Chapter 19: Morning, Noon, and Night

Meredith opened her eyes with a groan. She blinked in the darkness. It was much too early for her to wake up. It was quiet, both the alarm and their cell phones were quiet. Why was she awake?

Then she felt it. The discomfort, itchiness… that centered, as she realized with utter horror, on her ass. And not only her ass…

She broke free from under Derek's arm and quietly trotted to the bathroom expecting the worst. Blaming Derek was, of course, her first reaction. But he had only had head lice, and they had got rid of it! Moreover, she never noticed him itchy below the belt.

She switched on the light, waited a couple of seconds for her eyes to adjust and pulled down her boxer shorts. A groan escaped her throat. Rash, she had a terrible rash on her ass and her girl parts and as far as she could see twisting around and bending down, it was starting to blister. The only satisfaction was the fact that Derek was still very much to be blamed. He and his roll in the hay… Why, why did it happen to her? Why did Derek have to throw her panties in a heap containing poison oak which was virtually nonexistent in this part of the state?

Just as quietly, she made her way back to the bedroom and groped for her clothes in silence. She didn't even try to put on her panties, it would be panties of torture. Thank God, she wore a dress again yesterday, she only hoped there was none of the oil from the poison oak there.

She sent Derek's sleeping form a hateful look as he hummed peacefully and nuzzled his face into her pillow hugging it closely. Obviously he didn't get a rash on his stupid boy penis. Girls really had it harder in life…

She noiselessly sneaked out of the room, and down the creaking stairs. She breathed with semi relief when she started the engine. She hoped she wouldn't crash with all the wiggling her body was doing to find some comfort.

Izzie, she had to call Izzie. It didn't matter that is was four a.m.


"Izzie!"

The blonde nurse jumped up in a state near to a heart attack as her boss shrieked her name. Izzie knew that kind of shriek, it never bode well, especially for people close to Meredith. What did the textbook say in the case of angry Meredith? Don't sound too cheerful, keep a mournful face, don't disagree.

"Iz! I called you hours ago!" she hollered. "I told you to be here three hours ago!"

"Oh, really?" Izzie looked at her apologetically. "I must have fallen back asleep. I was sooo tired, Alex stayed for the night-"

"Does it look like I care?" Meredith's shrill tones droned in her nurse's ears. "I needed your help, Izzie! Medical assistance! I still need it!" she groaned and plopped her head onto the counter, crossing and uncrossing her legs.

"Why didn't you say so?"

"I did!" she gritted out.

"Okay, okay," Izzie quickly put her lab coat. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"You could say so…" she muttered facing the counter. "Get calamine lotion, a steroids shot… and an ice pack."

"What for?"

"Izzie, I'm begging you!"

"Right!" Izzie nodded her head but before she could get to the supply room the door opened and Derek strode in with a boisterous good morning.

"Morning, Derek," Izzie's greeting was barely more than a whisper.

"Ugh," was all Meredith could muster as she straightened up and tried to look unassuming. Faking an orgasm would be easier than stopping herself from wiggling around. Not that she ever needed to fake orgasms with Derek, damn bastard…

"I woke up this morning and you weren't there," he pouted stopping beside her to press a kiss first to her cheek and then her lips. She moved her head before he had an occasion to deepen it. Her ass was itching like hell, his fault by the way, and he wanted more sex?

"Why didn't you wait for me?" he inquired, his eyes boring into hers.

"Work," she barked out.

"Busy morning? You should have woken me up. I could have helped."

"You've done enough," she hissed.

"Okay… You're not happy. Why aren't you happy?"

"Why can't you keep your damn nose out of my business?" she rounded on him, cradling her head in her hands as though it would help her with the pain in her private parts.

"Your business is my business," he argued softly.

"No, it's not!" she gasped. "We're just fuck buddies!"

"Oh, really?" he scowled, stung by her downplaying the importance of their relationship. "Then at least tell me what I did that was so horrible? Because you seem mad at me."

"You're everywhere! All the time! Morning, noon and night! Work, after work, in bed! I need some time for myself. Do you think you can stop hovering for a second? I am not your damn girlfriend! Never said I wanted to be so just stop treating me like one!"

He shook his head at her, his expression disbelieving. "You know, you got me thinking that we reached some kind of understanding. But I guess it's impossible with you," he no longer tried to control the volume of his voice. "Maybe you should get a psych assessment 'cause I'm sure like hell you're bipolar! You told me I'm Jekyll and Hyde? You should look in the mirror yourself, one minute you're… practically a nympho, the other a frigid queen!"

