"The prophecy has come to pass," said one of the natives to his friend, in a language the visitors couldn't understand. "Kootooloo has returned, and he has brought these strange gods with him."
"Look at his hands," marveled another native. "It is said that Kootooloo would have wounds in his hands. It is truly him."
"It is also said that Kootooloo would bind the Evil One with chains," said a native with a high-pitched voice. "The woman with hair of flame is she who has given strength to our enemies."
"The one with the crystals on his eyes wears his hair like we do," observed a native who was missing two fingers on his left hand. "Perhaps he is the spokesman of Kootooloo."
"Lead us, O great Kootooloo," uttered the natives in unison. "Teach us thy word, and we will obey." What Zoidberg heard was, "Gunktu bataga Kootooloo, essiunti zazoo wumph."
Amy, Leela, and Hermes gave each other bewildered looks. "Spleesh," said Amy. "Zoidberg's a god? What's this world coming to?"
Hermes turned to Delta and Raven, asking, "Can either of you translate their language?"
"I am not equipped with linguistic software," was Raven's response.
"Their dialect is highly repetitive," said Delta. "I believe it's based on a few simple roots. I should have no trouble deciphering it."
"Let me guess," said Leela harshly. "Being the perfect female companion requires language skills as well."
As she spoke, the natives trembled and cowered in fear. "It seems that your sarcastic tone has frightened them, Captain Leela," said Delta.
Zoidberg stepped forward to calm the timid savages. "My friends, my friends," he said, raising his stumps. "We mean you no harm. We are but hungry travelers."
One of the natives, his head bowed, whispered to another, "He speaks, but I understand not. It must be the tongue of the angels."
"He is placing a curse on us," said his companion. "He is angry because we doubted the prophecies. Let us appease his wrath with the sacrifice of a virgin." The other native gaped in terror. "A virgin girl."
"The short one wears the pink vestments of a virgin," the squeaky-voiced native pointed out to the others. The alien warriors began to chant again, this time repeating the mantra, "Chanana…chanana…chanana…"
"They're all looking at me now!" cried Amy.
"Apparently they consider you a chanana," said Delta as the natives lifted their spears and crept closer to the Asian girl.
"No, no!" said Amy, trying to brush away the spear tips with her hands. "I'm not a chanana! I've never been a chanana!" She screamed as one of the natives behind her wrapped a leather strap tightly around her wrists.
"Please don't hurt the chanana!" Delta pleaded, but the men ignored her.
"Do something, mon!" Hermes chided Zoidberg. "Use your godlike powers!"
"And interfere with their free will?" said the lobster incredulously.
Once they had bound Amy's wrists and ankles, the natives carried the girl to one of the stone tables and laid her on top of it. There one native seized her hands, another seized her feet, and a third drew a crude dagger from a sheath attached to his loincloth.
"Oh, my God," Leela blurted out. "Chanana means human sacrifice!"
Shrieking with fury, the half-Chalnoth girl charged at the natives who had pinned Amy to the table. Her hands immobilized, she lashed out with her feet, karate-kicking two of the warriors into unconsciousness before they could raise their spears against her. The third fled, Leela pursuing him as far as the edge of the clearing.
Her show of force terrified the other natives, who scurried into the brush and disappeared. "Zogax! Zogax!" some could be heard to exclaim.
Hermes, Zoidberg, and Raven gathered around Delta as she attended to Amy's bonds. Leela walked up to them, growling more than breathing, her eyes wide like a cat's. Once Amy had been set free, Delta remarked, "That was a very close call. These natives are highly superstitious, so we must be careful of our actions."
Amy rubbed her chafed wrists and glared at Zoidberg. "Some god you turned out to be," she complained. "Did you want them to sacrifice me to you?"
Zoidberg meekly lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry, Amy. I'm so sorry. I've failed at everything else in life, and now I've failed at being a god!" He put his claws over his eyes and began to weep bitterly.
Everyone gasped.
"John!" exclaimed Delta. "Your claws!"
"Huh?" Zoidberg pulled his arms away from his face. There were his claws, attached to his wrists as before, whole as ever.
"It's…a miracle," Leela muttered.
To be continued
