Kissing the back of Sasori's neck, Deidara snickered, "Hey there dirty boy..."
A little sweaty from the heat, as the AC in his car recently stopped working, Sasori glared over his shoulder shyly, "Don't be vulgar."
"Hey, there stinky boy."
"I'm not stinky!"
"Then where are you going?"
"To have a shower-" Sasori gasped, "Because I'm sweaty!"
And not stinky!
Still following his husband to their en-suite, Deidara hummed.
"You know... we should have a bath together, hm!"
"We always shower together. Besides, this one will be cool, not HOT."
Deidara leaned in close, "I want to have a bath with you."
No dancing around it. To the point. That was what the blond wanted. A bath. With him.
Sasori rolled his eyes and ignored his husband's eager eyes and wiggling eyebrows. This topic had come up a couple of times before. "You know there's no room and there will never be enough room for the two of us- so stop asking!" He hissed.
"You're full of shit if you think the both of us are that big, hm."
The two of them silently stared at one another, slowly shaking hands. It didn't need to be said- there was to be a bet to see if both of them fit.
"Winner gets one person has to do something of the other person's desire," Sasori said coolly, still holding his husband's hand, grip getting tighter.
Deidara knew what that meant. Being the hot hunk that he was, he could only think of two things Sasori could want from him. Something sexy, or for him to fix something sexily. Easy because he did everything sexily. For Deidara? He knew exactly what he wanted from Sasori... just looking at his handsome hubby? He just wanted the sexy part. Or maybe he could get Sasori to sing to him!
Either way. All signs pointed to benefit him as he didn't mind repairing things around the house at all; so it was all fair and good for Deidara. Another firm squeeze to Sasori's hand, "You're on babe."
So they tested it out, both grown men in an empty bathtub. And oh how it was a tight squeeze.
"If you ask me, it's good enough!" Deidara sighed, wrapping his arms around Sasori's back, his legs being squished against the hard walls of the tub. Definitely worth it.
Tutting, Sasori shook his head, "You know as well as I do that this is not an acceptable outcome." He said pinching the back of Deidara's knee, causing the leg to pop out of the tub and for them to grow ever uncomfortable. Because if Deidara was being squeezed on the outside, Sasori was being squeezed even more on the inside.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes. Please allow me at least an hour to prove my case."
Oh, that sounded bad...
Deidara's nose crinkled as Sasori handed him an academic essay five pages long, written in an hour and fifteen minutes about how Deidara is wrong about the two of them fitting like that was considered "good enough." The man was a fast thinker and a fast typer. Wouldn't be the first time he had used the essays to prove "good enough" either.
How humiliating.
Low key, Deidara found that kinda hot. But because of his husband's sexy skills, it was was a pretty solid case that there would never be enough room for the both of them to take a bath together. Though- it's not like it was going to stop them from showering together.
Still, Deidara sulked at being wrong but took his losing side of the bet with stride. Again; what could go wrong? He was handy and handsome! He would and could do anything. Besides writing an equally persuasive essay that could beat Sasori's in the same amount of alloyed time.
"You have to stay home."
Deidara collapsed onto his hands and knees. A thousand daggers and a thousand punches to his heart. He knew what Sasori meant by that. "Staying home" meant that this year Deidara wouldn't tag along with Sasori to his yearly teachers' conference in the next two cities over that was coming up this weekend.
"I'm dead!"
"You're not dead."
"Dead, hm!" Deidara yelled, face down on the floor.
Sasori rolled his eyes. Deidara sure could be overdramatic over the weirdest things. Things usually involving him.
"Listen, I love you very much, but I'm the only one bringing my spouse to the symposium. Ever. Why? Because spouses are not invited but somehow you always manage to worm your way in."
"So? It works!"
"Hardly!" Sasori scowled. Dropping down to one knee he sighed and placed a hand on Deidara's shoulder. "Brat," Deidara looked away, "Sweetie," Deidara looked back, "I'm going to miss you. I really am. But I need to do this myself sometimes. I can't always be breaking rules because of you."
