Chapter 11: New Moon
Derek shook his head with a laugh as he heard a violent smash and the line went dead. The conversation with his Chief of Surgery went just as he expected, neither better nor worse. He had to ultimately resort to blackmail to get his leave. But he knew he deserved the time off. He had barely been away from the hospital since he started working. NY Pres wouldn't crumble during the couple of weeks without him, as difficult as it was for him to admit it.
He deserved it and he needed it. What Meredith said the previous night, about not knowing himself, it broke him out of his comfort zone. He spent the majority of the night lying sleepless on his bed pondering on her words. Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde? A manwhore or Mr. Nice Guy? Was that all she saw when she looked at him? If yes, then his future looked really depressing. He realized his life must have been centered around cutting into brains and unwinding indulging himself in the pleasures of material world and between a pair of smooth legs. It was like that for a good couple of years, since his career took a spin. He suddenly cringed, the image of Colin Marlow, a distinguished cardiothoracic surgeon, floating in his mind. He wouldn't like to end up as a creepy old playboy popping blue pills to keep going one day.
He eyed his phone pensively. He should probably call his mother to inform her himself about the prolonged stay in Rachel. Otherwise she would be worried sick.
"Derek," he felt immediately guilty at her surprised tone. "Is the world heading to its end if my son is calling me?"
"Hey, Mom," he chuckled. "How are you?"
"Same old, same old," she said lightly. "I've just got back home, had a coffee with Nancy. She's been quite upset. Apparently, she's got some serious competition for the head position."
"Do you need me to call later? You must have a headache," he quipped.
"Be nice, dear," she berated him, amusement in her voice.
"Oh, come on, Ma. You know Nancy's the most terrible person to be around when she's mad- well second most terrible," he chuckled.
"Second?" Carolyn asked curiously. "And who's the first?"
"I… have met some people in here," he answered vaguely. "Quite interesting people."
"That's wonderful. Do you remember anyone from when you were small?"
"Not really. Well, maybe that strange woman, Mrs. Fallon. She remembered me."
"Oh," Carolyn's voice sounded even more curious. "Did she say anything to you?"
"Yeah, well, her usual intimidating mumbo-jumbo."
"She was… she still probably is a very wise woman," she said seriously. "Don't take her words lightly."
"Okay, Mom, okay," he laughed. "Don't worry, she's not going to curse me."
"Don't be silly, Derek. And everything else is going fine? Have you sold the practice already? What about the rest of the property?"
"No… I… I haven't yet actually," he stammered. Every day the perspective of erasing the most solid pretext for being around Meredith and leaving her behind in Rachel seemed less and less appealing. He was nowhere near being ready to let go.
"You can't come to terms with that Mr. Grey?" his mother kept asking.
"No, well, we've had differences…" he stalled for time. Certainly, he and Meredith had the longest history of misunderstandings in the world but he was not going to tell his mother that. Nor explain that M.E. Grey was in fact a woman. A staggeringly beautiful fascinating woman whom, let's face it, he couldn't get enough of.
"I'm sorry to hear that, dear," sighed Carolyn. "When are you planning to be back? I need to know in advance to get everything ready for a family dinner."
"About that," he started cautiously. "You can go ahead with the family dinner this week whenever you like. I'm going… I'm going to stay a little longer in Rachel."
"Derek," his mother seemed seriously worried now. "Do you have any problems? What is wrong?"
"Nothing… nothing is really wrong but…" he stuttered searching for the right words. "I… I took a leave at the hospital-"
"Derek, son, you're scaring me. Why do you have to take a leave off work?"
"I don't have to," he denied. "I need to. At least I think I do. And I… I want to."
"But why?"
"Some things happened… no, I worded it in a bad way. Something got me thinking…. About my life, who I am… I think I need time to do some thinking. And Rachel it's a good place to do that."
"It is a lovely place. I always loved it there. It was your father's home. But… you're not depressed or…?"
"Mom," he chuckled. "I swear I'm absolutely fine," he assured feeling instantaneously remorseful as his regard centered on the tip of his nose, swollen and beet red. And painful. He certainly was not going to inform his mother he participated in a bar fight, if you could call one very well aimed hit a fight. She would be even more worried, not to mention disappointed in him. He already knew she didn't approve of his no-commitment romantic life. He didn't want her to think he was a burgeoning alcoholic too.
"So this leave? How long?"
"I've taken two months off."
Carolyn went momentarily silent.
