowly, Sasori took a long stretch, cracking his knuckles and yawned as he took his sweet time getting comfortable in the solid wood chair. He even took a long sip of his coffee he had purchased before coming in, "Why hello there Officer Uchiha-"
"Now-"
"How might you be finding yourself being this sunshine ridden day?" Sasori cut him off as he started making small chat.
Unfortunately it was unwarranted small chat as Itachi glared up at the man, his eyes had bags under them and his red at this point due to the redhead. The glare didn't last long though as he sighed heavily, hoping to get this done and over with, "I'm alright Sasori. I just wish you had come last night when we originally called you... and not the next day late in the afternoon."
Sasori gasped, "Wait just a second... It's past noon already? Well now, doesn't time just fly by."
"Sasori. Why didn't you just come in when we called you last night?"
Sasori then hummed as he drummed his fingers slowly on the officers desk, "Mmmhmm, buuuut you see..." His eyes wandered the room just a little bit, even scratching at a stain on Itachi's desk, "I was already comfy in my pajamas, and prior to that had a bit to drink so I couldn't drive, even if I wanted to. I must be safe you know... if I wasn't, Deidara would just start a riot, right?"
Itachi cringed at the thought of Deidara causing a fuss over Sasori. Deidara would probably blame him rather than himself if Sasori got hurt while on the way.
"And there was no one else to pick up the bail money from you and get him out of here?" he asked.
Sasori moved around in his seat slowly, taking a deep sigh once more, almost like he was savoring it. "Well you see..." he took a long sip of his coffee, "Hidan is unreliable, and Kakuzu is a thief who would just take the bail money and run."
Itachi gave an empathetic nod in agreement. He was right.
"Oh, and there is just no way I'm bothering Konan at one in the morning. You know how it is with her... women. Besides, who wants their boss paying their bail? Surely not Deidara." Sasori laughed as he then book another even longer sip of his coffee. "Ahhhh..."
"Okay, Okay. Fair enough. However, as mentioned of one in the morning; why was he out that late alone in the first place?" Itachi asked.
Sasori scoffed, waving his hand, "He's an young adult. If he goes out for a drink, slugs a man in the face and finds himself incarcerated for assault, that's on him."
"Please discourage this behavior. You're older than him so-"
"I'm his husband, not his daddy."
"Then be a good husband and keep your husband out of trouble! He earned himself a black eye last night and-" Itachi stopped as he heard Sasori audibly growl. Of course he knew why the redhead was taking this so nonchalantly. That didn't mean it wasn't easy for him to do so. Of course he didn't want his husband to be injured but... things had to be done this way. Patience was key during this situation if Sasori wanted to reap the benefits afterwards. And Sasori already had very little patience.
"Anyway, let's get that bail paid and then-"
"Did you get the walls painted since we were last here?" Sasori quickly changed the subject, raising a hand to gesture towards to walls in question.
"Yes..." Itachi mumbled as Sasori prattled on with wasting everyone's time.
Unfortunately someone was getting fed up as loud yelling caused Itachi to flinch in his seat. It was a miracle that Sasori seemed almost unfazed, just a deep breath through his nostrils as Deidara's yelling could be heard from the back room where he was being held in an overnight cell.
He could definitely hear his name being yelled, meaning he was more than ready to go home. Like a sorrowful dog held back in time out.
Sasori sighed, still admiring the painted walls, "What a beautiful color." He mused, putting his coffee down on Itachi's desk; like he was getting cozier.
"It's gray..."
"Lovely. Oh just lovely. And how may I ask did you pick such a lovely color?"
"...It was on sale."
"Oh wow... Such luck!" Sasori clasped his hands together, "You know, you must-"
Itachi raised both his hands as he was now resorting to pleading since he was getting nowhere slowly, "Sasori please just pay for your husband's bail and get him out of here."
"But the paint... What store-"
"The one down the street."
Deidara's angry yells could once more be heard yelling from down the hall, echoing the distance, demanding his husband. It was horrid.
"What? Down the street?" Sasori asked, faux pas as he ignored his husband's angry cries and instead picked up his coffee to have another slow drink.
"Sasori! We only have two paint stores here. One down the street and the other on the other half of the town."
"Ahh...Is that so..." Sasori hummed, finger tips pressed to his chin, eyes wandering away in disbelief.
"You're an artist, shouldn't you know this?"
Sasori's cocked his head, "Should I?"
Now Itachi was at his wits end, "Sasori please just pay the bail and leave! I'll even lower it!" He bargained.
"Lower?"
"500 bail is now 100. I'll print up your husband's court date." Itachi slammed a button on his computer sending a piece of paper to come out of the printer. "Go home!"
Sasori slowly counted his small amounts of cash and change, even going back as he 'miscounted' more than a few times. Itachi's hands were burning so bad he wanted to rip the money from the older man's hands. How dare Sasori always do this! Every. Single. Time!
Taking the payment, Itachi practically ran for the door to the back to release Deidara. The sooner he was gone, the better. He never wanted to see this couple again. It sucked they were in the same social circle though. Not to mention the group pandered to Deidara, just a bit. No doubt they questioned his reasons, and actions... but ultimately they caved as he was 'still young', 'in love' and 'so cute'.