"Hmph."
Sasori pinched Deidara's chin, "I love you."
"I love you too... but I thought either we were gonna bathe together or your request was going to bend me like a pretzel, not mash my heart like a potato, hm."
Pecking Deidara lips he sighed, "Face it, honey. We will never bathe in this house together."
"Hmph." Deidara grumbled as Sasori stood up and walked away to pack up for his trip. "Hm. Hmmmm..."
"So that's the plan?" Kisame asked, glancing over his shoulder as Deidara sipped a fruity iced drink behind him, where the hell he got it Kisame would probably never know. "While Sasori's out of town we're just going to remodel the en-suite bathroom?"
"Yes."
"For..." Kisame swirled the plaster onto the wall he was repairing for a client, "your wedding anniversary that's in ten months?"
"Yes."
"But it has to be done... right now?"
"Yes."
"I want to ask why, but I'm sure you're going to give me some weird convoluted response." Kisame sighed, putting his drywall materials to the side. "Ok ok, I'll help you. But this counts as three years worth of anniversary gifts for you."
"Deal!"
-x-
Deidara was all frown the morning Sasori left. Sure he was excited to start remodeling their old outdated bathroom. He liked designing, demolition and building. But still, Sasori was leaving him behind!
"You're so handsome," Deidara muttered, tugging at his husband's collar and fixing at his hair.
"I'm not bringing you."
"I know I know... I've accepted that. Now it don't mean I like it, but I've accepted it, hmph!"
"Thank you, Deidara," Sasori said with a heavy sigh of relief before kissing his husband goodbye for his road trip to the big city. The kiss however lasted a little longer than he anticipated. Not that Deidara was clinging, in fact, it was Sasori who lingered. And for that, he opened up for Deidara to do just that; cling.
Grabbing at the back of Sasori's neck, Deidara wove his hands in the neat red locks, "do you..." he lips traveled Sasori's cheek to his neck, "do you have to leave right NOW?" And pressed his body closer.
"Please Deidara..." Sasori sighed, not really fighting back, "We did this last night, and the night before."
"Can't you just delay your trip-" Deidara kissed Sasori again, pressing their bodies closer again, "delay it an hour?"
"You know very well I hate to keep people waiting."
"No one is waiting for you until tomorrow." Deidara growled, kissing Sasori again and being kissed back in return, "You're leaving a day early just to sit alone in a hotel room. You can-"
"Fine. One round and then I go."
Lies. They had numerous rounds.
Sasori left with his clothes still pristine and presentable, but hair disheveled and messy from Deidara's clawing.
Looking out the window in just a blanket, Deidara sulked further, clutching the hem of the blanket like pearls. At least he managed to keep Sasori longer than one hour. Two and half wonderful hours in fact.
Grabbing the phone, Deidara chewed his nail as it rang, "Hey Kisame. Yeah. He's gone. You ready?"
-x-
Kisame wasted no time in setting up but noticed Deidara's limp as he expected the blond to be just as up and ready to get this done.
"You good man?"
Deidara says "Oh this?" He pressed his hands to his lower back and teetered side to side looking smug, "it's to drive away Sasori's pent-up libido so he doesn't cheat while he's away in that harlot city, hm."
Kisame looked Deidara up and down, "You know, I really don't think Sasori would cheat. Let alone on you." His hand thrust outwards to the young blond in the most revealing home remodeling clothes he had ever seen.
"I also wanted to make sure he remembers what he's got at home."
Kisame looked Deidara down and up this time. "Right..."
"Also I marred his body in hickies. He's my property and has been thusly labeled."
"I'm surprised you have so much anxiety over this, Deidara." Kisame hummed, tearing this off the already pre-cleaned room, "You actually worry that much that Sasori will leave you?"
"Kisame please, Sasori and I are very different people. He could decide my looks aren't good enough and go for someone more like-minded like him." Deidara huffed, stumbling back as he dismantled the counter, "Plus he's super super hot and super super smart. How could anyone keep their hands off if I can't hmm?" he gushed.