"Mom?" he tried cautiously. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier but… I've just decided this morning. I didn't have time-"
"I'm not mad at you, Sweetie, just… surprised," she sighed. "We had to force you to spend three days away from the hospital with your family at the summer house last year. And you have no one in Rachel."
"I know, I know, I don't," he said hurriedly. Too hurriedly.
"Derek," she interrupted him. "Is there a woman involved?"
He blanched, how did his mother know him so well? Well, she brought him to the world and raised him, probably that was why.
He gave out a nervous chuckle, "A woman? What woman? Why would you think there's a woman involved?"
"Honey, I was not born yesterday," she replied, a little sarcastically. "There is one thing that can make men go more crazy than money and power, sex."
"What a compliment, Mom…" he groaned.
"I'm just saying," she shrugged.
"Trust me, sex is not what's keeping me here," he sighed ruefully.
"You don't want to talk, I'm not going to force you," she said giving up. "Thank you for calling me. I hate getting to know the last."
"I know," he chuckled. "It runs in the family."
"Take care of yourself, Sweetie, will you?"
"Of course. You too."
"And call me soon!" Carolyn insisted, hanging up. With a sigh, she grabbed the tablecloth and started to wipe the counter even if it was spotlessly clean. Cleaning always helped her think straight. Something was happening with her son. He was thinking about his life… She could only hope something good was going to happen out of this. It was time for Derek to make some grown-up decisions. He didn't necessarily have to start a family but having his job as the key element of his life, keeping women for pleasure, buying expensive cars and gadgets… With a little bit of luck that phase could be soon over.
And of course there was a woman, she snorted knowingly. Who was he kidding? There so was a woman. She must be a reasonable one if she didn't hop into bed with him on the first occasion, which was always a plus in Carolyn's eyes.
It was already past 4 p.m. when Derek arrived at the practice. A full smile bloomed on his face as he spotted Meredith's car in the driveway. She was in. Good. He had news to announce to her, the sooner the better. He doubted her wrath could be contained if he stalled with telling her that his presence in Rachel, in the practice… near her… would linger on for the next two months.
He felt elated. It was a bit weird. He felt that elated for the last time when he bought his silver Porsche. Whereas now he only decided on staying on in a town where he was clearly unwanted, having endured parasites in his hair and his face smashed in a bar. Something in him was definitely changing. He was therefore somewhat disappointed when he noticed upon entering that she was hastily checking the contents of her medical kit, a sign that she was on her way out for a home call.
She lifted her head , her eyes stopping at him with surprise. "Derek, what are you doing here? You were supposed to stay at home and heal."
"I couldn't stay the silence any longer," he shrugged. "And I came for a checkup." He pointed at his nose with a smile.
"It looks even more terrible than yesterday," she sighed coming up to him to inspect it. "Any new unwanted symptoms?"
"Thankfully no," he shook his head.
"And the pain?"
"It's bearable," he said, maybe bravery would move her heart.
She couldn't help feeling sympathetic. He looked like a member of The Addams Family with that swollen purple nose and violet rings around his eyes.
"And for what it's worth, I would come over to check up on you," she sighed. "I'm not heartless."
"I've never thought you are," he hurried to assure her. "I'm just not used to doing nothing."
"Well, I'm not going to let you treat patients," she said firmly. "You look worse for wear and you're on pain meds."
"It's fine," he nodded. She was bossing him again… He was never into the dominatrix thing but it was turning him on so damn much. Crap, he could only hope she couldn't read his mind. Because it was really dirty at the moment. He respected her and he did want to know her but that didn't stop him from lusting over her body… "Are you going somewhere?"
"Oh, yes!" she gasped as though she had forgotten about it. "Another baby coming."
"Another?"
"I was getting back from a delivery when you stopped me on the way here," she giggled, the circumstances of their first encounter standing afresh in her mind.
"Oh," he grinned. "High birth rate around here?"
"Thankfully, yes. There's a sort of rivalry between Rachel and one of the towns up north. Currently, we're winning with the advantage of three people."
"Really?" he flashed her a full grin. "That must be a double satisfaction."
"You're really narrow minded, you know that?" she commented but without the usual irritation as she picked up her bag and car keys.
"Say what you want, but I'm not the one who makes babies for sport," he quipped.
"You need a ride?" she pointed at her car.
Hell, yes he did… but probably not the one she had in her mind. Why couldn't he stop his brain from producing innuendos about, well, about everything she said or did…?
