Aw you guys make me happy! I'm glad about every review.
And no, no worries, Tifa wont be let down for too much anymore. I think I let the poor girl suffer enough already, don't you agree?
Yes I know I sometimes switch to fast, I just don't seem to have the patience to stretch everythinga little more. ;)
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Not A Family
Chapter 9
Tifa stumbeled back into the bar. Smoke still lingered in the air. Her eyes hurt from crying, her body was exhausted and all she wanted was sleep. But before cuddling into her bedsheets that would spend her warmth soon she took a peek into Marlene and Denzel's room. Seeing Denzel had kicked off his sheets again, Tifa gently covered him again and pressed a kiss onto his forehead. "Sleep well." she whispered. "I spent a nice time with a gentleman today."
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(Cloud POV)
I had not slept at all, had not eaten, I still sat on th same spot I sat hours ago, or was it a day already? I would not have known. She still hadn't come – my love. Where are you?
I must look horrible right now, I told myself. Running my right hand through my hair I tousled it a little. The anger at Tifa still sat somewhere in my throat, yet I couldn't really be angry at her. How come?
I grew desperate. Why wouldn't she come? I kept calling her name, kept recalling her angelic face in my mind. I wanted to hear it again, wanted to hear her soft words and feel her generousity fill my heart. I wanted to see this angelic face again, wanted to be enthralled in her beauty. But it seemed as though fate did not agree with me. I was cold, I was hungry, I was tired, yet I would not give up. Wasn't that a little crazy?
"Cloud.
Why are you still here? It's not here where you will find love."
I heard someone whisper.
Aerith. "Yes I will find love here. You
love me and I love you." I retorted standing up from the place I
had been sitting.
"No. I am dead Cloud. I died years ago. You blamed yourself for so long, suffered immense pain, but there is someone else you started to love. You let her in and now you abadoned her again." she spoke. Was she kidding me? Was that a bad joke. Tifa, is that you? Are you trying to make me feel bad?
"I don't believe you." I hissed. "Are you lying to me too?"
"You felt love towards me right? That's what you used to feel. But you gave that up and let someone else in. Did you forget?"
"Hah." I gibed. "No way I would have ever had feelings for someone else."
"I guess I need to show you something then." she giggeled.
Scenes, pictures, voices. I saw so much in such a bright light, memories, right? I saw myself holding a woman. I released her so she would sink into the water. The lake I had seen close to the church. My eyes widened at the sight of my very own face. I was in pain, great pain. I asked her to stop. It hurt me seeing all these images. Was she right? Did she really die?
"So you are really dead, huh?" I felt pathetic. Though I knew there was nothing wrong with loving someone who had left you already. People do that all the time. But something was wrong. I felt a feeling I could not define.
I recalled my words: I will come and see you, come and hold you tight until death shall part us. Death did indeed part us. And it left a hole.
I sank to my knees and started at my hands.
"Yes I am." she retorted, her voice was still so gentle. I felt various emotions arising inside me, none I could define. I felt as though my lost memory was coming back to me. Everything but having cared for someone a lot to the point I would develop feelings. I saw my mother, friends, fights, sadnes, happiness. Many faces whom I haven't seen again since ever the accident, yet I knew they were my friends, a feeling told me so.
"What am I supposed to do now then?" I asked her. I had feelings for you again, they came back just like putting firewood into a nearly extinguished fire. I burned again, the fire burned again.
"Go and find back to the life you had before this confusion. I'm always there, I have always been. But since ever you promised your heart to someone else there was no use for me to stay around." she explained to me. I felt vulnerable out of a sudden. I woke up next to a friend, found my old love and realized what I thought to have gained back was actually taken away from me so long ago. Years, you say? And there is someone else I developed feelings for?
"Were my feelings strong? Did I love this person you say I let into my heart?"
"That's something you must find out." she giggeled once again. "I can only tell you, that you smiled, you smiled a lot. A smile everyone treasured."
She vanished. I felt something crack inside me. Was it my heart? Collapsing to the floor and burrying my face in the flowers I fought these emotions. It was confusing, too confusing. I wanted to cling to something right now, hold something tight. Or was it rather someone?
Eventually I fell asleep and dreamed. A dream that seemed so real.
Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me close. Whispered into my ear that it was ok, that she would never leave me. Marlene was lying to my right, snuggling into my side. Protectively I put an arm around the girl and stroked her back.The woman's hair tickeled my cheek. I brushed a few hairstrands away only to gaze into the brunette's face. Aerith. She held Denzel in her arms. Slowly she leant close to my face, still smiling at me. We would kiss.
