This chapter is Kirsten's thoughts. There is also a song lyric cause I thought it fitted so well with her thoughts. The lyrics are from Evanescence's My Immortal.

'I'm so tired of being here…'

She really was tired of being here, she was so alone. She couldn't talk to her kids, that was too hard, she couldn't talk to Sandy, cause he was dead. He was dead. Kirsten felt sick at that thought. She had been talking to Marissa, once. But the girl had her own problems to deal with, she didn't have to listen to Kirsten's too. Julie had recommended therapy, but Kirsten refused, she had spent the entire summer at a rehab centre for alcohol abuse, she couldn't deal with therapists again. No, she was left alone, and she was tired of it.

'And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave, cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone'

She also thought it was hard to only see Sandy nine minutes a month, it made it so hard for her to forget him. But did she really want to get over him? Truth be told, either she wanted him there, always and forever, or she wished she never met him, cause it is harder to live without him after twenty years together.

'These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase'

She had deep wounds in her heart that was never going to heal. She was bleeding on the inside. The pain she felt, was almost unbearable. She had made Sandy a promise after rehab, she was never going to be addicted to alcohol again. She had just broken her promise, she stared at the half-full bottle of vodka in front of her. The pain of his death was nothing time ever would be able to heal.

'When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have…all of me'

She felt the tears running down her cheeks. She remembered all the times she had cried, Sandy always used to go up to her and wipe her tears away, he said something comfortable that instantly made her feel better. She was the one he cared about. Was she afraid? He would protect her from all evil, no doubt. He could make her feel better only to hold her hand.

'Now I'm bound by the life you left behind, your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams, your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me'

Every night since his death she had been dreaming about him, she saw his face smiling at her and telling her everything was going to be fine. How the hell could it be fine if he wasn't here? When she had spoken to him, and he told her not to commit suicide, she was nearly going insane. She would have no problem to kill herself only if that meant being with him, but then she would be leaving her boys, too. Why did everything have to be hard?

'I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, but though you're still with me, I've been along all along'

She still couldn't believe that he was dead, not Sandy Cohen, not her husband. But after all, he was still there, in the shape of an angel. She thought that no one was better fitted to be an angel than Sandy, but when she had imagined him as an angel, she had been standing by his side as, like Sandy would have put it, his beautiful angelic wife. In a way he was still with her, but she was so damn lonely. She reached out for the bottle of vodka.

Please tell me what you think! It is pretty short, but next chapter will come up asap!