"I'm okay," he nodded politely walking out with her. "I need to stretch my legs and you have to hurry to a laboring mom. Go on, I'll close up."
"Thanks," she muttered in a voice that sounded… grateful and ran up to her jeep.
He watched her car drive off. It was even better than he anticipated. He rubbed his hands with contentment, he was going to display his talents before her and hopefully it will placate her enough not to proceed with immediate castration.
His cell vibrated in his pocket. He had muted it earlier as all of his sisters, one by one, proceeded to call him, no doubt having learnt the news from mom. Gossip sprouted in the Shepherd family even faster than babies. He smiled, the Shepherds would be really helpful with the Rachel competition.
He peeked at the screen and noted with relief that it was Mark this time.
"Shep, finally, call the Chief and tell him that the joke is over!" Mark whined in his ear.
"What joke?"
"Oh, come on, the one about you staying when the devil says goodnight!" he growled impatiently. "I've spent half an hour in the Chief's office getting an earful and I didn't even have any idea what it was all about!"
"But I am staying," Derek let out a carefree laugh.
"Please, don't joke, it's just a ploy to strengthen your position at the hospital. Chief is already getting berserk, trust me-"
"It's not a ploy, it's my life," he sighed. "I am really staying here for the next two months, Mark. I need this."
"But… but you hate it there!" spluttered Mark.
"I don't… exactly hate it…"
"Who are you and what have you done with Derek Shepherd?"
Derek could only laugh at the note of panic in his best friend's voice.
"I spent my morning explaining it to Mom but I'm thinking through some things... some things to change in my life."
Mark was momentarily speechless. "What are you talking about, man? Your life is perfect!"
"My life is good," Derek agreed. "But there is always room for a change."
"Oh, man," Mark sighed ostentatiously. "Mid-life crisis has already got you. You're too young for that, wait some twenty years!"
"It's not a mid-life crisis," Derek laughed. "Except for the nose, I'm completely fine."
"The nose? What's wrong with your nose?" Mark snowed him with questions. "I mean, besides what was already wrong with it."
"You know I'm not exactly a rock star here," Derek explained reluctantly. "And yesterday my popularity hit the bottom."
"Jesus, Derek! You've got a beating? Is that why are staying there? Are you in a hospital?"
Derek rolled his eyes to the ceiling. He should have ignored the call just like he did with his sisters. Mark was even worse than Ma.
"You couldn't have gone more girly on me. I told you I'm absolutely fine. I'm staying because that's what I want to do. I'm going to keep working at the practice, I will be back in New York in two months, do you understand?"
"Can't say I do," Mark muttered, disgruntled. "What about the World Series? We've got the tickets for the Yankees!"
"I'm sorry about that Mark, I really am," Derek sighed. "Maybe you should take the Chief to smooth things over? I'll try to find a TV somewhere to watch the game."
"You suck," Mark snapped. "I'm throwing a tantrum here."
Derek chuckled when his friend hung up without further ado. Mark was… Mark. He probably needed to do some growing up too. He closed the door to the practice and directed himself to the grocery store. He doubted he'd find the ingredients he needed in Meredith's kitchen.
Meredith returned to the practice a good couple of hours later. She was surprised to find the main door unlocked and a delicious aroma of food being prepared coming from upstairs. She got rooted to the spot in the lobby. Someone was cooking in her kitchen. She sniffed loudly and her stomach growled, demanding attention. Her well trained nose could distinguish chicken, yup definitely… And a cheesecake being baked. It must have been Izzie, she was a terrific cook. But why would she come and cook at the practice?
With a shrug Meredith climbed the stairs following the mouth-watering smell like a zombie. She certainly must be looking like one when she realized it wasn't her blonde friend who was busy around the stove.
"You… what are you doing I my kitchen?" she asked with a frown.
"Oh, hi," he smiled turning to her. "You're back. How was it? The delivery I mean?"
"Another stupid boy with a stupid penis," she answered mechanically repeating Cristina's line.
"Oh, well," he grinned. "At least you're four people ahead now."
"What are you doing in my kitchen?" she asked again folding her arms over her chest.
Derek couldn't deny he was relieved. She wasn't throwing daggers on him for trespassing what she saw as her territory. It was better not to remind her that he shared the ownership of the said kitchen.
"I'm making us dinner," he explained sweetly. "If you're tired you still have the time to grab a shower before the food is ready."