I woke up with a terrible headache. I mumbeled her name. Aerith. I could not go back to Tifa and the kids so I stayed here. I was afraid how she might react when I came back. After all these things we said. She cried again, she had cried again because of my words. Do women always cry this fast?
(Cloud POV End)
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(Tifa POV)
The night had passed and I woke up in bright sunshine. Today, for some reason, I was actually happy seeing the sun. I felt happier in general. I was more than glad I had Vincent at my side yesterday, he was the first I told everything and the last I would expect to tell someone else. I could trust him. Maybe I should pay that bacl to him and invite him for dinner today?
Someone knocked at my door and I asked for the person to come inside. A sleepy Denzel shuffeled his feet inside. "Good morning." I giggeled. Slowly he crawled onto my bed and thudded down to my right. "Where is Cloud?" he asked me. I bit my lower lip as I felt something sting inside my heart. "He is busy doing deliveries lately." I retorted gazing out of the window. I was afraid Denzel might read the sadness out of my eyes. He was smart and it was hard to wear a mask around him. His soft blue eyes radiated in my mind as I tried my hardest to push these thoughts of him away. You hurt me Cloud, how can a man that hurt me like you did still be on my mind so much? Closing my eyes for a second to calm myself I turned around to Denzel again and pull him close.
"Come on, little man, we've got to prepare breakfast." I said a little happier and pushed him out of the bed softly.
Realizing it was time for the mail to arrive I told Denzel to go into the kitchen already while I went to get the mail. Just in time I still manaed to catch the post officer. "Good Morning Tifa." he greeted me. "Sorry no love letters today." he chuckeled. "Just some bills."
I smiled at him feeling a little uneasy. I ran down the stairs that led down from the porch trying to keep abreast with him. I wanted to fight the urge, but I couldn't. I just had to know. "Did you see Cloud somewhere?"
"Hm." his hand touched his chin as he was thinking. "No sorry m'am. But I'll make sure to let you know when I do. Or shall I tell him you await him here in case I meet him?" his eyes fixed me.
"Tifa!" a boy exclaimed behind us. Denzel stood on the porch waving with the towel.
"Your mother is here." shouted the post officer. Tifa giggeled. "He-" I began but was cut short by Denzel running up to me and hugging me around my waist. "Someone called. I think his name was Vincent." I wrapped my arms around him as good as possible and smiled down at him.
"Oh Vincent you say. Thanks for telling me."
"Well then Tifa, I'll see you tomorrow." The man waved me goodbye and left.
"Why do people always think I am your son?" asked Denzel tilting his head at me.
"Because you are always around me. I'm sure they think Marlene is my daughter too. But I don't mind at all." I smiled and smirked a little. Judging from Denzel's expression my smirk made him wonder. Did I enjoy this feeling because I wanted to have a family?
"Come on, let's go inside now. You finish breakfast and I'll talk to Vincent."
"Who is Vincent?" he asked me, seizing my sleeve.
"A friend." I retorted and tousled his hair.
"You have too many friends." he laughed.
Whenever I was down it were the kids that heaved me up again. They always made me feel as though someone needed me. If it wasn't for Cloud to be around and make me feel his special someone, I still had the kids. And I would go on being there for them. They at least, wouldn't run away.
"Say Tifa, if I am your son, who's the father?" I stopped at these words. It was always obvious who I would see as their father, but this man wasn't here. I searched inside my head for the right things to say.
"Well we can still find a father, right?" I said somewhat shaky. I fought the urge to cry as I felt tears forming in my eyes. It's not your fault little boy, you could not have known.
(Tifa POV End)
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(Cloud POV)
I stood close to the bar under the trees. Watching her talking with Denzel and the postman, she seemed fairly happy. Maybe she was stronger than I thought. I leant against a tree. Could I go back? Would she welcome me? I knew I should apologize sooner or later. But would she understand? Could I ever make up for all these things I said?
I was afraid and disgusted of myself. I could not remember ever having reacted the way I did back then in the church. Hurting someone like this with words. I was used to injure people with my sword, but words, words were something different. They don't leave a wound on your skin but in your heart. And how do you heal a heart? Love maybe? Maybe I should have gone to her and make her feel good? But I doubt she would have wanted that. Not from someone that had hurt her like this. Maybe we needed a few more days before I came back. I would sleep in Aerith's church until I was sure things were ok. Maybe this time being alone to myself would bring more memories back.
(Cloud POV End)