Meredith gasped narrowing her eyes at him. "You bastard, I didn't hear you complain yesterday when you were fucking me!"

"Uhm, Meredith?" Izzie cleared her throat behind her, stomping from foot to foot.

"I wish you had never come here!" Meredith went on. "You're just an unnecessary complication in my life!"

"I wish I hadn't come here either!"

"Meredith!" Izzie hollered over them. "I'm ready when you are!"

"Ready for what?" Derek asked eyeing the materials in Izzie's hands.

"Meredith-"

"Izzie's got a problem and asked me to help. Do you need to pry into everything?" Meredith snapped at him.

"No, forget I asked," he hissed. "I'm just the practice co-owner."

Meredith rolled her eyes and grabbed Izzie's hand dragging her into the procedure room at top speed leaving a very shocked Derek alone in the lobby.

"Mer, what's wrong with you? Why are you fighting with Derek?" Izzie inquired nervously as Meredith locked the door. "He was just being nice."

"You would be mad at Alex if you were in my place too!"

"But Derek-"

"Izzie, please!"

"Okay, okay, fine," Izzie sighed in defeat.


"Look, you can't comment on it in any way, get it?" Meredith instructed Izzie when she was already in the stirrups.

"Okay, I get it. You can trust me."

"Just no laughing, no asking uncomfortable questions, no making wide eyes-"

"Meredith, it's already past nine! We have work, and my head is splitting in half already."

"Okay," Meredith took a deep breath and pulled the cover up.

"Good God, girl!" Izzie's eyes bulged out at what she saw between her legs. "It's… poison oak!"

"Yeah, I kinda got that myself," she panted, squirming on the bed.

"You've got some luck…"

"Yeah, that was my brilliant conclusion too… Am in pain here, Iz!"

"I'm getting to it," Izzie nodded putting on latex gloves. "How did you… you know?" she eyed her crotch questioningly.

"I had sex!" Meredith whimpered, her fingers grasping the edge of the table.

"Oh, and… Derek had poison oak on his…?" Izzie lowered her voice conspiratorially.

"What kind of stupid question is that? Do you see him howling like a girl or gripping his stupid penis? Unfortunately no!"

"Ugh, no, you're right. Stupid question."

"We've had… sex in the hay… His moronic idea!"

"Oh, so that's why you've virtually bit his head off?"

"Hello? It's his fault!"

"He dragged you into that hay by force?" Izzie quirked her eyebrow.

"That's not the point! Hey, where are you going? Get back here!" Meredith barked the orders seeing as Izzie stood up from her stool and moved to the door.

"I… I'll just give Derek the charts. It might take a while with… you know. Patients may show up early. Be right back."


"Derek?" Izzie peeked into his office. "Can you come with me for a second?"

"What's up?" he sighed tiredly. "Are you okay?"

"I am," she grinned. "Meredith is not."

"Yeah, I noticed," he remarked sarcastically.

"Please, can you come with me?"

"If this is about her, you heard what she said. And I'm gonna do just that, I'm gonna mind my own business."

"Trust me, you wanna see this…" she pleaded. "Please…"

Derek gave her a long tired look.

"Okay, fine."

"Izzie? Are you gonna help me or not?" Meredith yelled as her insubordinate nurse reappeared in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, Mer," the blonde didn't even try to appear apologetic though. "I just can't stand it anymore. My ears are ringing. I have a splitting headache. I just want a pleasant work environment. And I'm doing it for your own good. Remember that, okay?"

"What?"

"I can't stand more lashing out. I just can't."

"Izzie? What did you do?" Meredith sat up on the table.

"Dr. Shepherd, the patient is all yours," Izzie pointed him into the room as she scurried out.

"You bitch!" Meredith called after her. "You're fired!"

"No, she's not," Derek argued coming in, his eyebrows raising curiously seeing her on the table, her legs in stirrups. "What's wrong with you?" Now it was worry etched on his face. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm not hurt," she gritted out though the itchiness intensified. She leaned back with a huff.

"You're… not pregnant, are you?" he glanced at her spread legs.

"No, I'm not pregnant, idiot!" she spat out. "You can't count now, oh wise one?"

"Why are you on this table then?" he rolled his eyes and moved closer with the clear intention of looking under the cover.

"Don't you dare!" she shrieked pulling it tighter around her legs, her face furiously red.

"Oh, come on. I've seen it all," he shrugged.

"I can guarantee you you didn't see it all…" she grumbled and doubled over herself when a new wave of itchiness hit. "Oh, God!"

"You sound like you're in labor," he frowned.

"Another great idea!" She intended to snap but it came out as an outcry of pain.

