Chapter 9: The Cemetery

Derek wondered where Meredith could be. She was not at the practice; he had just checked there. He didn't want to call her, he ought to be as little overbearing as he could. It wouldn't be wise to make her feel cornered. But he wasn't on friendly terms with anyone else in town and he had to talk to someone else than Bert or he'd go mad.

At least he suspected that he was on friendly terms with Meredith. The previous day would surely suggest that. She helped him out with his little problem, stayed to take care of his dog which allowed Derek to see her in a way that he hadn't before. She seemed carefree, unreserved, funny and full of life. Not to mention completely wet with her T-shirt clinging snuggly to her chest… There was laughter and joking around. He regretted she didn't decide to stay for dinner. As soon as the question rolled off his tongue, she seemed to sober up. She excused herself hastily.

Today was Sunday, which meant no fixed working hours. Which also meant he needed to work twice as hard to be able to accompany her. It was almost 1 p.m. and the whole town seemed oddly deserted. After some fifteen minutes of walking, he finally noticed people coming in little groups or couples from a narrow street between buildings. Meredith was there too; he fished her out effortlessly. Her blond hair that turned even lighter due to the strong southern sun, a blue sundress that billowed slightly in the wind, and a bunch of flowers in the crook of her arm. Wasn't she beautiful... The way she crinkled her eyes from the sun when she was engrossed in a conversation with an elderly couple. He watched her throw her head back laughing at something her interlocutors said.

Derek briefly hesitated whether he should come forward. He was sure it would not be appreciated by the people around. What the hell, he shrugged. He was not going to let others dictate his life. If he wanted to be close to Meredith, wild horses wouldn't stop him.

Ignoring the looks he was getting as he mingled through the thinning crowd, he halted beside her. "Meredith."

Looking into her eyes, he noticed she wasn't sure how to act around him in the company of other people. "Dr. Shepherd?"

"Uh, Dr. Grey," he nodded, slightly disappointed with the formal address. The woman and the man kept giving him blatant looks telling he was unwanted and interrupting the conversation. "I… I'd like to discuss some issues concerning the practice?"

"Now?" she asked arching up her eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah," he insisted.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. and Mr. Cole. Excuse me," she sighed as though Derek's appearance couldn't be more annoying to her.

"Sorry for that," she said quietly as they resumed walking. "Do you really want to discuss anything to do with the practice?"

"Nope," he chuckled. "Just wanted to lose them."

"Of course," she rolled her eyes. "I guess it's totally impossible for you to give me anything solid until your last minute here, right?"

"Oh, come on, chill," he grinned. "It's not like you have any reasons to worry."

"I don't?" she asked her eyebrows riding high. Sometimes she didn't know what to make of Derek Shepherd. They seemed to establish a kind of truce, but one couldn't be too careful. If she could be certain of anything, it was that the man walking beside her was unpredictable. "So, why are you here?"

"I felt lonely."

"You could always go back to New York," she quipped.

"Have I already told you I love your sense of humor?"

"Ugh, could you not flirt with me before everyone's curious eyes?" she sighed with annoyance.

"Would you prefer me to flirt with you when we're alone? Can do."

"I wish you didn't at all."

"We'll see," he laughed. "So, where have you been just now? And everyone else apparently?"

"Church," came the surprising answer.

"Church? Really? I vaguely remember coming here with my family when I was a kid…"

"I am… not much of a believer, I never was," she replied as though needing to explain herself. "I was brought up in a cult of reason. I never intended to start going to church when I arrived here. I just… came once. Everyone in Rachel does so I was curious. And to my surprise, I liked it. It's so… good natured, serene. It gives a spirit of the community. I'm still not exactly a religious person but…" she trailed off, suddenly self-conscious.

"But what?" he encouraged her.

"I… believe there is some kind of providence. It led me here," she smiled and lowered her eyes.

He listened enraptured to every word of hers. It was the most she revealed about herself since… since he met her. He looked ahead with a content smile and realized he didn't exactly recognized, the whereabouts. Meredith was steering their walk and he just followed.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know where you are going, I only know where I'm going," she quipped with a smile.