"Dinner?" her voice raised dangerously. "Did you get that concussion yesterday? You think I'm gonna have dinner with you? You're such-"
"Okay, okay," he threw his hands in the air. "Before those beautiful lips say things that would put a sailor to shame, you should know that I just wanted to be nice. We have some things to discuss and I thought that a dinner would be a good way to start… given that we don't have a good record of nice starts."
"What do you want to discuss?" she looked at him suspiciously.
"For example, the practice," he said to put her at ease.
"Oh," she sighed, a moment of letting her guards down and her stomach let out a loud rumble.
"And you're clearly hungry," he chuckled. "Just relax, Meredith. I think we're long overdue talking. Just talking."
"We can… just talk. About the practice," she slowly agreed.
"Great," he brought his palms together enthusiastically. "You must be tired. Why don't you grab your shower before the food is ready? I'll lay the table… oh, and I thought we could eat on the terrace," he pointed at the glass door. "You mind?"
"No," she swallowed, feeling a little lightheaded. "Go… do your thing. I'm gonna… shower."
She went to her loft in a daze. Derek Shepherd was Mr. Nice Guy today. He didn't make obnoxious comments. He made dinner. He was being attentive. And he was willing to do what she wanted from him since the beginning, to settle business between them. She didn't know what to make of that.
She stared at her naked reflection in the mirror. There was a man in her kitchen cooking for both of them. There was a man in her house. She tensed. She remembered the last time it happened. Years passed since that moment and right now it felt as though it was yesterday, she still felt the same disbelief, painful agony, humiliation, solitude… She didn't want to be that person anymore. She didn't look like her anymore. Her hair were longer, they reached past her waist if she didn't pin them on her head. They were flaxen from the sun. Her skin was tanned, more freckled. Her silhouette was more lean and muscled from being constantly out and about. She was stronger, she wasn't that crumpled woman on the bathroom floor. She never would be again. That was why she would act cool and collected around Derek Shepherd. Strictly professional.
"So, what are we having?" she asked reentering the kitchen.
"We're-" he trailed off as he took her in.
"What?" she frowned. She knew she looked slobbish in a ratty t-shirt and shorts, with her hair falling loosely around her, not an ounce of makeup one her face. She chose to look that on purpose not to give him any incentives but he could be more graceful about it.
"Oh, it's just you look, I'm sorry if I offend you again, but you look beautiful," he said seriously.
"What? I do not!" she gasped as though he sprouted a second head.
"Now you're going to fight me over the fact that you're beautiful?" he chuckled.
"I'm not beautiful," she muttered stubbornly and couldn't help the blush spilling over her cheeks.
Derek stared at her in disbelief. He knew some women who were coquettish keeping on denying they were attractive just to make a man assure them they indeed were. But Meredith Grey was not a coquettish person. She must really think she wasn't. And man, she was drop dead gorgeous. In this moment, he couldn't remember any other woman affecting him so much, even in the throes. Again, he decided to drop it, it was no use arguing about her body with her. At least not now.
"So what are we having?" she repeated her question, a bit nervously. "I think I smelt chicken."
"Chicken parmesan," he smiled and grabbed the dished to take them to the balcony. He saw it earlier when he came in and decided it was a perfect spot. It was located over the back entrance to the so-called vet entrance and was pleasantly shaded by a patch of trees. An ideal place for an evening meal. "Accompanied with a bottle of wine and followed with cheesecake."
"The cheesecake…" frowned Meredith walking out from the heat of the kitchen behind him. "It's in the oven…"
"Yeah, it's too early to take it out. Just turned off the stove."
"Yeah, I mean, did you… did you make it?" she asked, her eyes wide.
"Yeah," he nodded and pulled out a chair for her.
"Thanks, I guess…" she muttered ungracefully, sitting down. "You made it… like yourself? From scratch?"
"Yeah. Impressive, isn't it?" he grinned as she kept on staring at him unblinkingly.
"You… can cook…" she raised her eyebrows and attempted to collect herself. "It helps with the ladies, doesn't it?"
"I've never cooked for any except for my family. Bon appétit."
"You want me to believe you don't show off your culinary skills to woo women?" she snorted.
"Do you feel wooed?" he quipped. "Is it working?"
She clenched her jaws, narrowing her eyes at him.
"Seriously, I'm not trying to get laid now," he sighed. "Can you try it? It's good."
She cautiously fulfilled his plea but was soon melting in heaven. "Mhm, damn, it's delicious…"
He quickly reached for his wine glass, to cool himself off. That little moan coming from her throat was rising his blood pressure. The way her lips circled around the fork…
"I'm glad," he said quickly swallowing the ruby liquid.