Cute or not, you don't pick fights and punch people! One time is one thing, but when this is the third time it's happened? Sasori needed to really sit his husband down and end this misbehavior. Could Deidara really not just let things go and turn the other cheek? There was only going to be so many more times he could save Deidara from being sued or actually being sent to jail. Then they would both be sorry.
Deidara scowled at Itachi as he was led out in cuffs, sending a glare back over his shoulder and sticking out his tongue at the young man he fought with; who remained in the over night cell. In his defense, that homophobic guy back there was the instigator! He insulted his husband and even threw in a slur! He did nothing wrong!
Who knew being married to Sasori came with so much animosity from 18-20 year olds... Sure it was probably weird to find out your least liked teacher married someone only a couple years older than themselves now, but it was something you had to get over! It wasn't like Deidara was a past student. No, in fact Deidara had moved away from his hometown to this town. He hadn't even lived here three years yet!
He and Sasori were practically still newly weds!
Taking off Deidara's cuffs, the blond jumped at and clung to Sasori, "Oh my hero! Danna you're the best." He gushed, giving him kisses.
"You have a black eye..." Sasori growled, ignoring the kisses as he was upset that his husband's reckless behavior got himself hurt.
No one wanted to see their beloved injured!
"Well you see, this mother fu-"
"Please no more petty little fights, love."
Well Deidara didn't think defending his and Sasori's honor was a petty little fight but...
"I'll...I'll try."
"Thank you."
Deidara kissed Sasori's forehead,
"Now please, take me home, hm. I feel like I've been here for days!" He whined as he pressed his face into Sasori's shoulder, finger twirling in his shirt as he caressed his chest.
"Too long indeed." Sasori said, sending a dirty look to Itachi.
Deidara caught Sasori's look and also glared at Itachi. However Itachi just shrugged and sighed at the common scene. He knew the glares were coming no matter what. It was all according to Sasori's plan of course:
Make Deidara wait long so he turned extra clingy afterwards. Blame the extended waiting on Him since there was no way Sasori would ever make Deidara wait. Ever. Genius move. There wasn't a doubt in Itachi's mind that there was the idea of fugitive sex as well, clinging to each other as they hadn't seen each other in, like Deidara had said, "days" rather than the actual fourteen hours.
A fellow officer and relative approached Itachi after the two had left hand in hand, "Why not just tell him that it's Red who keeps him in there longer than he needs to?" he asked, confused as to why Itachi always let this happen. Why does Itachi need to be the bad guy when it's clearly Sasori's constant stalling that kept Deidara there longer than need be?
"But Deidara is just so... extra lovey dovey when he gets out. I don't want to take that away from his Sasori." Itachi sighed as he crossed his arms.
"You're too kind." Chuckled the other Officer.
Itachi gave a small smile, "He does get frustrated all caged up in there... So I also hope that one day it will click in his little blond head not to end up here in the first place."
"Kids these days! Why does he get into so many fights anyways?"
"Apparently some guy insulted his man."
"His man...wait so that guy who picked him up?" The Officer thought of the redhead, "That's his man?" He whistled. "Ouch, now ain't that blondie a little too young and pretty for him?"
Itachi snorted, "Apparently Mr. Young and Pretty overheard a former student of his Sasori's bad mouthing him at a bar. They argued over if he was a good teacher or not."
"Is that Sasori guy a good teacher?"
"Apparently he is as the young man couldn't refute his amazing grades, as he was once a C average student. Thanks to Sasori, he also learned to write a thorough, well thought and convincing essay- all of which that all helped him get into an expensive school which he was visiting back from this weekend."
"Ok..." the other Officer leaned forward for more gossip, "So why did it end in fists?"
"Apparently the young man didn't like the fact that he couldn't refute it; that his most loathed teacher, although firm, actually helped him better himself for his future, and guide him on a path to a bright future and a great university out of this town."
"So?"
"So he threw a slur and swung a fist at Deidara... and of course he swung back. Deidara probably won't get any trouble from the courts since he hit back in self defense." Itachi explained.
The other officer nodded, "Why didn't you tell this to Sasori?"
"What? Tell him that his husband picks fights only to defend his honor and prove people wrong?" Itachi scoffed, "Please, Deidara is 'young and pretty' enough as it is. I don't want Sasori getting a swelled head."
-x-
Sasori sighed as he snuggled into his husband, staring at the ceiling as Deidara pecked little kisses at his bare chest.
"Round two already?" Sasori scoffed, "Honey please, you just got out of being in jail for fourteen cruel hours, you need your rest."
"No!" Deidara squawked, pawing evermore at his husband, "I need you! I've been away from you for too long!"
"So wait... Why were you getting in fist fights again anyway? You know if you just stayed out of trouble we wouldn't need to have Itachi keep us apart."
Deidara groaned as he knew this question was coming anyway, but still loathed it. "So this idiot had this stupid opinion and didn't like that I proved him wrong... so he hit me and I hit him back, un."
"Hm? Opinion on what?"
Deidara snickered as he kissed Sasori's neck repeatedly, "only about the best thing in the world!"
Humming, Sasori knew exactly what the blond meant- and certainly didn't blame him now. Art was the best thing in the world.
"Good for you, love. Just try to work on your dodging."
"Good for me?" Deidara mumbled to himself as he soaked in his husband's pride for him standing up for him. "Yes sir!"
ooohhh Sasori you fool. you're the best thing in the world! not art! now you're just giving him mixed signals ):
bye losers