"Okay, I'm going where you are. So?"

"The cemetery."

"I'm sorry, the cemetery?" he frowned quizzically. "Didn't know you had family here."

"I did," she answered with simplicity. "William."

"My uncle?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, your uncle."

"Oh, I…" he trailed off with a feeling of shame waking in the pit of his stomach.

"What?"

"I haven't even gone there once," he confessed. "That's…"

"You weren't close with him," she shrugged. "You didn't even see him for what, more than two decades?"

"Still, he left me all he had," Derek sighed. "It's not only my obligation but common precept of decency."

"You can visit him now. You're tugging along anyway."

"I… don't have anything… flowers or a candle," he said looking around as though he would find the florists around the corner.

"That's pointless," she chuckled. "You won't get flowers now anywhere. Unless you steal."

"I… definitely wasn't going to," he shook his head with sarcasm. "I suspect my neighbor is not the only person in Rachel in possession of a shotgun."

"I'm glad to hear that your cluelessness has its limits."

"You take some kind of vicious pleasure in making fun of me."

"What can I say?" she threw her head back. "I do. Although I'm afraid it will be very boring from now on. Can't possibly think of how you could top yesterday."

"I… no comment."

"It was top class entertainment," she went on with an exaggerated admiration.

"Glad you enjoyed," he muttered looking away.

"It will be forever imprinted in my mind."

"Really?" he asked, catching the occasion to turn the tables. "I will always be in your mind? Naked under your skillful hands?"

"What is it with you guys and the need to dirty everything up?" she gasped.

"I don't know, maybe it's just the testosterone," he quipped.

"Yeah, you might need to get that checked too," she rolled her eyes.

"If you'd be so helpful-"

"Don't you finish that," she scowled at him, sharply poking his chest with her finger and hastening away. With a screech she pushed open a low wrought-iron gate that was fitted into the stone fence, crumbling at one side, and stepped onto a pebbled path. "Now, I would be grateful if you could respect this place."

"I know I'm a total asshole in your eyes," he said with a much more quiet voice even though the graveyard seemed deserted, "but I think of myself as of a decent guy."

"No doubt most assholes usually do," she definitively cut the topic.

They walked in silence, passing by rows of tombstones trailing haphazardly around. Some seemed very old, already disintegrating, though still carrying the traces of former glory. On some of them Derek could decipher dates from the nineteenth century. The trees along the path certainly looked centenary, branchy and garbled in the most twisted ways.

"Shepherd," Derek pointed enthusiastically at one of the stones halting to read the inscriptions.

"There are a lot of your antecedents resting here," she nodded, strolling up to him. "This grave's one of the oldest. Not only for your family but the whole town."

He moved over to a joined gravestone and read aloud, "Eloise Shepherd, 1848-1944 and Lucas Shepherd, 1847-1864…"

"Lucas died on the battlefield shortly after Nevada joined the Civil War. His body isn't actually here, it was never found in the chaos of the battle. However, Eloise never lost hope he was miraculously saved and waited for his return until her dying breath."

"She lived a long, lonely life. Must have been terribly miserable…" he sighed and took a few steps forward, unaware of the keener look his companion graced him with.

"I'd never take you for a romantic…" she trailed off.

"I'm full of surprises," he smiled at her briefly and his eyes fell on the next tombstone. "Lillian Shepherd, just a five-year-old…"

"She's known as the angel of Rachel in the history of the town," explained Meredith. "She died in a fall on the rocks, much like that poor girl last week. But she eventually saved the budding town as they discovered a streak of silver in the place of her tragic accident."

"Okay, now I'm utterly ashamed that you know my family history better than me and… obviously surprised… Where did you hear this?"

"William," she shrugged simply. "I've heard a lot of fascinating stories over the last three years. He was an expert both in the history of the Shepherds and history in general. He was actually working on the family chronicles," she smiled as she remembered her mentor. "He was always complaining that they would remain unfinished as he was the last Shepherd in Rachel and had no news about his relatives living elsewhere."

"I don't want to pry… but how close were you two?" he asked with sudden curiosity.

"He was…" she hesitated slightly, "a lot like a father to me."