"I think Sasori loves you and I think that last part is just a you problem only."
"Anyway Kisame, you get dismantling that damn bathtub." Deidara demanded, "the new one will be delivered soon."
Kisame grabbed another large tool and hummed, "I still don't get what you have against this bath, but I'm sure it's-"
"Oh hell yeah it's a long and convoluted story."
-x-
The weekend was relaxing, informative, and incredibly anxiety-inducing. Who knew that after having your loving spouse glued to your hip for so long, once they're gone you'd feel lonely! Sasori didn't. It didn't help that everyone at the symposium was openly looking forward to seeing the blond.
In his left hand was a baked treat an older fellow teacher actually prepared for the blond, as well as a variety of recipe cards that she was certain Deidara would love. Sasori had looked the cards over. Having cooked for Deidara for years himself, he knew they were definitely up Deidara's alley flavor-wise.
These people really made space for Deidara at the convention hall and openly enjoyed his company, professional teacher or not. If they missed Deidara, each moment that went by, Sasori felt ten times worse.
It was tough.
Pulling up to his house, Sasori bit his bottom lip, eyes crinkling in delight knowing he would get to see his husband after two and a half long days.
In the house, Sasori could hear Deidara tinkering in the backyard. It was a long drive, and Sasori just wanted to go to the bathroom.
Walking into his room and dumping his stuff on the bed, Sasori made a quick beeline for en-suite. Of course, he noticed it had been renovated. While he stood over the toilet, he looked around at the freshly painted walls, the new countertops, cabinet, light fixtures, and faucet. Even down to some new trinkets on the counters! Sasori was shocked, not that Deidara had busied himself while he was gone, but the fact they had the money for a new bathroom renovation. If anything, it should have been the main/guest bathroom that had been done.
Knowing Deidara though; with him doing all the manual labor and being a rather thrifty guy when he needed it, this whole renovation wasn't probably that bad cost-wise. And man did Deidara do a good job. It was relaxing and classy, all at a great price.
Washing his hands, he turned around to see the-
"What the hell is that."
Deidara smiled as he sauntered in, crawling in the bathtub immediately, "Great isn't it?" He asked, leg extending around and upwards in the excess space tauntingly.
"It's huge!" Sasori yelled, the idea of this being a cheap renovation; gone! "It's like a hot tub!" He yelled, thrusting his hands towards it.
"But it's still a bathtub."
Sasori glared at Deidara.
"Besides," Deidara got out of the tub, slapping it, "this bad boy isn't even the biggest one they had. Those were way too expensive and would never fit here. But in the end with a little of Kisame's help, I figured it would be just the right size for the both of us."
Sasori looked back over at the bath and scowled. Appearance alone, Deidara was probably right. The thing was pretty big if it could squeeze Kisame with Deidara. While remodeling they must have struggled to take out as much wall as possible, just to fit the thing in the room.
"Seeeee? You said in your essay we would never fit in a tub in this house. Well, you were wrong" Deidara rubbed in, bringing up and point to the counter where was what was once Sasori's pride and joy... being able to be smarter in a physical written statement. "We could ever fit in a tub in this house!"
"Are you really this petty... all this hard work just to put a single flaw in my essay?" Sasori pouted, clearly the act of pettiness on Deidara's part already working.
"Yes!"
"You're insane."
"Insane and now able to bathe with you! Haha!"
Sasori sighed as Deidara marched away out of the bathroom proudly. Looking down at his written work, Sasori grumbled at the flaw in it now. All that time and effort... Looking at the new bath his scowled, throwing the paper down, "Baths these days! They're too big!"
"What did you say, Babe?"
Turning around, Sasori crossed his arms in an even bigger pout as Deidara came back in, now in nothing but a robe, that is until he dropped the robe, "Now that's just unfair, you Brat." He growled, looking away and covering his eyes.
deidara got his dream bath.
the bath has two jets. sasori loves the jets on his achey back.
i didn't mention ages but deidara is in his late 20's, sasori mid 40's. or older. use ur imagination.
BYE LOSERS