"Meredith, I can see you're suffering," he said in a cool professional voice and put his hands over hers to coax her into taking them off. "I wanna help you but you need to let me. And if you won't, I am going to sedate you."

"You wouldn't!" she glared at him.

"I don't want to do that but I will if I have to," he said solemnly. "Please, Mer, for your own good."

"Fine!" she whimpered dramatically and threw herself back, her hands concealing her red face.

She felt the cover being hitched over her legs, his hands on her knees.

For a few long seconds, there was silence. Long, humiliating silence. That was not how she wanted him to examine her girl parts. And then-

"What is that?" She heard his curious voice.

"What?" she gasped and looked at him propping herself up on her elbows. "My vagina, you moron!"

"That I know," he rolled his eyes. "What I don't know is that rash which is… blistering?"

"Haven't you ever been hiking?" she asked with disbelief. "In the woods or something?"

"A long time ago," he shrugged.

"It's poison oak!" she cried dramatically.

"Oh… oh!" he gasped biting on his lip. "You have poison oak on…"

"Yeah, I have poison oak on my hoo-hoo! Can we get over that part already and concentrate on getting me better?"

"Right, okay…" he cleared his throat covering his mouth with his hand.

"Oh, no…" she squinted at him, shaking her head in a warning. "Don't you dare…"

A snort escaped him, his eyes crinkled, he couldn't help his face scrunching up. She threw a gauze at him for lack of anything better but that only made him take his hands off his face to catch it and reveal the wide grin that spread behind them. He couldn't contain it any longer, he couldn't. She might jump off the stirrups in order to kill him but he simply couldn't help exploding out into a loud boisterous laughter that shook his whole body. Laughter that made Izzie smile behind the door and walk off with a giggle to let the crazy lovers to themselves.

Meredith watched him bend in laughter and then pace up and down, shaking his head. He laughed so hard she could see tears in his eyes when he halted in front of her, his hands on his hips.

"Mer," her name came out more like a squeak between the subsequent peals of laughter.

Something broke inside her. This was ridiculous. It was one of the most ridiculous situations she had ever found herself in her life. His fits of laughter didn't subside one bit and it was contagious. She could already feel it bubbling inside her. She pressed her lips together but she couldn't stifle the chuckles. At long last she relented, and just let herself get carried away joining him in his mirth. Worse even, she was in hysterics, which brought a surprising momentary relief to her itchiness.

Derek walked up to her and pressed a kiss to her lips, his hand caressing the top of her head.

"Yesterday's romp at the ranch, right? So this why you wished I'd never come here, huh?" he chuckled.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, looking up at him apologetically. "I didn't mean that. I was just… pissed, not that it's an excuse…"

"I'm sorry too," he nodded. "I said some things that I didn't mean either."

"Can you… help me?" she asked biting on her lip as her itchiness returned with full face.

"Oh, right, sorry," he pressed another kiss to her forehead and hurried to plop on the seat previously vacated by Izzie.

"So, there's the calamine lotion. And get me that shot already."

"I'm sorry for… that too," he pointed at her crotch.

"It's… fine, it's not like I didn't want the sex," she shrugged, twisting on the table as he applied the lotion. "You are so relieved that little Derek didn't get the nasty rash, aren't you?"

"Well, at least one doctor in town can help patients…" he answered evasively.

"Right," she smiled at him knowingly. "Admit it. I'm not gonna get mad. You're relishing the moment. After the gas station and the lice and being locked out naked… it feels good."

"Er… yeah, a bit," he cleared his throat again. "Or a bigger bit."

"I thought so."

"But I'm thousand times more sorry that you're hurting," he said sincerely. "And there will be no sex in the immediate future. So really, the cons outweigh the pros."

"Derek…" she looked at him again, her voice suddenly taking a nervous, almost vulnerable note. "I'm really sorry for what I said earlier. It's just… I've built up these walls around me and you suddenly came into my life and… made me feel some things. And it's… overwhelming sometimes and…"

"Downright scary?" he asked knowingly.

"You feel that too?" she breathed out.

"Yeah, figured we can be scared together," he smiled at her reassuringly. "And I'm happy the things you said aren't really that much of an issue because I'm going to do some hovering," he smirked. "I need to take care of you until you're better."

She rolled her eyes but her smile didn't disappear.

"I'm gonna help you get into bed when I'm done here. You need to lie down. And no arguing," he stated firmly seeing her open her mouth.

"I was just gonna say… that you might stay tonight… here… if you want to… No sex but-"

"You know I'm not here just for sex. I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Derek," she finally relaxed.

"You're very welcome, Meredith."