"I'm so sorry." He touched her forearm rubbing her skin soothingly. "I had no idea… I guess, I understand why you took me for such an obnoxious asshole when it comes to the practice and the house. You must still be grieving."

She stared at him at the unexpected contact, swallowed nervously and gently walked around him trying not to appear as if she was too eager to brush his hand from hers. "It was very hard at the beginning," she admitted walking ahead, Derek at her heels. "Especially at the practice. But I've slowly got used to… to the fact that he's gone. Patients keep my mind busy."

"I'm actually surprised he didn't leave you everything," remarked Derek.

"Well, the whole town was a bit surprised," she said euphemistically.

"What are you not telling me?" he asked suspiciously.

"There was actually a lot of outrage and disbelief. A huge public debate in Rachel," she smiled softly. "Some people think the will was forged up to this day."

"Great," sighed Derek. "Now I'm a legacy hunter on top of everything."

She let out a little laugh. "Don't worry, it's not a general opinion. He made the will eight years before."

"You don't resent me that he didn't change it?"

"No, because I told him not to when he was thinking about it," she answered honestly.

"You told him… what?" he spluttered. "It… just…"

"Doesn't make sense?" she quipped. "I'm not a legacy hunter either and… I know what he was hoping for leaving everything to one male from the family. I didn't want to deprive him of that hope. I knew I had the financial means to cover the purchase of the practice."

"So why did he leave everything to me?" Derek inquired; his brain befuddled.

"William was very proud of the family he came from. And it was a huge disappointment for him that the Shepherds practically all died out or abandoned Rachel, which was their home since they had emigrated from Ireland. And the thought that there would be no Shepherds in town after his death was unbearable. He thought the practice and the house would entice his heir to stay for good."

"And you took the risk thinking it wouldn't?"

"I did," she nodded. "It was a safe bet. What, do you want to stay?"

"No, but-"

"There you go then," she shrugged. "This is a charming place. Hundreds of people come to see the alien site. But only few do stay."

"You did…" he started.

"I did," she answered shortly coming to a halt. "It's his grave."

Derek sighed audibly, his eyes tracing the letters on the tombstone while Meredith deposited the flowers and rearranged the numerous candles.

"I suppose you were the one to cover the cost of the funeral?"

"I wanted to," she replied. "But he was a respected person. A lot of people wanted to contribute."

"You know, I think my image of him was completely different from what he was in reality."

"He was, how you put it, a decent man."

"Oh," he nodded casting his eyes down.

She bit her lip, feeling the uneasy wave of guilt. She didn't owe him anything, he was anything but nuisance to her since his arrival and yet… one look at that puppy face he mastered was enough to make her want to pat his head affectionately. Just like yesterday when some mysterious force possessed her to wash his hair. He probably thought it was a come-hither sign… She should clear the things between them.

"Look," she started, tucking the blond strands of her hair nervously behind her ears. "I'm not saying you're not decent… Eh, I just don't know…" she trailed off when he looked back at her. His eyes had that mesmerizing quality, she noticed it the day before. It was dangerous, especially in manwhores. She didn't know if Derek was one, but she didn't wish to check in person.

"That's a shame," he complained with a mischievous smile on his face. "I want you to know me."

What should she ever say to that? That she didn't want to? That she didn't need a potentially dangerous man in her life? That she didn't need a man in her life at all?

His lips widened in a more pronounced smile. Her breath hitched in her chest, how did these lips get so close to her? They looked so soft, playful… the kind that would surely leave you begging for more after a kiss…

She jumped away clearing her throat. What the hell was she thinking? Scratch that, she wasn't thinking at all.

"I… I'd like to stay here for a while," she muttered avoiding his eyes altogether. "But… do you want some time for yourself? I can come later-"

"No, that's fine," he assured her quickly, fighting his disappointment. "I can wait for you at the gate though…"

"No, thanks," she quickly shook her head, not glancing at him even once. "It's going to take some time. Go ahead. I guess we'll see each other tomorrow if you're still planning on coming to the practice."

