"Oh, split!" cried Amy, watching from the fourth row down. "She killed Delta, too!"
When she had cleared the length of the field, Leela tossed the robotic head precisely into the lap of the Great God Kootooloo, known to her as Zoidberg. The regally robed lobster picked up Delta's head in his claws and rotated it until her eyes met his. "I hope you're pleased with what you've created, John," the fembot spoke.
Leela rushed to the center of the arena, gave Kupura's body a swift kick in the ribs, and raised her sword aloft. "I am the new champion!" she roared. "I take all comers! Who among you dares to challenge me?"
The crowd became so silent that alien crickets could be heard in the distance. Hermes, joining Amy on the stone stairway between the planks, said, "We've got to find a way to reason with her."
"Yeah," Amy agreed, "before she starts killing people at random."
"Fight me, you cowards!" shouted Leela, recklessly waving her sword about. "FIGHT ME!"
Hermes swallowed nervously before stepping onto the field. "Leela, mon," he said, holding out his hands. "Please listen to me. This is not who you are. You've let the rage take over."
The furious freckled girl paced towards him, grumbling like a tiger. Hermes' instincts told him to retreat, and he followed them.
"What's happening, John?" inquired Delta's head. "I can't see."
"Leela is chasing Hermes with a sword," replied the lobster-god. "It doesn't look good for poor Hermes."
"You must help him," Delta insisted. "You're the only one who can stand up to Leela."
"He conspired against me," said Zoidberg. "He's getting his just desserts."
"Maybe so," said the head, "but once she kills Hermes, who will she go after next? Amy? She's never lifted a finger against you."
She's right, Zoidberg thought. Leela won't stop with Hermes and Amy—she'll mow down as many of my loyal followers as she can. She's a menace to my society, and I made her this way. How can I call myself a god?
As he fled from Leela with all his strength and more, Hermes stumbled over his own shoe and landed on his belly in the dirt. His glasses had flown off, so the only thing he could see was a blurred image of a woman with a sword raised over her head. So this is how it ends, he thought. I just hope the things my mother taught me about zombies are really true.
Leela swept downward with her weapon, aiming the blade at the Jamaican's neck.
Seconds passed, and Hermes found to his relief that he was still alive. Crawling toward the shiny blob he believed to be his glasses, he placed them atop his nose and looked behind him. There stood Zoidberg, bereft of his robe, tightly clutching Leela's sword within his claw. The girl strained and struggled to pull the weapon away from him, and he responded by effortlessly snapping the blade in half.
"Thank God!" exclaimed Hermes.
"You're welcome," said Zoidberg, just as Leela plunged what was left of her sword into the soft spot in his chest.
The lobster struggled for breath and started to reel. Hermes, recalling his failed scalpel attack, shoved Leela aside, seized the sword handle, and pulled. It came out easily—so easily that Hermes suspected that Zoidberg's body was pushing it out. His hopes were fulfilled, as the blade wound sealed itself within moments.
Zoidberg patted his chest, elated that the stabbing pain was gone. "What else you got?" he asked Leela.
At first bewildered, the girl concentrated her rage into a swift kick at Zoidberg's mouth flaps. The sound, somewhat like a squish combined with a crunch, was heard throughout the arena. The crustacean moaned and stumbled a bit, but regained his composure within seconds.
Murmurs spread among the audience. "The Great God Kootooloo is immune to harm!" "Now Zogax will meet her end in the fiery chasm from whence she came!" "Hey, buy your own chanku!"
Although her rational mind understood that attacking Zoidberg was futile, rage and fury propelled her to do exactly that. Screaming, punching, and kicking, she pounded his flesh into what she believed should rightfully be a scarlet pulp, only to see the grinning lobster still on his feet, as healthy as ever.
Amy, standing nearby, rubbed her eyes. "Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?"
"It's the parasites, mon," explained Hermes. "They fix him up faster than Leela can break him."
By the time he and Amy returned with a set of ankle and wrist shackles, Leela was sprawled on her back, exhausted from her relentless but ineffectual assault on Zoidberg. She offered no resistance as they bound her—indeed, she seemed incredibly relieved. "I feel so much better after getting that out of my system," she remarked.
The audience began to disperse as Zoidberg conferred with his friends. "I've called off your banishment," he told Hermes. "I see now what a terrible mistake I made. I endangered my people and nearly destroyed Leela."
"It's normal to make a few mistakes when you start out as a god," said the Jamaican.
"I feel terrible about killing Kupura," said Leela. "But, at the same time, I don't."
"Hello?" called a voice from Zoidberg's canopy. "I'd like to be reattached to my body now."
To be continued