Keep focused, Derek. Keep focused. You want her to believe you're an honest decent man… That is, you are an honest decent man… It would help if his thoughts were decent too.
"So, Meredith," he cleared his throat nervously. "I need to tell you something. I'm not sure how you will react so I'm just gonna say it."
Unexpectedly, she let out a chuckle.
"I'm sorry?"
"It's just that you rambled like you were going to propose," she guffawed over her plate.
"Oh, really?" he smiled, the tension broken. "That's how an engagement looks like?"
"How should I know?"
He was once again startled, this time by the harshness in her voice.
"I didn't say you did…"
"Whatever," she shrugged avoiding his eyes. "Go on with what you wanted to say."
"Okay…" he nodded, his curiosity aroused. He knew he couldn't pursue that topic either. "So… I've been thinking about what you told me yesterday. That you can't know me because I don't probably know myself."
"Let's forget about it-"
"I think you're right," he said simply. "I think you're right and I need time to reevaluate my life."
"Oh," she said gently, not exactly knowing how to respond to that or why Derek was telling her that.
"And I thought it was a good place to do that. Rachel."
"So…?"
"So I've decided to prolong my vacation," he admitted waiting for the hit.
"You… you what?" she gasped lowering her fork. "You've decided to stay here? For how long?"
"I… two more months."
"Oh," she said again.
"Oh?" he asked. "You're… not furious? Threatening to skin me alive limb by limb?"
"No, I get you. I mean… I don't know you as we've already established, but apparently you've got some things to think about… and Rachel, it's a good place to discover yourself. I'm not a hypocrite."
"You came here to discover yourself?" he couldn't help asking.
"No… I came here… I didn't even want to come here," she sighed.
"You've had an unwanted inheritance to take care of too?" he chuckled.
"No," she cleared her throat and swallowed a gulp of wine. "Anyway… I suppose you want to keep coming here?"
"Yes, I would like that," he nodded and leaned against the table. "Meredith, I don't want to make things harder for you. That stage of childish hatred is behind us, I hope."
"We do seem to be able to talk like two adults," she agreed reluctantly.
"I'm sure we can be coworkers for the next two months."
"And after that?" she eyed him seriously.
"After that I'll sell you the practice," he told her solemnly.
"And the house?"
"And the house."
"Okay, I guess we can manage. Or… you can sell me the practice already, you know," she smiled innocently.
"I don't think so," he grinned mischievously. "I like you, I really do, but I don't think I'd like you to be my boss."
"I'm an excellent boss," she pouted. "Just ask Izzie."
"I'm sure you are," he laughed. "Because you're bossy,"
"Shut up," she berated him, a smile still on her face. "Better bring me that cheesecake."
"Bossy, I told you," he smirked.
She shrugged with self-satisfaction. Maybe they were really able to coexist peacefully after all. She didn't exactly trust him, that didn't really change overnight. But apparently he wanted to work on his life. In Rachel. The place that helped her to regain her peace of mind. The place where she decided to stay for good just after one look around. Who was she to deny him the same right? If he really wanted to change his life, good for him.
Derek got to his feet to take the dishes inside and bring the cheesecake but the wind kidnapped one of the paper napkins. He walked around his chair and bent over to pick it up before it was carried away down on to the ground.
Meredith barely prevented herself from gasping audibly. She felt herself getting hot, and it was not from the wine. She groped around for something to fan herself but was unsuccessful as her eyes were fixed on one point.
He had a great ass… She could understand why he wore slacks all the time, the way they stretched over his shapely butt, his thighs…
She quickly cast her eyes down, coughing to disguise her bemusement.
"Meredith," he frowned slightly turning back to her. "Are you okay?"
"Ass…" she groaned absentmindedly.
"What did I do now?" he asked feeling dejected.
"Not you!" she rolled her eyes lying blatantly. "I was thinking about one of my patients. You think you're the only ass in town?"
"I'm not?" a full smile stretched over his features. Thank God his face was mutilated and purple around his nose and eyes. She wasn't going to drool about his front at least.
"Uh, you will be if you don't bring me that cheesecake," she threatened.
"Coming up!" he nodded with a smile and disappeared into the kitchen while Meredith let out a big breath she didn't know she was holding. Maybe there was some truth in what Cristina had been telling her for ages, she might need a release of sorts… She should invest into a vibrator. Definitely.