"I am, see you tomorrow, Meredith," he nodded in defeat. He didn't want to part with her for the rest of the day. Certainly not after what almost happened… It was probably a grievous mistake on his part to even try to initiate anything. But she looked so lovely. Fresh. Real. And simply beautiful. Her eyes were so gentle for once, devoid of that angry spark. Her hair was being tangled by the wind. Light and shadow played on her features due to the sun insinuating itself through the leaves. He just couldn't help trying to taste the rosy lips that taunted him since the memorable first night.

She pulled away, of course she did. She thought he was a big asshole who only tried to work his way into her pants to entertain himself during the gruesome stay. And he couldn't blame anyone but himself for that state of things. He didn't give her many reasons to think highly of him. He couldn't deny it, he was eager to have sex with her since he laid his eyes on her. He would still probably jump at the chance to do so. But somehow, it didn't feel like it was all he wanted from her. He wanted more… What exactly he didn't know himself. Were there any limits on wanting more from her due to the fact that he was leaving next week? He didn't want to think about it yet.

"Meredith?"

She lifted her head to look at him, his voice surprising her. "I know you're not a fan of mine… Quite understandably actually. But I want you to know me, I do. And I want to know you. Think about it." He gave her the last smile and departed; he couldn't press her too much or she'd bolt like a deer in headlights.

Meredith stared at the motionless gravestone of William Shepherd with an accusatory expression.

"See what you've done?" she reproached him. "You brought him to Rachel! Couldn't you live to one hundred and ten? Now I have to put up with him and…"

Her head was an inexplicable mess. Derek Shepherd irked her, got on her nerves… but made her smile too, intrigued her… and that little fact sent a shiver in fear down her spine. Red lights flashed all around her.

Know him? He wanted her to know him? She couldn't allow herself to know him even if she wanted to. And she didn't! Of course, she didn't. He was her deadly foe.

And knowing her? Oh, no. Certainly not, mister. All the dark secrets of her soul would stay secret. Two people knowing in this town were already too much.

She needed to stay on the safe side, no one had the right to try to pull her from it. She didn't deserve it, she had suffered too much. Safe side, she repeated in her head like a mantra. Safe side.


She sat up from the grass and quickly walked the distance to the gate. Just as it creaked shut behind her, she pulled out her cell and chose a number.

"Hi, Jackson? Yeah, I know it's a surprise… Good, good, you? Listen… are you free tomorrow night? I thought we could go out… Yeah? Okay, perfect. I'll see you tomorrow then."

She flipped her phone shut and turned on her heel to step into the road towards the town when she was startled by a presence of someone she didn't anticipate.

"Mrs. Fallon," she sighed, her hand over her heart. "You scared me." The woman had that disconcerting habit of appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

"Did I?"

Meredith felt the penetrating stare of the woman.

"You're not a person that is easily scared, are you? Or afraid of the unknown? Of the dark?"

Her heart started to beat wildly. She never believed that Mrs. Fallon had paranormal powers, but she now seemed to be reading her mind.

"What's wrong with being afraid?" she asked challengingly. "It's a normal human emotion."

"You never thought of yourself as normal… average… did you?" the woman raised her eyebrow.

"Conceit is a sin for which one pays very dearly," Meredith bit back and moved past her. "It was nice talking to you, Mrs. Fallon."

"You know, the earth is round," came the mysterious remark of the older woman.

"Excuse me?" Meredith frowned in incomprehension.

"It means that even if you run in the opposite direction, you'll eventually arrive at the place you want to avoid."

Meredith stared at her for a while before exploding, "Why the hell are you telling me this?"

"Knew you weren't a scaredy cat," chuckled the woman. "But you're letting your past stifle your spirit. It's an easy way to waste your life."

Meredith gasped, wondering if this was the third person in Rachel who knew her story.

"Well, then, that will be my life to waste," she gritted coldly.

"You're not from glass, Dr. Grey. Your heart is not from glass. It's life, it's supposed to be challenged-"

"That's funny. Because last time, my heart shattered to smithereens, exactly like glass," Meredith hollered losing control.

"And yet now it beats harder than ever before, doesn't it?" the 'witch' asked knowingly.

Meredith only shook her head and turned on her heel to run into the town without another word.